Unhappiness Makes Me Happy

I’m not a sadist. Nor am I a pessimist.

But I am a child that is still learning that I cannot always get my way.

We’re getting ready to start 2011 with a week of prayer, and I’m going to open 2011 with a series of Sunday messages on prayer: The Perfect Prayer. But in studying more about prayer, I’m always confronted by this: Why are some prayers unanswered.

As I pondered that today, I thought about saying “No” to my kids. I love my children and I want them to be happy. They love pop (or “soda” for some of you, or “Coke” for others), and would drink it all the time if I said “Yes.”

Saying “Yes” to this beverage choice may make them happy now, but it would make them very unhappy later in life when they developed osteoporosis (from a lack of calcium), or had skin and eye disease (from a lack of vitamin D), or were losing teeth (from too much carbonation), or had developed diabetes (from too much sugar).

Our Heavenly Father sees my future even more clearly than I can see it for my children. He wants me to be blessed, which is why He must say “No” at times. I’m a child who doesn’t know what is best for me.

“Getting all you want would bring incalculable damage and grief to you. Be thankful for unanswered prayer. It may be a sign of God’s favor.” —R.T. Kendall

So as I’m growing in God I can say, “Father, I’m willing to trust you with the ‘No’ now, because I believe you have a better ‘Yes’ for me in the future.”

My temporary unhappiness with unanswered prayer makes me happy because I know God has something better for me. I’m going to keep on asking, seeking, and knocking, but I’m also going to keep on trusting my Heavenly Father for His very best.

Who Are You Talking To?

I love team leadership. I really enjoy getting a group of creative thinkers around me to do some serious brainstorming. I find it so beneficial to seek out the counsel of some wise people who have been around for a while.

But, let’s see, who have I left off this list?

Oh, yeah, I remember now—I didn’t consult God!

Be honest: have you ever done that? Have you ever consulted with a lot of wise—even God-fearing—people, but forgotten to consult with God Himself? If you have (and I certainly have), we’re in good company.

When King David got ready to move the ark of the covenant to Jerusalem, the Bible says,

David conferred with each of his officers….

How’d that work out for him? Not so good.

  • Uzzah died
  • David got mad at God
  • David got scared of God
  • The ark’s arrival in Jerusalem was delayed another three months

Then David had his “Oh yeah!” moment. When he got ready to try again, David said,

We did not inquire of God about how to do it in the prescribed manner….

So here’s my simple reminder to myself (and to you too): It’s fine to consult with others, but consult with God first.

A Name Change

I was reading the biography of Jabez this morning. His whole life is told in just two verses, but what an insightful snapshot we get.

Here’s the part that stood out to me today: Jabez means one who causes pain or causes others to grieve. How would you like to go through life with a name like that? The Bible doesn’t give us the details as to why his mother gave him this name, but he seemed stuck with it. Everywhere he went throughout his life, people said,

“Hey, here comes Pain-In-The-Neck!” or

“You remind me of something bad!” or even

“Why don’t you do us all a favor and leave!”

Jabez wanted a name change, and God granted his request.

I wonder…

You can try to run from your reputation, you can try to change the way you think, you can try to act differently to see if people will treat you differently, or you can ask God to change your name.

God is in the name-changing business. And when He changes your name, it’s so much more powerful than when you try to do it.

When the Bible says, “Jabez cried out to God,” the root word means to encounter. Jabez encountered God. Jabez went face-to-face with God, and God granted his request.

If you want a new name, a new reputation, a new outlook, get face-to-face with God and He WILL grant your request.

(For some other significant name changes recorded in the Bible, check out this list.)

The Gratitude Cycle

There are only two ways to take people: You can take people for granted or you can take people with gratitude.

If you take people for granted, you will probably end up losing that relationship, or at the very least that relationship won’t be very fulfilling.

But when you take people with gratitude, you can bring out the best in them, in you, and in your relationship.

Paul wrote to the Colossian church that every time he thought of them, he was grateful for them and he prayed for them. This is The Gratitude Cycle: being thankful for someone prompts prayers for them, and those prayers make us even more grateful for them, which fires up the Gratitude Cycle all over again.

In case you need help knowing what to pray for the people for whom you are thankful, check out Paul’s prayer in Colossians 1:9-12. He prayed…

…for knowledge, wisdom & understanding of God’s will for their lives, and the power to live out that new knowledge of Him.

…for endurance—a virtue that never loses patience with, belief in, or hope for others.

…for patience—the ability to turn tough things into glorious things.

…with gratitude for them—especially with gratitude for who they were: God’s holy people.

Any time is a good time for us to be full of thanks, so make sure you are full of thanks for the people God has placed in your life. And when you feel thankful for them, be sure you are prayerful for them too.

Spread It Out

What do you do when you get bad news? Scientists know that when we hear bad news, our stress hormone cortisol immediately surges into our bloodstream. This hormone unleashes a bunch of other things in our bodies: blood pressure goes up, heart rate increases, pupils dilate, sugar stores are released. In other words, your body prepares for action.

What about your brain? What does it do? Immediately your brain starts searching for a way to cope with the stress of the bad news. And the typical response is to return to well-worn pathways. In other words, do what I’ve always done before.

So perhaps the question is better stated: What have you done before when you got bad news?

  • Did you sulk?
  • Did you cry or get angry?
  • Did you get paralyzed, not knowing what to do?
  • Did you call a friend?
  • Did you just shake your head and try to ignore it?
  • Did you spread it out before God?

Huh? Judah’s King Hezekiah got some very bad news from a very mean general named Sennacherib. What did he do? He did what he had done before…

Hezekiah received the letter from the messengers and read it. Then he went up to the temple of the LORD and spread it out before the LORD…. “Give ear, LORD, and hear; open Your eyes, LORD, and see; listen to the words Sennacherib has sent to ridicule the living God.”

Hezekiah had the same physiological and psychological responses that you and I would have when facing such a huge threat. But his first response was his well-worn response. He did what he had always done before with bad news: he spread it out before the Lord.

We can start making a new pathway for our brain to follow. Instead of fight-or-flight, or ignoring, or paralysis, or calling a friend—take it to God and spread it out there. He knows your situation better than anyone else and He wants to help you.

Start making new neural pathways in your brain today by taking everything to God—even the so-called “little” things—so that when the really bad news comes, your brain will tell you to do what you always do: spread it out before the Lord.

Will You Make A Difference Today?

Moses shared a great prayer with us: Teach us to use wisely all the time we have (Psalm 90:12).

How will use your time wisely today? What does that look like in your world?

Let me today do something that shall take
A little sadness from the world’s vast store,
And may I be so favored as to make
Of joy’s too scanty sum a little more.
Let me not hurt, by any selfish deed
Or thoughtless word, the heart of foe or friend;
Nor would I pass, unseeing, worthy need,
Or sin by silence when I should defend.
However meager be my worldly wealth,
Let me give something that shall aid my kind—
A word of courage, or a thought of health,
Dropped as I pass for troubled hearts to find.
Let me tonight look back across the span
‘Twixt dawn and dark, and to my conscience say—
Because of some good act to beast or man—
“The world is better that I lived today.” (Ella Wheeler Wilcox, Morning Prayer)

Make your world a better place because you passed through it today.

The Refinement Of Pain

I was recently invited to join a bunch of guys—mostly staff in the Cedar Springs schools—for some early morning basketball. I love playing basketball, I’m a morning guy, and getting to know new people in Cedar Springs made this an invitation I couldn’t refuse. So I started hoopin’ this week. It was nice to get back on the hardwood floor!

Yesterday morning, I jumped in my car to come home to shower. It’s a mile from the school to my house, but by the time I got home, my back muscles had seized up and I was barely able to stand up to get out of the car. I’ve had this happen to me once before, and it’s a whole lot of no fun!

So all day yesterday my schedule had to be modified, as it hurt to move, it hurt to stand for too long, and it hurt to sit for too long. I couldn’t get in the car. In fact, I couldn’t even bend over far enough to put my own socks on! All my plans for the day were shot.

But here’s what I learned: my day wasn’t shot. My plans may not have worked out, but it was still a good day. Pain has a tendency to refine what’s really important out of all the trivial stuff.

  • A day in pain and immobility reminded me of just how blessed I am to normally have good health.
  • It prompted me to pray for others who are confined to a wheelchair or their beds.
  • It gave me greater empathy for those who live in chronic pain.
  • It made me more thankful that I have access to medicines and caregivers, things that some people have access to only rarely.
  • It let me see more clearly the love my family and friends have for me.
  • It gave me more time to pray.

Now here’s the tricky part: to live with these things on my mind even when I’m not in pain.

Here’s what C.S. Lewis wrote in The Problem Of Pain:

I am progressing along the path of life in my ordinary contentedly fallen and godless condition, absorbed in a merry meeting with my friends for the morrow or a bit of work that tickles my vanity today, a holiday or a new book, when suddenly a stab of abdominal [or back] pain that threatens serious disease, or a headline in the newspapers that threatens us all with destruction, send this whole pack of cards tumbling down. At first I am overwhelmed, and all my little happinesses look like broken toys. Then, slowly and reluctantly, bit by bit, I try to bring myself into the frame of mind that I should be in at all times. I remind myself that these toys were never intended to possess my heart, that my true good is in another world and my own real treasure is in Christ. And perhaps, by God’s grace, I succeed, and for a day or two become a creature consciously dependent on God and drawing strength from the right sources. But the moment the threat is withdrawn, my whole nature leaps back to the toys: I am even anxious, God forgive me, to banish from my mind the only thing that supported me under the threat because it is now associated with the misery of those few days. Thus the terrible necessity of tribulation is only too clear. God has had me for but forty-eight hours and then only by dint of taking everything else away from me. Let Him but sheathe that sword for a moment and I behave like a puppy when the hated bath is over—I shake myself as dry as I can and race off to reacquire my comfortable dirtiness, if not in the nearest manure heap, at least in the nearest flower bed. And that is why tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless.

With God’s help, I’m going to avoid running back to my “toys” today. I’m trying to keep the most important thing in the forefront of my thoughts today.

What lessons have you learned from pain?

Others First

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I have a friend who has a photo album on Facebook called “Me.” The description says, “Sometimes it is just all about me.” And, sure enough, all of the pictures in that album are just her. I know her well enough to know that this is tongue-in-cheek, because she is not a self-absorbed prima donna.

Sadly, some Christian leaders exhibit the It’s-All-About-Me attitude. This really irks me, especially because we see the exact opposite characteristic in Jesus.

Let me key in on just one example from His public ministry. John the baptizer has just been martyred by King Herod. John was Jesus’ cousin. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had a loved one martyred or even murdered, but I’m sure we’ve all lost a loved one at some point. It might be a little easier to take if we saw it coming, but the sudden deaths always jar us the most. We have to have time to grieve our loss.

Jesus had all of the same emotional responses that you and I have, and He wanted some time away to grieve. He got into a boat with His disciples and headed to a remote place on the other side of the lake. Looking for a little time alone to grieve the death of His cousin, Jesus was met by a huge crowd. He would have been perfectly justified in saying, “Not today.” Or even in saying, “I’m going to let My disciples pray with you today.” Instead, Jesus put the needs of others first.

  • Jesus healed all who were sick
  • He taught them
  • Then He provided food for the nearly 10,000 people who were there
  • After the meal, Jesus sent His disciples (who also needed some grieving time) back across the lake without Him
  • Jesus stayed behind and dismissed the entire crowd. I sort of imagine Him hugging people, shaking hands, and continuing to listen to the questions and concerns of everyone

It was only after this that Jesus went up into the hills to spend some time alone in prayer.

Yes, leaders have to take care of themselves and their people. But good leaders take care of others first.

I unpack this idea in even great detail in my book Shepherd Leadership. If you want to be used as a leader, you must allow the Holy Spirit to cultivate this others-first attitude in you.

►► Would you please prayerfully consider supporting this ministry? My Patreon supporters get behind-the-scenes access to exclusive materials. ◀︎◀︎

Lead Like David

I’ve always been fascinated by the leadership of Israel’s second king: David. There are so many leadership lessons to be learned from his life. A few things I’ve noted about his leadership that I am always trying to implement in my life as well.

Respect—David treated everyone (even his enemies) with respect.

Shrewdness—David used his wits exceptionally well. He knew how to shower gifts on the right people, show recognition to those who needed their ego stroked, be gracious to those who were uncertain, and even flex his muscles with show-offs who got out of line.

Prayer—David was a man of prayer. He prayed for direction, he asked God for strategies, he prayed for deliverance. He prayed for everything.

Confident humility—I know it sounds like an oxymoron (how can someone be both confident and humble?), but David really got this. Check out this commentary:

And David became more and more powerful, because the Lord God Almighty was with him. … And David knew that the Lord had established him as king over Israel and had exalted his kingdom for the sake of His people Israel.

Man of the people—David didn’t closet himself away; he lived and led in full sight of everyone.

All the people took note and were pleased; indeed, everything the king did pleased them.

I want to lead like David led!

What about you? Are there other areas of David’s leadership that you admire or want to imitate?

Lamenting Over The Fallen

How The Mighty Have Fallen! Long before Jim Collins entitled his latest book with this phrase, David said this when King Saul and Prince Jonathan were killed in battle. In fact, he said it not once, but three times in just eight verses.

It is understandable that David would lament the death of his friend Jonathan. They were covenant brothers, they shared the same heartbeat for God and for Israel, and they stood by each other through thick and thin.

But Saul? Why would David lament the death of Saul? This is the man who was jealous of David. So jealous that he did everything he could to trip David up. Including trying to kill him. Saul chased David from his home, from his family, from his wife, even from his country.

Why would David lament Saul’s death? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to rejoice over it?

But David still saw Saul as “the Lord’s anointed.” David recognized the good in Saul. He called him…

  • the glory of Israel
  • a successful warrior
  • gracious
  • lovable
  • strong
  • Israel’s provider

When David heard Saul had been killed, he lamented, Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

When I see the mighty, God-anointed leader fall, do I lament?

I may shake my head, I may feel vindicated, I may be disgusted, but I don’t know that I have ever lamented or grieved when one of these mighty brothers has fallen. Or if I have, my lament has been short-circuited by other less appropriate emotions.

Despite their sin, they are still God’s anointed.

Who am I to sit in judgment? Who am I to do anything but lament their fall?

Lord, forgive me! Father, help me to see Your anointed ones in the proper perspective: as Your anointed. Holy Spirit, remind me of the tragedy of even one mighty one who falls. May my response be one of lament, and mercy, and prayer.