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When you are in a leadership role it is unavoidable that you will occasionally have to talk about people. Perhaps it’s gathering more information or discussing an incident with a fellow leader. However, we have to be very careful that these discussions don’t cross the line into gossip. Gossip is toxic for your organization, and left unchecked can lead to disastrous results. Check out this episode where Greg and I discuss how to make your conversations about goals instead of gossip.
[0:31] Leaders have to have lots of conversations on different levels—how do they do this without gossiping about their teammates?
[1:32] Leaders need to have a goal for each of their conversations.
[3:39] What holds leaders back from having the productive (but difficult) conversations?
[6:02] Leaders need to be careful of the diabolic nature of gossip.
[8:58] We need to try to make all of our conversations constructive for us, our teammates, and the entire organization.
[11:01] Productive, healthy conversations must become a part of your organization’s culture.
[13:09] Do your teammates totally trust that you, as their leader, have their best in mind?
[16:51] Leaders need to prioritize transparency at all levels of the organization.
[18:36] Leaders can empower their teammates to make healthy changes.
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
Listen to the audio-only version of this podcast by clicking on the player below, or scroll down to watch the video.
Honesty is a vital part of a successful organization, something that every good leader is well aware of. However, when was the last time you asked the question, “Am I being honest with myself?” In this episode, Greg and I unpack how honest self-reflection is a powerful tool to help improve your leadership.
[0:14] A challenging quote to kick off this episode.
[1:14] My breakthrough moment regarding my own self-assessment.
[3:37] What’s the difference between who I think I am and who I really am?
[6:00] We all operate with certain assumptions about ourselves.
[7:37] We share some good and bad experiences with interactions we have observed from other leaders.
[10:27] Leaders need to hold themselves to the same standards as the rest of their team.
[13:47] Why do leaders hesitate to self-evaluate?
[15:19] How do leaders create a safe environment to self-evaluate?
[18:45] Greg sends us down a rabbit trail!
[19:53] What does leadership integrity look like?
[22:17] Leaders need to know what their tendencies are.
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
King Solomon nailed it pretty succinctly with this verse: Dead flies putrefy the perfumer’s ointment, and cause it to give off a foul odor; so does a little folly to one respected for wisdom and honor. (Ecclesiastes 10:1)
As a Christian leader, I always have mixed emotions when I hear of another prominent Christian leader who has stumbled. Part of me is angry because I know that all Christian leaders will get painted with the same brush. Another part of me is incredibly sad to hear of a brother or sister who has squandered the trust that was placed in them. Finally, part of me becomes quite self-reflective, because I don’t want to repeat their mistakes.
Tom Peters said, “There are no minor lapses of integrity.” King Solomon would agree. And so do I.
Godly leadership can be such a beautiful thing, but just a couple of dead flies can putrefy the whole thing!
Here are four things that I have seen in the lives of those leaders who haven’t finished well. These are the things all of us need to watch carefully in our own lives.
(1) They compromised in “the little things.” None of them started off by saying, “I’m going to completely ruin my reputation as a godly leader.” But they allowed themselves to indulge in things that were just “little things” in their minds. Perhaps they thought, “It won’t hurt if I indulge in this one little thing.” The apostle Paul warns us, “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12).
(2) Pride crept in. They thought they were better than others. Peter said it this way: “All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:5). I addressed this topic in my book Shepherd Leadership: The Metrics That Really Matter like this—
Did you catch that? God stands back from the proud person who will not admit his error nor ask for help, let alone ask for forgiveness. On the other hand, God lavishes His grace on the humble one who admits both his error and his need for help. Admission of an inappropriate action or reaction brings God’s help!
Friends, the mark of a maturing shepherd is not one who never misspeaks or never makes a mistake. No, the mark of a maturing shepherd is the one who is closing the gap between his mess up and his confession.
Pride will keep us from confessing the “little sins” and keep us from God’s help. But humility quickly admits the smallest of slip-ups and therefore receives God’s grace and help.
(3) They lowered their standards. If anything, leaders should raise their standards as they become more successful. Think of it this way: when I was young and immature, I didn’t give much thought to my diet or my exercise routine. As I became older (and hopefully more mature), I became much more tuned-in to these things. Physically, the older I get, the more I need to pay attention to my health. The same thing is true in our leadership: maturity should lead to higher standards and higher levels of scrutiny.
(4) They stopped listening to others. The combination of little compromises, pride, and lowered standards doesn’t easily invite accountability nor transparency. The track record is pretty consistent among those who have fallen short: they stopped listening to people who tried to correct them.
I want to finish well. I don’t want a leadership stumble in my life to rob God of glory, nor to cause others to stumble in their Christian walk. I am committed to living my life in a way that will allow Jesus to say to me at the end, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
I pray that all Christian leaders will join me in this.
[0:58] Our empowerment comes from facing our fears.
[1:35] How does fear paralyze a leader?
[2:14] One fear leaders need to address in themselves and others: The fear of dropping the ball.
[3:00] Leaders need to be aware that confidence can ebb and flow.
[3:50] How we lead through fear.
[4:27] Transparency in a leader empowers the team to greatness. On the other hand, blaming is a defense mechanism that disempowers the team.
[5:49] Greg shares how we lead by example and with transparency.
[7:25] I address the fear that blocks leaders from giving authority to others.
[8:15] Greg suggests we switch our mindset from fear to learning opportunities.
[9:21] I share a Little League lesson that served me well into adulthood.
[10:50] How Greg and I help coach people through their fears.
[11:34] What other fears to leaders face?
[12:50] Creating a culture of safety helps our teammates confront their fears.
[14:03] How can leaders encourage people who are trapped by their fears?
[15:41] Leaders have to go first. I said, “Sometimes bravery is just going one step farther than you went before.”
[16:50] Greg shares a brave moment in his adoption process.
[18:18] We need to assess the gifts that others on our team possess.
[19:20] Greg unpacks a great quote about bravery.
[20:03] I share about the moment when I think bravery begins.
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
Have mercy … heal me … deliver me … save me … (Psalm 6:2, 4).
A mark of a godly leader is one who is not afraid to share his vulnerabilities.
David freely admits his fear of punishment, his need for God’s help, and his grief that robbed him of sleep.
But he also admitted just as freely his rock-solid assurance of God’s help:
The Lord has heard my weeping
The Lord has heard my supplication
The Lord will receive my prayer
Godly leaders are confidently transparent before God and before those around them. God delights in that transparency, and He delights to answer vulnerable prayers.
This is Part 17 in my series on godly leadership. You can check out all of my posts on this topic by clicking here.
Josh McDowell has a book that is perfect for this generation of youth. #Truth is a 365-day devotional that brings biblical truth to bear on the issues today’s students face every day. You can check out my full book review of #Truth by clicking here. Below are a handful of quotes that caught my attention.
“All healthy relationships require a willingness to be known and have things pointed out so that all offenses can be addressed.”
“If a person is unwilling to forgive others, it’s a clear sign he or she hasn’t really experienced God’s mercy and grace. When people refuse to forgive those who wronged them, God knows that any confession of their own sins is less than genuine and sincere. How could anyone who truly experiences God’s amazing grace of forgiveness not also give mercy and grace to others?”
“Jesus died and rose again so that you could be set free from sin and death and enjoy the benefits of spiritual freedom. That freedom is not a license to live however you want to live, but to live as God meant you to live.”
“Don’t believe the lie that you are alone and no one cares. Since Christ sees you as a member of His body, accept this as your new reality and realize that you are always wanted and very much needed.”
“Jesus too had a totally different view of this world than those around Him. … Because you have accepted Jesus as the Truth and follow Him, you too see the world differently. You see the world through a spiritual lens that makes you sort of like an alien.”
“Jesus’ Kingdom message is a whole new way to see God, yourself, life, and relationships. It is a view of the world defined by Jesus and His Word. … Loving God and making Him the first priority in your life develops a Kingdom mindset that brings everything into perspective—love God and those around you as you love yourself [Matthew 22:37-39].”
“This life is short in comparison to eternity, and God wants your thoughts to include Him and make His Kingdom a priority in your life. … Letting heaven fill your thoughts is about keeping Jesus first in your life.”
“Only those who have been made alive to God and have His Spirit can listen and understand the spiritual insights of Scripture.”
“When you read from the Bible you are reading God’s words as if He were writing them for you. … Scripture is a supernatural book that has come from God Himself.”
“Jesus felt misunderstood. He spent years telling His followers who He was and why He came to earth. ‘But they didn’t understand any of this…and they failed to grasp what He was talking about’ (Luke 18:34). Because Jesus faced misunderstanding He is able to identify with your hurt and give you the help you need when you need it.”
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Pastor, what’s God been speaking to you personally?
How has the Holy Spirit been working your sermon on your heart this week?
What has Scripture shown you about you (not just about your congregation)?
When you tell your congregation how God has been working on you, the Word comes alive. Because now they don’t see you as a perfect person preaching at them, but as a fellow traveler who’s hearing from God and learning on the journey just as they are.
“The preacher must throw his thought into his teaching. He must not weary the people by telling them the truth in a stale and unprofitable manner with nothing fresh from his own soul to give it force. Above all he must put heart work into preaching. He must feel what he preaches. It must be with him. It is never an easy thing. He must feel as if he could preach his very life away before the sermon is done.” ―Charles Spurgeon
I’d rather see a sermon than hear one any day;I’d rather one should walk with me than merely show the way.The eye’s a better pupil and more willing than the ear;Fine counsel is confusing, but example’s always clear.And the best of all preachers are the men who live their creeds.For to see the good in action is what everybody needs.I can soon learn how to do it if you’ll let me see it done;I can watch your hands in actions, but your tongue too fast may run.And the lectures you deliver may be very wise and true,But I’d rather get my lesson by observing what you do.For I may misunderstand you and the high advice you give,But there’s no misunderstanding how you act and how you live. (Edgar A. Guest)
My friend Chuck and I run through a silly routine to make a point about the superficial conversations that many people have. It goes something like this—
Chuck: Hi! How are you?
Craig: I’m good. And you?
Chuck: Good. I’m good.
Craig: How’s work going?
Chuck: It’s good. How about for you?
Craig: Good.
Chuck: How’s your family?
Craig: They’re good. And yours?
Chuck: Good.
You get the idea. At the end of this conversation have I learned anything new about Chuck? Of course not. Has he learned anything new about me? Nope. Do you think either one of us is telling the truth? No, because we don’t want to really open up what’s going on inside us.
(In case you haven’t figured this out, this is just a silly thing Chuck and I do on purpose. After joking around, we do get down to the more “real life” conversation!)
Last week I had several great sit-down meetings with some people that I already knew, but I wanted to get to know better.
In order to get to know them better, I have to get them to tell me a better story!
A better story about who they really are and what they’re really feeling.
This requires two things:
I have to ask better questions. Not questions that can just be answered with a simple “good” or “fine” or “yes” or “no.”
I have to be willing to tell the other person a real story about me, one that reveals who I really am and how I’m really feeling.
Sometimes asking these questions or telling these stories may seem awkward. But you have to pass through the awkward if you truly want to get to know someone better. Don’t just settle for “good,” but take a risk to go deeper.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
I sort of remember the days of full-service gas stations. My Dad would drive in and say, “Fill ’er up!” and the gas station attendant would jump into action. Filling up the gas tank, cleaning the windshield, checking the oil level, and even checking the air pressure in the tires.
But, alas, those days of full service seem to be long gone, replaced by highly-efficient, less-personal self-serve stations. And I’m not necessarily talking just about gasoline stations either.
All of our lives seem to have become more efficient and less personal. We are a more do-it-yourself, leverage-technology kind of society today. And I wonder if the result is that many people aren’t getting filled up like they used to.
There is a well-known Bible story in 2 Kings 4. A widow is facing what would amount to foreclosure today. Except this foreclosure was on her sons. Her husband, a God-fearing man, had died and left her with debts she could not pay. The practice in that society was for her sons to be “sold” to pay off the debts. These boys would have to work all day long for someone else, and whatever money they would have earned for their labors would go to the creditors.
In her desperation, the widow turned to the prophet Elisha. He asked her if she had anything of value in her house, and she replied, “Just a little oil. But not enough to pay off my debts.” The counsel Elisha gave her is applicable for our self-serve society today—
Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few” (v. 3).
Elisha asked the woman and her family to humble themselves—ask all your neighbors. Sometimes this is one of our biggest hindrances: pride which keeps us from admitting we have a need. And this was no small task because she had to ask ALL her neighbors to, “Fill ’er up!”
Elisha asked them to be persistent—don’t ask for just a few. Not just a jar here and there, but ask for every available jar to, “Fill ’er up!”
The principles in this story shouldn’t just apply to times of desperation in our lives. Because maybe if we worked on being around our neighbors and asking what needs they have, and sharing our needs as well, maybe we wouldn’t get into such desperate situations.
In the story in 2 Kings, the oil stopped flowing only after every available jar had been filled. If I want God to continue to pour His oil of blessing into my life, He has to have room in which to pour. That means that I need to be pouring into others’ lives as often as I can. Listen to the blessings when we, “Fill ’er up!”—
I want you to know how delighted I am to have Stephanas, Fortunatus, and Achaicus here with me. They partially make up for your absence! They’ve refreshed me by keeping me in touch with you. (1 Corinthians 16:17-18, The Message paraphrase)
In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you. (2 Corinthians 7:13)
God bless Onesiphorus and his family! Many’s the time I’ve been refreshed in that house. And he wasn’t embarrassed a bit that I was in jail. The first thing he did when he got to Rome was look me up. May God on the Last Day treat him as well as he treated me. (2 Timothy 1:16-18, The Message paraphrase)
Your love has given me much joy and comfort, my brother, for your kindness has often refreshed the hearts of God’s people. (Philemon 7 NLT)
Get around other “full” people and let them fill you up.
Seek out “empty” people and pour abundantly into them.
The more you pour out into others, the more room there is for God to pour into you.
God is always pleased when our lifestyle is one of “Fill ’er up!”
When you are in a leadership role it is unavoidable that you will occasionally have to talk about people. Perhaps it’s gathering more information or discussing an incident with a fellow leader. However, we have to be very careful that these discussions don’t cross the line into gossip. Gossip is toxic for your organization, and left unchecked can lead to disastrous results. Check out this episode where Greg and I discuss how to make your conversations about goals instead of gossip.
Craig T. Owens 