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Esther was unsure if Xerxes would extend favor to her, but God is already extending His favor to you even before you approach Him. He wants to turn your grief into joy.
Let your grief be a time you press into God’s presence. Like Esther taking her grief and her petition into the king’s presence, take your grief into the presence of King of kings.
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Last week we saw how the Israelites in exile had their time of grief—being targeted for annihilation—turned to joy when God granted favor to Queen Esther.
The books of 1 and 2 Chronicles, Ezra, and Nehemiah are all written during this time period as the exiles are returning in waves to Israel. This is another grief-into-joy moment! More than likely, all four of these books were written by Ezra. Notice the note of joyful celebration that is repeated in the last words of 2 Chronicles and the opening words in the Book of Ezra (2 Chronicles 36:22-23; Ezra 1:1-4). We don’t know which psalmist wrote Psalm 126, but it sounds the same joyful note.
Not all the exiles returned at once. In fact, the Book of Daniel shows us that Daniel likely stayed in his position of leadership to these governments until his death.
The exiles were returning in waves. As the worship practices at the temple were reestablished and as people returned to lands allotted to each tribe, it was important for the leaders to make sure the right people were in the right places. So 1 Chronicles opens with genealogies.
Beginning with Adam and Noah (1:1-4)
The spiritual fathers (1:34)
The family line of the Messiah (2:1-15; Matthew 1:1-6) through the family tree of David (3:1-24)
Then 1 Chronicles 4 lists more clans in the tribe of Judah. Of special note is the Calebite clan (2:9, 18).
In the Calebite clan we meet Jabez in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10. His name literally translated is sorrow. I wonder: is this a nickname or his birth name? how did he even get this name?
His mother is quoted, “I gave birth to him in pain.” Did that mean it was physically a difficult birth? Did she die after childbirth? Was he born during the painful exile? His father isn’t mentioned, so maybe his birth reminded everyone of the father who was no longer there. The Amplified Bible says his mother named him “sorrow maker.”
Whatever the case, Jabez has become aware that his name or his presence is causing grief to others. There is a bit of a play on words here: “his mother named(Hebrew: qara) … Jabez cried out (Hebrew: qara) to the God of Israel.” In essence, Jabez is saying, “Since my mother cried out in pain—or thinks I am a sorrow maker—I have no where else to go but to cry out to God!”
I believe Jabez was a teenager at this time. One medical journal says, “Adolescents are physically, cognitively, and socioemotionally more advanced than children but prone to behave in ways that are inconsistent with adult values and norms. … Adolescents also frequently report greater self-consciousness, and are more concerned with and interested in others’ perceptions of self.”
This means that as the brain matures during adolescence, teenagers begin to look at themselves through the eyes of others. They are beginning to make decisions that will earn approval from their peers and their family.
This describes Jabez. He doesn’t want to be the sorrow maker any longer.
Grief happens when my reality falls short of my expectations. Jabez has become self-aware that he is a painful reminder to everyone around him. He is living in a place of grief
Jabez is called “more honorable than his brothers” (v. 9) because he turns his pain into his prayer. His brothers may either have not been as self-aware, or maybe they were aware but simply didn’t care. Jabez realized, “People have been calling me sorrow maker my whole life. There’s nothing I can do about it on my own, so the only thing I can do is call on the only One who can turn my grief into joy” (v. 10).
Look at his noble prayer:
bless me—God, You are the only One whose favor I desire
enlarge my territory—even out of this grief, bless me so that I can be a blessing
let Your hand be with me—only Your hand can restore my fortunes, can help me reap a harvest, and can allow me to sing Your songs of joy (see Psalm 126:1-6).
Let us follow this example from Jabez’s life and begin to turn every pain into prayer.
God doesn’t want to give us temporary relief from our pain, but He desires for us to know His never-ending joy (Isaiah 25:7-9; Revelation 21:3-4).
Hey, leaders, let me ask you a simple question: Is your workplace a safe place for people to make mistakes? It should be or else we will be limiting the potential of both our teammates and our whole organization. Greg and I unpack this in greater detail in this episode.
“You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish the fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all. … Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment.” —Sarah Young, Jesus Calling [1 Thessalonians 5:17; Proverbs 3:6]
“God is God, and since He is God, He is worthy of my worship and my service. I will find rest nowhere else but in His will, and that will is necessarily infinitely, immeasurably, unspeakably beyond my largest notions of what He is up to.” —Elizabeth Elliot
“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” —Booker T. Washington
Pornography adversely effects the viewer’s brain, leading to a growing list of physical and emotional problems. Check out this post from Fight The New Drug, in which they report, “No matter what you believe about porn, ‘what is undeniable is that we’re consuming far more of it than at any point in human history, and the effects of this are yet to fully register.’”
I have always loved the fact of God’s laughter—the perfect joy He has must be expressed in perfect laughter! David Mathis writes about the encouragement in God’s laugh: “One way to enjoy the smile of our fiercely happy Father is to tune your ears to the wonders of His laughter.”
Scientists took a cubic millimeter of a mouse’s brain and mapped out the neurons and connections. The result is astounding! In Nature, they wrote, “A cubic millimetre might not sound like much—roughly the size of a grain of sand—but to neuroscientists, it is enormous. One cubic millimetre of a mammalian brain contains tens of thousands of neurons with hundreds of millions of connections, or synapses, between them.” Can you imagine what the human brain is like?! How amazing is our Creator!
“Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed.” —G.K. Chesterton
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Watermelon is a great summer treat. However, sometimes a nice green exterior can hide rotten fruit on the inside. When this happens we don’t say, “Well, at least the outside was nice,” but we throw the whole thing out! We can fall into a similar trap in our leadership, focusing on creating a great exterior while we let our vital interior development rot away. In this episode, Greg and I encourage you to focus first on your internal development, and through that your external image will improve as well.
[0:59] A lot of leaders are more interested in what’s on the outside than what’s on the inside.
[1:39] Why do leaders naturally gravitate to making the outside look better than the inside?
[4:10] Greg wonders if perhaps we enhance our exterior because we’re afraid to be vulnerable.
[5:25] If you have to tell people you’re a leader you’re probably not
[6:40] Greg and I discuss a list of things we usually recognize, alongside the things we should equally recognize
[6:48] 1. Talents and gifts alongside integrity and character.
[19:35] If we ignore the inside stuff what’s the inevitable result?
[20:51] Greg likes to ask the question, “What’s new?” as a simple way to assess growth in others.
[21:50] I share a discovery from my Bible reading in Romans.
[23:03] Greg tells a cautionary tale about a former coworker who didn’t know how to engage in deeper conversation with his team.
[24:24] “The best mirror is in a good friend’s eye.” Greg and I would love to be this good friend for you. Reach out to us at here if you’re interested in personalized coaching.
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
None of us are strangers to grief—we’ve all experienced this dark place.
The dictionary defines grief three ways: (1) keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; (2) sharp sorrow; (3) painful regret. We sometimes define it with terms like at the end of my rope, down for the count, nothing but gray skies all around, or unable to see any light at the end of the long tunnel.
One psychologist recently asked, “Can you die of a broken heart?” And she meant it literally. She wondered if a person’s grief—what we sometimes call an emotionally broken heart—could lead to a physically broken heart. The answer was, quite simply, yes. Those who cannot get relief from their grief are more susceptible to heart disease, autoimmune disorders, and breakdowns in their immune system.
We need some good news to pull us out of our grief. The good news is that God specializes not just in removing grief, but in turning grief into joy. In the hymn O Holy Night, one of the lines says, “In all our trials, born to be our Friend. He knows our need, to our weakness is no stranger.” Isaiah calls Jesus, “A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Isaiah 53:3).
Grief tends to wash over us in waves. When the waves hit, they often cause us to forget what God has done for us in the past. The apostle Paul said we should learn lessons from the history of the Israelites in the Old Testament. Let me zoom in on one particular story. Notice the waves of grief that follow one after another.
Israel was complacent about their sin (Amos 6:1, 4-7) and eventually was taken into captivity in Assyria. Soon after that, the Assyrians then defeated by the Babylonians. Meanwhile, instead of learning the lessons from Israel’s captivity, Judah had more evil kings than God-fearing kings and they were eventually defeated by the Babylonians (Psalm 137:1-4). Babylon was then defeated by the Medes and Persians.
Somewhere in this time of exile, a young Israelite girl named Hadassah becomes orphaned. She is adopted by Mordecai, who changes her name into the Persian name Esther. Queen Vashti is divorced and banished by King Xerxes, and as a result Esther is chosen from all of the eligible bachelorettes in Persia to become queen in Vashti’s place.
Mordecai is an attendant at the gate to the castle, giving him a good vantage point to stay in touch with Esther. It also puts him in a place to overhear an assassination plot against King Xerxes, which Mordecai relayed to Esther to tell the king. Sadly, Mordecai’s good deed, which saved King Xerxes’ life, is overlooked. Instead, Mordecai’s faith is attacked by Haman, the prime minister, and all of the Jews in Persia are targeted by Haman for destruction. Once again, Mordecai gets word to Esther to have her appeal to the king. Esther is put in a no-win situation here: to approach the king without an invitation could be fatal, but to do nothing would mean the death of all of the Jews.
How did all of this come to be?
Let me take you back to Deuteronomy 8:3. God allowed His people to be humbled and hungry so that they would learn that He is their only source. In the following verses we are told twice to “beware”: beware of forgetting that God is our Provider, and beware of thinking we are our own provider. If we do either of these, God will discipline us (Deuteronomy 8:5).
God isn’t mentioned at all in the Book of Esther, but He is so obviously at work. God said, “My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please” (Isaiah 46:10). Before the Israelites went into captivity, God promised that His people would not be annihilated there but would return to Jerusalem (Jeremiah 31:10-17).
Esther did interceded before King Xerxes. Because of this, Haman was hanged, Mordecai was exalted to Haman’s place, and the Jews were saved (Esther 7:1-6; 8:1-2, 15-17; 9:20-22; 10:3).
God turned overwhelming grief into unspeakable joy!
Dick Brogden wrote, “Are you overwhelmed, out of strength, nowhere to go, out of resources, at a most critical time in your family, ministry, job, or life? Great! God allowed it so that all the earth may know that He is God alone. Don’t waste the crisis. It’s a great opportunity for missions, a great opportunity for God’s glory to be known in all the earth.”
Let your grief be a time you press into God’s presence. Like Esther taking her grief and her petition into the king’s presence, take your grief into the presence of King of kings.
Esther was unsure if Xerxes would extend favor to her, but God is already extending His favor to you even before you approach Him. He wants to turn your grief into joy.
God doesn’t want to simply remove your grief, but He wants you to be testimony for Him because of the way He moves on your behalf.
Follow along with all of the messages in our series Grief Into Joy by clicking here.
Why do Christians lift their hands to God? This is a clip from one of the sermons in our series looking at the worship songs that Israelite pilgrims sang as they ascended to Jerusalem to celebrate the feasts.
“Civil governments are established by God [Romans 13:1] to restrain the criminal elements of human society—even though these officers are often filled and run by evil people. We must divorce our feelings about the people that hold these offices from the authority of the office itself.” —Dr. Henry Halley
“Outstanding leaders go out of their way to boost the self-esteem of their personnel. If people believe in themselves, it’s amazing what they can accomplish.” —Sam Walton
This article opens with this thought: “Scientists will probably never fully understand photosynthesis as additional research uncovers even more fascinating mysteries.” It then goes on to outline how plants use quantum mechanics nearly perfectly to manage the flow of energy during photosynthesis. Truly this is more evidence of an All-Wise Creator.
In sharing a mini-biography of Henry Martyn, this article outlines how God prepares missionaries for the field to which He has called them. “God used [Martyn’s] classical education at Cambridge alongside his spiritual maturity formed by intentional mentorship to get him ready for his unique task of engaging Muslims and translating the Bible.”
T.M. Moore has an outstanding series for pastoral leaders. In a recent post, Moore wrote, “Paul’s vision was too vast, too all-encompassing, too transformative, too urgent, and too other-worldly to stop with, say, a vision that focused on more members, better facilities, larger budgets, additional staff, or regular ‘growth.’ None of these, nor any of a thousand other ways church leaders might express their hopes for their churches, is a proper vision for church leaders.” I was grateful for T.M.’s endorsement of my book Shepherd Leadership where I talk about the biblical metrics for church leaders.
“One of the dangers of having a lot of money is that you may be quite satisfied with the kinds of happiness money can give, and so fail to realize your need for God. If everything seems to come simply by signing checks, you may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.” —C.S. Lewis
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You may have noticed that the intensity of the pain of these sheep bites has been escalating—from flattery, to criticism, to gossip. Now we come to probably the most painful of bites: slander. This is the bite that will have the strongest pull toward the natural response, which will require our greatest reliance on the Holy Spirit to respond supernaturally.
Remember that gossip has a veneer of truth on it; slander has no truth at all. They are outright lies. They are flimsy lies. They are malicious lies. One of the Hebrew words translated slander means scandal-monger: someone who trades in lies (Jeremiah 6:28 NLT; Leviticus 19:16).
The natural response to slander is, “I have to respond to them!” The supernatural response to slander is, “I have to yield to God!”
The natural response, however, is fueled by my wounded pride. On the other hand, the supernatural response is fueled by humility toward God.
Slanderers are arrogant people too (remember Jeremiah said “they are as hard as bronze and iron” [Jeremiah 6:28]). God’s people are learning to humble themselves to wait for God (Psalm 38:12-15). These humble people are the ones who get God’s help, and not His laughter (James 4:6; Proverbs 3:34 NLT).
Look at how Jesus dealt with the very natural urge to respond to those who slandered Him. After Jesus was arrested by the temple guards, He was hauled before one group after another and each time the slanderous lies were spitefully spit at Him. In front of the Sanhedrin, before Roman governor Pontius Pilate, and in the throne room of King Herod Antipas, angry men unleashed their venomous claims—none of which were true.
There are two common themes we can notice in all of these settings.
The lies were seen for what they were: complete fabrications without any truth behind them—Mark 14:55. Governor Pilate said “I find no basis for a charge against Him” (Luke 23:4), and he added, “Herod came to the same conclusion and sent Him back to us” (v. 15).
The silence of Jesus: “Jesus remained silent and gave no answer” (Matthew 27:13-14; Mark 14:61, 15:5). The only red letters in this interaction with both the Sanhedrin and Pilate are when Jesus is asked a direct question. Jesus quickly answers the questions, “Are You the Messiah,” “Are You a King,” and “Don’t You know the power I have?” (Mark 14:61, 15:2; John 19:10), but He never responds to the slander.
Let me repeat: Our supernatural response can only come from yielding to the Holy Spirit’s influence.
We cannot treat slanderers as anything less than people created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27; Psalm 15:1, 3).
We must take our pain into God’s presence. This is what Jesus did (1 Peter 2:21-23). We can help ourselves by praying imprecatory prayers. These are words for God’s ears only (Jude 1:9; Psalm 58:6-8).
We have to learn to pray for our slanderers. We have to mature from praying against them to praying for them. Look at how Jesus interceded for His slanderers (Luke 23:34), which He calls us to as well (Luke 6:28).
We have to live as overcomers. We overcome by NOT responding to slander in the natural way (Romans 12:21). But we allow our supernatural response to be used as a powerful testimony (2 Corinthians 6:3-10; Colossians 3:1-2, 8, 12-14).
We can do this—the Holy Spirit is empowering us to do this. Let’s not get down in the mud with those who slander us, but let’s yield to God and allow Him to handle this painful situation far better than we ever could.
If you’ve missed any of the messages in this series, you can find them all here. And if you are a pastor, please check out my book When Sheep Bite, which will help you both respond to sheep bites and teach others how to respond as well.
Every “miss” along the journey can be a stepping stone to future success. If you don’t win, at least learn. Check out the full conversation Greg and I had.
“A leader must embody the strength that inspires others to follow. And yet, this strength must be tempered with humility, for Christ Himself came not as a warrior-king but as a servant-leader, washing the feet of His disciples.” —Lost Kings reading plan on YouVersion
John Piper identifies the roots of false teaching in his Look at the Book teaching on 1 Timothy 6—
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Do you enjoy struggling? Odds are the answer to that is a resounding “No!” because struggling is difficult, uncomfortable, and frustrating. However, without struggle it is impossible for us to develop to our full potential in our personal and professional lives. In this episode Greg and I encourage you to embrace struggle, and allow your team to struggle as well so that you all can grow to your very best.
[0:20] The struggle is real, but leaders help people know that struggling ≠ failing.
[2:07] Failure is not permanent, and leaders need to help people slow down to see this.
[3:38] Here’s how leaders can inspire their teammates to reframe failure.
[5:54] Greg shares some reflections from his sports background that can help us see our productive struggle in a positive light.
[6:40] I talk about using Six Sigma initiatives in one of my organizations to help them learn each time they missed a benchmark.
[8:25] The struggle is what helps us ultimately succeed.
[11:42] We rob others of the joy of a breakthrough if we don’t allow them to struggle.
[14:19] Leaders need to differentiate failures from mistakes.
[16:09] Greg pulls out a movie analogy for us.
[18:17] The struggle helps us enjoy the future wins.
[21:14] Two leadership lessons we need to keep in mind.
[25:26] Greg transformed a couple of organizations by asking people what they learned from mistakes.
[27:15] Leaders need to change their own mindset about failing before they can change the mindset of their team. If you need help with this, we would love to help coach you to that next level.
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Waiting for God to answer doesn’t mean sitting still and doing nothing. Sometimes we have to work, and plan, and strategize while we are praying. Check out this example from Nehemiah.
Check out more thoughts about using the Bible as our prayer guide in our series Our Prayer Book.
Craig T. Owens 