I have shared before how I often wake up with a particular song on my mind. This morning it was a 1969 classic that I added to my iPod a few weeks ago: “More Today Than Yesterday” by The Spiral Starecase. (Go ahead and listen to the song while you read on.)
So as I was attempting to wake up Betsy, I sang part of the chorus to her. “I love you more today than yesterday. But not as much as tomorrow.” Which got me thinking: How do I do this?
Betsy and I have been “an item” for 8,935 days. I thought I loved her tons yesterday, so how do I love her more today than yesterday? Let me take a couple of cues from the song:
“I’ll be spending time with you”—the greater the quantity of time I spend with her the more likely I’ll have quality time with her.
“Everyday’s a new day in love with you”—love keeps no record of wrongs. If I’m holding grudges against her or beating myself up over mistakes I made, I’m keeping a record. Forgiveness is the key to wiping the slate clean so I can love her more today than yesterday.
“With each day comes a new way of loving you”—there’s a reason why the apostle Paul talks about “growing up” in the great love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. My love should be maturing and growing up every day. So today I should be able to love Betsy in a more mature way.
“I thank the Lord for love like ours that grows ever stronger”—as my relationship with Jesus becomes more intimate I will learn how to love Betsy more today than yesterday. As C.S. Lewis put it, “When I have learned to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now.”
What special relationships do you have? Do you love that earthly dearest more today than yesterday? With quality time, forgiveness, maturity, and a closer relationship with Jesus, you can truly love that special someone more today than yesterday. Give it a try!
I’m learning great lessons from hanging out with my puppy Grace. Today I was observing how Grace lives in the moment—how she is fully there in whatever and wherever there is.
When she’s hungry, she eats.
When she’s full, she walks away from her dish.
When she’s thirsty, she drinks.
When she’s satisfied, she walks away from the water bowl.
When someone is around to play with her, she’s on full-throttle GO!
When she’s alone, she amuses herself.
When she’s tired, she takes a nap.
When I leave a room, she follows me.
When I have to go somewhere in my car, she’s right with me.
When I’m happy, she wags her tail.
When I’m upset, her tail and ears hang low.
In short, whatever there is to do, she does just that without holding anything back. And most of the time what she’s doing is based around who’s doing what around her. She’s always fully there in the moment.
I have had a quote in my files for quite some time from Dr. Richard Dobbins. I’m challenged by this thought about married love because it can easily apply to every relationship I have:
“But most of the time Christian married love comes dressed in overalls—it is practical, down-to-earth, everyday hard work. It is really thinking of the other person and doing what the other person needs and being what the other person needs when he or she needs you to be there.”
The great “love chapter” in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13) really is about being there for others … focusing on others … and then living fully in the moment for them. Check out a few verses from this chapter from The Message paraphrase:
Love never gives up. Lovecares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others, Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always, Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
I’m working on being fully there for the ones I love today. How about you?
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I sort of remember the days of full-service gas stations. My Dad would drive in and say, “Fill ’er up!” and the gas station attendant would jump into action. Filling up the gas tank, cleaning the windshield, checking the oil level, and even checking the air pressure in the tires.
But, alas, those days of full service seem to be long gone, replaced by highly-efficient, less-personal self-serve stations. And I’m not necessarily talking just about gasoline stations either.
All of our lives seem to have become more efficient and less personal. We are a more do-it-yourself, leverage-technology kind of society today. And I wonder if the result is that many people aren’t getting filled up like they used to.
There is a well-known Bible story in 2 Kings 4. A widow is facing what would amount to foreclosure today. Except this foreclosure was on her sons. Her husband, a God-fearing man, had died and left her with debts she could not pay. The practice in that society was for her sons to be “sold” to pay off the debts. These boys would have to work all day long for someone else, and whatever money they would have earned for their labors would go to the creditors.
In her desperation, the widow turned to the prophet Elisha. He asked her if she had anything of value in her house, and she replied, “Just a little oil. But not enough to pay off my debts.” The counsel Elisha gave her is applicable for our self-serve society today—
Elisha said, “Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don’t ask for just a few” (v. 3).
Elisha asked the woman and her family to humble themselves—ask all your neighbors. Sometimes this is one of our biggest hindrances: pride which keeps us from admitting we have a need. And this was no small task because she had to ask ALL her neighbors to, “Fill ’er up!”
Elisha asked them to be persistent—don’t ask for just a few. Not just a jar here and there, but ask for every available jar to, “Fill ’er up!”
The principles in this story shouldn’t just apply to times of desperation in our lives. Because maybe if we worked on being around our neighbors and asking what needs they have, and sharing our needs as well, maybe we wouldn’t get into such desperate situations.
In the story in 2 Kings, the oil stopped flowing only after every available jar had been filled. If I want God to continue to pour His oil of blessing into my life, He has to have room in which to pour. That means that I need to be pouring into others’ lives as often as I can. Listen to the blessings when we, “Fill ’er up!”—
I want you to know how delighted I am to have Stephanas, Fortunatus, and Achaicus here with me. They partially make up for your absence! They’ve refreshed me by keeping me in touch with you. (1 Corinthians 16:17-18, The Message paraphrase)
In addition to our own encouragement, we were especially delighted to see how happy Titus was, because his spirit has been refreshed by all of you. (2 Corinthians 7:13)
God bless Onesiphorus and his family! Many’s the time I’ve been refreshed in that house. And he wasn’t embarrassed a bit that I was in jail. The first thing he did when he got to Rome was look me up. May God on the Last Day treat him as well as he treated me. (2 Timothy 1:16-18, The Message paraphrase)
Your love has given me much joy and comfort, my brother, for your kindness has often refreshed the hearts of God’s people. (Philemon 7 NLT)
Get around other “full” people and let them fill you up.
Seek out “empty” people and pour abundantly into them.
The more you pour out into others, the more room there is for God to pour into you.
God is always pleased when our lifestyle is one of “Fill ’er up!”
My Grandfather used to say, “Give me my flowers while I’m still alive.” I think this was his way of restating the cliché, “Dead noses smell no roses.” It’s true: flowers at a gravesite—no matter how beautiful they are—aren’t appreciated by dead noses. Kind and loving words spoken at a funeral—no matter how eloquent they are—aren’t appreciated by dead ears.
The point is: today is special. Today is one-of-a-kind. Today is the best day to tell someone dear to you how truly special they are. Today may be the last day you have to make something right. Today is the day to send those flowers. Don’t put it off until tomorrow.
How many people live with regrets today because of the things they didn’t say before a loved one passed away from this life? How many people feel guilty today because they didn’t make things right in a strained relationship? How much better to live today knowing that we said and did all of the things we could to express our love, to show how valuable the relationship was.
Job said, “My days are swifter than a runner” (Job 9:25).
His friend Bildad agreed that, “Our days on earth are but a shadow” (Job 8:9).
And James wrote, “Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone” (James 4:14).
We never know how much time is left to send those flowers.
Today…
Make that phone call.
Ask forgiveness.
Write that letter.
Apologize.
Hug.
Go to lunch.
Say, “I love you.”
Send those flowers.
Don’t live your tomorrows with regrets for the things unsaid or undone—say them and do them today.
I spent yesterday afternoon and a good portion of this morning with a precious family. The 93-year-old patriarch of the family is in his last days on this earth. This family is absolutely wonderful, and it has been such a blessing to spend this time with them.
They laugh, tell stories, sing songs, read Scripture, joke with each other, and cry. The full range of emotions overflowing from a full life.
I have learned something—the human heart is designed to know and to be known. The human heart longs for relationship—deep, meaningful, satisfying relationship. In order to achieve this type of relationship, two things are key: (1) Time and (2) Empathy.
(1) Time. Relationships cannot be microwaved. We cannot just show up, press a few buttons, and—voilá—expect a meaningful relationship. Of course, just spending a lot of time together doesn’t mean a relationship will be successful either. However, the greater the quantity of time that is spent means a greater likelihood of quality time.
(2) Empathy. The Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). It doesn’t say, “If people are low, bring them up; if they are too high, bring them down to realistic levels.” Empathy is all about letting the other person drive the agenda—to match whatever they are feeling. A Swedish Proverb says, “A shared joy is a double joy, and a shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”
Here’s a good pattern to follow—
Right Time + Right Thing = Meaningful Relationships
<or>
Quality Time + Empathy Time = Satisfying Relationships
Several people emailed me throughout the day saying, “I came to your blog but there was nothing new for today.” First of all, thanks—I’m honored that you are checking in so regularly.
My blog today was a casualty of the day—I got absolutely nothing done that was on my To Do list. But I had an incredible day!
I used to be a real hard-charging, task-oriented, bottom-line, project-driven, to-do-list lovin’ guy. I still am naturally bent that way, but I’ve learned something … (drum roll, please) … relationships don’t fit neatly on a To Do list.
I can hear some of you now, “Wow, Craig! That’s deep! You just figured that out?!?”
No, actually I’m a work-in-progress. I’ve been learning this for a while, and today was just a good reminder.
I had some time alone with God as I read my Bible this morning. As I was pondering a passage of Scripture, I just happened to linger there. And linger. And linger. It was challenging, yet perplexing; exciting, yet scary. It took some time for the Holy Spirit to help make an application to my life. It was too good to rush.
Then off to Panera to meet with a good friend. We shared with each other the challenges that pastors know all too well. It was not a conversation that could fit into a pre-arranged time. So we lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was energizing to reconnect.
Then a phone call from another fellow pastor sent me driving 30 minutes north. We did a little spiritual reconnaissance in a community that needs a thriving full-gospel church. This kind of boots-on-the-ground recon cannot fit neatly into a Daytimer. So we lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was great to dream.
Then off to hospice to visit and pray and cry with a family whose patriarch is nearing the end of his life here. Thankfully, because of his personal relationship with Jesus, he’s getting ready to begin his Real Life that will last forever. And so I sat with this great man and his family and lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was sweet to share this intimate moment with dear friends.
So my To Do list for today remains just as full as when I got up this morning. But I’m so pleased with today. It feels great to get nothing checked off, and yet to accomplish so much!
Three weeks ago I had come to the end of a particularly rough week, so when I got home I told my family I was declaring the next day to be “National Be Kind To Craig Owens Day.” I figured that was one way to get some love!
That day was so wonderful I decided to extend NBKTCO Day through the weekend, and I talked Betsy into letting us buy a puppy. And so Grace became a part of our family.
Since I didn’t want to leave her home alone, I started bringing Grace with me to my office. While I’ve been trying to potty train her, she has been training me in a few areas too. Here are some of the lessons I’m rediscovering—
Always greet people warmly. Even if they only left the room a couple of minutes ago. It always makes people smile when they are greeted so warmly.
Treat everyone like a friend. It doesn’t matter if they are the one who feeds you or a perfect stranger, everyone deserves to be treated like they are the nicest person alive.
Genuine puppy “kisses” makes anyone’s day!
The Apostle Paul had a friend like Grace—someone always so welcoming and encouraging to others. Paul wrote to Philemon, “Friend, you have no idea how good your love makes me feel, doubly so when I see your hospitality to fellow believers.” (Philemon 1:7, The Message).
Thanks, Grace, for the lessons. I’m learning how to show some puppy love to everyone.
I was reading King David’s list of Mighty Men. Many theologians believe that the names that appear in 2 Samuel 23 was the list and descriptions that David wrote himself. He was not threatened to have such competent and gifted people around him. Those leaders challenged David to lead at a higher level.
In the spirit of this list, I was thinking about my own list of Mighty Men (and Women). These are some of the incredibly gifted and highly competent people who surround me and help me do more than I could have done on my own. David listed his “Big Three” first, and then the rest of the names in no particular order of importance. I, too, list my Big Three first, and then the rest of my Mighty People in no special order.
Jesus – my Master; as I’ve gotten to know Him better through the years He becomes a closer and closer Friend. Betsy – my helpmate and very best friend. Bubba – my covenant brother, like Jonathan was to David. My parents – incredible counselors, godly examples. Tom & Pinky – fearsome fellow warriors. Dick Jr. – sharpening my iron more than anyone else can. T.J. – armor-bearers don’t come any stronger or any more valiant. C-Dog – one of the wisest, kindest people I know. Steve & Keri – faithful, dependable, Spirit-led prayer warriors. Dave& Jessica – ready for anything at anytime. Bob & Pat and Stan & Clara – mature Christians who are still young at heart and so forward-looking. Sister Warnick – always seeing more in me than I can see myself. Barney – personifies all of the reasons why I do what I do, a trophy of God’s grace. Jim – a fellow shepherd whose hindsight and insight give me foresight. Hank – years of wisdom continually poured into my life. Aaron – growing like Timothy, destined to be a world-changer.
Multiple choice quiz: with which of the following biblical characters are you familiar?
(a) David son of Jesse.
(b) Abishai son of Zeruiah.
(c) Sibecai the Hushathite.
(d) Elhanan son of Jaare-Oregim.
(e) Jonathan son of Shimeah.
Honestly, now, how did you do? I’m guessing you at least got (a) since David is probably the best known king of Israel. But what about the other guys? Have you ever heard of them before?
Do you know what they all have in common? They are all a part of King David’s inner circle, and they are all giant killers.
Isn’t it interesting howlike attracts like? David became the original giant killer when he killed Goliath. Abishai, Sibecai, Elhanan, and Jonathan were probably attracted to David because of his bravery, because of the stories they had heard of his victory over Goliath. But then something starts to stir inside of these men—they want to emulate David, they want to be giant killers too.
So here are the questions I’m asking myself today:
(a) Have I won any victories that would attract other “warriors” to me?
(b) Is what I’m doing today something I would want those closest to me to emulate?
(c) Are there some giants still hanging around that I need to defeat?
You can find out a lot about the significance of the victories you have won by who’s attracted to you, and by who’s imitating your lifestyle.
We’re all creatures of habit. Even if you think you’re a spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kinda person, you still have routines and habits that make you you. I am no exception: I like my routines: they work for me: they help me keep my life (sorta) organized.
What happens when our routines are interrupted? Usually I go into Sulk Mode—I want things the way they are supposed to be! Or at least, I want things the way I want things!
This week I am being tested in this.
My kids had no school on Monday, no school today, and no school on Friday. Weird week.
The kids have no school, but Betsy, along with the other teachers, have to report to school for in-service training. Weird week.
I began the week rather sulkily. My routines are all messed up. The kids have no school, but I still have all my work to get done: How am I going to get everything accomplished?!
But then I realized that God had given me some “bonus time” to invest in some of the most important relationships I have.
So I broke my routines, came out of my comfort zone, and I am enjoying these weird moments.
On Monday, the kids and I took a long, leisurely lunch at Taco Bell. Nothing fancy, just a lot of laughs around the table. In those unguarded, spontaneous moments, it’s amazing the insights I caught into my kids’ lives.
On Tuesday, I took Betsy out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. Quiet dinner, great reconnect time, and the food was pretty good too! During our dinner we moved into an incredible conversation that helped me clarify some stuff for church. I’m going to be able to tweak a couple of ministries that are going to re-energize me and our church.
Today I’m working from home. Not quite as convenient as the quietness of my office, but the laughter of kids in the background reminds me of why I really do what I do.
Tomorrow we’re off to the Flint Institute of Arts to see the cool comic collection. Another wonderful opportunity to engage with my kids.
What do you do with the weirdness in your life?
It’s just possible that God might be giving you an opportunity for insight, for re-energizing, for reconnecting, for reengaging with some very special people. Don’t let the weirdness of broken routines set you back, but use them to propel you forward.
Craig T. Owens 