Healthy Leaders Ask For Help

Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on AppleSpotify, or Audible. 

Confidence can become a detriment to a leader’s growth when our confidence keeps us in a place where we refuse to ask for help. Nick Vujicic wisely noted, “An arrogant person does not ask for help and thus is helpless. An arrogant person claims to know everything and thus is clueless. A humble person attracts helpers and teachers.” 

Sadly, too many leaders think that if they admit they don’t know something, that will diminish their standing in the minds of those around them. I’ll be the first to confess that this is how I used to view myself in my leadership roles. 

But a huge breakthrough for me was in humbly admitting my need and seeing how others delighted to come alongside me to help. 

During a training time with some other pastors, I was asked what I thought about “self-help books.”  

There are many leaders that believe the lie that God helps those who help themselves. In reality, God delights in those who admit their need for help. The Bible says, “God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble” (James 4:6). Unhealthy or insecure leaders don’t admit their need for help, and as a result they put a lid on their leadership potential.

Swallow your pride … humbly admit your need for help … receive the help of God and others … and then watch your leadership influence grow! 

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The Compliance Of Silence

Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on AppleSpotify, or Audible.

A couple of weeks ago I shared a recap from my sermon called Eloquent Silence. Jesus serenely remained silent when He was being falsely accused by those who wanted Him out of the way. Yet, His silence was eloquent and convicting. 

We would do well to learn this lesson from our Savior. 

There is a flip side to this: Sometimes our silence can signal compliance or acceptance of those who are speaking or perpetrating evil. 

David wrote, “Do you indeed speak righteousness, you silent ones? Do you judge uprightly, you sons of men? No, in heart you work wickedness; you weigh out the violence of your hands in the earth” (Psalm 58:1-2 NKJV). 

Commenting on this psalm, Charles Spurgeon wrote, “It would be well, if people would sometimes pause and candidly consider this: ‘Do you indeed speak righteousness, you silent ones?’ Some of those who surrounded Saul were passive rather than active persecutors—they held their tongues when the object of royal hate was slandered. In the original, this first sentence appears to be addressed to them, and they are asked to justify their silence. Silence gives consent. People who refrain from defending the right are themselves accomplices in the wrong.”  

Silence does have its place. King Solomon wrote, “He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent. He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter” (Proverbs 11:12-13 NASB1995). But to remain silent in the face of evil or falsehood could also be a sin. 

Consider a few other wise words:

“No one wants to be thought of as holding to a ‘minority position’ on anything, so, rather than speak up in the face of many who are doing so, most will remain silent. This is where the Christian community finds itself at this time, trapped in a spiral of silence before a blustering but empty secular and unbelieving worldview. So it is very important that believers in Jesus Christ make the best use of every opportunity to talk about what is good and pleasing to God.” —T.M. Moore 

“Don’t be a bystander, be on stand by. I will not allow a bully to bully others. I will not laugh at his jokes, I will not remain silent. I will stand up and say ‘Enough is enough.’” —Nick Vujicic 

“As Christians we are tempted to make unnecessary concession to those outside the Faith. We give in too much. Now, I don’t mean that we should run the risk of making a nuisance of ourselves by witnessing at improper times, but there comes a time when we must show that we disagree. We must show our Christian colors, if we are to be true to Jesus Christ. We cannot remain silent or concede everything away.” —C.S. Lewis 

“Our lives begin to end the day we remain silent about things that really matter.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.

When to speak up and when to remain silent is a huge issue for Christians. This is why we need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit telling us when to hold our tongues and when to speak out boldly.

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Favorite 2016 Posts

The Porn CircuitThese are the Top 10 posts that were published on my blog in 2016…

1. Break Free From Porn

2. 7 Must-Have Bible Study Tools

3. 9 Quotes From “The Porn Circuit”

4. 7 Quotes From “The Beauty Of Intolerance”

5. 10 Quotes From “#struggles”

6. Theism Or Christianity?

7. Notes From The Global Leadership Summit

8. 4 Practical Prayer Tips From Jesus

9. The Porn Circuit (book review)

10. 9 Quotes From “Chase The Lion”

Sometimes You WinAnd these are the posts with “staying power.” These posts received the most views in 2016, even though they were published in an earlier year…

1.  21 Quotes From “Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn” [originally posted October 22, 2013]

2.  17 Quotes From “Smith Wigglesworth On Prayer, Power & Miracles” [January 15, 2014]

3.  14 Quotes From “Smith Wigglesworth On Healing” [May 7, 2013]

4.  11 Quotes From Vujicic in “Stand Strong” [July 23, 2014]

5.  22 Quotes From “The Ragamuffin Gospel” [July 17, 2013]

6.  15 Quotes From “Mansfield’s Book Of Manly Men” [January 11, 2014]

7.  10 Quotes From “You Don’t Need A Title To Be A Leader” [March 19, 2013]

8. 13 Quotes From “God’s Pursuit Of Man” [September 13, 2014]

9. 23 Quotes From “The 5 Levels Of Leadership” [March 28, 2013]

10.  10 Quotes From “The Necessity Of An Enemy” [July 13, 2012]

Links & Quotes

link quote

“O I would beloved, that the Holy Spirit would make you feel the promise as being spoken to you; out of this vast assembly forget the rest and only think of yourself, for the promises are unto you, meant for you. O grasp them. It is ill to get into a way of reading Scripture for the whole church, read it for yourselves, and specially hear the Master say to you, ‘Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in Me.’” —Charles Spurgeon

“Freedom from greed comes from faith in God’s future grace.” —John Piper

John Piper has a great reminder in his post What God Can Do In Five Seconds.

Seth Godin suggests another story for “failure” in his post Failure Imagined (24 Variations).

History buffs will love this―The Real Story Of George Washington’s Christmas Attack At Trenton.

“My grand point in preaching is to break the hard heart, and to heal the broken one” —John Newton

[VIDEO] John Maxwell and Nick Vujicic on the uniqueness that is you―

Book Reviews From 2014

BookshelfHere are the books I read and reviewed in 2014. Click a title to read the review…

12 Huge Mistakes Parents Can Avoid

A Call To Prayer

Beyond IQ

Bible Reading

C.S. Lewis In A Time Of War

Create

David Wilkerson

Did Jesus Rise From The Dead?

Discipleship In Crisis

Finding God In Hidden Places

Finding The Love Of Your Life

From This Day Forward

God’s Pursuit Of Man

High Adventure In Tibet

Holy Fire

How Do You Kill 11 Million People?

How High Will You Climb?

Humility

I Like Giving

Impertinent Poems

In His Steps

Inspire To Be Great

Jesus Daily

Keeping The Ten Commandments

Lincoln’s Battle With God

Mansfield’s Book Of Manly Men

Miracles

Pentecost

Pilgrim’s Progress

Pleasure & Profit In Bible Study

Sidelined

Smith Wigglesworth On Prayer, Power & Miracles

Stand Strong

Tactics

Taste And See

The Cell’s Design

The Christian’s Secret Of A Happy Life

The Facts On World Religions

The Furious Longing Of God

The Global War On Christians

The Greatest Words Ever Spoken

The Illustrated Guide To The Authors Of The Bible

The Love Of God

The Ministry Of God’s Word

The Moral Foundations Of Life

The Quick-Start Guide To The Whole Bible

The Solomon Seduction

There Is A God

This Day In Christian History

Transforming Grace

Winning With Principle

Yawning At Tigers

Here are my book reviews for 2011.

Here are my book reviews for 2012.

Here are my book reviews for 2013.

5 Noteworthy Quotes In “Stand Strong”

Stand StrongNick Vujicic does an excellent job in his book Stand Strong in helping students, parents, and teachers learn how to overcome bullies. You can read my full review of Stand Strong by clicking here.

I have already shared some of Nick’s quotes from this book, and some quotes specifically relating to the emotional toll bullying can have on those being picked on. Nick also makes the point that there are some invaluable lessons to be learned by overcoming adversity in our lives. Here are some of the quotes that Nick shared in his excellent book.

“You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships every day. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” —Epicurus

“All the adversity I’ve had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. … You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.” —Walt Disney

“Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has.” —Billy Graham

“Most of the verses written about praise in God’s Word were voiced by people who were faced with crushing heartaches, injustice, treachery, slander, and scores of other difficult situations.” —Joni Eareckson Tada

“Friendships provide a context in which children develop, but of course so do negative peer relations. … We should expect that both types of relationships, as different as they are, present opportunities for growth.” — psychologist Maurissa Abecassis

4 Quotes About Emotional Health In “Stand Strong”

Stand StrongIn Stand Strong, Nick Vujicic shares the hard-won strategies he learned to overcome bullies. You can read my full review of Stand Strong by clicking here.

I already shared some of Nick’s quotes from this book, but I wanted a separate post to highlighted a key issue in bullying. One of the biggest tolls on a person being bullied is in their emotional health. One of the chapters I highlighted the most had to do with this important area, so below are a few good reminders.

“I encourage you to keep this phrase in your mind when faced with bullying: You can say terrible things to me, but you can’t touch who I am inside. You can’t make me feel badly about myself. I know who I am, and I stand on my own.”

“We have emotions for a reason. They don’t just come over us by chance, even though it sometimes may seem that way. Asking where your emotions come from and assessing why you feel the way you feel are critical parts of creating self-awareness and asserting self-control over your actions. It’s important to know what triggers your emotions so you can better control your responses in ways that benefit you over the long term. Managing negative emotions is an important part of your bully defense system, and it is also a key to living a more successful life. People who let their negative emotions control their actions tend to feel out of control, insecure, and unhappy. Those who act based on a thoughtful process for monitoring and managing such emotions tend to be more successful, more confident, and happier.”

“Emotions are natural and you feel what you feel. But the quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings. You see, a space, a time interval, and an opportunity between the point at which you feel something and the point at which you act on that feeling. This space is a gift. … Psychologists say people who learn to use this space wisely are generally much more successful in life than those who either ignore it or don’t use it well. This is the space where you can take control, make smart decisions, and put yourself in a position to determine your own destiny. … When you use the space to think about your response and to decide what is best for you over the long term, you are practicing self-awareness and self-control. This is called ‘response flexibility,’ and it is a sign of emotional intelligence.”

“Here’s something to consider: your negative emotions can be like bullies inside you. They try to provoke a response from you that may not be in your best interest. So if you simply do what those bad feelings stir you to do, you are just giving in to another bully in your life.”

11 Quotes From Nick Vujicic In “Stand Strong”

Stand StrongStand Strong is an invaluable resource for school-age students, their parents, and teachers and principals in our schools. Nick Vujicic uses his own life as an example of how to overcome bullies. You can read my full book review by clicking here. Below are some quotes from the author I highlighted in this book.

“If someone hurt you, then become the person who reaches out to others who are hurting. If you were not treated with compassion, then change that pattern by offering compassion to others. If no one stood up for you, then stand up for someone else.” 

“What happens in our lives isn’t about chance. It’s about choice. You and I may not be able to stop bullies and thoughtless people from saying and doing hurtful things, but we do have the ultimate power—the power to choose how we respond and how we live.”

“There is nothing wrong with wanting to fit in and be accepted, but there is something wrong with abandoning your values and beliefs to do it. … Try this instead: Be so comfortable with yourself that other people feel comfortable with you too. Create a life that makes you so joyful that they will want to share in your happiness.” 

“Being secure and comfortable in your identity, trusting that you have value, and having a strong sense of your purpose are important in every aspect of life. Those qualities also help make you less vulnerable to bullying. … If we let bullies drag us down with their cruelty and meanness, why can’t we pull ourselves back up by being friends to ourselves and building up our confidence and spirits when we need a boost? … So here’s my suggestion for a simple, easy-to-apply, no muss, no fuss first step to building your antibully 1.0 operating system. Be a friend to yourself. Forgive your mistakes, your flaws, and your failures. Be kind to yourself instead. Focus on the good.”

“What’s easier to hit, a sitting duck or a rabbit on the run? If bullies are looking for someone to hit, their last choice will be a moving target, someone who has it in gear with the pedal to the metal on the road to a better life.” 

“If you are generous to others, you will feel better about yourself, and that makes it more difficult for bullies or anyone else to get to you.”

“Being gentle isn’t about being weak. … Being gentle is more about practicing humility, giving up the need to be right, putting other people first, being a good listener and a good friend, protecting those who are being abused, and comforting those in need. … Many of the strongest and most admirable people I know are gentle spirits who don’t have to prove how tough they are on the outside because they are so strong on the inside.” 

“Psychologists say the more social interactions we have—the closer we are to family members, and the more friends and acquaintances we have—the less likely it is that a bully can isolate us as targets.”

“One of the key facts about relationships: people respond to you and treat you according to the way you act, not the way you think or feel.” 

“The people I want to keep close and trust the most are those who make me want to be better, smarter, more loving, more open minded, more collaborative, more trustworthy, more empathetic, more faith filled, more God loving, more grateful, more forgiving, and more open to opportunities to serve God and those around me. These are the type of friends that will make you and me bully proof.”

“I encourage you to develop empathy for others, like the Good Samaritan showed. Please do everything you can to protect others from emotional and physical harm caused by bullies. … Stand together so no one will stand alone!” 

 

Stand Strong (book review)

Stand StrongNick Vujicic was born without arms or legs, as a result, he said he grew up being a “bully’s dream.” But Nick is an overcomer! He conquered his bullies, and in his book Stand Strong he wants to help students learn to conquer their bullies too.

Nick explains, “Your bully’s motives don’t matter. You do. Your safety and your happiness are more important to me and everyone else who loves and cares about you; so instead of focusing on why a bully is picking on you, let’s focus on helping you feel secure and happy again. … I will help you build your antibully antibodies.”

Using his own life as an example, Nick shares the raw emotions he felt when he was picked on by bullies. He is also transparent enough to share all the wrong ways he tried to avoid being bullied, and ultimately how he discovered the pattern for successfully navigating the bullies that come along all our paths. As Nick wraps up the book he observes, “Seriously, here is the idea I’m asking you to consider: what if you could find ways to learn and grow from being bullied? What if you took a bully’s hurtful actions and turn them into lessons learned so that you became stronger, wiser, and more confident?”

I found the steps in Nick’s Antibullying system to be steps that can be immediately applied. They are very do-able! And they will indeed make students stronger, wiser, and more confident.

This is a book I would recommend to not only school-aged students, but also parents, teachers, and school principals. If everyone could get together on the same program, the results would lead to a completely new environment in our schools.

I am a Waterbook book reviewer.

You’re Awesome!