God Chooses Dads

God chooses DadsThis is an amazing thing God says to Abraham:

When the men got up to leave, they looked down toward Sodom, and Abraham walked along with them to see them on their way. Then the Lord said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.” (Genesis 18:16-18)

Notice some very important aspects in this passage especially for Dads.

(1) God chose Abraham to be a father. 

God doesn’t haphazardly give children to fathers; He places children in homes on purpose. God chooses Dads!

(2) God chose Abraham for a specific paternal responsibility. 

God chooses a Dad today for the same reason He chose Abraham: So that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just. 

(3) Because God gave Abraham this responsibility, He revealed intimate details to him about Abraham’s household. 

God asks, “Should I hide this from Abraham?” And then answers His own question with a resounding “No!” by telling Abraham specifically what is about to happen that will affect Abraham’s household (vv. 20-21). God wants to tell you, too, what’s happening in our culture that will affect your children.

(4) Abraham used this insight wisely. 

Verse 22 tells us, “Abraham remained standing before the Lord.” Dads, there is no better place for you to be than in God’s presence. If God chose you to be your children’s Dad, and if He specifically gave those children to you, He is your best resource for help in raising God-loving children!

Billy Graham said, “Parenting is the most important responsibility most of us will ever face, and none of us does it perfectly.” But rest assured, God wants to help us do it better!

The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge (book review)

Next to being a husband, there is nothing I love more than being a Dad! I take my responsibility as a father very seriously, so that’s why I am always trying to grow in this area of my life. I just finished a 3-week journey through The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge by Carey Casey, and I am a better Dad for it.

As the name implies, this is designed to be read one day at a time over 21 days. At the end of each day’s lesson there are challenges to help Dads put into practice what they’ve just read. These challenges, I discovered, cannot be accomplished in a single day; they are intended to become lifelong habits. At the end of several of the chapters is a QR code that takes you to a short 2-minute video by Dr. Greg Smalley, who serves as a cheerleader/motivator to help Dads get moving.

I appreciated “the little things” that this book showed Dads could do right away. The principles in this book are not hard to implement, but they are simple steps that any Dad can do. At least, any Dad who wants to step up his fathering skills!

I loved it! I think lots of other Dads will too.

I am a Tyndale book reviewer.

Integrity At Home

I read this verse the other day in my devotions, and it’s really been doing a number on my heart.

…I will lead a life of integrity in my own home. (Psalm 101:2 NLT)

I would hate it if I was considered a hero at work, but considered a zero in my own home.

Here’s what I’m processing:

  • Do I earn the same level of respect at home as I do at the office?
  • Do I put in the same diligence into growing my home life as I do growing my career?
  • Am I as forgiving with my family as with friends and coworkers?
  • Do I have the same level of preparation at home as I do at work?
  • Am I learning the craft of being a husband and father like I’m learning the craft of being a pastor?
  • Do I honor my commitments at home like I do with others?

I don’t want to live as John Bunyan described Talkative in Pilgrim’s Progress: “He was a saint abroad and a devil at home.”

Instead one of my life verses is this: I have no greater joy than knowing my children all walk in the truth (3 John 4).

The only way this will be possible is if I led a life of integrity in my own home.

Secure Daughters, Confident Sons (book review)

Our society is bombarded by so many flat-out-wrong messages about boys and girls, and how to parent them. In Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, Glenn T. Stanton helps set the record straight.

Right out of the gate, Glenn makes an important statement about the need for a book such as this:

“If the rhetoric of political correctness keeps us from exploring the issue of gender differences, we lose something valuable to our humanity. Amazing scientific evidences of essential sex differences in the fields of anthropology, psychology, endocrinology, and neurology in the last few decades strongly disprove nearly all the thinking that drove the misunderstanding about gender in the first place. In fact, the more sophisticated this scientific research gets, the more it deepens our insight into the importance of male and female differences and how profoundly they exist within us.” (emphasis mine)

With a no-holds-barred approach, Glenn dismantles the politically-correct falsehoods like:

  • There are no real differences between boys and girls.
  • Kids can development just fine in a fatherless home.
  • Our children are just as healthy in a one-parent home as in a two-parent home.
  • Kids will be kids regardless of what their parents tell them.

The first few chapters alternate between information specifically for raising boys, and information specifically for raising girls. Then the later chapters zero in on the roles both Dads and Moms play in developing healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure children. Who (no surprise here) develop into healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure adults and future parents.

In one of the concluding chapters Glenn writes—

“Boys who grow up with warm and close connections with their fathers are more likely to develop a healthy masculine sense of self. …Boys who grow up with close, affectionate, and affirming relationships with their mothers have a better sensitivity to and understanding of women. …Girls who grow up close to affirming, warm, loving, and confident moms are more likely to be secure and healthy in their womanhood. Girls who grow up close to their fathers in loving and affirming relationships are more likely to be confident around boys and men as they grow.”

I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for parents and soon-to-be parents to READ THIS BOOK! Raising children is an awesome responsibility, and we need all the help we can get!

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

Help! I’m A Single Parent!

I believe God brings us to certain places and experiences in our lives to develop more of His nature in us. One of the aspects of God’s nature is His empathy. That word literally means to be in suffering with someone. Throughout all of history, God continually tells humanity, “I feel what you feel. When you suffer, I suffer too.” The Bible also tells us that Jesus experienced everything we will ever experience, and knows just how we feel.

So this week I’m experiencing what it’s like to be a single parent. Betsy is visiting her family in California, so I’m home with our kids. Granted this is not even close to what true single parents have to cope with. They do it for years, and I’m struggling with just a week. But my week-long experience is developing greater empathy in me.

I’ve got my usual slate of activity for this week, and then I come home to a crying child who is dealing with a rough relationship issue at school. And then I’m trading texts with a coach, trying to work out details for a practice schedule for another child. And then I’m juggling how to get my kids to three different activities, which all start at almost the same time. And then I’m trying to figure out the family meals, and squeezing in a trip to the grocery store. And then I’m having a discussion with my kids about a housekeeping issue. And then … and then … and then …

God’s design was for our kids to have two parents: a Mom and a Dad. When one parent is missing, I believe God gives extra grace to the remaining parent to operate in both roles. But that isn’t God’s ideal. Into this void, Christians are supposed to step in.

  • Support organizations that assist single parents.
  • Better yet: volunteer at one of these organization.
  • Invite a single-parent family over to dinner at your house.
  • Be a mentor.
  • If your kids are going somewhere a single parent’s kids are, offer to help carpool.
  • Guys, be a father-figure to fatherless kids.
  • Ladies, be a mother-figure to motherless kids.
  • Let a single parent drop off his/her kids at your house so that parent can have some alone time.
  • Take a single parent out for coffee and let them vent.
  • Provide a scholarship to a camp for single-parent kids.

The cliché said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think it’s even better this way: It takes a loving Church to raise a healthy, well-balance FAMILY.

It’s time for Christians to be that Church!

Home From The E.R.

It’s 1:35am and we just got back home from the emergency room. Brandon was sledding at a friend’s birthday party this evening and gashed open his cheek when he collided with a tree branch. Not a very fun way to end an evening with friends!

But he was such a trooper through the whole ordeal!

I am so thankful for…

  • …the Michigan State trooper that helped me find my way.
  • …the spontaneous prayer for Brandon by his sledding friends.
  • …the staff at the Helen DeVos Children’s Hospital.
  • …an employer who provides me with medical insurance.
  • …the outstanding work of Drs. Rechner & Martin.
  • …the watchful care of our Heavenly Father.

I’m heading to bed full of gratitude.

They’re Both Dissin’

Check out these opening paragraphs from an article on WebMD (if you wish, you can read the full article here):

     People over 50 get a self-esteem boost when they read negative news about young adults, a study shows.

     Researchers also say young people, when given the choice, would rather read about people their own age and aren’t very interested in stories about their elders, whether the articles are positive or negative.

     “Our results reflect that the younger readers did not perceive older people as all that relevant,” study researcher Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, PhD, of Ohio State University, tells WebMD by email. “They’re more concerned with figuring out who they are and where they stand, and those in the same age group appear to provide the relevant comparisons for that.”

Okay, this disturbs me on several areas. Basically, each age group is dissin’ the other age group.

The senior citizens are projecting a snickering, see-I-told-you, father-knows-best, condescending attitude on youth. Why would anyone who is willing to learn and grow want to be around that kind of person?!

Then our youth have an I’ve-got-it-all-figured-out, I-don’t-need-you, you’re-out-of-touch attitude toward the senior citizens. Why would anyone who is willing to mentor someone ever want to be that kind of person?!

I think both of these generational groups could learn from this wise advice:

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.

The Imbalanced Mother

We had a great time celebrating Moms yesterday. Moms are these amazing creatures that seem to be everywhere and doing everything. This ability to multitask is a blessing, but it can lead to problems if Moms try to perfectly balance their lives through more multitasking.

Perfect balance is an impossibility. Just as soon as you think you have everything balanced, life throws you a curve: a sick child … a flat tire … change of plans … I’m sure you know the drill.

Instead of trying to be the perfectly balanced multitasker, I suggest that you become a purposely imbalanced, God-leaning mother.

Imbalance your day toward God.

Take the time necessary to lean into God, and the rest of your day will be well-ordered.

Dads and kids, the greatest thing you can do to honor your wife/mother, is to make sure she has undisturbed time alone with God. I promise you that after she spends this time, the rest of her day—and therefore your day—will go much more smoothly. Help her to imbalance her life.

Here’s a great poem from Faye Inchfawn written in 1920:

See, I am cumbered, Lord,
With serving, and with small vexatious things.
Upstairs, and down, my feet
Must hasten, sure and fleet.
So weary that I cannot heed Thy word;
So tired, I cannot now mount up with wings.
I wrestle – how I wrestle! – through the hours.
Nay, not with principalities, nor powers
Dark spiritual foes of God’s and man’s
But with antagonistic pots and pans:
With footmarks in the hall,
With smears upon the wall,
With doubtful ears, and small unwashen hands,
And with a babe’s innumerable demands.
I toil with feverish haste, while tear-drops glisten,
 
(O, child of Mine, be still. And listenlisten!)
 
At last, I laid aside
Important work, no other hands could do
So well (I thought), no skill contrive so true.
And with my heart’s door open—open wide—
With leisured feet, and idle hands, I sat.
I, foolish, fussy, blind as any bat,
Sat down to listen, and to learn. And lo,
My thousand tasks were done the better so.

 

If All Your Friends Were Jumping Off A Cliff…

…would you do it too?

Okay, quick show of hands: how many of you heard your Mom or Dad say this to you? I’ve got both my hands up!

I always hated this statement, because I felt like saying, “Mom, I’m not an idiot. I know where to draw the line.” This an extreme example (a hyperbole) intended to get a point across. The point that our parents were trying to make is: humans tend to be crowd followers.

We want to be accepted, so sometimes we bend ourselves a little bit to get the stamp of approval from our peers. It might be a little more obvious among teenagers with clothing choices, music preferences, or attitudes toward those “outside” the mainstream. Although it gets a little more subtle among adults, I think the desire to be accepted—to go along with the crowd—is always there.

Or else we become rebels. If society says “Right” the rebel says “Left.” If society says “War” the rebel says “Peace.” If Mom and Dad say, “Go to church,” the rebel says, “I’m going to stay away from church.” Which shows another tendency of human nature: we tend to go to extremes.

God says, “Do what is right. Period”…

You must not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you are called to testify in a dispute, do not be swayed by the crowd to twist justice. And do not slant your testimony in favor of a person just because that person is poor.

Don’t go along with the crowd just to be accepted.

Don’t go alone just to be an individual.

Live for the approval of an audience of One.

It’s only when I take the time to reflect on my conversations, my actions, my thoughts, that I see these two tendencies in me: I do one thing to go along and then do something entirely different to show that I’m my own man. Instead of these extremes, I need to ask, “Is this pleasing to God?”

I’m working on it. How about you?

Not Mine But God’s

Have you ever wondered how Cain and Abel could end up so night-and-day different from each other? Think about it:

  • Same parents
  • Same home
  • No peer pressure
  • No real outside influences

Yet Cain became a farmer and the first murderer, and Abel became a shepherd and the first murder victim.

Yes, I know personality and temperament come into it. But so does the involvement of their parents. It’s interesting that Eve (not Adam) names their boys. There seems to be a little bit of “father absenteeism” that is involved here, but more telling is the commentary that Eve makes in naming her boys.

With Cain, she said, “I have gotten a man from the Lord.” Digging a little deeper in the Hebrew language, Cain means “a possession.” So Eve said, “This is mine. I did it.”

When Abel is born, there is no commentary. However, his name means “breath.” Something only God can give.

See the difference:

Cain = mine!

Abel = God’s!

As a result, Cain grew up wanting to do things to please himself, and Abel only wanted to please God.

As a parent, I always have to remember that my children are God’s. He loaned them to me to raise them up to serve and love Him. They are not mine, they are His.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. (Psalm 127:3)

Keep that in mind, Moms and Dads, when you’re interacting with God’s gifts and rewards.