Then the Pharisees met together to plot how to trap Jesus into saying something for which He could be arrested. They sent some of their disciples, along with the supporters of Herod, to meet with Him. “Teacher,” they said, “we know how honest You are. You teach the way of God truthfully. You are impartial and don’t play favorites. Now tell us what You think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” He said. “Why are you trying to trap Me?” (Matthew 22:15-18)
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In my book When Sheep Bite, I call flattery the sneaky bite. Jesus was certainly aware when people crossed the line from compliment to flattery, and wise leaders will do the same. In the chapter on flattery, I wrote—
You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about the bites of the sheep in this section. How is flattery a ‘bite’?”
Let me explain by first giving you the dictionary definition for flattery so that we can distinguish it from a compliment. A compliment is an expression of praise or admiration. Flattery is marked by its excessive or insincere praise. …
Flattery crosses a line.
The compliment become flattery when the words begin to sound like, “This is the best sermon I have ever heard,” or “Everyone in the world who needs counseling should come to you,” or “No one could have done what you did for our family.” Flattery begins to put the shepherd on a pedestal. …
So we need to guard our hearts against the desire to hear compliments from the sheep we serve. If our heart is in this posture, we can easily slide into self-pity if we don’t get the recognition we think we deserve. Then when the sycophantic flatterers come along, and we’re parched for praise, we will quickly lap up everything they are doling out. As a result, we are now listening for a voice other than our Master to say, “Well done,” and we can all too easily slide into a people-pleasing lifestyle.
Learn more about the sneaky bite of flattery, as well as the biblical way to handle all of the other ways that sheep bite their shepherd. Pick up a copy of When Sheep Bite today.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible. Check out the video content in this post by clicking here.
There is a phrase the apostle Paul uses frequently: “in service to God.” Let me give you one example from Romans 15:17—“Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God.” The Amplified Bible renders this verse like this: “In Christ Jesus, then, I have legitimate reason to glory (exult) in my work for God—in what through Christ Jesus I have accomplished concerning the things of God.”
In this passage in Romans 15 Paul says he preached in service to God.
A few verses later he says that he was on his way to minister to the financial needs of the saints “in the service of the Lord’s people” in Jerusalem (vv. 25-26). He uses similar words to the church at Corinth when he speaks of people devoting themselves “to the service of the Lord’s people” (1 Corinthians 16:15; 2 Corinthians 8:4). He tells them, “This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God” (2 Corinthians 9:12-13).
In other words, Paul says that we may be serving people, but this is really service to God through Jesus. Jesus Himself would say that all of our ministry to people is ultimately done “for Me” (see Matthew 25:40).
Because this is service done for Jesus, it is only recognition from Jesus that we should desire. We want to hear Jesus say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Sadly, in the very next chapter of Romans, Paul warns the saints about people who are serving “their own appetites” instead of serving Jesus—
I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. (Romans 16:17-18)
Notice that those who speak with smooth talk and flattery are serving themselves by trying to earn accolades from other people. But this motivation only ends up causing divisions.
In my book When Sheep Bite, I call flattery from others—and the desire to receive human praise—the “sneaky bite.”
Flattery needs to be quickly identified and quarantined because it has two ways it can set up a shepherd for a painful fall.
First, the flatterers are usually more concerned about themselves than they are about the shepherd. You may appreciate the compliments at first, but if you listen closely you can begin to pick up the note of insincerity that morphs these encouraging compliments into dangerous flattery. …
The second sneaky danger in flattery is what it does to your heart, especially if you have been recently bitten, attacked, or abandoned by other sheep. Mark Twain once quipped, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” It’s true that we can get parched for a kind word if we haven’t heard one for a while. A thirsty man will drink just about anything, and a flatterer can offer you a tasty refreshment that, if you gulp it down, can end up turning quite bitter later on.
When no one praises your sermon, or appreciates your wisdom that made the difference, or notices your long hours given in service to them, how do you feel?
If you feel like you should have been recognized for your shepherding work, let me ask another question: For whom were you working?
Jesus told us that when you lead sheep to green pastures, or when you guide them to sparkling waters, when you care for the sick, carry the weak on your shoulders, and rescue the wandering lambs, you are really doing all of this for Him. They are His sheep which have been entrusted to your care for this period of time (see Matthew 25:31-46). (From chapter 6 ‘When the Sheep Flatter You’)
Although When Sheep Bite was written for those in leadership, we can all learn this important lesson—
We want to speak serving words to encourage people to praise Jesus; we don’t want to speak smooth words to encourage people to praise us.
There is a massive difference between serving words and smooth words. This will be made abundantly and eternally clear when Jesus returns and says, “Take your inheritance” to those who served Him by their words, or “Depart from Me” to those who merely served themselves by their words.
Take a close listen to make sure your words are serving words, and that the posture of your heart is to only help others praise Jesus.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
When I say a rebuke can be loving, let me start off with this reminder: People need to know you truly love them before they will pay attention to a rebuke. If they don’t know you love them and want the best for them, your rebuke will simply make them angry and may create an uncrossable chasm between you.
Nathan was the prophet who confronted David with his sin, saying, “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:1-7). Nathan not only took his life into his hands by speaking so boldly against King David, but he risked the lives of his family as well.
Thankfully, David acknowledged his sin, repented, and asked forgiveness (2 Samuel 12:13; Psalm 51:3-12). Instead of being banished, Nathan was honored. In fact, we see Nathan faithfully serving in King David’s inner circle even after the king is dead and King Solomon ascends to the throne.
And then during the reign of King Solomon, two of Nathan’s sons are honored with prestigious positions in Solomon’s court. “Azariah son of Nathan was over the officers; Zabud son of Nathan was priest and the king’s friend and private advisor” (1 Kings 4:5).
Solomon wrote, “He who rebukes a man shall afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue” (Proverbs 28:23).
We must speak the truth in love. Not so that we are rewarded here (because that may or may not happen), but because God has called us to this. And He keeps perfect records so that we will be rewarded in Heaven.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Check out a couple of ways I could greet you in this post:
It’s great to see all of you today. I am really glad you stopped by my blog.
In fact, no one is as astute as you are. No one digs into the Scripture the way you do. There is no one else in the world that I would want visiting my blog today.
What did I just do? I went from genuinely complimenting you to flattering you. I bit you. Flattery is a sneaky bite that we need to be aware of.
A compliment is simply defined as an expression of praise or admiration.
Flattery, on the other hand, crosses the line. It’s defined as trying to please someone by excessive or insincere praise. The reason why I call flattery a bite is because the flatterer is only thinking about himself, not about you.
Flatterers are trying to get something for themselves. See how the rich young man tried to do this by flattering Jesus in Mark 10:17. The Amplified Bible brings out the man’s flattery more clearly: Teacher, You are essentially and perfectly morally good.
This man was looking for the secret formula that would get him into Heaven, so he wasn’t complimenting Jesus but flattering Him to get a favorable answer.
Jude described these pseudo-religious people as ones who “flatter others for their own advantage” (Jude 1:16). The NKJV says they use “great swelling words.” Peter describes these same kinds of people as speaking “great swelling words of emptiness” (2 Peter 2:18).
Flatterers are trying to trip you up so they are recognized as your superior. Once again, we can see how tricksters tried this tactic on Jesus in Mark 12:14. We know they are insincere because of the background information Mark gives us in vv. 12-13.
David described flatterers in Psalm 12:1-3. The AMPC says they talk “with flattering lips and double heart” and The Message paraphrases it, “Lies slide off their oily lips. They doubletalk with forked tongues” (v. 2).
Solomon warns us of the net they are setting for us: Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet (Proverbs 29:5).
Flatterers are trying to cover up their own sinfulness. David again diagnoses this in Psalm 36:1-4. This also means that sometimes we can flatter ourselves to avoid dealing with our own sin.
It’s natural to want to hear a compliment, but we need supernatural discernment to protect ourselves from the sneaky bite of flattery.
Look how Jesus did this in Mark 10:17-18. Remember the Amplified Bible that laid it on so thick? Jesus responded correctly: “There is no one essentially and perfectly morally good—except God alone” (v. 18). If we are going to do any comparing at all, let’s compare ourselves to our perfect God and Savior. Remember, we have done a self-check (Psalm 26:2) so we know what’s really there!
Swallowing this flattery only fuels the pride inside us. C.S. Lewis warned, “It was through Pride that the devil became the devil; it is the complete anti-God state of mind. … Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
Look at the other example from Jesus in Mark 12:12-15. When Jesus sensed their flattery, He called it what it was: hypocrisy!
Flattery makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Flattery makes you forget the things the Holy Spirit has revealed to you that needs work. But Jesus asked, “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Mark 8:36 NLT).
The sincerest compliment we should all be living to hear is, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into your Master’s happiness forever and ever!” No other voice matters!
Check out the other messages in this series called When Sheep Bite Sheep by clicking here. And if you are a pastor, check out my book When Sheep Bite.
[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]
[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]
…call understanding your nearest kin… [or be] devoid of understanding… (Proverbs 7:4, 7).
Two pursuits lead to two totally different outcomes.
Pursuit #1—I can keep God’s Word in my sight, treasure His laws and commands, and pursue His understanding. Outcome: I am kept safe from the flattery of anything that would try to seduce me (vv. 1-5).
—OR—
Pursuit #2—I can ignore God’s ways and rely on myself. I become devoid of understanding and I pursue what I want to pursue. Outcome: Seduced by flattery and led to the slaughter (vv. 6-27).
If you argue your case with a neighbor… (Proverbs 25:9). Notice the first word of this proverb is “IF” which tells me I don’t have to argue. But if I do, then here are eight things to remember.
God’s commandments aren’t a bunch of Don’ts. If we look at them through the perspective of a loving Lawgiver, they are really Dos that will keep us in a place that God can bless.
Take the 9th Commandment: You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor (Exodus 20:16; Deuteronomy 5:20). This is the first of two commandments that emphasize the damage that can be done to our neighbor if we violate the law. Speaking falsely against someone does real harm to our neighbor, so in a sense God says, “Don’t do it!”
But God also tells us what to Do sothatHe can bless us—
How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity! … For there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore (Psalm 133:1, 3).
Psalm 15 says that he who will live in God’s presence is the one who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue, who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman (vv. 1-3).
The word for false in this commandment can mean: (1) an untruth; (2) insincere or deceptive words (e.g. flattery); (3) being purposely vague; or (4) speaking words that are true but harmful. So we Don’t want to do those, but what should we Do?
Jesus said that the way we speak is an indication of what has been going on in our heart and mind (Luke 6:45), so the way to fulfill the Do part of the commandment starts inside. A good guide is Paul’s list in Philippians 4:8—are my thoughts about my neighbor focused on what’s true? noble? right? pure? lovely? admirable? excellent? and praiseworthy?
In the New Testament, the word “blessing” is a compound word that literally means good words. So here’s the question I’m asking myself: Are my words to and about my neighbor a burden to them or a blessing?
You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about the bites of the sheep in this section. How is flattery a ‘bite’?” 
