C.S. Lewis On Relationships

All of these quotes from C.S. Lewis appear in the book Yours, Jack.

“The modern tradition is that the proper reason for marrying is the state described as ‘being in love.’ … Doesn’t the modern emphasis on ‘love’ lead people either into divorce or into misery, because when that emotion dies down they conclude that their marriage is a ‘failure,’ though in fact they have just reached the point at which real marriage begins.” 

“There is a terrible comment on this in I Cor VI 16 ‘he that is joined to a harlot is one flesh.’ You see? Apparently, if Christianity is true, the mere fact of sexual intercourse set up between human beings a relation which has, so to speak, transcendent repercussions—some eternal relation is established whether they like it or not.” 

“Agape is best seen, I think, in the words ‘love your neighbor as yourself,’ i.e., by an act of will, aim at your neighbor’s good in the same way as you aim at your own. Now you don’t ‘love’ yourself because of your own ‘lovable qualities.’ You may, in moments of vanity, attribute lovable qualities to yourself, but that is not the cause of your self-love but one of the results of it. At other moments, when you dislike yourself, you still wish for your own happiness. This attitude to one’s own self is dictated by nature: towards other selves it has to be acquired.” 

“The great thing in friendship as in all other forms of love is, as you know, to turn from the demand to be loved (or helped or answered) to the wish to love (or help or answer).” 

“When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.” 

“I take it that in every marriage natural love sooner or later, in a high or low degree, comes up against difficulties (if only the difficulty that the original state of ‘being in love’ dies a natural death) which forces it either to turn into dislike or else to turn into Christian charity. For all of our natural feelings are, not resting places, but points d’appui, springboards. One has to go on from there, or fall back from there. The merely human pleasure in being loved must either go bad or become the divine joy of loving.” 

“It is right and inevitable that we should be much concerned about the salvation of those we love. But we must be careful not to expect or demand that their salvation should conform to some ready-made pattern of our own. … God has His own unique way with each soul.” 

“The real trouble about the duty of forgiveness is that you do it with all your might on Monday and then find on Wednesday that it hasn’t stayed put and all has to be done over again.”

You can read my review of Yours, Jack by clicking here. And you can check out some other quotes I shared from this collection of Lewis’ personal correspondence here and here.

Unlearning Limiting Fears

Did you know that you were only born with two fears: the fear of falling and the fear of loud noises? Yet the DSM-5 has a whole section to help mental health professionals diagnosis the specific phobia that may be limiting someone’s life. That might be because some places list upwards of 500 recognized phobias that constrict people’s lives! 

Since only two of our fears are innate fears, that means the rest of the fears that trouble us are learned fears. Since God repeatedly says “Fear not!” throughout Scripture, that must mean He also tells us how to overcome our fears. 

Christians—as aliens and strangers on this Earth—should have an alien response to earthly fears. So if we are going to unlearn some of the fears that have cramped our lives we will need to learn and relearn what God says to us.

Peter asks what might seem like a rhetorical question, “Who is going to harm you if are eager to do good?” Think about it: who wants to punish someone for doing the right thing? Apparently some people do because Peter goes on to add, “But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened” (1 Peter 3:13-14). 

So even if people insult Christians for doing things God’s right way, God’s blessing is on them. Sadly, people without God’s blessing on their lives often give in to the FOMO (fear of missing out) and they end up lashing out at those being blessed. That lashing out is directly rooted in their fears. 

Abraham Maslow proposed a hierarchy of needs that humans have, and obviously, there would be fears associated with any of those needs not being met. At least, that would be the Earthling response. Christians need to unlearn those fears by learning and relearning why God tells them to “Fear not!” 

  1. Fear of not having physiological needs met—Jesus tells us why we shouldn’t worry (Matthew 6:25-34). 
  2. Fear of not being kept safe—the psalmist tells us that God is our shield (Psalm 84:11).
  3. Fear of not fitting in with a certain social group—Jesus proudly call His followers His brothers and sisters (Hebrews 2:11-12).
  4. Fear of not being rewarded or recognized—Jesus says there are blessings for those that hang in with Him through persecution, including being called a co-heir alongside Him (Matthew 5:10-12; Romans 8:17).
  5. Fear of our life not having purpose—the apostle Paul reminds us that God chose us on purpose to be His example to the world (1 Corinthians 1:25-27). 

Since Jesus overcame all the things that could cause us fear, Peter counsels us to arm yourselves with this same attitude (1 Peter 4:1). The Greek word for arm yourselves only appears here, and it means for us to repeatedly remind ourselves of God’s truth. The Greek word for attitude is only here and in Hebrews 4:12, where we are reminded that the Word of God helps our minds unlearn, learn, and relearn God’s truth. 

Have the borders of your life been squeezed by your fears? Do you feel like you’re missing out on the “abundant life” that Jesus said you could have? The Word of God can help you unlearn those fears, and fellow Christians would love to come alongside you to help you continue to relearn that truth over and over again until your fears are banished from your life! 

Don’t let fear keep you from being all that God has planned for you to be! 

Please join me on Sunday as we continue our study of how Christians are to live as aliens and strangers while on Earth. You can join me in person or on Facebook Live. 

Saturday In The Proverbs—God Gets The Final Say (Proverbs 21)

[Each chapter in the Book of Proverbs contains thoughts that fit into a theme; they are not just random thoughts gathered together. In this “Saturday In The Proverbs” series, I will share a theme that I see in each chapter. But the cool thing about God’s Word is that you may see an entirely different theme. That’s great! If you do, I would love for you to share it in the comments below.]

The king’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes (Proverbs 21:1).

 

I may be in charge of something, but I am never in complete control. God has the final say in my…

  • …affections (vv. 1, 17, 24)
  • …motives (vv. 2, 6, 10, 13, 14, 22, 27)
  • …righteousness (vv. 3, 4, 7, 8, 12, 15, 16, 18, 21, 29)
  • …plans (vv. 5, 31)
  • …household management (vv. 9, 19)
  • …attitude toward correction (v. 11)
  • …stewardship (v. 20)
  • …words (vv. 23, 28)
  • …work ethic (vv. 25, 26)

“There is no wisdom or understanding or counsel against the Lord” (v. 30). God always has the final say.

Success From Failure

People are rarely successful the first time they try something. In fact, Thomas Edison once quipped, “I’ve had a lot of success with failure.” 

And you’ve probably heard the tried-and-true cliché—If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. 

Here are five attitude-adjusting thoughts and one key question about failure and success from John Maxwell: 

  1. Failure is an attitude, not just an outcome.
  2. Success comes by going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
  3. Failure isn’t failure unless you learn nothing from it.
  4. Failure is an opportunity to begin again, but more intelligently.
  5. Failure never leaves us the same: I’m either leaving the failure and giving excuses, or I’m learning from the failure and I’m growing. 

John then asks: “The key question on your bad day is: Are you going to give up or get up?” 

What are you going to do with failure?

If you want to read more, check out John Maxwell’s book Sometimes You Win, Sometimes You Learn, or some other Maxwell quotes here.

Thursdays With Oswald—Jeremiah 4

Oswald ChambersThis is a weekly series with things I’m reading and pondering from Oswald Chambers. You can read the original seed thought here, or type “Thursdays With Oswald” in the search box to read more entries.

Jeremiah 4

[These are notes from Oswald Chambers’ lectures on Jeremiah 4.]

     The great truth underlying calamity is that the truth and way of God is seen but abandoned because it is too difficult. Unless we understand this we shall misjudge God in His dealings with His people and imagine that He is too stern. … Abandon is not rebellion yet; abandon simply means—“That is a nice vision, but it is not for me.” … 

     The battle is lost or won in the secret places of the will with God alone, never first in external circumstances. … When that is done we can go forth with the smiling certainty that our battle is won, nothing will ever again enthrall us on that line. The world, the flesh and the devil have not the slightest power over the man who can rule his own spirit, who has fought the battle out before God and won there. …

     When the secret places of our will before God are revealed you know exactly what you have to do. Let the Word of God bore a hole in your self-complacency about the particular thing He has hauled you up about and then put in another Word that He brings to you, and you will soon find His dynamite at work. … 

     We are choked by a little thing that has not its root in God, which God condemned and we pathetically wept over but left there. … Never put a thing off and say, “It does not matter, no one sees.” No, but they will see you go down like standing corn before the scythe in external circumstances, because you played the traitor to God in secret. If God has revealed anything to you for the tiniest glimmer of a second and you don’t obey Him and cultivate that territory for Him, you will go down when the crisis comes. … 

     The basis of life on earth apart from God is chaos. … No whining and no shirking will ever help us to escape the utter confusion that is at the basis of every bit of human life that has ignored God. … 

From Notes On Jeremiah 

Our battles are won or lost in secret long before they are ever fought externally. 

God’s Holy Spirit wants to dynamite the areas of our life that would cause us to falter in the day of battle. If we will allow Him to deal with these things in private, we will be more than conquerors when that day of external temptation finally comes. 

If we maintain the “It’s no big deal” attitude with God in private, we shall surely be defeated by the temptations when they do come. 

The choice is yours…

Everyone’s A Critic

These are wise words from John Maxwell in The Maxwell Leadership Bible

Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married; for he had married an Ethiopian woman. (Numbers 12:1)

Leaders can bank on two truths. First, they will be criticized. Second, criticism always changes the leader. Unhappy people tend to attack the point person.

Moses’ only family criticized him. Notice what God and Moses teach us on how to handle criticism (Numbers 12):

  1. Maintain your humility. (v. 3)
  2. Face the criticism squarely. (v. 4)
  3. Be specific about the issue. (vv. 5-8)
  4. Lay out consequences. (vv. 9, 10)
  5. Pray for the criticizers. (vv. 12, 13)
  6. Restore them when appropriate. (v. 14)

Beyond that, consider the ways leaders should handle criticism:

  1. Understand the difference between constructive and destructive criticism.
  2. Look beyond the criticism to see the critic.
  3. Guard your own attitude toward the critic.
  4. Keep yourself spiritually in shape. Associate with people of faith.
  5. Wait for time to prove the critic wrong.
  6. Concentrate on your mission; change your mistakes.

You might also want to check out—

12 More Quotes From “Peace In The Face Of Cancer”

For anyone battling cancer or standing as a caregiver or friend to a cancer patient, Lynn Eib’s book Peace In The Face Of Cancer is an absolute must-read! I have already shared a few quotes from Lynn, but she also did a great job including quotes from other authors.

“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

“Every tear you cried will be redeemed. God will give you indescribable glory for your grief, not with a general wave of the hand, but in a considered and specific way. Each tear has been listed; each will be recompensed.” —Joni Eareckson Tada

“Hoping for the good news makes me feel helpless and vulnerable because it is what it is and my hoping won’t change what it is. Hoping for accurate news keeps me focused on useful information that will help me deal with what is. Hoping for accurate news helps me prepare for any news.” —Wendy Harpham

“Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.” —Kahlil Gibran

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” —Abraham Lincoln 

“What you believe and tell yourself can become a powerful medication in your personal pharmacy.” —Dr. William Backus

“The best way to show my gratitude to God is to accept everything, even my problems, with joy.” —Mother Teresa

“You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you joy (regardless of your circumstances).” —Jesus, in Sarah Young’s Jesus Calling

“Don’t count the days; makes the days count.” —Mohammad Ali 

“When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer.” —Corrie ten Boom

“In emotional and mental health, what you believe it is all important. It makes a difference what you believe. Other people, circumstances, events and material things are not what make you happy.” —Dr. William Backus and Marie Chapian

“The people who do the best are those who don’t battle the disease, but dance with it. That means you have to be flexible and you have to know and accept your limitations. You have to allow people to help you, but without surrendering to the disease.” —Dr. George Fisher

Check out my review of Peace In The Face Of Cancer here. And check out some quotes from Lynn Eib here.

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