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If leaders say or do the right thing in the wrong way, it really becomes the wrong thing. This is why leaders—especially those who have been sheep-bitten and want to bring corrections—need to take a pause.
In that short moment of reflection, the Holy Spirit can help pastoral leaders respond in a way that will bring restoration, not more pain and possibly division.
I talked about this idea from chapter 2 of my book When Sheep Bite on the Leading From Alignment podcast with John Opalewski and Jim Wiegand.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Do you know this pair of cantankerous men from the Muppets? Statler and Waldorf sit in the balcony of the theatre and criticize everything that is happening on the stage. I mean everything! They have a good laugh at their barbs, but no one on the stage seems to find it humorous.
Have you ever met people like this? How do you typically respond to their criticism?
Unfortunately, those who are trying to do the right thing are often the targets of almost constant criticism. Abraham Lincoln said, “If I were to attempt to answer all the criticisms and complaints I receive, I would have no time for any other business.”
President Lincoln was a great leader but he wasn’t without fault, so to certain extent we could expect a little bit of criticism from people who didn’t like his policies. But what about Jesus? It was prophesied about Him that He would be the target of criticism (Isaiah 53:3).
Those out to get Jesus even criticized those who attended to Him. In Mark 14:1-5, they are criticizing a woman who poured perfume on Jesus out of her sincere desire to honor Him. Yet they spoke about her and her actions “indignantly” (v. 4), and they rebuked and criticized her (v. 5). The Greek word in this verse literally means he snorting of horses!
Jesus stepped in to protect this God-fearing woman, “Why are you bothering her? Why are you criticizing this beautiful thing she had done for Me?”
Notice that Jesus responded to the critics, but the woman did not respond. Does that mean that we never answer critics? Are we supposed to ignore them?
First, let’s go back in time to the origin of the words critic and criticism. These words originally meant someone capable of giving a meaningful—perhaps even constructive or helpful—judgment. Think of a trained and skilled chef critiquing your recipe, as opposed to someone who cannot tell the difference between nutmeg and ginger.
The natural response is to ignore all criticism. The supernatural response is prayerfully evaluate criticism. Solomon says there is such a thing as valid criticism (Proverbs 25:12).
So who is a valid critic?
(1) Someone who loves me (Proverbs 27:17; Ephesians 4:15). Paul loved Peter and respected his leadership role in the church, but he still criticized Peter when he messed up (Galatians 2:9, 11).
(2) Someone who has experience or godly wisdom that we don’t yet have (Ecclesiastes 7:5). Micaiah had a word from God, even though King Ahab thought Micaiah simply didn’t like him (1 Kings 22:1-18).
(3) Someone who wants to hurt me. Really!? Dick Brogden wrote, “The Lord uses critics to show us our own hearts, even if what they say is not fully true, informed, or even fair. There is almost always a germ of truth in what our critics (in their own pain and disappointment) shout at us. The wise [person] will humble himself and look for the truth embedded in every oppositional interaction.” As we saw previously from Psalm 26:2, when we hear words of criticism, we need to make it a matter of prayer.
Jesus told the woman’s critics to “leave her alone” but He never defended Himself against the childish barbs (Isaiah 53:7; Matthew 27:13-14). I think we would do well to follow His example. So when criticized, take a deep breath, smile, hear them out, ask clarifying questions, and then say, “Thank you for sharing that with me. I’ll make this a matter of prayer.”
They might accuse you, but you should turn it over to God (Psalm 109:4).
The natural response is to respond all critics. The supernatural response is to respond like Jesus (see 1 Peter 2:21-23).
Remember that quote from Abraham Lincoln we saw earlier? Here’s the rest of his quote—
“From day to day I do the best I can and will continue to do so till the end. If in the end I come out all right, then the complaints and criticisms and what is said against me will make no difference. But, if the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels coming down from heaven to swear I was right would still make no difference.”
Ultimately, we are longing to hear Jesus say, “Well done.” If He cannot say that to us, does it really matter if everyone else praised us? But if Jesus says, “Well cone,” does it really matter the criticism others said about us?
Let’s ask the Holy Spirit to help us respond supernaturally to our critics—listen prayerfully to ever critic, but only respond to them as Jesus did.
If you have missed any of the other messages in this series When Sheep Bite Sheep, you can find them all here. And if you’re a pastor, be sure to check out my book When Sheep Bite.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Check out a couple of ways I could greet you in this post:
It’s great to see all of you today. I am really glad you stopped by my blog.
In fact, no one is as astute as you are. No one digs into the Scripture the way you do. There is no one else in the world that I would want visiting my blog today.
What did I just do? I went from genuinely complimenting you to flattering you. I bit you. Flattery is a sneaky bite that we need to be aware of.
A compliment is simply defined as an expression of praise or admiration.
Flattery, on the other hand, crosses the line. It’s defined as trying to please someone by excessive or insincere praise. The reason why I call flattery a bite is because the flatterer is only thinking about himself, not about you.
Flatterers are trying to get something for themselves. See how the rich young man tried to do this by flattering Jesus in Mark 10:17. The Amplified Bible brings out the man’s flattery more clearly: Teacher, You are essentially and perfectly morally good.
This man was looking for the secret formula that would get him into Heaven, so he wasn’t complimenting Jesus but flattering Him to get a favorable answer.
Jude described these pseudo-religious people as ones who “flatter others for their own advantage” (Jude 1:16). The NKJV says they use “great swelling words.” Peter describes these same kinds of people as speaking “great swelling words of emptiness” (2 Peter 2:18).
Flatterers are trying to trip you up so they are recognized as your superior. Once again, we can see how tricksters tried this tactic on Jesus in Mark 12:14. We know they are insincere because of the background information Mark gives us in vv. 12-13.
David described flatterers in Psalm 12:1-3. The AMPC says they talk “with flattering lips and double heart” and The Message paraphrases it, “Lies slide off their oily lips. They doubletalk with forked tongues” (v. 2).
Solomon warns us of the net they are setting for us: Those who flatter their neighbors are spreading nets for their feet (Proverbs 29:5).
Flatterers are trying to cover up their own sinfulness. David again diagnoses this in Psalm 36:1-4. This also means that sometimes we can flatter ourselves to avoid dealing with our own sin.
It’s natural to want to hear a compliment, but we need supernatural discernment to protect ourselves from the sneaky bite of flattery.
Look how Jesus did this in Mark 10:17-18. Remember the Amplified Bible that laid it on so thick? Jesus responded correctly: “There is no one essentially and perfectly morally good—except God alone” (v. 18). If we are going to do any comparing at all, let’s compare ourselves to our perfect God and Savior. Remember, we have done a self-check (Psalm 26:2) so we know what’s really there!
Swallowing this flattery only fuels the pride inside us. C.S. Lewis warned, “It was through Pride that the devil became the devil; it is the complete anti-God state of mind. … Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”
Look at the other example from Jesus in Mark 12:12-15. When Jesus sensed their flattery, He called it what it was: hypocrisy!
Flattery makes you feel like you’re on top of the world. Flattery makes you forget the things the Holy Spirit has revealed to you that needs work. But Jesus asked, “What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?” (Mark 8:36 NLT).
The sincerest compliment we should all be living to hear is, “Well done, good and faithful servant! Enter into your Master’s happiness forever and ever!” No other voice matters!
Check out the other messages in this series called When Sheep Bite Sheep by clicking here. And if you are a pastor, check out my book When Sheep Bite.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Christians should always be striving for a win-win in our relationships. If we try to “win” at the expense of other saints, we all end up losing. So it boils down to this: It’s either a win-win or it’s a lose-lose—there are no other options in God’s Kingdom.
If you would like to watch the full sermon that this clip came from, you can find it here.
You may also be interested in these related posts:
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
Have you ever heard this little saying: “To live above with saints we love, oh, that will be glory. But to live below with saints we know, well, that’s a different story”? I’ve found that it’s sometimes true!
We love Psalm 133:1-3 when the saints are all together. What a great “selling point” to invite someone to be a part of the Christian community! But Psalm 41:7-9 is kind of embarrassing as David talks about former friends who have hurt him deeply.
But being bitten by a fellow sheep is a reality we all have experienced, and, sadly, we will probably have to deal with again in the future. There is a natural way we tend to react when we’ve been bitten, but there is also a supernatural response that the Bible consistently calls us to. This is the God-glorifying way we all need to strive for.
In Acts 23, Paul is standing before the Sanhedrin. He opens his remarks by simply saying he has a clear conscience before God, and the high priest immediately orders that Paul be smacked on the mouth! That seems like a bit of an over-reaction on the part of the high priest, but maybe it was a bit of show of force to let Paul know who was really in charge. Paul responded with an immediate—and natural—reaction when he says, “God will slap you!”
Paul is an old man by this time. He’s been through shipwrecks, beatings, imprisonments, gone without food, traveled more miles than he can count, and preached more sermons than he can remember. His body was giving out on him, and his eyesight was especially weak. Clearly, Paul didn’t realize to whom we was addressing his remarks. But when he became aware, he immediately owned up to his mistake. Paul offered no excuses or justifications, just a quick, simple, sincere apology.
When you have been bitten (slapped) by another sheep, you should ask:
Could I have provoked them by something I said or did?
Could I have hurt them by something I didn’t say or do?
David prayed a great prayer in Psalm 139:23. But this prayer is only effective if we are willing to accept that we may have been the agitator that led to the bite. In the last words that Job speaks in the Book of Job, he is very introspective. Check out all of the “If I have” statements throughout Job 31.
In Psalm 26:2, David invites the Holy Spirit to check him three times!
test me = scrutinize me
try me = assay me
examine me = refine me in the fire
When we are bitten, we should be open to the possiblity that God is using this bite to get my attention—to make me aware of a fault in my life or something that’s been in a blind spot.
So we should consider the following:
Has this kind of bite happened more than once? From different sheep?
Has a spiritually wise person attempted to address this with me before?
Do I ever admit that I’m at fault, or is it always the other person’s fault?
Do I find myself making a list of why they should apologize to me?
When was the last time I apologized to someone else?
If the Holy Spirit reveals something in us, He will also empower us to make the change and make amends. The natural response is to place all the blame on others. The supernatural response to pray Psalm 26:2 before responding.
If we react only the natural way, it is a lose-lose for us and for the whole pasture. But if we learn to respond in a supernatural way, it becomes a win-win for everyone. Listen to the wise words of King Solomon—
He who heeds instruction and correction is not only himself in the way of life but also is a way of life for others. And he who neglects or refuses reproof not only himself goes astray but also causes to err and is a path toward ruin for others. (Proverbs 10:17 AMPC)
Let’s all strive for the supernatural response that is a win-win for the whole Kingdom of God!
Please follow along with all of the messages in this series by clicking here.
P.S. If you are a pastor, you may want to check out my book When Sheep Bite.
No one likes to be mistreated—especially when the one that hurts us is one we would have thought of as an ally or even a friend.
These slights become even more painful when they take place inside the Christian community. When sheep bite sheep, our natural response is to lash out to try to even the scales of justice. But the Bible consistently and clearly calls Christians to pursue a supernatural response.
Join me for a highly practical series of messages on how you can respond in a Christ-honoring way when you are bitten by another sheep in God’s pasture.
(By the way, if you are a church leader dealing with biting sheep, my book When Sheep Bite is a great resource for you.)
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
If you’re a shepherd leader, what do you do when the sheep under your care go, “Grrrr!”?
To make sure that you haven’t done anything that caused the murmuring, you should humbly pray, “Search me, O God” (Psalm 139:23-24). And then, if you see you have done something wrong, repent and make things right. You may want to check out my blog post A Leader’s Sincere Apology.
After this, Moses has given us in Exodus 16:8-9 two actions to take with murmuring sheep:
If it wasn’t anything that you did, you need to remind yourself that the people are murmuring against God.
If it wasn’t anything that you did, you need to remind the sheep that they are murmuring against God.
I was thrilled to be asked to write an article for “Influence Magazine” based on my book When Sheep Bite.
This article is a synopsis of my entire book. So if you are interested in seeing what sort of content I have in When Sheep Bite, please check out this article.
Whether you call it grit or stick-to-it-iveness, those who don’t give up easily are the ones who will become leaders by their example. Check out the conversation we had on The Craig and Greg Show.
I was thrilled to be asked to write an article for Influence Magazine about the biting sheep that every pastor has experienced. I am praying that this article will help pastors recover and thrive in their shepherding ministry.
“Knowing our lowliness and Christ’s worthiness, we neither grovel nor saunter into the presence of God. And we do not go home flippant or weeping. In Christ, we will receive what we ask or what we should have asked.” —David Mathis
In 1 Thessalonians 5:19, the apostle Paul warns us not to quench the Holy Spirit. T.M. Moore asks, “How do we quench the Spirit?” and then gives Christians seven warning signs to avoid this quenching. Check out his post Joy In His Spirit.
I really enjoy these archeological biographies of biblical people and places. The Bible Archeology Report writes, “The Neo-Babylonian king, Amēl-Marduk (biblical Evil-Merodach) is only mentioned twice in Scripture (in 2 Kings 25:27–30 and the parallel passage, Jeremiah 52:31–34), both times in connection with the restoration of Jehoiachin, king of Judah.” In a separate post, John Stonestreet shares an archeological discovery in a Roman cemetery in Frankfurt of an amulet that shows that “the Gospel spread farther and faster than historians thought.”
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
As Paul is on his way to Jerusalem, he makes time to meet with the leaders of the Church in Ephesus. An important reminder Paul gives them comes from the example he lived out while he was in Ephesus: “For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God” (Acts 20:27).
Some translations say “the whole counsel of God,” but I like the simple, straightforward wording in the KJV: “all the counsel of God.” In other words, Paul’s textbook was everything in the Scriptures.
One of Paul’s traveling companions was Luke, who made frequent use of the Greek word boulē, which is translated “counsel.” He is the only Gospel writer to use this word, and then he uses it seven more times in the Book of Acts. Putting together Luke’s usage of boulē with the three other appearances in the New Testament, we can come up with a good overview of what Paul meant by “the whole will of God.”
Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which He bought with His own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard!… (Acts 20:28-31, emphasis added)
In my book When Sheep Bite I have a chapter called’ Driving Away the Wolves.’ In that chapter I point out—
There is a phrase that is often associated with the behavior of wolves: a lone wolf. Normally, wolves travel and live in packs. The phrase “lone wolf” is associated with those who leave in order to find a mate, carve out their own territory, and then form their own pack.
Jesus said that His sheep hear His voice and follow Him. Lone wolves hear the shepherd’s voice but ignore it to follow their own pursuit of forming their own pack. Remember that these lone wolves don’t want to stay alone: they want to build their own following.
Jesus said we could spot imposters—wolves in sheep’s clothing—by their fruits (Matthew 7:15-20). Two evident fruits are:
Mutating the immutable counsel of God’s Word to suit their own needs
Ignoring or criticizing the whole counsel of God’s Word that godly shepherd leaders faithfully teach and preach
For shepherd leaders and their flocks, the whole counsel of God’s Word is the best wolf deterrent you can find! Another passage from my book says—
David’s beautiful description of the Good Shepherd in Psalm 23 has a phrase that sounds unusual to my ears. He writes, “Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” How can such wooden instruments bring comfort to sheep? When the sheep know their shepherd has the rod of God’s Word in his hand and is skilled at using it, the sheep are far more relaxed around the shepherd. This is because a shepherd’s rod is not used against the sheep, but only against the enemies of the sheep.
Throughout the Old Testament, the rods in the hands of leaders were the symbol of their God-appointed authority (think of the staffs of Moses and Aaron). Those rods were symbolic of the words God had spoken to these shepherds to empower them to lead His sheep. In the New Testament setting, the Bible is described in similar terms. Shepherds are directed to correctly handle the rod of God’s Word, knowing that His Word is the only thing that can reliably care for the sheep by teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training (2 Timothy 2:15, 3:16). The sheep will welcome this; the wolves will fight against this.
Pastors, immerse yourself in the whole counsel of God’s Word. Not just the parts that are comfortable for you or pleasant to preach about, but all of God’s Word! This will strengthen the rod of leadership God has given you, it will bring health and comfort to the sheep in your flock, and it will be a strong deterrent against the wolves that would seek to infiltrate your pasture.
I would also humbly recommend that you pick up a copy of my book When Sheep Bite to help resource you to heal from old or ongoing injuries, and to fortify you to remain faithful to the call God has on your ministry.
Craig T. Owens 