Secure Daughters, Confident Sons (book review)

Our society is bombarded by so many flat-out-wrong messages about boys and girls, and how to parent them. In Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, Glenn T. Stanton helps set the record straight.

Right out of the gate, Glenn makes an important statement about the need for a book such as this:

“If the rhetoric of political correctness keeps us from exploring the issue of gender differences, we lose something valuable to our humanity. Amazing scientific evidences of essential sex differences in the fields of anthropology, psychology, endocrinology, and neurology in the last few decades strongly disprove nearly all the thinking that drove the misunderstanding about gender in the first place. In fact, the more sophisticated this scientific research gets, the more it deepens our insight into the importance of male and female differences and how profoundly they exist within us.” (emphasis mine)

With a no-holds-barred approach, Glenn dismantles the politically-correct falsehoods like:

  • There are no real differences between boys and girls.
  • Kids can development just fine in a fatherless home.
  • Our children are just as healthy in a one-parent home as in a two-parent home.
  • Kids will be kids regardless of what their parents tell them.

The first few chapters alternate between information specifically for raising boys, and information specifically for raising girls. Then the later chapters zero in on the roles both Dads and Moms play in developing healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure children. Who (no surprise here) develop into healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure adults and future parents.

In one of the concluding chapters Glenn writes—

“Boys who grow up with warm and close connections with their fathers are more likely to develop a healthy masculine sense of self. …Boys who grow up with close, affectionate, and affirming relationships with their mothers have a better sensitivity to and understanding of women. …Girls who grow up close to affirming, warm, loving, and confident moms are more likely to be secure and healthy in their womanhood. Girls who grow up close to their fathers in loving and affirming relationships are more likely to be confident around boys and men as they grow.”

I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for parents and soon-to-be parents to READ THIS BOOK! Raising children is an awesome responsibility, and we need all the help we can get!

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

Leadership Tension

Along time ago I was studying the virtues that the Greek philosophers taught. To the Greeks, the virtue was considered the “golden mean” between two opposite extremes. It was the ability to balance the tensions that produced the virtue.

In areas where I have leadership responsibilities, I try to find the virtue of leadership as the balance between these two tensions:

  • Here is a trustworthy saying: Whoever aspires to be an overseer desires a noble task. (1 Timothy 3:1)
  • Should you then seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them. (Jeremiah 45:5)

On the one side: desire leadership. On the other side: don’t desire leadership. Do your best at it, but be ready to give it up.

I love this statement on leadership from John Maxwell—

Leadership is the willingness to put oneself at risk.
Leadership is the passion to make a difference with others.
Leadership is being dissatisfied with the current reality.
Leadership is taking responsibility while others are making excuses.
Leadership is seeing the possibilities while others are seeing the limitations.
Leadership is the readiness to stand out in a crowd.
Leadership is an open mind and an open heart.
Leadership is the ability to submerge your ego for the sake of what is best.
Leadership is evoking in other the capacity to dream.
Leadership is inspiring others with a vision of what they can contribute.
Leadership is the power of one harnessing the power of many.
Leadership is your heart speaking to the hearts of others.
Leadership is the integration of heart, head, and soul.
Leadership is the capacity to care, and in caring, to liberate the ideas, energy and capacity of others.
Leadership is the dream made reality.
Leadership is, above all, courageous.

I am trying to balance the pulls of leadership, but while I do I’m loving the leadership tension!

UPDATE: This idea of leadership tension became one of the key seed thoughts for my book Shepherd Leadership: The Metrics That Really Matter

Wider Longer Higher Deeper

When was the last time you experienced a dimension of God’s love for the first time?

The Apostle Paul suggested that God’s love went beyond our 3-dimensional world—

And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:17-19)

God’s love is WIDER than we can cross in a lifetime…

LONGER than we can see with natural eyes…

HIGHER than we can scale on our own…

DEEPER than we can comprehend.

I love the last verse of Frederick M. Lehman’s hymn The Love Of God

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Gutsy Prayer

I am no long my own, but Thine,

Put me to what Thou wilt, rank me with whom Thou wilt.

Put me to doing, put me to suffering.

Let me be employed by Thee or laid aside for Thee,

Exalted for Thee or brought low for Thee.

Let me be full, let me be empty.

Let me have all things, let me have nothing.

I freely and heartily yield all things

To Thy pleasure and disposal.

And now, O glorious and blessed God,

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,

Thou art mine, and I am Thine. So be it.

And the covenant which I have made on earth,

Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen. (John Wesley’s covenant prayer, 1780)

Wow, that’s a gutsy prayer to pray! I would like to think I can pray this and truly mean it. What about you? Could you really pray this?

Majesty On Display

These pictures from NASA (and video compliments of Chris Abbas) show the majesty of our Creator…

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
      The skies display His craftsmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
      night after night they make Him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
      their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
      and their words to all the world. (Psalm 19:1-4)

My Hope

Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who HOPE in Me will not be disappointed. (Isaiah 49:23)

HOPE = to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.

Where can you find “reasonable confidence”?

  • …the economy?
  • …your parents?
  • …your pastor?
  • …your savings account?

God says, “If you place your HOPE in Me [your reasonable confidence], you will never be disappointed.”

My HOPE is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ Name

When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my HOPE and Stay.

On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Benefit Package

See if you can spot the common theme in Proverbs 10:

The Lord will not let the godly go hungry (v. 3)

The godly are showered with blessings (v. 6)

We have happy memories of the godly (v. 7)

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain (v. 11)

The earnings of the godly enhance their lives (v. 16)

The words of the godly are like sterling silver (v. 20)

The words of the godly encourage many (v. 21)

The hopes of the godly will be granted (v. 24)

The godly have a lasting foundation (v. 25)

The hopes of the godly result in happiness (v. 28)

The godly will never be disturbed (v. 30)

The mouth of the godly person gives wise advice (v. 31)

The lips of the godly speak helpful words (v. 32)

I may not be a genius, but it seems like living a God-pleasing life has quite a few desirable benefits. What do you say we give it a try?

(For another look at Proverbs 10, check out this post.)

Thursdays With Oswald—Stay Away From Controversies

This is a weekly series with things I’m reading and pondering from Oswald Chambers. You can read the original seed thought here, or type “Thursdays With Oswald” in the search box to read more entries.

Stay Away From Controversies

     That is the danger of putting theology first; it leads a man to tell a lie in order to be consistent with his point of view. …In a theological dispute the theologian is apt to put his point of view in the place of God. … Only one man in a thousand can maintain his spiritual life and controvert; he may increase his intellectual vim, but he does not increase his spiritual grasp of things. Dr. Alexander Whyte put this better than any other when he said:

     “…Eschew controversy, my brethren, as you would eschew the entrance to hell itself. Let them have it their way; let them talk; let them write; let them correct you; let them traduce you; let them judge and condemn you; let them slay you. Rather let the truth of God suffer itself, than that love suffer. You do not have enough of the divine nature in you to be a controversialist.”

From Baffled To Fight Better

Augustine prayed: “Heal me of this lust of mine of always vindicating myself.”

When David was attacked he prayed: “I cry out to God Most High, to God, who vindicates me” (Psalm 57:2).

Who cares what others say? Who cares if you “lose” the argument? What does God say? Let Him—and Him alone—vindicate you.

Help! I’m A Single Parent!

I believe God brings us to certain places and experiences in our lives to develop more of His nature in us. One of the aspects of God’s nature is His empathy. That word literally means to be in suffering with someone. Throughout all of history, God continually tells humanity, “I feel what you feel. When you suffer, I suffer too.” The Bible also tells us that Jesus experienced everything we will ever experience, and knows just how we feel.

So this week I’m experiencing what it’s like to be a single parent. Betsy is visiting her family in California, so I’m home with our kids. Granted this is not even close to what true single parents have to cope with. They do it for years, and I’m struggling with just a week. But my week-long experience is developing greater empathy in me.

I’ve got my usual slate of activity for this week, and then I come home to a crying child who is dealing with a rough relationship issue at school. And then I’m trading texts with a coach, trying to work out details for a practice schedule for another child. And then I’m juggling how to get my kids to three different activities, which all start at almost the same time. And then I’m trying to figure out the family meals, and squeezing in a trip to the grocery store. And then I’m having a discussion with my kids about a housekeeping issue. And then … and then … and then …

God’s design was for our kids to have two parents: a Mom and a Dad. When one parent is missing, I believe God gives extra grace to the remaining parent to operate in both roles. But that isn’t God’s ideal. Into this void, Christians are supposed to step in.

  • Support organizations that assist single parents.
  • Better yet: volunteer at one of these organization.
  • Invite a single-parent family over to dinner at your house.
  • Be a mentor.
  • If your kids are going somewhere a single parent’s kids are, offer to help carpool.
  • Guys, be a father-figure to fatherless kids.
  • Ladies, be a mother-figure to motherless kids.
  • Let a single parent drop off his/her kids at your house so that parent can have some alone time.
  • Take a single parent out for coffee and let them vent.
  • Provide a scholarship to a camp for single-parent kids.

The cliché said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think it’s even better this way: It takes a loving Church to raise a healthy, well-balance FAMILY.

It’s time for Christians to be that Church!

Doing Virtuous Business (book review)

The quote on the front cover of Doing Virtuous Business by Theodore Roosevelt Malloch says it well: “Every CEO should read this book.” I agree!

It seems that our mainstream media has become more and more anti-capitalism and anti-private business. It seems a small — but very vocal — group would prefer that our government oversee every business enterprise. According to Theodore Malloch, nothing could be farther from the biblical way of thinking about business.

By using both real-time examples of virtuous businesses and the wisdom of Scripture, Mr. Malloch makes the strong case that businesses operating on biblical virtues become spiritual enterprises that can benefit all of society. As a former business owner myself, I couldn’t agree more.

A few quotes from the book to whet your appetite—

By creating wealth, we use God’s gifts responsibly, and provided that we work toward that goal in a spirit of humility and gratitude, we benefit all those with whom we deal long the way.

When people join together in an enterprise, they create a new person, the firm itself, which is something greater than the sum of its parts. It, too, has a soul, and if its members honor God, then it, too, honors God.

Profitability comes last among the principles: it is not the primary goal of the company, but the consequence of doing business in the right way, so as to honor God.

A company guided by faith will possess the virtues that I have described in this book: it will have the courage and perseverance to pursue its goals and also the humility, compassion, and forgiveness to guard against arrogance and offensiveness.

This is the first book I have read in quite awhile that deals head-on with the weak arguments the anti-capitalists use. And it does so winsomely, kindly, and quite persuasively. I repeat it again: every CEO should read this book!

I am a Thomas Nelson book reviewer.