Dinner That’s More Than Dinner

October 2, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told Him all they had done and taught. Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and His apostles didn’t even have time to eat. So they left by boat for a quiet place, where they could be alone. (Mark 6:30-32 NLT)

Sometimes dinner is more than dinner. It’s not just food for our physical bodies; it can be so much more.

The apostles returned from their first ministry assignment. They were so excited to come back and tell Jesus how incredible their time had been. They breathlessly rushed into the house where Jesus was waiting for them. “Master,” Peter started, “You should have seen how Andrew…” and he was cut short by a new visitor.

Next James tried, “Whoa, it was so cool when we…” and yet another distraction.

Time and time again their stories and questions and concerns were interrupted by the busyness of life and ministry. In fact, it got so chaotic that the disciples couldn’t even eat their food, except in quick gulps between visitors.

Finally, Jesus said, “Guys, let’s get out of here. I really want to hear about your ministry. I want to debrief a little with you. And, frankly, we’re all hungry and could use a quiet dinner. Let’s go someplace to hang out together.” Now that’s more than a dinner!

Check out the advantages of simply eating together:

  • Families who eat dinner together eat healthier.
  • Families who eat dinner together have higher communication skills.
  • Children in families who eat dinner together perform better academically.
  • Children in families who eat dinner together are less likely to try cigarettes, illegal drugs, or alcohol.

I love our family mealtimes—it is one of the best times to catch up on what’s happening with everyone. Last night we were joined at dinner by a young couple from our church. After dinner, the kids were off playing and Betsy and I could have a quiet conversation just with our friends. We talked about the newlyweds’ adjustment to marriage, what makes a good church, education, career, china patterns, and the way God speaks to us. We laughed and dreamed and talked about dreams. It was fantastic!

Turn off the TV. Make a healthy dinner. Set aside time to eat with family and friends. Jesus gave us a great example: “C’mon, friends, I really want to spend some quiet time with you.”

So here’s to dinners that are more than dinners.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments »

Whirlwind Weekend

July 24, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

I’m up early (as usual, since this is the best time of the day!) getting ready for a full weekend. As a general rule I consider Saturday my Sabbath Day. Sundays are usually “work days” for me, although I don’t feel like I’m working when I’m at church… it’s just way too fulfilling. But this weekend is going to be a little different.

Studying my Bible this morning, because it’s the best way to start every day. Looking at the life and leadership of Nehemiah.

Still fasting along with our Impact! youth group until noon today. I’m just so proud of these leaders for setting a great example. Hey, if you’re in the area over the next four Wednesdays at 7:00pm we’re talking about setting an example from the life of Timothy. Join us and you’ll see some real live example-setters!

Sipping some green tea and praying for some very special friends. I love the connection to our Heavenly Father I have in prayer.

Scooting south in a couple of hours for a family reunion with my missionary relatives. These family members are my heroes! They serve in Israel and Sudan, and it’s rare that they’re in the USA at the same time. This summer is one of those times, so we’re going to enjoy catching up.

So missing (already!) not being at our new home on Sunday. I haven’t even spoken on a Sunday as the “official” pastor yet, but it already feels like home. I can’t wait to get back!

Synced my iPod with some great listening for the 8-hour roundtrip this weekend. Going to get some good stuff in me while I have the windshield time.

A busy weekend, but one I know will recharge my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual batteries. What’s on tap for your weekend? I pray it is as fulfilling as I know mine will be.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , . 1 Comment »

Full Tank

July 15, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

The other day a friend of mine wrote on Facebook that he was shopping with his daughter. He half-jokingly added, “I think that is her love language!” I say half-jokingly because I think the time with Daddy was speaking volumes to his daughter.

Spending time shopping with Dad was filling her love tank!

Have you ever felt like one of your relationships was in a rut? Or maybe even in a rut with ends in it (also known as a grave!)? Do you ever feel like the other person just doesn’t get you? Have you ever been frustrated that the other person doesn’t understand all that you are doing for him/her?

My guess is that you are speaking different love languages.

Dr. Gary Chapman wrote an amazing book called The Five Love Languages. In his book, he lays out five “languages” that we use to communicate our love to one another:

  • Words of affirmation
  • Quality time
  • Gifts
  • Acts of service
  • Physical touch

When you and I communicate, we naturally communicate in a way that is most comfortable to us. We communicate in our primary love language. But if the other person in the relationship has a different love language, no matter how much you love them, you are simply not getting through effectively. You are leaving the other person with a near-empty love tank.

I would suggest you start by taking a brief love language assessment (download the free PDF here → 5 Love Languages assessment) to determine YOUR OWN love language first. This is the language you will feel most comfortable using. Second, you need to learn the love languages of OTHERS CLOSE TO YOU so you can change your love dialect.

In the great love chapter in the Bible, the apostle Paul says this, “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things” (v. 11, New Living Translation). Our love—and the way we express it to others—should always be growing up. If you are trying to communicate your love to someone special in the same ways (the same “languages”) you’ve always used, there’s a good chance your love is being viewed as childish.

As you mature in your expressions of love — as you speak the other person’s love language — you will begin to fill their love tank. Guess what happens next? Out of a full love tank, the other person is motivated to begin to speak your love language, to fill your tank. It can become so much fun to love with a full tank! Because when the other person’s love tank is full, almost any love language will work for them—wow, what a blast!

For married couples, YouVersion has an excellent reading plan that teaches specifically how the love languages operate in the context of your marriage.

UPDATE… my friend Greg Heeres and I host a leadership podcast on YouTube. Recently, we discussed the value of leaders learning and speaking the love languages of their teammates.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , . 4 Comments »

Sharper Thinking

May 29, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Yesterday I was challenged to do a lot of thinking. To think about things I’ve not considered before, and to think about things I have considered before but from a different perspective.

Yesterday a fellow pastor convened a Pastor’s Leadership Thinking Lab. The purpose was to use Warren Bullock’s book When The Spirit Speaks as a springboard to talk about the vocal gifts of the Holy Spirit in operation in our church services (see 1 Corinthians 12-14). At the outset, we all reaffirmed our unwavering commitment to our fellowship’s fundamental truths—those were non-negotiable. The challenge was to think about and discuss the practicalities of the how’s in our church services.

It was a bit intimidating being in the room with such smart people. These are guys with way more education and experience than me—guys who have had the privilege of studying and discussing this topic with some of the greatest Pentecostal thinkers of our generation. I felt a little out of place. In fact, during the lunch break, one of my friends commented, “Have you ever felt like that in a roomful of tuxedos you’re the one brown shoe?” My feelings exactly.

But King Solomon wrote, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). The iron of my colleagues definitely sharpened me yesterday.

I also like what John Maxwell said, “Some of my best thinking has been done by others.” In other words, these really smart guys have thought about some things in ways I haven’t; they’ve been exposed to some great thinkers that I haven’t; they’ve experienced some things that I haven’t. But spending the day with them was like getting that education they received, having those conversations with great thinkers they had, and experiencing those things they experienced.

Did I agree with everything that was shared? No.

Was I challenged to think differently? Yes.

F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote, “The truest test of a first-rate mind is the ability to hold two contradictory ideas at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.”

If you really want to sharpen your thinking, get around some people smarter than you. Spend time with people who see things differently than you. But most of all, make sure these folks are one in purpose with you. All of the guys in this Lab shared the same passion to see God glorified and people drawn into a deeper relationship with Jesus. That’s what made yesterday so rewarding for me.

Do you have some “iron” friends in your life that are sharpening your thinking?

 

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . 7 Comments »

When Friends Wound

May 6, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Bill Hybels wrote in Axiom, “The nature of human beings is such that we tend not to drift into better behaviors. We usually have to be asked by someone to consider taking it up a level.” I have learned that this is true not only for behaviors but for crucial decisions too.

I’m in the process of contemplating some major decisions for my life. During this time I am grateful for friends that can give me their counsel and can share with me their wisdom.

I’m also grateful that they wound me.

Huh?

Yes, I am glad for friends who wound me!

The wise King Solomon wrote, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses” (Proverbs 27:6). So true. Those who don’t care about you don’t ask the tough questions; those who care about you challenge your logic and your reasoning. Those who don’t care about you let the little things slide; those who care about you challenge you to not settle for the status quo.

The New Living Translation renders this verse, “Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” I would much prefer to be wounded by a friend during the decision-making time, than to have lots of so-called love upfront, only to walk smack-dab into a huge problem later. Wouldn’t you? So when I have an important decision to make, I get around people who love me enough to wound me.

And not only for the big decisions, but I need sharp friends for the day-in-day-out things that will help me “take it up a level.” Solomon also said, “Become wise by walking with the wise; hang out with fools and watch your life fall to pieces” (Proverbs 13:20, The Message).

Many years ago a Romanian friend shared with me a proverb from his homeland: “Show me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are becoming.”

What does your choice in friends say about you? Do your friends love you enough to wound you? Do your friends help you take it to the next level?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments »

Routine Weekend Rewind

April 27, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Whoa, this weekend seemed like a whirlwind! Lots of interesting and noteworthy stuff packed into 72 hours.

Great homegoing celebration for John “Jack” Rivers on Saturday morning. What an incredible legacy he left. We celebrated his life with his wife, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and great-great grandchildren. Wow!

I love my extended family. Not just those related to me by blood, but those that call me “brother” because of our mutual relationship with Jesus Christ. It was great to see brothers and sisters comforting the extended Rivers family. There’s just something special about having those that truly love you around in times of loss or crisis.

Driving in the rain is just slightly (!) stressful. We were in torrential rain all the way to West Michigan, and most of the way back home. That kind of rain makes a two-hour trip seem a whole lot longer when the stress level is elevated. I’m grateful that God kept us safe.

Short, but sweet, time with my family. Nice to have some of Mom’s cooking and spend time with my folks, my sister and brother-in-law, and my nephews.

Incredible service at Calvary Assembly of God in Cedar Springs! The worship team loves Jesus and they rock! Loved seeing the enthusiasm for worship and for the Word among both young and old. I look forward to getting back to visit this enthusiastic group again!

Great phrase in Switchfoot’s song Faust, Midas and Myself, “And what was once routine was now the perfect joy.” My life is anything but routine, but the “simple” things around me everyday are truly the perfect joy.

Enjoy your “perfect joys” this week!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , . 1 Comment »

The Right Time To Do The Right Thing

April 21, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

I spent yesterday afternoon and a good portion of this morning with a precious family. The 93-year-old patriarch of the family is in his last days on this earth. This family is absolutely wonderful, and it has been such a blessing to spend this time with them.

They laugh, tell stories, sing songs, read Scripture, joke with each other, and cry. The full range of emotions overflowing from a full life.

I have learned something—the human heart is designed to know and to be known. The human heart longs for relationship—deep, meaningful, satisfying relationship. In order to achieve this type of relationship, two things are key: (1) Time and (2) Empathy.

(1) Time. Relationships cannot be microwaved. We cannot just show up, press a few buttons, and—voilá—expect a meaningful relationship. Of course, just spending a lot of time together doesn’t mean a relationship will be successful either. However, the greater the quantity of time that is spent means a greater likelihood of quality time.

(2) Empathy. The Bible says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn” (Romans 12:15). It doesn’t say, “If people are low, bring them up; if they are too high, bring them down to realistic levels.” Empathy is all about letting the other person drive the agenda—to match whatever they are feeling. A Swedish Proverb says, “A shared joy is a double joy, and a shared sorrow is half a sorrow.”

Here’s a good pattern to follow—

Right Time + Right Thing = Meaningful Relationships
<or>
Quality Time + Empathy Time = Satisfying Relationships

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment »

I Checked Nothing Off My To Do List Today

April 16, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Several people emailed me throughout the day saying, “I came to your blog but there was nothing new for today.” First of all, thanks—I’m honored that you are checking in so regularly.

My blog today was a casualty of the day—I got absolutely nothing done that was on my To Do list. But I had an incredible day!

I used to be a real hard-charging, task-oriented, bottom-line, project-driven, to-do-list lovin’ guy. I still am naturally bent that way, but I’ve learned something … (drum roll, please) … relationships don’t fit neatly on a To Do list.

I can hear some of you now, “Wow, Craig! That’s deep! You just figured that out?!?”

No, actually I’m a work-in-progress. I’ve been learning this for a while, and today was just a good reminder.

I had some time alone with God as I read my Bible this morning. As I was pondering a passage of Scripture, I just happened to linger there. And linger. And linger. It was challenging, yet perplexing; exciting, yet scary. It took some time for the Holy Spirit to help make an application to my life. It was too good to rush.

Then off to Panera to meet with a good friend. We shared with each other the challenges that pastors know all too well. It was not a conversation that could fit into a pre-arranged time. So we lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was energizing to reconnect.

Then a phone call from another fellow pastor sent me driving 30 minutes north. We did a little spiritual reconnaissance in a community that needs a thriving full-gospel church. This kind of boots-on-the-ground recon cannot fit neatly into a Daytimer. So we lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was great to dream.

Then off to hospice to visit and pray and cry with a family whose patriarch is nearing the end of his life here. Thankfully, because of his personal relationship with Jesus, he’s getting ready to begin his Real Life that will last forever. And so I sat with this great man and his family and lingered. And lingered. And lingered. It was sweet to share this intimate moment with dear friends.

So my To Do list for today remains just as full as when I got up this morning. But I’m so pleased with today. It feels great to get nothing checked off, and yet to accomplish so much!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , . 7 Comments »

Be An Intrusive Friend

April 15, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Yesterday I talked about how to defeat depression in our personal lives. Maybe you’re not battling depression yourself, but since anti-depressants are one of the most prescribed medications, there’s a good chance that someone you know is dealing with depression. Beyond medicine or counseling, one of the greatest antidotes for depression is a friend: an intrusive friend.

In 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was running scared and slipping into depression, there is an important verse at the beginning of the story—Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there (v. 3).

One of our most natural reactions when we’re battling depression is to withdraw from others. It’s natural to want to be alone, but it is one of the worst things to do. Throughout Scripture, powerful people became vulnerable to attack when they left their friends behind—Samson, David, and Peter are prime examples. Even Jesus was tempted by the devil when He was alone in the wilderness.

So if it’s natural to want to be alone when depression is raining on our souls, a true friend will have to be an intrusive friend … a tenacious friend … a persistent friend. I love the lines in the Toby Mac song “Face Of The Earth” that say—

Now Hope Road is calling
Let’s pack you up and move
‘Cause real friends are willing to intrude
So I’m gonna push you in because I wanna love you well
Let the ghosts of your past rest

If you have a friend who is starting to become distant, dropping out of activities, or spending more time alone, these may be the warning signs of depression. Don’t let him be like Elijah and leave you behind, but love him or her enough to intrude in his or her life. Your encouragement just may be the best anti-depressant he/she will ever receive.

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, The Message)

Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. (1 Samuel 23:16, New Living Translation)

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . 3 Comments »

Destinations

April 7, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

“Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace, that
where there is hatred, I may bring love;
where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
where there is error, I may bring truth;
where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
where there is despair, I may bring hope;
were there are shadows, I may bring light;
where there is sadness, I may bring joy.” —Francis of Assisi

There are times when I go through a difficult spot in my life and I can see the areas where I am growing as a result of successfully navigating the challenge. However, the tough time I just went through wasn’t one of those times.

The quote above resonates with me. I want to be someone who brings out love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy in other people. So although this challenging time I’ve gone through hasn’t been pleasant for me, it has been such a joy to see others “step up,” mature, stretch, and grow as they have been alongside me.

One more quote—”It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one of these destinations.” —C.S. Lewis

To which destination are you helping those around you? What characteristics are you bringing out in those alongside you?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , . 6 Comments »
« Older posts
Newer posts »