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On the Church Lobby podcast, Karl Vaters asked me for the best piece of advice I have received as a pastor. Here’s what a wise mentor told me that changed my leadership style.
Leaders would do well to remember that they lead a group of unique individuals. Let the unique gifts of those unique people be used in unique ways, and watch both the individuals and the organization grow!
“As Tyler Cowen wrote in The Free Press, ‘Whether or not you work in the AI sector, if you put any kind of content on the internet, or perhaps in a book, you are likely helping to train, educate, and yes, morally instruct the next generation of what will be this planet’s smartest entities. You are making them more like you—for better or worse.’ Now, maybe someone thinks, ‘I’ve hardly got any followers, who cares what I post? It probably won’t matter.’ But the principle means we should care. The philosopher Immanuel Kant famously offered his ‘categorical imperative’ as a test for ethical decisions: ‘Act only according to that maxim whereby you can at the same time will that it should become a universal law.’ In other words, we should only do what we think would be good for everyone to do.” —Axis.org
How much good inside a day?
Depends how good you live ’em.
How much love inside a friend?
Depends how much you give ’em. —Shel Silverstein
A fantastic mini-biography of Otto J. Klink who went from being a Christian, to an atheist socialist, to failed presidential assassin, to a Pentecostal author and evangelist. Wow!
“My acceptance of the universe is not optimism, it is more like patriotism. It is a matter of primary loyalty. The world is not a lodging-house at Brighton, which we are to leave because it is miserable. It is the fortress of our family, with the flag flying on the turret, and the more miserable it is the less we should leave it. The point is not that this world is too sad to love or too glad not to love; the point is that when you do love a thing, its gladness is a reason for loving it, and its sadness a reason for loving it more.” —G.K. Chesterton
Marshall Segal said this about our daily Bible reading time, “I want to walk through a five-step prayer you could pray when you sit down with your Bible to meet with God. The five steps are built on an acronym for FEAST. Focus my mind; Enlighten my eyes; Address my sin; Satisfy my soul; Train my hands.”
“A man of character will make himself worthy of any position he is given.” —Mahatma Gandhi
“A retentive memory may be a good thing, but the ability to forget is the true token of greatness. Successful people forget. They know the past is irrevocable. They’re running a race. They can’t afford to look behind. Their eye is on the finish line. Magnanimous people forget. They’re too big to let little things disturb them. They forget easily. If anyone does them wrong, they consider the source and keep cool. It’s only the small people who cherish revenge. Be a good forgetter. Business dictates it, and success demands it.” —Elbert Hubbard
“Leadership is not about being in charge, but about taking care of the people in your charge.” —Simon Sinek
Flowing Data has a fascinating look at how people spend their time during the day. Their adjustable chart shows activities by age, sex, and time of day. It reminds me of a blog post I shared about time management, where I noted, “You cannot add more Tick, Tocking! time to your day, but you can keep more of your day from Drip, Dropping! away.”
“We might think, ‘Well, hey, if I’m devoting myself all the time to looking out for others’ needs, who’s going to be looking out for mine?’ The Lord, of course, because He knows what you need even before you ask Him, and He has ways of meeting your needs that are more wonderful than you in your cleverness or strength could ever conjure or provide (cf. Matthew 6:25-34).” —T.M. Moore
“We all know that exercise makes us feel better, but most of us have no idea why. We assume it’s because we’re burning off stress or reducing muscle tension or boosting endorphins, and we leave it at that. But the real reason we feel so good when we get our blood pumping is that it makes the brain function at its best, and in my view, this benefit of physical activity is far more important—and fascinating—than what it does for the body. Building muscles and conditioning the heart and lungs are essentially side effects. I often tell my patients that the point of exercise is to build and condition the brain.” —Dr. John Ratey
T.M. Moore has a hard but good word for Christians: “If this day, and this expectation and hope [when we heard King Jesus say, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant’], are not the driving force for every aspect of our lives and work, then it is doubtful we have really understood the Good News of the Kingdom or received the salvation freely offered to us by the King. I say this again: If we are not motivated and driven, day by day, by the prospect of hearing ‘Well done, good and faithful servant,’ then we need to examine ourselves, whether we truly know the Lord of glory. That’s pretty hard language, I know, but let’s face the reality: If we have not submitted to Jesus as Lord of every area of our life, all the work we’ve been given to do, then we are still living for ourselves, not Him.” —T.M. Moore
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We rob ourselves and diminish the other person with whom we’re conversing if we aren’t fully listening. Listen, listen, and (really!) listen some more before you share your opinion.
Solomon said, “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him” (Proverbs 18:17 AMPC).
And I like this thought from John Maxwell:
“The best way to understand people is to listen. The best way to learn from others is to listen. The best way to receive people’s best contribution is to listen. The best way to learn what others need from you is to listen. The best way to gain people’s buy-in is to listen.” —from John Maxwell’s book High Road Leadership
P.S. After posting this, I came across an article on the Desiring God website called Listen Well to Love Well. She wrote, “Listening is hard work. While our ears automatically welcome sound waves and ship them to our brains, it doesn’t mean we always hear other people. We might even wonder if listening well is worth the effort. … We have a long history with listening that makes it essential to who we are yet difficult to get right. Sarah Clarkson writes, ‘We are by nature a listening people. If we were spoken into being by the Word of God, then at our core we are to be listeners, and to attend to the word that spoke us into life.’”
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As Paul is coming to the close of his letter to the believers in Rome, he writes these beautiful words, “I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and competent to instruct one another” (Romans 15:14).
I love the high esteem Paul has for the Christians in Rome. He’s not looking for what’s wrong with them, but for what’s praiseworthy in them.
A mark of a godly leader is one who is always looking for the best in the people around him.
Leaders see the best in people—even if the people don’t see it in themselves yet.(Check out this short video.)
Leaders point out the specific qualities they see in their people—virtues like goodness, knowledge, and competence.
Leaders continue to sharpen their people, challenging them to excel even more. “Yet I have written you quite boldly on some points to remind you of them again” (v. 15).
Leaders enjoy spending time with their people and are refreshed by them.
But now that there is no more place for me to work in these regions, and since I have been longing for many years to visit you, I plan to do so when I go to Spain. I hope to see you while passing through and to have you assist me on my journey there, after I have enjoyed your companyfor a while. … So that I may come to you with joy, by God’s will, andin your company be refreshed (vv. 23-24, 32).
Leaders pray for their people and ask their people to pray for them. “I urge you, brothers and sisters, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, tojoin me in my struggle by praying to God for me. Pray that I may be kept safe from the unbelievers in Judea and that the contribution I take to Jerusalem may be favorably received by the Lord’s people there” (vv. 30-31; see Paul’s prayer for them in 16:25-27).
Leaders publicly compliment their people (16:1-15).
And leaders protect and empower their people. “I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. … The God of peace will soon crush satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you” (16:17, 20).
I want to be this kind of leader. In order to do that, I need the help of the Holy Spirit. I must listen to His voice in order to make the changes I need to make so that I may lead in the most Christ-glorifying way possible, and help those around me live even more in their God-given gift zone.
This is part 85 in my series on godly leadership. You can check out all of my posts in this series by clicking here.
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When I say a rebuke can be loving, let me start off with this reminder: People need to know you truly love them before they will pay attention to a rebuke. If they don’t know you love them and want the best for them, your rebuke will simply make them angry and may create an uncrossable chasm between you.
Nathan was the prophet who confronted David with his sin, saying, “You are the man!” (2 Samuel 12:1-7). Nathan not only took his life into his hands by speaking so boldly against King David, but he risked the lives of his family as well.
Thankfully, David acknowledged his sin, repented, and asked forgiveness (2 Samuel 12:13; Psalm 51:3-12). Instead of being banished, Nathan was honored. In fact, we see Nathan faithfully serving in King David’s inner circle even after the king is dead and King Solomon ascends to the throne.
And then during the reign of King Solomon, two of Nathan’s sons are honored with prestigious positions in Solomon’s court. “Azariah son of Nathan was over the officers; Zabud son of Nathan was priest and the king’s friend and private advisor” (1 Kings 4:5).
Solomon wrote, “He who rebukes a man shall afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue” (Proverbs 28:23).
We must speak the truth in love. Not so that we are rewarded here (because that may or may not happen), but because God has called us to this. And He keeps perfect records so that we will be rewarded in Heaven.
The apostle Paul demonstrates how a confident leader empowers his teammates to soar—he believed the best in them! Check out the full conversation Greg and I had on The Craig and Greg Show about leaders as gardeners.
In the spirit of C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters, in this post Grimgod talks to his nephew Globdrop about the battle over the definition of masculinity. “If total amnesia of man and woman was not our aim, what was? Stripping those definitions of unwanted details. Man reclaimed that he is, not what he is. They reclaimed the temple, yes, but what remains? The gold, carried away. The glory, departed. They raise their flag above ruins. Is this their triumph—that a man is what his body tells him? Is this all? What is a man? A male adult human. What is the difference? Chromosomes. Bone density. Muscle mass. Voice depth. This is the meager strip of land they repossessed, and we smile at it.”
A recent discovery of a mosasaur fossil in Mississippi has evolutionists buzzing about macro evolution. But the facts say otherwise: “The fossil record shows mosasaurs have always been mosasaurs. These and other terrestrial and marine creatures were buried in a series of violent events one could easily attribute to a massive flood. Proteins, pigment, and other biomolecules uncovered in mosasaur bone provide compelling evidence that these reptiles existed recently—as in thousands of years ago.”
A missionary who thought his years of ministry had accomplished nothing and his daughter who had been estranged from her father both discovered just how much God had done through their ministry.
I love this perspective from Detroit Tigers player Brewer Hicklen, “Almost 1100 days… This journey has molded me and I’ve smiled through most of it, but boy have there been some days where I never thought I’d get there. To anyone that feels defeated—don’t ever give up. God has you in that journey for a reason. Failure is a beautiful thing.”
“Four considerations seem to hold especially in the case of friendship: love, affection, security, and delight. Friendship involves love when there is a show of favor that proceeds from benevolence. It involves affection when a certain inner pleasure comes from friendship. It involves security when it leads to a revelation of all one’s secrets and purposes without fear or suspicion. It involves delight when there is a certain meeting of the minds—an agreement that is pleasant and benevolent—concerning all matters….” —Aelred of Rievaulx
“Psychologist Henry H. Goddard studied tired children and found that they had a burst of energy when he said something encouraging to them. But when he said something negative, they became even more tired.” With that in mind, here’s a 30-second rule to help you better engage others in conversation.
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Luke had previously spent a little time with the apostle Paul (Acts 16:10-18), but near the end of the historical record in the Book of Acts, we see Luke with Paul almost continually.
The reason we can tell this is because of the pronouns “us” and “we.” From Acts 20:5—21:18, 27:1—28:16, these two pronouns are used over 80 times!
Luke probably joined Paul in Greece (20:2) and was with him when they arrived in Jerusalem. After Paul’s arrest, transport to Caesarea, and being bound over for his hearing before Caesar, Luke is still there (27:1). Luke remains with Paul throughout the entire journey to Rome, and is still with him as the Book of Acts closes.
Paul calls Luke a faithful friend (2 Timothy 4:11). Today, people know this man who wrote the Gospel of Luke and the Book of Acts as a preeminent historian. It is God’s perfect provision and timing that links together the lives of Paul and Luke at such a pivotal time.
Quite simply stated: Paul is blessed by Luke just being with him.
Not only does Luke preserve the accurate historical record of Paul’s missionary journeys, but it appears that Luke is actively involved in Paul’s letter writing to the churches. Luke uses more unique Greek words in the New Testament than any other writer. But many of the words that appear more than once are found only in the historical works of Luke and the letters of Paul. I can almost imagine Paul dictating a letter, and then pausing to ask his educated friend Luke, “What is the Greek word that means such-and-such?” Luke’s thoughtful, Spirit-inspired reply is then included in these important letters for the early churches.
This should be a great encouragement to us still today that God has us where we need to be, and with the people that need us in their lives.
What skills do you have? Who has God put in your life? How can your talents be a blessing to those people?
Simply doing what God has gifted you to do with those whom He has placed in your life is both a blessing to your companions and is pleasing to your God.
I pray that you will find a way to use your God-given talents to be a blessing to those around you. Perhaps the blessing will simply be you being there for your friends as they journey through their life.
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A bite we have all experienced is gossip. We called flattery the sneaky bite, but I think gossips believe they are actually being sneaky—that somehow they are getting away with their gossip.I think gossip is also sneaky because we can be pulled into a gossipy conversation almost without realizing what is happening.
That’s because gossip usually has a veneer of truth on it. That thin coating of truth may be sugary sweet, but the words hide a bitter poison that is intended to undermine the one that is being talked about. Twice Solomon says, “The words of a gossip are like choice morsels” (Proverbs 18:8, 26:22). The Contemporary English Version translates this verse even more graphically: “There’s nothing so delicious as the taste of gossip! It melts in your mouth.” But Solomon also warns, “A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends” (Proverbs 16:28).
Moses had married a Cushite woman, a marriage that was neither morally nor legally wrong. If someone simply said, “Moses married a woman from Cush” they would have been speaking the truth. The gossips (Miriam and Aaron) want to use a truthful statement for the purpose of making a case to prove their point. These siblings crossed the line when they stopped talking about the idea and start talking about Moses. This is especially true when their conversation about Moses was to make him look inferior or to make themselves look superior.
I think a label that is very apropos for this is “character assassination.” An assassin gets close enough to strike, but also has an alibi to cover themselves. So, too, the gossip can inject their poison to denigrate someone’s character, but then use the alibi of saying, “What? Did I say something untruthful?”
There is truth in their questions that God has used all three of them to delver messages and to sing worship songs, but in light of their statement in verse 1 they are clearly asking these questions with poisonous intent. You can especially spot gossip by this characteristic sign: They talk about a person, but they won’t talk to that person. We are not told to whom Miriam and Aaron may have been speaking to in verse 2, but it certainly wasn’t Moses. That means they were trying to get other people to rally to their side.
When we have been the target of a gossip’s words, we should follow the example that Moses gave us.
Remember that God has heard the gossip (Numbers 12:2b, 4-8).
Check your pride (v. 3). If you feel you must address the gossip, you must address the topic without attacking the gossiper (see Romans 12:17-18).
Be careful of who you are correcting. It’s best to let God do the correcting (Numbers 12:8-9), but if do need to speak to the person, be cautious of adding fuel to the fire (Proverbs 9:7-9).
Desire restoration. Moses interceded for Miriam’s healing (Numbers 12:13), and Jesus has the idea of restoration and unity in the Church in mind in Matthew 18:15-16.
Stay away from the unrepentant gossiper. If the gossiper doesn’t acknowledge their sin, we have to limit our interaction with that sheep (Matthew 18:17) . After Miriam was healed of her leprosy, there is no other mention of her until she died which is probably an indication that Moses didn’t have any additional conversations with her. Paul gave Timothy similar counsel about Alexander (1 Timothy 1:19-20; 2 Timothy 4:14-15).
The natural response to gossip spoken about you is fight or flight. The supernatural response is faithfulness to the Bible’s counsel about a gossiper.
And one final word to all of us: Don’t become a gossip yourself!
Just as God hears those gossiping about you, He hears you gossiping about others!
Don’t…
…talk about people who aren’t in the room. Remember the Golden Rule of treating others the way you want to be treated (Luke 6:31).
…share information that isn’t yours to share (Proverbs 25:9).
…listen to a gossip. If they gossip to you about others, they will gossip about you to others!
Gossip, as Solomon warned us, separates even the closest of friends. We must identify it and deal with both the gossip and the gossiper in a God-honoring, biblically-sound way. And we must avoid becoming a gossip ourselves.
If you’ve missed any of the other sheep bites we’ve talked about in this series, you can find them all by clicking here. And if you are a pastor, check out my book When Sheep Bite, where I address the bites of sheep from a leadership paradigm.
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Christians should always be striving for a win-win in our relationships. If we try to “win” at the expense of other saints, we all end up losing. So it boils down to this: It’s either a win-win or it’s a lose-lose—there are no other options in God’s Kingdom.
If you would like to watch the full sermon that this clip came from, you can find it here.
You may also be interested in these related posts:
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Have you ever heard this little saying: “To live above with saints we love, oh, that will be glory. But to live below with saints we know, well, that’s a different story”? I’ve found that it’s sometimes true!
We love Psalm 133:1-3 when the saints are all together. What a great “selling point” to invite someone to be a part of the Christian community! But Psalm 41:7-9 is kind of embarrassing as David talks about former friends who have hurt him deeply.
But being bitten by a fellow sheep is a reality we all have experienced, and, sadly, we will probably have to deal with again in the future. There is a natural way we tend to react when we’ve been bitten, but there is also a supernatural response that the Bible consistently calls us to. This is the God-glorifying way we all need to strive for.
In Acts 23, Paul is standing before the Sanhedrin. He opens his remarks by simply saying he has a clear conscience before God, and the high priest immediately orders that Paul be smacked on the mouth! That seems like a bit of an over-reaction on the part of the high priest, but maybe it was a bit of show of force to let Paul know who was really in charge. Paul responded with an immediate—and natural—reaction when he says, “God will slap you!”
Paul is an old man by this time. He’s been through shipwrecks, beatings, imprisonments, gone without food, traveled more miles than he can count, and preached more sermons than he can remember. His body was giving out on him, and his eyesight was especially weak. Clearly, Paul didn’t realize to whom we was addressing his remarks. But when he became aware, he immediately owned up to his mistake. Paul offered no excuses or justifications, just a quick, simple, sincere apology.
When you have been bitten (slapped) by another sheep, you should ask:
Could I have provoked them by something I said or did?
Could I have hurt them by something I didn’t say or do?
David prayed a great prayer in Psalm 139:23. But this prayer is only effective if we are willing to accept that we may have been the agitator that led to the bite. In the last words that Job speaks in the Book of Job, he is very introspective. Check out all of the “If I have” statements throughout Job 31.
In Psalm 26:2, David invites the Holy Spirit to check him three times!
test me = scrutinize me
try me = assay me
examine me = refine me in the fire
When we are bitten, we should be open to the possiblity that God is using this bite to get my attention—to make me aware of a fault in my life or something that’s been in a blind spot.
So we should consider the following:
Has this kind of bite happened more than once? From different sheep?
Has a spiritually wise person attempted to address this with me before?
Do I ever admit that I’m at fault, or is it always the other person’s fault?
Do I find myself making a list of why they should apologize to me?
When was the last time I apologized to someone else?
If the Holy Spirit reveals something in us, He will also empower us to make the change and make amends. The natural response is to place all the blame on others. The supernatural response to pray Psalm 26:2 before responding.
If we react only the natural way, it is a lose-lose for us and for the whole pasture. But if we learn to respond in a supernatural way, it becomes a win-win for everyone. Listen to the wise words of King Solomon—
He who heeds instruction and correction is not only himself in the way of life but also is a way of life for others. And he who neglects or refuses reproof not only himself goes astray but also causes to err and is a path toward ruin for others. (Proverbs 10:17 AMPC)
Let’s all strive for the supernatural response that is a win-win for the whole Kingdom of God!
Please follow along with all of the messages in this series by clicking here.
P.S. If you are a pastor, you may want to check out my book When Sheep Bite.
Craig T. Owens 