Nurturing The Leader Within Your Child (book review)

I make no attempt to hide my admiration for Dr. Tim Elmore. I read his blog throughout the week, I subscribe to his newsletter, and I find his books right on target. As a parent, I always want to raise my game, and Nurturing The Leader Within Your Child is the perfect resource for me.

Tim’s desire in this book is two-fold: (1) Help parents see the enormous potential in their children, and (2) Help parents see how crucial their role is in releasing that leadership potential. One of his premises is this:

“Children want parents who:

  • communicate their interest in me;
  • express appreciation for each member of our family;
  • structure their lives to spend time together;
  • welcome my friends into our home;
  • answer my questions;
  • are committed to each other;
  • deal with crisis in a positive way;
  • are honest;
  • correct kids when needed, but not in front of friends;
  • don’t argue in front of me;
  • concentrate on strengths instead of weaknesses; and
  • are consistent.”

The concepts Dr. Elmore presents are clear, concise, and simple to implement. But they are not microwaveable concepts; that is to say, you shouldn’t expect an overnight success story. But if you want to see your children discover and tap into the leadership potential resident inside them, you—Mom and Dad—will have to nurture it. If you are ready, this book can help!

Book Reviews From 2011

Here is the complete list of books I read in 2011. Click on each title to be taken to my review…

7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens

A Collection Of Wednesdays

A Treasury Of A.W. Tozer

Abandon The Ordinary

Average Joe

Be A People Person

Be The People

Biblical Ethics

Biblical Psychology

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

Bringing Sons Unto Glory

Chazown

City On Our Knees

Costly Grace

Doing Virtuous Business

Elite Prayer Warriors

Enemies Of The Heart

Experiencing The Spirit

Fasting

For Men Only

From The Library Of A.W. Tozer

Galileo

Generation iY

George Washington Carver

Get Off Your Knees And Pray

Go For Gold

God Is The Gospel

Has God Spoken?

Home And Away

How The Mighty Fall

How To Read The Bible

How To Win Friends And Influence People

I Knew Jesus Before He Was A Christian

In Visible Fellowship

Leadership Gold

Leadership Is Dead

Leadership Prayers

Lee: A Life Of Virtue

Letters From Leaders

MacArthur: America’s General

Max On Life

Me, Myself & Bob

Never Surrender

Night

On The Verge

Peach

Plugged-In Parenting

Radical Together

Remember Why You Play

Say It With Love

Secure Daughters, Confident Sons

Sherman: The Ruthless Victor

Smith Wigglesworth On Faith

Soul Work

Soulprint

Stuff Christians Life

Sun Stand Still

The Blessing Of Adversity

The Church In Exile

The Heart Of A Great Pastor

The Hour That Matters Most

The Next Christians

The Seed

Toxic Committees & Venomous Boards

untamed

Upside

Wandering In The Wilderness

We Shall See God

Whale Done

What The Bible Says About The Holy Spirit

Why God Won’t Go Away

Why Great Men Fall

You Were Born For This

Looking forward to sharing more great reads with you in 2012! Let me know if there are any books you would like me to review.

Thanksgiving Leftovers

I read a couple of blog posts yesterday, and I wanted to share some great Thanksgiving reminders with you. After all, yesterday wasn’t the only day of the year to give thanks, right?

Dr. Tim Elmore offers a great question for determining what we’re really thankful for: What have I been talking about recently that expresses my gratitude?

“Pause for a moment and think about it. You would likely never talk to a stranger downtown in a big city—unless you lost your child and can’t find them anywhere. Suddenly, you’ll talk to anyone who will listen and help.

“You probably wouldn’t talk to a person who lived in another neighborhood that you’ve never met, unless you saw their house on fire. Suddenly, it changes everything. You would gladly find a way to intrude and warn them.

“The reason you would talk to those people is because you feel strongly about your child and about the safety of people. That is a conviction in your life. Convictions are deeper than ideas or opinions. They are strongly held beliefs that you take action for, and perhaps would even die for.”

Seth Godin suggests that the best way to show how thankful we are is to do good work.

“For every person reading this there are a thousand people (literally a thousand) in underprivileged nations and situations that would love to have your slot. Don’t waste it.”

And Mark Driscoll shares “some verses from the Bible on thankfulness for you to digest on this day of feasting.”

But the most important quote I’m focusing on is this—

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits. (Psalm 103:2)

I’m determined to be a man who gives thanks every day!

Generation iY (book review)

I’m going to make a statement about Dr. Tim Elmore’s book Generation iY that I rarely make: This book is a MUST READ for parents and anyone who works with youth!

Yes, a must read. The subtitle of this book is not over-dramatized, but really is an understated truth: Our last chance to save their future.

People who are parents now mostly fall into either the late Baby Boomer or Generation X classification. Our world is so different now than it was when we were kids. The growth in technology use (the “i-world” that Dr. Elmore illuminates so well) makes this generation unique. If we try to parent our kids or mentor Generation iYers using the same techniques parents have used in previous generations, we will lose this generation.

Tim Elmore knows this generation well. He outlines the paradoxes, the marks of (im)maturity, the reasons for their apparent lack of motivation, the incorrect parenting techniques, and the ineffective teaching methods that characterize Gen iY. But Dr. Elmore doesn’t stop at just pointing out all of these things; he gives clear-cut ways we can capture this generation before it’s too late. I wish this book had been available when I first became a parent of a Gen iYer!

If I haven’t made it clear enough already, let me state it again: Generation iY is a must read! The issues are too complex and the stakes are too high for us to miss our opportunity to save the future of this generation.

I am a Poet Gardener book reviewer.

Do You Speak “Teen-ese”?

I highly respect the work that Dr. Tim Elmore does with teenagers. Since I have two teenagers in my home, one of his latest blog posts about communicating with teens caught my attention. He asked 16- to 24-year-olds their preferred method of communication. Their response:

1. Text messaging

2. Internet (i.e. Facebook.com)

3. iPods and Podcasts

4. Instant messaging

5. Cell phone

6. DVD / CD

7. Books

8. Email

Email is last? Yep! Not only last, but described by one teen as the method for communicating with “old people.”

Ouch!

But as a parent, if I truly want to communicate with my teenagers, I have to learn to speak Teen-ese. It’s selfish of me to try to ask my teenager to communicate the way I’m most comfortable (that would be email, if you hadn’t guessed). If I’m going to get their attention, I need to speak the way they speak.

Paul wrote to the church in Corinth that he did the same thing. He said, “I try to find common ground with everyone.” Paul’s native language—his most comfortable language—would have been speaking to Jews in the synagogue about Christ fulfilling Old Testament law.

But he stretched himself. He learned to speak to non-Jews … to those who knew nothing about the Hebrew Old Testament … to those who worshipped idols … to those who were humanistic philosophers … to soldiers … to slaves … to government officials … to everyone.

Parents, don’t try to make your teenagers talk to you in your comfortable language.

Learn Teen-ese. Make it a goal to understand them, instead of trying to make them understand you. By this, you will show your love and earn their ear.

(Watch for a review on Dr. Elmore’s latest book—Generation iY—coming later this week.)

Don’t Be That Guy

I love studying leadership books and learning from the lives of great men and women of history. The leadership section of my library is only slightly larger than the biography section. One of the saddest things to see is a leader who self-destructs. I was just reviewing some of my notes about leadership failures when Tim Elmore’s latest e-newsletter arrived entitled Self-Destructive Leaders.

Check out a couple of blurbs from this excellent article:

Projecting their self-worth.
There are few things more unappetizing than a leader who has to constantly talk about how important they are. They name drop, they remind others of their busyness, accomplishments, authority, past positions, degrees, or pedigree. It’s like they’re lobbying for attention and affirmation. It’s a sad commentary when so much of a leader’s energy is spent doing this instead of helping their team reach their goals.

Possessing a controlling spirit.
Often, insecure leaders react to their inward desperation with control. They feel if they can control people, they’ll maintain absolute authority. … They resort to more regulations and policies to enforce compliance among staff instead of trusting them and earning their loyalty….

Comparing themselves to others obsessively.
When a leader has a low EQ [emotional intelligence quotient], they naturally tend to look around them; they look outward rather than inward (at their own natural strengths and style) or upward (to their Creator for their sense of identity).  They become consumed with comparing their own traits or achievements to those of other leaders. Soon, their team ceases to operate in a healthy way. They’re driven by comparing and competing with others instead of capitalizing on their own core competencies.

Possessing self-imposed blindness.
This one is huge. All leaders have blind spots. Like in a car, blind spots happen not so much because of stupidity but position. The driver can’t see certain things. Sadly, self-destructive leaders refuse help. They repel any input from colleagues and insist on living in a bubble that makes them feel good. All is well, or so they think. Their insecurity won’t let them face the facts. They prefer a perspective that’s limited, but comfortable. Their narrow view will eventually lead to an accident.

Here’s what wise King Solomon said about the self-destructive leader:

Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel. (Proverbs 13:10)

If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored. (Proverbs 13:18)

The saddest part is this – the self-destructive leader will read this and then say to himself, “Nope, that’s not me. This is describing someone else.”

Don’t be that guy (or gal)!

  • Look in the mirror of Scripture.
  • Listen to the counsel of others.
  • Listen to the criticism of your teammates. (Hint: if your teammates aren’t telling you anything that you need to improve on, it’s not because you’re perfect. Either you have intimidated them into silence, or you’re deaf to what they’re telling you.)
  • Learn from the lives of great leaders from the past. Read their biographies and autobiographies.