8 Quotes From “How To Listen So People Will Talk”

In How To Listen So People Will Talk you will learn some invaluable skills for taking your relationships and your leadership deeper. Becky Harling has given us an amazing resource! Check out my full book review by clicking here. 

“Honestly, it’s impossible to be a good listener without developing a humble spirit. Think about it. When you’re listening and fully engaged, you allow the other person to have all the attention. Listening forces you to lay aside your agenda. It challenges you to let go of your need to share your opinions, theories, and assumptions in favor of listening to another’s feelings, thoughts, and sentiments. That decision can only come from a heart of humility.” 

“Resist the urge to dive in with your own story. … Whenever you dive in with your own story, you are stealing the microphone from the person who is telling their story. … The best advice is to remember to let someone be the star of their own show. Keep the focus on the person talking.” 

“How is it that we who have problems ourselves are so quick to try to fix someone else’s problem? James was spot on when he wrote, ‘Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak’ (James 1:19). I’d like to suggest that a great paraphrase for this verse is, ‘Let everyone be quick to listen and slow to give advice!’” 

“Don’t tell people what to do; ask them questions. … You gain greater insight, they gain greater self-awareness, and the two of you grow closer. … When we dare to ask someone what they want, we give them the opportunity to verbalize their need. … The best questions allow people to explore what’s in their hearts.” 

“When you validate another person’s feelings, you’re basically saying, ‘Your feelings make sense.’ You compassionately acknowledge that the person’s feelings are important and that those feelings are understandable. You don’t correct feelings or instruct a person on how to feel. You simply offer understanding. … Validating someone’s feelings doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with the actions of the other person. … Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They’re just feelings. It’s what we do with those feelings that determines whether or not we sin. … Validate feelings, but only validate actions that line up with Scripture.” 

“In your relationships, what does it look like for you to mimic Jesus and show others how valuable they are? How does your face send the signal, ‘I want to hear what you have to say’? Your nonverbal signals act as a green light, inviting others to share their feelings.” 

“Conflict can be transformational. In the chaos of an argument, if you will listen to understand and focus on meeting the others need, you’ll be more able to work as a team, coming up with a solution that satisfies both. In the end, your relationship will emerge stronger and more resilient.” 

“People are dying to feel heard, and unless we’ve purpose in our hearts to offer our full presence to others, we’ll drift through life distracted and dishonor those who matter to us in the process.” 

6 Quotes On Peacemakers From “The Blessing Of Humility”

The Blessing Of HumilityAs I stated in my review of Jerry Bridges’ book The Blessing Of Humility, reading through these thoughts slowly—Beatitude by Beatitude—would bring about the most life-changing impact. In that spirit, I will be sharing some noteworthy quotes one Beatitude at a time. Here are some quotes on blessed are the peacemakers (Matthew 5:9)…

“Jesus was speaking of making peace when we ourselves are involved in conflict with others.”

“It is often the sinful use of our tongues that cause conflict. But the tongue is only an instrument. The real problem is the heart. … To become peacemakers, then, we must begin with ourselves. We must ask ourselves, ‘Why do I make cutting remarks to another person? Why do I make demeaning remarks about them?’ We must also ask us ourselves, ‘What causes my resentment toward that person?’ or ‘Why do I continue to nurse hurts by that person instead of forgiving them? What is it that causes me to be envious or jealous of that person?’ In order to even ask those questions, we have to admit that we have those attitudes. But because we know they are sinful, we tend to live in denial that we have them.”

“Peacemaking where there is conflict with someone else is not an option for us. It is God’s commandment. We are to strive for peace with everyone (Hebrews 12:14). The word strive is a translation of the Greek word dioko. It is a very intense word and is most often used for the word pursue. (See also Philippians 3:12, 14; 2 Timothy 2:22; 1 Peter 3:11.)”

“Jesus tells us, ‘Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you’ (Matthew 5:44). Are we willing to pray for those who have hurt us, that God will bless them? To be a peacemaker, then, means we absorb the hurtful words or actions of others without becoming resentful, retaliating, or even cutting off a relationship with the person.”

“To be a peacemaker means taking the initiative to restore such broken or damaged relationships, even when the major cause of the rupture lies with the other person.”

“To be a peacemaker means we must seek to be delivered from self-interest and not look at everything in terms of how it affects us. Instead we must be concerned about the glory of God and how we can best promote that glory in situations of conflict.”

 I have previously shared quotes on:

Quotes on the final Beatitude will be posted soon. Stay tuned…

12 Quotes From “From This Day Forward”

From This Day ForwardCraig & Amy Groeschel wrote a great book for anyone who wants to have a great marriage. Whether you’re single, in a struggling marriage, or in a great marriage, there are some great principles to learn in From This Day Forward. You can read my book review by clicking here. Below are a few quotes I especially liked.

“Healthy couples fight for resolution. Unhealthy couples fight for personal victory.”

“Even when you don’t agree with the other person, you can still validate their feelings.”

“One of the best ways you and your spouse can become slow to anger is by communicating regularly and honestly when you’re not facing conflict.”

“You have only one enemy, and it’s not your spouse. Get focused on that. Your enemy is a thief who’s trying to steal your joy, kill your love, and destroy your marriage. The good news is you don’t have to fight fair with that guy. No, with him, you’re actually going to fight to win. You’re going to fight for your marriage, and you’re going to fight for victory. One of the very best ways you can do that is to learn to fight fair with your spouse—for resolution, for restoration.”

“Don’t fight to win. You both should fight to lose the conflict and gain a closer relationship. Don’t fight each other; fight together to see the relationship restored. Redefine winning to mean that at the end of every fight, you’re closer to each other then you were when you started. That’s winning! And that’s what it really means to fight fair.” —Amy Groeschel

“When you’re married, fun is not a luxury; it’s a requirement. … Without romance, without adventure, without physical intimacy—without fun—marriage is reduced to a simple business arrangement. You’re like partners in a company, two roommates who split expenses like rent and food, yet living entirely different lives.”

“Guys, be intentional about pursuing happiness together with her because she’s God’s ‘reward’ in your life [Ecclesiastes 9:9].”

“Generally speaking, I don’t think anyone would argue that most men tend to desire physical intimacy more frequently than women do. So ladies, you need to understand that when you turn off that faucet and things start to go dry, for your husband, that’s a crisis. It’s the equivalent of the distress you feel when there’s silence, when there’s no emotional intimacy between you. It’s a crisis. One of the most important ways you can demonstrate love to each other is by renewing your spiritual commitment to one another through acts of physical love. Sex is spiritual. It’s two people becoming one in an alliance of intimacy. It’s a blessing from God, a way that you can genuinely serve one another. … One of the greatest things you can do for each other is to engage in frequent, creative, spiritual lovemaking. It is a gift from God that honors Him by renewing your spiritual covenant to one another.”

“Revelation 2:5 says, ‘Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.’ If you want what you once had, start doing what you once did. You got married because you had fun. Start having fun again.”

“Physical intimacy is directly related to your process of growing together, and it can be a good indicator of how healthy your relationship is—or isn’t. In fact, if physical intimacy has been a problem lately in your marriage, I’d be willing to bet that you’ve neglected being emotionally connected in other ways.” —Amy Groeschel

“By the time they reach the sin of adultery, they will have already crossed dozens of other sin lines. Sin doesn’t begin on the outside. It begins in the heart. You see something (or someone) attractive, and you allow them to capture your attention. ‘Mmm, they look good.’ That’s lust. And lust is a sin. Maybe you even take some action—just not full-blown adultery. ‘A body as hot as yours want to come with a warning label!’ Implying to someone else that you’re available when you’re not is called flirting. And it’s a sin. Maybe you don’t take any action. You just see something you want, and you let your thoughts wander after it. ‘Yowza! I’d like to take that home.’ That’s not taking every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). That’s fantasizing, and it’s a sin. These things are problematic because they draw the line in the wrong place.”

“You probably learned that while it may be true that, at least while you’re dating, opposites attract—once you get married, opposites attack! … One way you can return to opposites attracting instead of attacking is by accepting your spouse for who they are, not who you want them to be. … Being opposites isn’t a bad thing. In fact, the truth is, if you’re married to someone who’s just like you, one of you is unnecessary. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought you two opposites together. The only way iron can sharpen iron is if your differences are constantly rubbing against each other (Proverbs 27:17). … The challenge is that we settle into a mindset and become convinced that our differences are always going to cause conflict. But that doesn’t have to be true. Just because your spouse does things differently than you doesn’t mean that it has to be a problem. It’s just… well, different. If you refused to except your differences as the positives they are, you may find yourself sometimes trying to keep things from your spouse.”

Links & Quotes

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Some good reading and watching from today…

“The worst form of ill association is ungodly marriage. I do not know anything that gives me more satisfaction than to see our brethren and sisters, who have walked in the faith of God, united in marriage—the husband and wife, both fearing and loving God. It is a delightful spectacle, and bids fair to be the means of building up the church with a generation which shall fear the Lord. But a very fruitful source of ruin to church members is that of a young man or a young woman choosing an ungodly partner in life. They never can expect God’s blessing upon it. They tell you sometimes they hope to be the means of their friend’s conversion. They have no right to hope such a thing; it so seldom occurs. The much more likely thing is that the ungodly one will drag the other down to his level, than that the godly one shall pull the other up.” —Charles Spurgeon

“If homosexuals are bullied, we need to protect them. If they’re unjustly discriminated against, we need to help them. If they’re treated with contempt, the person hurting them should be stopped. If a family member comes out as gay and then is belittled, harmed, or vilified, then the offending family needs to be corrected. If Christians ridicule people who identify as gay or lesbian, they need to admonished. If a church doesn’t welcome seekers of all stripes (including people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual), then it needs to change. But none of these circumstances are reasons to reinterpret Scripture to affirm homosexuality.” This is from a fascinating article: Bad Reasons To Adopt Pro-Gay Theology.

 

“Prudence means practical common sense, taking the trouble to think out what you are doing and what is likely to come of it.” —C.S. Lewis

“Resentment simply cannot dwell in a loving heart. Before resentfulness can enter, love must take its flight and bitterness take over.” —A.W. Tozer

“No nation ancient or modern has ever lost the liberty of freely speaking, writing or publishing their sentiments, but forthwith lost their liberty in general and became slaves.” —John Peter Zenger (in 1735 after winning his case that established the precedent for our freedom of the press)

“Never leave growing till the life to come!” —Robert Browning

“Why should you turn from God when you turn to your books, or feel that you must turn from your books in order to turn to God? If learning and devotion are as antagonistic as that, then the intellectual life is in itself accursed and there can be no question of a religious life for a student, even of theology.” —B.B. Warfield

[VIDEO] John Maxwell has some great advice on conflict.

Did you know there is a right way to procrastinate? Yep! Check this out.

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