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Good leaders hold themselves—at a minimum—to the same standard for the rest of their team. But the best leaders hold themselves to an even higher standard.
Check out this humorous story that makes this point so clear.
Check out this full conversation Greg and I had on an episode of The Craig and Greg Show called “Be honest with yourself.”
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Honesty is a vital part of a successful organization, something that every good leader is well aware of. However, when was the last time you asked the question, “Am I being honest with myself?” In this episode, Greg and I unpack how honest self-reflection is a powerful tool to help improve your leadership.
[0:14] A challenging quote to kick off this episode.
[1:14] My breakthrough moment regarding my own self-assessment.
[3:37] What’s the difference between who I think I am and who I really am?
[6:00] We all operate with certain assumptions about ourselves.
[7:37] We share some good and bad experiences with interactions we have observed from other leaders.
[10:27] Leaders need to hold themselves to the same standards as the rest of their team.
[13:47] Why do leaders hesitate to self-evaluate?
[15:19] How do leaders create a safe environment to self-evaluate?
[18:45] Greg sends us down a rabbit trail!
[19:53] What does leadership integrity look like?
[22:17] Leaders need to know what their tendencies are.
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Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy (Proverbs 27:6 NLT).
Proverbs 27 may have more wisdom about our friends than any other chapter in this book. But sprinkled throughout the entire book of Proverbs is outstanding wisdom about our closest relationships. Allow me to share just a few observations with you.
Friends love me through my worst moments (17:17) because they have committed to stick closer than a brother to me (18:24).
I must be careful not to make friends with a hot-tempered person (22:24), and to be cautious of people who want to be friends with me only for what I can give them (19:4).
My true friends will wound me in love to help me become the best that God intended me to be (27:5-6, 9, 17), so I must never forsake these friends (27:10).
False friends will gossip to me and about me, but my true friends will guard my secrets and guard my reputation (16:28; 17:9).
In order to have true friends, I first have to be a true friend.
David was the gold standard for every king of Israel who followed him. Numerous times throughout the history of Israel, we will see a note that a certain king either followed God like David, or turned from God unlike David. Yet there exists a wart on David’s portrait: an adulterous affair with the wife of a man in his inner circle, and then subsequent lies and a murder to cover up the affair. “The thing David had done displeased the Lord” (see 2 Samuel 11).
But I’d like to turn your attention to when this affair occurred: “In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war…David remained in Jerusalem” (2 Samuel 11:1). He was without his usual comrades. The men who knew David best, who could probably sense if something was amiss, weren’t around to warn him. When David tried to find out the identity of the bathing beauty on the roof next door to his palace, an unnamed attendant tried to remind him, “Isn’t that Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah?” but David dismissed him.
Elijah was arguably the most forceful and fearless prophet in Israel’s history. Not only did he stand up to the evil kings of Israel, but he spoke out against the kings of surrounding nations, too. In answer to Elijah’s prayer, God brought a drought on the land, and again in answer to Elijah’s prayer, God sent rain. Elijah challenged the 450 prophets of the god Baal and the 400 prophets of the goddess Asherah to a duel to the death, which ended up in a decisive victory for Yahweh. Yet, shortly after this massive victory, Elijah was depressed to the point that he wanted to die.
What led to Elijah’s depression? Something very similar to David’s slide into adultery: He was alone. Elijah ran away from Queen Jezebel’s death threat, left his servant behind, and proceeded all by himself into the desert. It was when he was without a comrade that he prayed to God, “I’ve had enough. Take my life” (see 2 Kings 17–19).
And what about Peter? He boldly claimed his loyalty to Jesus, even to the point of wielding a sword at the guards who came to arrest his Master. But when Peter was alone, after the other disciples fled, he denied three times that he knew Jesus (Matthew 26:33, 51, 69–75).
God designed us to be in relationship with others. His statement to Adam in some of the earliest words of the Bible—“It is not good for you to be alone”—are words for us still today. —from the chapter “Going Farther”
We need true, God-fearing friends close to us. Ask God to bring those friends around you, and ask the Holy Spirit to make you into that kind of friend for those He does bring around you.
DON’T #1: Don’t be a hypocrite. That word literally means a play-actor. More than anyone else ever will, God sees who we really are. We cannot fool Him so there is no reason to fake it. For proof, check out some of the gut-level-honest prayers David records in the psalms!
DON’T #2: Don’t babble. The Greek word here is unique: It’s made up of the name of a poet named Battus who was needlessly wordy, and the Greek word for word. In Greek, the word battologeō is an onomatopoeic word (like our English words that sound like what they really are describing: words like whoosh, buzz, or smack). It means rambling with our mouth, but our hearts and heads simply aren’t engaged as well.
“When prayer has become secondary, or incidental, it has lost its power. Those who are conspicuously men of prayer are those who use prayer as they use food, or air, or light, or money.” —M.E. Andross
My friend’s trainer recently told him, “You cannot out-exercise a bad diet.” I think this is just as true in the realm of prayer: You cannot out-________ a bad prayer diet. You cannot…
…out-religion a bad prayer diet, as though your religious exercises can make up for a lack of prayerful food.
…out-talk a bad prayer diet, or “babble,” as Jesus said.
…out-strategize a bad prayer diet, as one successful man attempted to do (see Luke 12:16-20).
Jesus said our heavenly Father is just waiting for us to ask Him for what we need. In Psalm 5, David explained how attentive God is, even understanding our cries, our sighs, and our groans. So David’s conclusion was: “Lord, every morning You hear my voice. Every morning, I tell You what I need, and I wait for Your answer.”
Friends, we need to be first responders in prayer. Make it a habit every morning to let God hear your voice before anyone else does. DON’T make a show out of it or babble some words you don’t really feel, but DO talk with your loving heavenly Father about what you need for this upcoming day. He has already prepared a good, healthy diet for you, so ask Him to give you this day what you need, and then be expectant all day long in the ways your Father will answer you.
The Apostle Paul tells us to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2). This implies that there is an ongoing process of evaluation and renewal. This starts when I give up my way of doing things (v. 1), and then the remainder of that 12th chapter is a checklist of changes in behavior that come about because of the renewing of our minds.
We need a regular report card on—
☐ Seeing myself in the right light of faith
☐ Knowing and using my God-given gifts
☐ Loving without hypocrisy
☐ Avoiding evil
☐ Promoting good
☐ Loving others like brothers and sisters
☐ Not fighting for my way
☐ Being diligent in my work
☐ Being diligent in my spiritual health
☐ Serving God
☐ Rejoicing even in difficulties
☐ Growing in patience
☐ Praying regularly
☐ Hospitably serving others
☐ Blessing my enemies
☐ Being appropriately empathetic
☐ Finding common ground
☐ Remaining humble
☐ Repaying good for evil
☐ Not trying to get even
☐ Being a peacemaker
☐ Overcoming evil with good
Holy Spirit, I need Your honest evaluation. Show me my deficits, and then help me hear Your loving voice that guides me in the changes I need to make. I want Jesus to be seen in my life. Amen!
Theodore Roosevelt was well aware that talent alone wasn’t enough to sustain an individual, a family, or a nation. Talent and perseverance, he preached, must be supported by character. In a series of speeches bundled together in the book The Strenuous Life, TR had much to say about character development and integrity. You can check out my review of The Strenuous Life by clicking here.
“It is a good thing to have a keen, fine intellectual development in a nation, to produce orators, artists, successful business men; but it is an infinitely greater thing to have those solid qualities which we group together under the name of character—sobriety, steadfastness, the sense of obligation toward one’s neighbor and one’s God, hard common sense, and, combined with it, the lift of generous enthusiasm toward whatever is right. These are the qualities which go to make up true national greatness.”
“We do not need men of unsteady brilliancy or erratic power—unbalanced men. The men we need are the men of strong, earnest, solid character—the men who possess the homely virtues, and who to these virtues add rugged courage, rugged honesty, and high resolve.”
“The men who with ax in the forests and pick in the mountains and plow on the prairies pushed to completion the dominion of our people over the American wilderness have given the definite shape to our nation. They have shown the qualities of daring, endurance, and far-sightedness, of eager desire for victory and stubborn refusal to accept defeat, which go to make up the essential manliness of the American character. Above all, they have recognized in practical form the fundamental law of success in American life—the law of worthy work, the law of high, resolute endeavor.”
“After all has been said and done, the chief factor in any man’s success or failure must be his own character—that is, the sum of his common sense, his courage, his virile energy and capacity.”
“Bodily vigor is good, and vigor of intellect is even better, but far above both is character.”
“In the long run, in the great battle of life, no brilliancy of intellect, no perfection of bodily development, will count when weighed in the balance against that assemblage of virtues, active and passive, of moral qualities, which we group together under the name of character…. Of course this does not mean that either intellect or bodily vigor can safely be neglected. On the contrary, it means that both should be developed, and that not the least of the benefits of developing both comes from the indirect effect which this development itself has upon the character.”
“Character is shown in peace no less than in war. As the greatest fertility of invention, the greatest perfection of armament, will not make soldiers out of cowards, so no mental training and no bodily vigor will make a nation great if it lacks the fundamental principles of honesty and moral cleanliness.”
“Alike for the nation and the individual, the one indispensable requisite is character—character that does and dares as well as endures, character that is active in the performance of virtue no less than firm in the refusal to do aught that is vicious or degraded.”
Be sure to check out my review of Theodore Roosevelt’s Autobiography by clicking here, and read some additional quotes from TR here and here.
[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]
“With integrity you can experience freedom. Not only are you less likely to be enslaved by the stress that comes from bad choices, debt, deceptiveness, and other negative character issues, but you are free to influence others and add value to them in an incredible way.” —John Maxwell
How true: Integrity = Freedom to live a satisfying life!
There can be no healing if there isn’t first an admission of need.
This psalmist recognizes:
the dryness of his soul
his depression
the taunts of his enemies
the ‘good ol’ days’
He not only questions his soul, but he admits to himself and to God, “My soul is cast down within me.” But each time he has this conversation with himself, he reminds himself of the same conclusion—“God is worthy of praise and I can put my hope in Him!”
We have to stop listening to crippling self-pity and begin talking to ourselves about our well-placed confidence in God. He is worthy of our praise! He will satisfy me like nothing else can. He is the only One in whom I can put my hope.
As Augustine reminded himself, “Thou hast formed us for Thyself, and our hearts are restless till they find rest in Thee.”
A mark of a godly leader is one who has honest conversations with himself.
Don’t listen to your downcast thoughts; talk back to your downcast thoughts and tell yourself the only place where real hope can be found.
This is part 23 in my series on godly leadership. You can check out all of my posts on this topic by clicking here.
In The Seven Laws Of Love, Dave Willis gives us some highly practical, biblically-based counsel for investing in all of our relationships. Normally when I share quotes from books, I share all of them at once, but I felt like it would be good to share these quotes a bit more slowly, to give you time to read them and apply them.
From law #3, here are some quotes on truth speaking—
“The truth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s always necessary.”
“Honesty always paves the way to intimacy.”
“Selective honesty is the same as dishonesty.”
“The truth might be expensive at times, but it’s always worth it.”
“We all tend to craft a self-focused view of the world where we emerge as either a hero or a victim in every scene. We’re never the villains in the story. The truth is, though, that we’ve all been the bad guy more often then we’d like to admit. A life of love requires that we look in the mirror and give an honest and humble self-assessment.”
“What kind of legacy do you want for your own life? What stories do you want people telling about you a generation after your death? The decisions you are making right now are shaping future generations. Your legacy will be measured by your relationships, and your relationships will only be as strong as the trust your loved ones have in you.”
Check out my review of The Seven Laws Of Love by clicking here.
Watch for more quotes from the other laws of love explained in this book throughout the next few days.
Craig T. Owens 