True Love Liberates

“Love is not our only emotional need. Psychologists have observed that among our basic needs are the need for security, self-worth, and significance. … 

“My sense of self-worth is fed by the fact that my spouse loves me. … We reason, If someone loves me, I must have significance. …

“I am significant. Life has meaning. There is a higher purpose. I want to believe it, but I may not feel significant until someone expresses love to me. When my spouse lovingly invests time, energy, and effort in me, I believe that I am significant. Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth, and security.

“When I experience love, it influences all of those needs positively. I am now freed to develop my potential. I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs. True love always liberates. …

“Love is not the answer to everything, but it creates a climate of security in which we can seek answers to those things that bother us.” —Dr. Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages For Him/Her (YouVersion review)

Couples that can learn together can definitely grow together! 

A feature I thoroughly enjoy on YouVersion is shared reading plans. When a plan is shared, no one else sees what plan you are reading, and the comments you write at the end of each day’s readings are only visible to the other people in your group. My wife and I have taken advantage of this to use YouVersion reading plans as a springboard to discuss ways to make our relationship even stronger. 

If you have ever heard anyone talk about his/her “love language,” they are more than likely talking about Dr. Gary Chapman’s outstanding series of books on our five basic love languages—words of affirmation, quality time, gift giving, acts of service, and physical touch. When we can discover and speak someone’s love language to them consistently, it fills that person’s “love tank” and strengthens the relationship. 

YouVersion offers two 5-day reading plans that leverage Dr. Chapman’s insights on our love languages, and support his insights with passages from the Bible. These plans are The 5 Love Languages For Him and The 5 Love Languages For Her. 

I would highly recommend married couples to read these plans together. It’s not necessary for you to have read The 5 Love Languages book in order to glean some very helpful insights that you can immediately apply to your marriage. These reading plans will help you and your spouse to be able to dialogue about both what’s struggling and needs to be fixed, and what’s going right and needs to be amplified. 

Your marriage will benefit from this 10-minute investment you make for just a couple of weeks. 

Links & Quotes

link quote

These are links to articles and quotes I found interesting today.

Some thoughts on creativity: 8 Creativity Lessons From A Pixar Animator

Tim Elmore on how to connect with others: Who Do You Connect With When You Teach?

“Thy poor prayer would have no force with Omnipotence if force were needed; but His love, like a spring, rises of itself and overflows for the supply of all thy needs.” —Charles Spurgeon

[VIDEO] Comedy from Ken Davis: Why I Don’t Have A Cat

Insight from Mark Driscoll: 5 Things To Look For In A Good Bible Teacher

“Don’t pray for sermons, let sermons come from your prayers. So, as long as I’m meeting with God, I will always have something to say.” —Chilly Chilton

Michael Hyatt’s excellent advice to leaders: 5 Reasons You Should Smile More As A Leader

Encouragement from Max Lucado: A Passion For The Forgotten

John Stonestreet on the dangers of pornography: The Root Of Sexual Exploitation

Only a little time left to download a free song from U2 and help end AIDS: Fight AIDS With (Red)

“The fundamental issue for any of us is to feel loved. If we feel loved by the significant people in our lives, we are more likely to reach out potential for God and good in the world.” —Dr. Gary Chapman

An interesting study on missionaries and societal success: The Truth About Missionaries

Full Tank

The other day a friend of mine wrote on Facebook that he was shopping with his daughter. He half-jokingly added, “I think that is her love language!” I say half-jokingly because I think the time with Daddy was speaking volumes to his daughter.

Spending time shopping with Dad was filling her love tank!

Have you ever felt like one of your relationships was in a rut? Or maybe even in a rut with ends in it (also known as a grave!)? Do you ever feel like the other person just doesn’t get you? Have you ever been frustrated that the other person doesn’t understand all that you are doing for him/her?

My guess is that you are speaking different love languages.

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book The Five Love Languages. In his book he lays out five “languages” that we use to communicate our love to one another —

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

When you and I communicate, we naturally communicate in a way that is most comfortable to us. We communicate in our primary love language. But if the other person in the relationship has a different love language, no matter how much you love them, you are simply not getting through effectively. You are leaving the other person with a near-empty love tank.

I would suggest you start by taking a brief love language assessment to determine YOUR OWN love language first. This is the language you will feel most comfortable using. Second, you need to learn the love languages of OTHERS CLOSE TO YOU so you can change your love dialect.

In the great love chapter the Apostle Paul says this, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (v. 11, New Living Translation). Our love — and the way we express it to others — should always be growing up. If you are trying to communicate your love to someone special in the same ways (the same “languages”) you’ve always used, there’s a good chance your love is being viewed as childish.

As you mature in your expressions of love — as you speak the other person’s love language — you will begin to fill their love tank. Guess what happens next? Out of a full love tank, the other person is motivated to begin to speak your love language… to fill your tank. It can become so much fun to love with a full tank! Because when the other person’s love tank is full, almost any love language will work for them… wow, what a blast!

By the way, my love language is quality time; Betsy’s is words of affirmation. Our three children are all different: gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. After you take the assessment, please feel free to comment on what your primary love language is, and whether you knew that already or that result was surprising to you.

Love on!

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