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Are you in touch with your emotions? While it might sound like something out of a Hallmark movie to some, having a robust emotional quotient is a vital skill for a leader. Join Greg and me as we get all emotional in this episode.
[0:32] There is something more important than IQ, and that’s EQ.
[1:51] Is EQ innate or is it learned?
[4:08] Is EQ a hard skill or a soft skill? How do we measure EQ?
[5:37] EQ is not necessarily emotional regulation, although it is an important component of EQ.
[6:36] Some thoughts on how we can grow our EQ.
[8:07] Humility is absolutely essential to growing in EQ.
[11:27] Leaders who strive to put others first can grow in EQ.
[15:01] We have to get better at truly seeing people and knowing where they are emotionally.
[16:40] Leaders have to be aware of their own emotional state.
[17:31] It’s invaluable to have a third-party who isn’t emotionally invested in your situation come alongside you to give you perspective.
[18:26] Mentors can help us see ourselves more clearly, which helps us see others more clearly.
[21:30] Leaders need to remember that people are no machines, so we cannot think of them in terms of efficiency.
[23:14] Greg and I share examples of people who taught us how to be more aware of our emotional interactions with people.
[27:05] People want to know that leaders see them and hear them. Remembering this will help leaders grow their EQ.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
In one of my favorite movies—The Princess Bride—one character believe himself to be very smart. In fact, Vizzini considers Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates to be morons compared to his massive intelligence. But in one section of the movie he keeps using a singular word over and over again, until Inigo says to him, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means!” Sometimes I wonder if this is what people want to say to Christians!
Every family has its own unique lexicon—words and phrases mean something to them that they don’t mean to others. Every industry has shorthand for its products and services. Every friend group has their own inside jokes. And we Christians are just as guilty.
Sometimes instead of saying, “Yes” we say, “Amen.”
Instead of calling someone, “Mr. or Mrs.” we call them, “Brother or Sister.”
We soften some of our stronger language by saying, “I’m grieved in my spirit,” instead of saying more honestly, “I’m really ticked off!”
And sometimes, to sound super-spiritual when we pray, we begin to speak in Old English.
Is it any wonder that people outside of our church circles sometimes look at us like we’re a bit off?
So what do we mean by calling ourselves “Christian”? This was not the preferred name for followers of Jesus in the early Church:
Saints—60x (only 4x in Acts)
Believers—43x (26x in Acts)
Disciples—24x (all in Acts)
Christian—3x
The word originates in Acts 11:19-26 (v. 19 references the persecution of 8:1). The Greek language follows the Roman pattern of adding “ian” to the name of a great leader whom others were following. King Agrippa used this word in Acts 26:28, showing us how it has gained traction.
Christ is not a proper name, nor is it the surname of Jesus. Christ means the anointed One. So it’s more correct for us to say, “Jesus the Christ” (as in John 1:41).
So to be a Christian is to follow the Anointed One. To believe that He died to pay the penalty for our sins, and that He rose to life again to give us His eternal life.
To be a Christian is to live like Jesus, or to live as His ambassadors (2 Corinthians 5:11-21).
To be a Christian is to continue to live like Jesus even in the face of opposition (1 Peter 4:12-16; 2:21-23; 3:13-17).
Christians are being the Church when they are intentionally living in a way that makes Jesus known as the Christ—the One and Only Anointed One.
Some excellent questions for Christians to ponder:
What do you mean when you say, “I am a Christian”?
Do others see and hear Jesus in what you do and say?
Does your verbal confession and lifestyle confession compel others to come to Jesus?
Let’s make sure our lives are the best definition of what the Bible says a Christian truly is!
Check out all of the other messages in this series by clicking here.
If leaders want to get the best ideas and implement the best strategies, they must invite everyone on their team to share from their unique perspective. This is the only way to get the whole picture. Check out this full conversation from The Craig and Greg Show.
T.M. Moore writes, “We can know that we love our neighbors when, like Jesus, we go seeking them, in order to touch them with His love.”
This last week marked the 187th anniversary of the first time “O.K.” was first published as an abbreviation. The word’s origin is an interesting story, with some calling it “one of the most ubiquitous terms in the world, and certainly one of America’s greatest lingual exports.”
“Meekness and gentleness are two of the ornaments of our faith. I would that some professed Christians would understand that unholy contentiousness is not after the mind of Christ, it is not according to that gracious command, ‘Take My yoke upon you, and learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls.’ No, the Christian must be willing to suffer wrongfully, and to bear it in patience; he is never to be one who renders evil for evil, or railing for railing.” —Charles Spurgeon, commenting on Titus 3:2
“Then, since according to the Lord’s warnings the blood of so many will be sought for at the hands of their shepherds, careful watch must be kept, that is, the Word of the Lord must be often preached, and preached by the shepherds, by the Church’s bishops and teachers, that none may perish through ignorance; for he perishes through lack of heed, his blood will be on his own head.” —Columbanus, Letter to Pope Boniface
“Knowledge will forever govern ignorance.” —James Madison
“A good friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find and lucky to have.” —Irish proverb
“When a man is getting better he understands more and more clearly the evil that is still left in him. When a man is getting worse he understands his own badness less and less. A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is all right. This is common sense, really. You understand sleep when you are awake, not while you are sleeping. You can see mistakes in arithmetic when your mind is working properly: while you are making them you cannot see them. You can understand the nature of drunkenness when you are sober, not when you are drunk. Good people know about both good and evil: bad people do not know about either.” —C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
“If you want to win the day, you’ve got to flip the script. How? The Bible is a good starting point. Scripture is more than our script; it’s our script-cure. And that’s more than a play on words. Scripture confronts the false identities and false narratives perpetrated by the Father of Lies. It reveals the heavenly Father’s metanarrative and the unique role that each one of us plays in it.” —Mark Batterson, Win The Day
My books are for my fellow pastors. Shepherd Leadership will help us keep the biblical metrics in mind when we are thinking about our leadership roles. When Sheep Bite is an invaluable resource to help pastors continue to serve their flock, even after being painfully attacked. And Amen Indeed is a book of prayers for pastoral effectiveness.
If you are a pastor—or if you love your pastor—please pick up copies of these books today!
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Last week we saw that the essential confession is not just, “I believe You are the Christ the Son of the living God,” but also, “I will take up my cross and follow You!” (Matthew 16:16-18, 24). Notice that these are “red letter words”—words spoken by Jesus. They are not “they say” words (like v. 14; Matthew 7:21-23).
Look at the very next red letter words in Matthew 7:24-27. Notice the two parts: hears and puts them into practice. That’s our verbal and our lifestyle confession. What are we hearing and putting into practice? “These words of Mine.”
Jesus is our Cornerstone. The dictionary defines this as, “something that is essential, indispensable; the chief foundation on which something is constructed or developed.”
Some sandy things to build your life upon:
what your family practiced
what your pastor preached
what your friends believe
You know how you will know how sure your foundation is? When the storms come! I recently heard a well-known scholar and Christian apologist in an interview. He was asked by a skeptic of Christianity if he had doubts, and he responded, “Sure, I have doubts. But I choose to believe what the Bible says.” And I thought, “How sad to live this way.” We have a reliable, unshakable foundation in Jesus (2 Corinthians 1:18-22; 1 Corinthians 15:58).
Religions and philosophies have come and gone.
Spiritual giants have stumbled, and fierce tyrants have growled and then died.
Traditions and societies have changed through the millennia.
Our Cornerstone remains unmovable and we can stand on Him unshaken. This foundation…
…was prophesied—Isaiah 28:16; Psalm 118:22
…was fulfilled—Matthew 21:42; Acts 4:11-12
…is still standing today—Ephesians 2:19-20; 1 Peter 2:4-6
…will still be standing for all eternity—Revelation 21:5; John 14:1-4
So there is no need to be afraid. There is no need to get frustrated. There is no need to engage in meaningless debates with the “they say” crowd. Stand firm on the red letter words—our Cornerstone.
“On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand!”
Check out all of the other messages in this “I Will Build My Church” series here.
Comedian Brian Regan has a great bit about the “Me Monster.” Don’t be that person! John Maxwell wrote, “The problem is that interrupting translates to ‘What I want to say is more important than what you are saying.’” We probably can all do better at this.
“To bear the burdens of others we need to be careful to maintain an attitude of humility, coupled with a readiness to serve, according to the gifts and opportunities God gives us at any time (Romans 12:3-8). Even if it’s true that our fellow believers are acting like children, or like people who just need to ‘grow up’ in their faith, our responsibility is to humble ourselves and be ready to show them the love of Jesus however we may (Romans 14:1-18).” —T.M. Moore
“A cosmos one day being rebuked by a pessimist replied, ‘How can you who revile me consent to speak by my machinery? Permit me to reduce you to nothingness and then we will discuss the matter.’ Moral: You should not look a gift universe in the mouth.” —G.K. Chesterton [see Job 38:1-4]
“Moral principles do not depend on a majority vote. Wrong is wrong, even if everybody is wrong. Right is right, even if nobody is right.” —Fulton Sheen
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There is nothing in your spiritual armory that makes the devil afraid of you. But there is one thing that will always cause him to flee from you: When you bow to Jesus.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Last week we talked about biblical beliefs carrying more weight that non-biblical or extra-biblical beliefs. Christians must stand firm on God’s Word to give biblical meaning to everything we say and do, otherwise we lose the true meaning of essential terms like Church and Christian. That means there are words we need to let go, and there is the Word for which we must stand without wavering or backing down.
Have you heard people make the “They say” claim? “Well, they say you said…,” “They say that Christians are…,” or “They say that Jesus said or did…” It’s always a good idea to get to the source of these statements.
This is what Jesus did in Matthew 16:13-14. Jesus asked His followers about the “they say” claims they had heard, especially in light of what Jesus had already addressed in Matthew 11:18-19.
Matthew 16:15 is a great question to ask others: What do you think of Jesus? By asking this question and truly listening to the answer, you may just be able to uncover some non-biblical “they say” thinking that you can help correct.
But this verse is also a great question for us to ask of ourselves! Why? Because there is a huge difference between a verbal confession and a lifestyle confession. Look at vv. 16-23 to see the difference between Peter’s verbal confession in verse 16 and his lifestyle confession in verse 22.
John may have had this exchange in mind when he wrote 1 John 1:5-10. Notice John’s contrast between the verbal confession (“If we claim”) and our lifestyle confession. Listen: Demons can make a verbal confession (Luke 4:41) but they will be confined in Hell for eternity (Matthew 25:41). In the same way, religious people can make a verbal confession and walk out a completely opposite lifestyle confession (Matthew 7:21-23).
A lifestyle confession can either amplify or cancel a verbal confession.
Jesus loved Peter’s verbal confession, but then He gave us a lifestyle confession in Matthew 16:24-28.
The essential confession is not just, “I believe You are the Christ the Son of the living God,” but also, “I will take up my cross and follow You!”
We lose our life when we live for Jesus’ words (“I will build My Church”) and not living for “they say” words. As Brennan Manning sad, “The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians: who acknowledge Jesus with their lips, walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.”
So let’s ask others, “What do you think of Jesus?” But let’s also ask ourselves that question. Let’s make sure that our verbal confession is being amplified by our lifestyle confession. Ask the Holy Spirit to search your vocabulary and your lifestyle. A great prayer for this is in Psalm 139:23-24.
If you’ve missed any of the messages in our series “I Will Build My Church”, you can find them all here.
Your gratitude blesses future generations. When you talk about the ways God has blessed you—and you are continually grateful for His provision—you are fortifying future generations as well.
“Wherever men are still theological, there is still some chance of their being logical.” —G.K. Chesterton
“We must not be too hot upon cold matters, but even this is better than to be cold upon matters that require heat.” —Charles Spurgeon
Clinton Manley says, “Although the teaching of Jesus in Matthew 5–7 is often called a sermon, these words are closer to Henry V on the battlefield than to a pastor in his pulpit.” Before you read the Beatitudes again, check out this background to this battlefield message from Jesus.
“The ping of a notification, the silent vibration in a pocket, the ambient awareness that something, somewhere, might require a response: these are not incidental features of modern life. They are now its architecture…. The mind never fully settles. It hovers in a state of anticipatory vigilance, perpetually primed for the next interruption.” —Carl Hendrick
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Everyone wants to fit in—it’s an entirely natural human instinct to desire the approval of those around you. However, when this instinct causes us to change who we are it can become very destructive to us both personally and professionally. In today’s episode Greg and I discuss how being a poser is a sneaky leadership killer that can creep in without you even noticing.
[0:00] Introduction
[1:38] Posing is a leadership killer that might not be obvious to a leader.
[2:52] Why would a leader think they have to pose in front of certain groups?
[5:38] Leaders need to be cautious of thinking, “I have to fit in. I have to be liked by this group.”
[7:31] Posing isn’t changing a style of communication.
[8:26] Being misunderstood is very difficult for everyone, but we cannot fall into the posing trap in order to try to be understood.
[10:30] Our teams need to know what to expect from us.
[11:48] How does posing limit leadership effectiveness? How does authenticity launch a team?
[15:15] Posing leaders force their teams to think inside-the-box.
[16:54] Authentic leaders want to hire authentic team members to promote an authentic culture.
[19:40] Leaders need to be confident to be authentic, and that authenticity is incredibly freeing!
[23:40] Coaches who listen and observe and can help you spot the hidden areas of posing. Check out the Maximize Leadership coaching services.
Are you in touch with your emotions? While it might sound like something out of a Hallmark movie to some, having a robust emotional quotient is a vital skill for a leader. Join Greg and me as we get all emotional in this episode.
Craig T. Owens 