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We rob ourselves and diminish the other person with whom we’re conversing if we aren’t fully listening. Listen, listen, and (really!) listen some more before you share your opinion.
Solomon said, “He who states his case first seems right, until his rival comes and cross-examines him” (Proverbs 18:17 AMPC).
And I like this thought from John Maxwell:
“The best way to understand people is to listen. The best way to learn from others is to listen. The best way to receive people’s best contribution is to listen. The best way to learn what others need from you is to listen. The best way to gain people’s buy-in is to listen.” —from John Maxwell’s book High Road Leadership
P.S. After posting this, I came across an article on the Desiring God website called Listen Well to Love Well. She wrote, “Listening is hard work. While our ears automatically welcome sound waves and ship them to our brains, it doesn’t mean we always hear other people. We might even wonder if listening well is worth the effort. … We have a long history with listening that makes it essential to who we are yet difficult to get right. Sarah Clarkson writes, ‘We are by nature a listening people. If we were spoken into being by the Word of God, then at our core we are to be listeners, and to attend to the word that spoke us into life.’”
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The apostle Paul had spent 18 months living and teaching in Corinth, he had likely visited them at least a couple of times, he had written two letters to them, and his associates had visited Corinth on his behalf. Bottom line: The Corinthians knew Paul well.
With that in mind, Paul boldly states, “Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrityand godly sincerity” (2 Corinthians 1:12).
Integrity means “the virtue of one who is free from pretense and hypocrisy.” Some biblical translations use the word holiness here. Indeed, for Christians integrity and holiness should be synonymous. The conclusion of this verse goes on to state that Paul could live this way “not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.” Paul knew that even more than the Corinthians, God knew Paul’s holy integrity.
Paul also says that his conduct was with godly sincerity. You might think that the idea of sincerity or mental honesty is implied in the word integrity, but godly sincerity is a pureness that stands up to intense scrutiny. It’s not just a public act, but it is a consistently God-honoring way of living both publicly and privately.
These two qualities give a godly leader moral authority like nothing else can. It’s authority that is felt as well as seen—it’s the “It Factor” that marks the Holy Spirit’s anointing on a leader.
Paul is aware that his lifestyle could cause people to think well or to think poorly of the Gospel of Jesus. Just a few verses later, Paul uses the phrase “yes and no” twice (vv. 18-19).
First, Paul reminds the Corinthians that he doesn’t “in the same breath say both ‘Yes, yes’ and ‘No, no.’” This means he doesn’t want his lifestyle to negate his preaching.
Second, Paul wants to assure them that all of the promises of God are “‘Yes’ in Christ” (v. 20). He knows that a preacher who lives contrary to his preaching—whose walk doesn’t align with his talk—is not only a hypocrite before God, but a stumbling block to all who have put their faith in Jesus as a result of that preacher’s message.
Integrity and godly sincerity are absolutely essential for those who proclaim the Gospel.
Godly leaders must be vigilant. They must be ruthless with themselves so there isn’t even the slightest lapse of integrity. Any infractions in a leader’s integrity and godly sincerity could cause others to doubt that Christ’s “Yes” is truly a trustworthy “Yes.”
May we all live in such a way that we, like Paul, can stand before those who know us best and assuredly say, “I have lived with all integrityand godly sincerity before both God and you!”
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I would like to ask you a simple question: What are you reading?
You may have heard the phrase, “Leaders are readers.” Is that true? Is that the best use of your time? If this phrase is true, how do we know what to read?
Here are some related blog posts I would suggest you peruse:
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
One of the reasons I appreciate the Bible—in fact, one of the main reasons that continually convinces me of the truthfulness of the Bible—is the way it portrays life as it really is. It doesn’t avoid the difficult subjects, nor does it sugarcoat the bitterness of life. The Bible tells it as it is.
The songs that have us singing praises to God “when the sun’s shining down on me and the world’s all as it should be” are great, but when we can also find hope when we’re “found in the desert place” is the real test.
Dark times come to all of us.
David is anointed king of Israel and given a promise by God for a lasting legacy (2 Samuel 7:8-9, 16, 27-29; Psalm 110:1). And yet David cried out one of the most painful phrases ever uttered in Psalm 22:1-2, “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?”
Despite the promises that God gave David, when any of us are in a dark place, there is a natural human tendency to focus on the darkness around us and second-guess what is happening to us. You know the questions:
How did I get here?
How will I get out of here?
When will I get out of here?
Have I offended God and perhaps missed out on His promise?
Has He forgotten me?
The Bible does tell us, “If You, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand?” and we also know it’s true that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Psalm 130:3; Romans 3:23).
That’s for us, not for Jesus. He is the sinless One. He obediently became human to rescue us, knowing full well that He was the fulfillment of the promise God made to David (Matthew 1:1; 22:41-44). Yet He ended up uttering the same painful words David did (Matthew 27:41-46).
Remember I said that King David was a visible picture to help us see the coming King of kings. David was inspired by the Holy Spirit with this knowledge (Acts 2:29-30, 25-28).
The old hymn says, “When darkness veils His lovely face, I rest on His unchanging grace” and “When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay.” Look at David’s preaching to himself:
I am feeling forsaken (Psalm 22:1-2) … YET You are on Your throne (vv. 3-5)
I am scorned by others (vv. 6-8) … YET You are closer than my scorners (vv. 9-11)
I am completely cut off (vv. 12-18) … BUT You are my rescue (vv. 19-24)
What did Jesus know:
He would sit on the throne of Heaven—Matthew 26:62-64
His Father was completing everything—John 19:30; Psalm 22:25-31
He would conquer every enemy—Revelation 1:8, 18
Jeremiah cries out about his dark time, and then like David he says, “YET this I call to mind and have hope.” Jeremiah then talks about the never-ending love and mercy of God, and concludes by preaching to himself, “I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him’” (Lamentations 3:19-24).
“The Lord is my portion” means the Lord is my King who declares promises and fulfills promises.
The help in suffering is not found in focusing on the present darkness—and all the questions—but to focus on God’s promises. Like David’s “yet” and “but” we need to preach to ourselves about God’s past deliverance and then be assured of our future hope.
Just assuredly as our King of kings said, “I will be resurrected from the dead to sit on the throne of Heaven,” He also said, “I will come to take you where I am”!
Take your eyes off the present, temporary darkness and put them on the eternal King!
Some human employers may ask us to do business for them without giving us a good example or enough resources. But when Jesus told us to be about the Father’s business, He gave us an example and the full empowerment of the Holy Spirit! Check out this full sermon.
“Compromise is a costly word; non-compromise, even more so.” —Bono
Shane Morris said, “But as much as AI’s potential can cause harm, blaming it alone misses the point and likely makes these problems worse. Humans are the fallen ones, and that fallenness manifests in all kinds of destructive ways. Machines, strictly speaking, don’t have morals or intentions. They can only reflect ours.” Check out his podcast AI is not the problem, we are.
“I do not believe that a nation dies save by suicide. To the very last every problem is a problem of will; and if we will we can be whole. But it involves facing our failures as well as counting our successes.” —G.K. Chesterton
I love reading and I have a long list of what I would like to read next. Scott Hubbard addresses this question: “Perhaps the question ‘What should I read or listen to?’ would come into sharper focus if we had a better sense of why we read at all. ‘Why read?’ has more than one right answer. We read to learn, to rest, to deepen friendship with fellow readers, to enjoy the craft of skilled wordsmiths. But alongside these good reasons, consider three others that put our reading into the service of greater loves.”
“I only hope that we never lose sight of one thing—that it was all started by a mouse.” —Walt Disney
“The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. … His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way.” —Nikola Tesla
This week marked the 100th anniversary of a court case that was known as “the trial of the century,” perhaps you have heard it called the Scopes Monkey Trial. It was, and has been, more sensation than substance. Check out this post that puts this trial in its proper perspective.
(1) God allows the humble to know Him more intimately. For though the Lord is high, yet has He respect to the lowly—bringing them into fellowship with Him—but the proud and haughty He knows and recognizes only at a distance (Psalm 138:6).
(2) God gives the humble help to overcome evil. But He gives us more and more grace—power of the Holy Spirit, to meet this evil tendency and all others fully. That is why He says, “God sets Himself against the proud and haughty, but gives grace continually to the lowly (those who are humble enough to receive it)” (James 4:6).
(3) God gives His favor to the humble. …Clothe (apron) yourselves, all of you, with humility—as the garb of a servant, so that its covering cannot possibly be stripped from you…. For God sets Himself against the proud—the insolent, the overbearing, the disdainful, the presumptuous, the boastful—and He opposes, frustrates, and defeats them, but gives grace (favor, blessing) to the humble (1 Peter 5:5).
The bottom line—God mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed (Proverbs 3:34).
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Misunderstandings happen all the time. Leaders can help their teammates navigate these verbal landmines—and avoid a lot of trouble—by asking the clarifying questions that will bring the whole team together.
We would love to serve as your leadership coach, so get in touch with us. My book Shepherd Leadership also has some biblical principles that leaders can immediately apply to their organizations.
“If we truly want to be considered successful, we must turn our backs on what is typically termed ‘success’ so that we can keep our eyes on our Chief Shepherd. See the One with all power using His unlimited power to stoop down to serve. That’s the posture servant-hearted shepherds continually aspire to take, and that’s the posture that God wholeheartedly approves.” (From the chapter ‘The Wrong Ladder’ in my book Shepherd Leadership)
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My book When Sheep Bite is a manual of help for church leaders who have been hurt by the very sheep they are attempting to help. This book was birthed from a very painful chapter in my own ministry.
But as dark as that time was, there was a ray of light that helped me to smile during the dark times and for years and years afterwards. Here is an excerpt from the chapter ‘Cry Before Your Confront’ in When Sheep Bite—
We used to have a funny saying in our family. Our puppy would be straining to get free and one of us would cry out, “Release the hound!”
After reading the previous chapter about imprecatory prayers, and hopefully putting that into practice, I hope you felt some relief from your anger. But when you read my reminder that David’s “Get ‘em, God!” cry was for God’s ears only, perhaps you were a little disappointed. Maybe you were hoping for someone to give you a green light to “release the hound” on those biting, kicking, and wayward sheep.
Wouldn’t it be so wonderful to unleash something—anything!—on those difficult sheep? As shepherds, we have so many ways we can dress up our unleashed hounds in biblical-sounding language. Maybe a righteous rebuke like the psalmist recorded: “You rebuke the arrogant, who are accursed, those who stray from Your commands” (Psalm 119:21). Or perhaps a well-timed prophetic thunderbolt like when Samuel was praying and “the Lord thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic” (1 Samuel 7:10). Or even a strategic lightning strike from God’s throne as when the soldiers from King Ahaziah came to forcibly take Elijah to the king (2 Kings 1:11-12).
One of my favorite prayers is a prayer of David’s that is given added emphasis since it is recorded twice in the Scripture (2 Samuel 22 and Psalm 18)—
In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From His temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into His ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because He was angry. Smoke rose from His nostrils; consuming fire came from His mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down; dark clouds were under His feet. … Out of the brightness of His presence clouds advanced, with hailstones and bolts of lightning. The Lord thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot His arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning He routed them. (Psalm 18:6-9, 12-14)
Wow, how good it must have felt for David to unleash these words! And yet we still see that they were words only for God’s ears, spoken when David was alone with the Almighty God. Isn’t there something we can say or do to our obstinate sheep? Yes, there is, but there is something we need to be reminded of first.
After a particularly grueling day of being bitten, kicked, and attacked by the angry sheep in my pasture, I came home and announced, “Tomorrow is ‘Be Kind to Craig Owens Day!” While driving home and licking my wounds, I had determined that I needed a day off—a day to unplug from all of the madness and make sure I was taking care of myself.
Let me add a very important truth here. In fact, it’s so important that I’m going to print it in bold letters: Self-care is not selfish! Far too many shepherds think that taking time off to care for themselves, especially in the midst of all of the chaos, is a selfish thing to do.
Selfish is different. Selfishness is self-centered. Selfishness is saying, “I’m going to take care of myself and I don’t care what happens to others while I’m doing what I want to do.” Self-care is a strategic withdrawal to take care of myself so that I can return to take care of others. It is like the instructions on an airplane to put your own oxygen mask on first before you try to help a small child with their mask. If I pass out, I’m no good to anyone else. Just as Jesus “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed” (Luke 5:16), we must find times to care for ourselves so that we are strengthened to help others when we return to the fray. This concept of self-care is so vital that I have dedicated all of Chapter 12 to explaining this idea to you in more depth.
My family still celebrates the Be Kind to Craig Owens Day “holiday” but we mainly remember it because of something else that happened in our family.
On this inaugural event, I planned a day of reading, praying, walking, and recuperating. I silenced my phone and withdrew for that entire Friday. After a nice evening with my family, I decided to extend my self-care time into Saturday. My daughter and I went out to breakfast, and because we both enjoy animals so much, we decided to stop into a new pet store and play with the puppies for a while.
Almost instantly, both of us were captivated by a very special dog. There was something about her that drew us to her. In short order, we were on the phone with my wife and my sons asking them to join us at the pet store. We ended up walking out of the store that morning with a new addition to our family.
My wife later remarked that this puppy was the best irresponsible decision we ever made. Part of the reason this was true is that this puppy became my constant companion. I took her to my office with me so that I would have a source of unconditional love to offset all of the brutal attacks I was absorbing.
When John Bradford saw a cartful of men going off to Tyburn to be hanged for their crimes, he said to a friend, “There goes John Bradford but for the grace of God.” When I stopped to think what was different between my behavior and the behavior of these biting sheep, I realized it was only the grace of God that had kept me from descending into the same ugly behavior. That’s when I decided to name our new puppy Grace. I wanted to say that name over and over and over again. I desperately needed to be reminded of God’s grace for me. I also needed to be reminded that God wanted my biting sheep to know His grace too.
When we cried out, “Release the hound,” it was because Grace was straining at her leash to overwhelm someone with her love. She wanted nothing more than to show them how much she welcomed them into her presence.
I’ll be honest with you: When some of my biting sheep came storming into my office to berate me for something and Grace wanted to run to them with love and acceptance, I wanted to scold her and keep her back. This, I think, was the attitude of the older brother when his wayward brother returned home and was lovingly welcomed back into the fold by their father (Luke 15:11-32). But when I paused to think of God’s amazing grace that “saved a wretch like me,” I was reminded that God’s grace also wants to restore other wayward, obstinate, unreasonable sheep.
Our annual reminder of this event is really remembering our dog Grace’s “Gotcha Day.” It’s our annual reminder that grace is best seen in times and places that it is least expected.
If you are a church leader, please pick up a copy of When Sheep Bite to help you on your healing journey. And if I can be of assistance to you, please get in touch with me.
Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.
The northern tribes of Israel had been defeat by the Assyrians and gone into exile because of their persistent and unrelenting sins against God. You would think that this would be a vivid enough warning to get the attention of the people of Judah, but sadly it wasn’t.
King Manasseh sinned and then doubled-down on his sinning. The prophets thundered their warnings, and Manasseh not only kept his sins going but he kept pulling more and more people down into sin with him.
Isaiah pointed to the example of Israel’s sin—
Woe to Samaria the crown of pride of the drunkards of Ephraim [the ten tribes], and to the fading flower of its glorious beauty, which is on the head of the rich valley of those overcome and smitten down with wine! … But even these reel from wine and stagger from strong drink: the priest and the prophet reel from strong drink; they are confused from wine, they stagger and are gone astray through strong drink; they err in vision, they stumble when pronouncing judgment. (Isaiah 28:1, 7 AMPC)
Notice the words like reel and stagger, as though intoxicated by alcohol.
A mark of an ungodlyleader is one who is so intoxicated by his own power that he makes others drunk too.
Look at this description of Manasseh: “But the people [of Judah] would not listen; and Manasseh seduced them to do more evil than the nations did whom the Lord destroyed before the Israelites!” (2 Kings 21:9).
The Hebrew word translated “seduced” is the same Hebrew word that Isaiah used for the staggering and going astray of a drunkard.
This is the power that leaders have for both good and evil. A sober-minded, godly leader can encourage people toward righteousness, but an ungodly leader who is intoxicated by his power seduces people to join him in his unrighteousness. Manasseh was described as “making Judah sin, by doing evil in the sight of the Lord” (v. 16).
Certainly there are people who choose a sinful lifestyle during the tenure of a godly leader, and there are people who steadfastly choose righteousness during the tenure of an ungodly leader. But the Bible issues strong warnings to those leaders who misuse their God-appointed positions of leadership to lead people astray (see Ezekiel 3:17-21, 33:1-9).
Leaders, be on guard that a position of leadership doesn’t seduce you to stray from righteousness. Don’t forget that God chose you for this role, so to Him you will have to stand to give an accounting of your leadership. I pray you can say that you soberly and sincerely pursued righteousness and led your people in that pursuit as well. I want you to hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant” and not, “Depart from Me.”
This is part 86 in my series on godly leadership. You can check out all of my posts in this series by clicking here.
Craig T. Owens 