Then the Pharisees met together to plot how to trap Jesus into saying something for which He could be arrested. They sent some of their disciples, along with the supporters of Herod, to meet with Him. “Teacher,” they said, “we know how honest You are. You teach the way of God truthfully. You are impartial and don’t play favorites. Now tell us what You think about this: Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?” But Jesus knew their evil motives. “You hypocrites!” He said. “Why are you trying to trap Me?” (Matthew 22:15-18)
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In my book When Sheep Bite, I call flattery the sneaky bite. Jesus was certainly aware when people crossed the line from compliment to flattery, and wise leaders will do the same. In the chapter on flattery, I wrote—
You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about the bites of the sheep in this section. How is flattery a ‘bite’?”
Let me explain by first giving you the dictionary definition for flattery so that we can distinguish it from a compliment. A compliment is an expression of praise or admiration. Flattery is marked by its excessive or insincere praise. …
Flattery crosses a line.
The compliment become flattery when the words begin to sound like, “This is the best sermon I have ever heard,” or “Everyone in the world who needs counseling should come to you,” or “No one could have done what you did for our family.” Flattery begins to put the shepherd on a pedestal. …
So we need to guard our hearts against the desire to hear compliments from the sheep we serve. If our heart is in this posture, we can easily slide into self-pity if we don’t get the recognition we think we deserve. Then when the sycophantic flatterers come along, and we’re parched for praise, we will quickly lap up everything they are doling out. As a result, we are now listening for a voice other than our Master to say, “Well done,” and we can all too easily slide into a people-pleasing lifestyle.
Learn more about the sneaky bite of flattery, as well as the biblical way to handle all of the other ways that sheep bite their shepherd. Pick up a copy of When Sheep Bite today.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible. Check out the video content in this post by clicking here.
There is a phrase the apostle Paul uses frequently: “in service to God.” Let me give you one example from Romans 15:17—“Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God.” The Amplified Bible renders this verse like this: “In Christ Jesus, then, I have legitimate reason to glory (exult) in my work for God—in what through Christ Jesus I have accomplished concerning the things of God.”
In this passage in Romans 15 Paul says he preached in service to God.
A few verses later he says that he was on his way to minister to the financial needs of the saints “in the service of the Lord’s people” in Jerusalem (vv. 25-26). He uses similar words to the church at Corinth when he speaks of people devoting themselves “to the service of the Lord’s people” (1 Corinthians 16:15; 2 Corinthians 8:4). He tells them, “This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God” (2 Corinthians 9:12-13).
In other words, Paul says that we may be serving people, but this is really service to God through Jesus. Jesus Himself would say that all of our ministry to people is ultimately done “for Me” (see Matthew 25:40).
Because this is service done for Jesus, it is only recognition from Jesus that we should desire. We want to hear Jesus say to us, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
Sadly, in the very next chapter of Romans, Paul warns the saints about people who are serving “their own appetites” instead of serving Jesus—
I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the minds of naive people. (Romans 16:17-18)
Notice that those who speak with smooth talk and flattery are serving themselves by trying to earn accolades from other people. But this motivation only ends up causing divisions.
In my book When Sheep Bite, I call flattery from others—and the desire to receive human praise—the “sneaky bite.”
Flattery needs to be quickly identified and quarantined because it has two ways it can set up a shepherd for a painful fall.
First, the flatterers are usually more concerned about themselves than they are about the shepherd. You may appreciate the compliments at first, but if you listen closely you can begin to pick up the note of insincerity that morphs these encouraging compliments into dangerous flattery. …
The second sneaky danger in flattery is what it does to your heart, especially if you have been recently bitten, attacked, or abandoned by other sheep. Mark Twain once quipped, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” It’s true that we can get parched for a kind word if we haven’t heard one for a while. A thirsty man will drink just about anything, and a flatterer can offer you a tasty refreshment that, if you gulp it down, can end up turning quite bitter later on.
When no one praises your sermon, or appreciates your wisdom that made the difference, or notices your long hours given in service to them, how do you feel?
If you feel like you should have been recognized for your shepherding work, let me ask another question: For whom were you working?
Jesus told us that when you lead sheep to green pastures, or when you guide them to sparkling waters, when you care for the sick, carry the weak on your shoulders, and rescue the wandering lambs, you are really doing all of this for Him. They are His sheep which have been entrusted to your care for this period of time (see Matthew 25:31-46). (From chapter 6 ‘When the Sheep Flatter You’)
Although When Sheep Bite was written for those in leadership, we can all learn this important lesson—
We want to speak serving words to encourage people to praise Jesus; we don’t want to speak smooth words to encourage people to praise us.
There is a massive difference between serving words and smooth words. This will be made abundantly and eternally clear when Jesus returns and says, “Take your inheritance” to those who served Him by their words, or “Depart from Me” to those who merely served themselves by their words.
Take a close listen to make sure your words are serving words, and that the posture of your heart is to only help others praise Jesus.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
As Paul is coming to the close of his letter to the believers in Rome, he writes these beautiful words, “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14).
I love the high esteem Paul has for the Christians in Rome. He’s not looking for what’s wrong with them, but for what’s praiseworthy in them.
A mark of a godly leader is one who is always looking for the best in the people around him.
Leaders see the best in people—even if the people don’t see it in themselves yet.(Check out this short video.)
Leaders point out the specific qualities they see in their people—virtues like goodness, knowledge, and competence.
Leaders continue to sharpen their people, challenging them to excel even more. “Yet I have written you quite boldly on some points to remind you of them again” (v. 15).
Leaders enjoy spending time with their people and are refreshed by them.
But now that there is no more place for me to work in these regions, and since I have been longing for many years to visit you, I plan to do so when I go to Spain. I hope to see you while passing through and to have you assist me on my journey there, after I have enjoyed your companyfor a while. … So that I may come to you with joy, by God’s will, andin your company be refreshed (vv. 23-24, 32).
Leaders pray for their people and ask their people to pray for them. “I urge you, brothers and sisters, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, tojoin me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Pray that I may be kept safe from the unbelievers in Judea and that the contribution I take to Jerusalem may be favorably received by the Lord’s people there” (vv. 30-31; see Paul’s prayer for them in 16:25-27).
Leaders publicly compliment their people (16:1-15).
And leaders protect and empower their people. “I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. … The God of peace will soon crush satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you” (16:17, 20).
I want to be this kind of leader. In order to do that, I need the help of the Holy Spirit. I must listen to His voice in order to make the changes I need to make so that I may lead in the most Christ-glorifying way possible, and help those around me live even more in their God-given gift zone.
This is part 85 in my series on godly leadership. You can check out all of my posts in this series by clicking here.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Check out a couple of ways I could greet you in this post:
It’s great to see all of you today. I am really glad you stopped by my blog.
In fact, no one is as astute as you are. No one digs into the Scripture the way you do. There is no one else in the world that I would want visiting my blog today.
What did I just do? I went from genuinely complimenting you to flattering you. I bit you. Flattery is a sneaky bite that we need to be aware of.
A compliment is simply defined as an expression of praise or admiration.
Flattery, on the other hand, crosses the line. It’s defined as trying to please someone by excessive or insincere praise. The reason why I call flattery a bite is because the flatterer is only thinking about himself, not about you.
Flatterers are trying to get something for themselves. See how the rich young man tried to do this by flattering Jesus in Mark 10:17. The Amplified Bible brings out the man’s flattery more clearly: Teacher, You are essentially and perfectly morally good.
This man was looking for the secret formula that would get him into Heaven, so he wasn’t complimenting Jesus but flattering Him to get a favorable answer.
Jude described these pseudo-religious people as ones who “flatter others for their own advantage” (Jude 1:16). The NKJV says they use “great swelling words.” Peter describes these same kinds of people as speaking “great swelling words of emptiness” (2 Peter 2:18).
Flatterers are trying to trip you up so they are recognized as your superior. Once again, we can see how tricksters tried this tactic on Jesus in Mark 12:14. We know they are insincere because of the background information Mark gives us in vv. 12-13.
David described flatterers in Psalm 12:1-3. The AMPC says they talk “with flattering lips and double heart” and The Message paraphrases it, “Lies slide off their oily lips. They doubletalk with forked tongues” (v. 2).
Solomon warns us of the net they are setting for us: Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet (Proverbs 29:5).
Flatterers are trying to cover up their own sinfulness. David again diagnoses this in Psalm 36:1-4. This also means that sometimes we can flatter ourselves to avoid dealing with our own sin.
It’s natural to want to hear a compliment, but we need supernatural discernment to protect ourselves from the sneaky bite of flattery.
Look how Jesus did this in Mark 10:17-18. Remember the Amplified Bible that laid it on so thick? Jesus responded correctly: “There is no one essentially and perfectly morally good—except God alone” (v. 18). If we are going to do any comparing at all, let’s compare ourselves to our perfect God and Savior. Remember, we have done a self-check (Psalm 26:2) so we know what’s really there!
Swallowing this flattery only fuels the pride inside us. C.S. Lewis warned, “It was through Pride that the devil became the devil; it is the complete anti-God state of mind. … Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
Look at the other example from Jesus in Mark 12:12-15. When Jesus sensed their flattery, He called it what it was: hypocrisy!
Flattery makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Flattery makes you forget the things the Holy Spirit has revealed to you that needs work. But Jesus asked, “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Mark 8:36 NLT).
The sincerest compliment we should all be living to hear is, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into your Master’s happiness forever and ever!” No other voice matters!
Check out the other messages in this series called When Sheep Bite Sheep by clicking here. And if you are a pastor, check out my book When Sheep Bite.
Listen to the audio-only version of this podcast by clicking on the player below, or scroll down to watch the video.
Performance reviews are a great tool to help leaders measure and celebrate the growth of their team, but the standard model of quarterly and yearly reviews is a terrible way to go about it. In this episode, Greg and I suggest a different approach to reviews that relies on frequent coaching and giving your team “the answers to the test” to set them up to succeed.
[0:15] We all have “have to” and “get to” leadership tasks in our organization, but we think performance reviews never should be in the have to” category.
[1:29] Performance review times are a great time to unleash potential in our teammates.
[2:44] Greg shares how his daughter’s school does this well and how an organization he worked with did this poorly.
[4:02] I teach leadership principles to a group of young men called “Guys With Ties,” and I always have them focus on future growth.
[5:22] Leaders can only do effective reviews by having regular interactions with their teammates.
[7:00] We suggest a better way to give out compliments and corrections.
[8:35] Three key elements in performance reviews: (1) honesty, (2) timeliness, (3) looking forward.
[10:54] How do we handle situations where the review doesn’t match the projected employee bonus?
[12:55] Many of our teammates have probably had a bad experience with a previous performance review, so we need to address that upfront.
[13:16] Accountability is a heavy word but it is a vital growth piece.
[15:23] What happens when leaders are tired?
[17:27] What does it say to our teammates if we’re always too busy to schedule a time for a performance review?
[21:13] The culture we need to foster in our organization is an “improvement culture.”
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
[3:20] Leaders look for ways to honor those around them
[3:48] Can you honor too much?
[4:29] How can we honor our parents and grandparents?
[5:13] Greg has a book releasing soon called Sage Advice
[9:44] Greg explains that application is the real compliment
[10:36] Honor starts with noticing others and then expressing what was noticed
[11:49] Honoring calls out great potential in others
[12:32] What does it mean to “trust the person with a limp”?
[14:15] Honor is for people who gave, not for people who received
[15:28] Why is hard for leaders to acknowledge the success of others?
[16:27] Leaders need to looking around for opportunities to honor others
[17:11] Hand out compliments publicly for maximum effect
[17:55] Leaders receive honor by first honoring others
[19:45] Our leadership challenge to you
Check out this episode and subscribe on YouTube so you can watch all of the upcoming episodes. You can also listen to our podcast on Spotify and Apple.
On a recent episode of our leadership podcast, Greg Heeres and I were discussing how easy it is for people to slip into a complaining attitude. One of the things I point out is that if we ask for compliments instead of complaints, we can begin to change the culture of our organization.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
…to the church of the Thessalonians (2 Thessalonians 1:1).
This short letter from the apostle Paul to the church in Thessalonica is a masterpiece on how to correctly correct fellow Christian brothers and sisters.
The entire letter follows this pattern: 3 Cs surrounded by prayer—
(1) Compliment and encouragement—“We are bound to thank God always for you…because your faith grows exceedingly” (1:3). Paul complimented their love for each other, their patience and endurance in persecution, and their future glorification. He encouraged them that Jesus IS coming, and He will deal with their persecutors and take the righteous into glory with Him (1:3-10).
(2) Prayer—And then he prays for them to be equipped to endure to the end and finish well (1:11-12).
(3) Clarify misunderstandings—“Let no one deceive you by any means” (2:3). Paul reminds them of what he taught them about the end times and the Second Coming of Christ, clarifying that watchful Christians will by no means miss out on the signs (2:1-12).
(4) Prayer—Paul again praises their acceptance of the gospel and launches into another prayer for them to finish well (2:13-3:5).
(5) Correct errors of understanding—“But we command you” (3:6). There were those who were departing from the faith, growing slack in their work ethic, being disorderly, and meddling as busybodies. Paul said, “We command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ” that you knock it off! He even told the church to “not keep company” with such people (3:6-15).
(6) Prayer—Finally, Paul closes with a prayer for God’s peace to be with his brothers and sisters (3:16-18).
This is such a masterful pattern for all of us in church ministry to follow!
If you are in a leadership role, I hope your ongoing prayer would be the same as mine: “Holy Spirit, in all my interactions with my fellow saints, remind me of this godly, practical plan for confrontation, and help me to live it out for God’s glory. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
P.S. You can also learn a lesson from the way the prophet Samuel handled correction in this post.
I wrote a letter to the editor of The Cedar Springs Post in advance of this upcoming election.
Dear Editor:
It’s a simple fact: You find what you’re looking for. If you are looking for bad news, you will find something to criticize; if you are looking for good news, you will find something to compliment.
In this election cycle, I hear and read far too many candidates that are looking for the things that are wrong. Electing those candidates perpetuates bad news. Is everything perfect in Cedar Springs? In Michigan? In the United States? Of course not. But there is a lot that is right. I’m much more interested in focusing on those things.
The way to move our city, our state, and our country forward is to support those candidates that are focused on our strengths—on what’s right in our communities—and electing them into positions where they can help our strengths overcome our weaknesses.
Send a message this election cycle: Vote for the candidates that are looking for what’s good and right and strong.
You may be thinking, “Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about the bites of the sheep in this section. How is flattery a ‘bite’?” 
