Consequences For Children

Dr. Kathy Koch has some great insights in her book Start With The Heart for anyone who works with children.

“Rather than using the words ‘rewards’ and ‘punishments,’ I recommend using the word ‘consequences.’ This small change helps children own their responsibility in changing negative behavior and maintaining positive behavior. Rewards and punishments are things we give children. Consequences are what children earn because of their choices.” —Dr. Kathy Koch

Check out my book review of Start With The Heart by clicking here. You can also read some other quotes from this book here and here.

Saturday In The Proverbs—The Perils Of Breaking God’s Laws (Proverbs 28)

[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]

Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but such as keep the law contend with them (Proverbs 28:4).

I could jump off a tall building, but the law of gravity demands I will pay a painful—perhaps even a deadly—price in the end. 

Violating God’s laws are no less painful and deadly. Break them at your own peril.

If you do violate God’s laws, the consequences include:

  • fear (v. 1)
  • more rulers and more rules being imposed on you (vv. 2, 15, 16)
  • justice is perverted (vv. 3, 5, 6)
  • shame (vv. 7, 18, 22-24)
  • insecurity (vv. 8, 19, 26)
  • your prayers are unheard by God (v. 9)
  • retribution coming back to bite you (vv. 10, 13, 14, 17, 20, 21, 27)
  • embarrassment (v. 11)
  • a backlash from others (vv. 12, 25, 28)

Saturday In The Proverbs—Backfire! (Proverbs 26)

[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]

…honor is not fitting for a fool (Proverbs 26:1).

However well-intentioned, there are some things guaranteed to backfire. Things like…

… honoring a fool (vv. 1, 8)

… trying to curse or bring down a good man (v. 2)

… letting a fool roam without restraint (v. 3)

… trying to reason with a fool (vv. 4, 5)

… trusting an untrustworthy man to deliver a message accurately (v. 6)

… allowing a fool to teach others (vv. 7, 9)

… not letting a fool learn from the consequences of his foolishness (vv. 10-12)

… entrusting a lazy man with an important task (vv. 13-16)

… meddling in someone else’s quarrel (v. 17)

… inappropriate joking (vv. 18, 19)

… gossiping (vv. 20-22)

… judging by outward appearances (vv. 23-26)

… trying to entrap someone (v. 27)

… lying and flattery (v. 28)

Stay clear of these guaranteed-to-backfire traps! 

Rewards And Consequences

Rewards and ConsequencesThe Bible consistently gives us—right up front—the rewards for right living, and the consequences for wrong living. No one ever has to be surprised. 

For example, take this message from Jesus in Luke 6.

  1. If you don’t want others to judge you, don’t be judgmental (v. 37).
  2. If you don’t want to be condemned by others, don’t condemn others (v. 37).
  3. If you want to be forgiven, forgive others first (v. 37).
  4. If you want to receive, be the first to give to others (v. 38).
  5. If you want to teach, find a good teacher and then be a good learner first (vv. 39-40).
  6. If you want to help others with their problems, first look in the mirror at yourself (vv. 41-42).
  7. If you want to speak good words, put good words inside yourself (vv. 43-45).
  8. If you want to stand strong through adversity, build on the right foundation (vv. 46-49).

God doesn’t miss a thing! He told us how to stay in the place where He can bless us, and how we can avoid life’s negative consequences.

We would all do well to hear these words and put them into practice (v. 47)!

Links & Quotes

link quote

“We must be much alone with God, if we would have a clear sense of His love! Let your cries cease, and your eyes will grow dim. Much in prayer, much in heaven; slow in prayer, slow in progress.” —Charles Spurgeon

“There is no doctrine [Hell] which I would more willingly remove from Christianity than this, if it lay in my power. But it has the full support of Scripture and, specially, of Our Lord’s own words; it has always been held by Christendom; and it has the support of reason. If a game is played, it must be possible to lose it. If the happiness of a creature lies in self-surrender, no one can make that surrender but himself (though many can help him to make it) and he may refuse. I would pay any price to be able to say truthfully ‘All will be saved.’ But my reason retorts, ‘Without their will, or with it?’ If I say ‘Without their will’ I at once perceive a contradiction; how can the supreme voluntary act of self-surrender be involuntary? If I say ‘With their will,’ my reason replies ‘How if they will not give in?’” —C.S. Lewis

421chartrtaHere are 8 reasons why the Supreme Court should let the states decide their own marriage policy.

The Daily Signal has other good arguments for this marriage issue as well, including the infographic to the left.

“The nation that forgot God has never been allowed to endure.” —George Washington

“It is not our duty to leave wealth to our children, but it is our duty to leave liberty to them.” — John Dickinson, signer of the Declaration of Independence

Dr. Tim Elmore uses former NFL player Chris Borland as a case study for the benefits of long-term thinking. He writes, “When making a decision… (1) Choosing short-term benefits often leads to long-term consequences. (2) Choosing short-term consequences often leads to long-term benefits.”

Mitosis

MitosisThis is a thought-provoking short film about the power of a decision, and the consequences that flow from that decision.

12 Quotes From “12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid”

12 Huge MistakesI highlighted a lot in Tim Elmore’s newest book 12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid … a lot! This is book that every parent (or grandparent) should read because it’s never too late to invest the best in our (grand)children. You can read my full book review of this must-read book by clicking here. Below are just a few of the quotes I highlighted in this book.

“I believe we have under-challenged kids with meaningful work to accomplish. We have overwhelmed them with tests, recitals, and practices, and kids report being stressed-out by these activities. But they are essentially virtual activities. Adults often don’t give significant work to students—work that is relevant to life and could actually improve the world if the kids rose to the challenge. We just don’t have many expectations of our kids today.” 

“Every parent and teacher wants to see their kids succeed in school, in sports, and in life, but making it impossible to fail isn’t the answer. Removing failure, in fact, is a terrific way to stunt maturity. … As parents, we’ve given them lots of possessions but not much perspective. As educators, we’ve given them plenty of schools but not plenty of skills. As coaches, we’ve taught them how to win games but not how to win in life. As youth workers, we provide lots of explanations but not enough experiences. As employers, we’ve mentored them in profit and loss but haven’t shown them how to profit from loss.”

“Truth be told, when kids have heard they are excellent without working hard or truly adding value to a team, the praise rings hollow to them. Our affirmation must match their performance.”  

“When people—especially young people—know they are free to try something and fail, their performance usually improves. It brings out the best in them. But if they are preoccupied with trying not to fail, they become paralyzed:

  • Failure can create resilience.
  • Failure can force us to evaluate.
  • Failure can motivate us to better performance.
  • Failure prompts creativity and discovery.
  • Failure can develop maturity.”

“Our constant caving begins to foster a constant craving in them. They want clarity. With boundaries unclear, they need more direct attention from Mom or Dad. Unwittingly, we actually breed insecurity and instability in our kids. This may sound strange, but consistency may be your best friend as a parent because it aids in your authority and in your child’s development.” 

“Removing the consequences takes one of two roads. We either excuse their behavior and remove negative outcomes, or we actually step in and pay the consequence for them. When we do this, we frequently relieve the stress. We bring immediate peace to the situation, so we get addicted to this pattern. Unfortunately, we don’t see the long-term problems we are causing. Removing the consequences from our children’s lives brings short-term tranquility but long-term trouble.”

“‘You can do anything you want.’ I recognize why we say this, but as our kids grow older, we must help them to see what we really meant. … We really meant, if they set their mind to do something, they’ll be amazed at what they can pull off. The catch is, it needs to be something with in their gift area. They cannot simply make up a dream or copy a friend’s dream and call it theirs. Dreams should be attached to strengths.” 

“We have created a world of conveniences, filled with smart phones, microwaves, Internet shopping, and online banking. The subtle message is that struggles are to be avoided. We want as much convenience as possible. In fact, we feel entitled to it. But we failed to see that when we remove the struggles from our children’s lives, we begin to render them helpless. They don’t have the opportunity to develop the life skills they’ll need later on. Further, when we step in to control their levels of struggle, they don’t learn how to be in control or under control themselves. In fact, all they learn is how to be controlled.”

“Ironically, the things young people want to avoid are necessary for them to mature authentically. Slow, hard, boring, risky, laborious… these are the very challenges that prepare me to become a good man, a good husband, a good father, a good employee, a good employer. Many life skills that once naturally developed in us now atrophy in today’s culture. So we must be far more intentional about leading our kids into opportunities to build these skills.” 

“When we affirm looks or clothing—external matters instead of internal virtues—kids values become skewed. Remember, what gets rewarded gets repeated. Without realizing it, we are reinforcing cosmetic features—usually features that are not in their control. … We should be doing just the opposite. We must affirm effort and behavior, which are in their control, instead of characteristics that are out of their control. If we do this, we begin to foster a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset.”

“We mistake hurtful with harmful. Many times, hurting helps us. In fact, removing the hurt may be harmful. … When we hurt, we can learn important truths about ourselves and about others, truth that will be beneficial later in our lives. … We confuse disturbance with damage. We hate being disturbed. Our days are so full, we often hope and pray we won’t face any unexpected disturbances as we pursue our goals. The fact is, however, that on our way to those goals, we fall into unhealthy ruts. Interruptions force us out of those ruts. Interruptions are not damaging at all. They are the very items that save us from our tunnel vision. We need to be disturbed from time to time. Interruptions are wake-up calls that rouse us from our apathy or complacency.” 

“I know you think kids are tired of you talking about the good old days. But I’ve found most kids love hearing stories of how we adults struggled to learn the same life skills when we were young. It’s all part of growing up.”

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