Your Most Important Ministry

These thoughts are especially targeted at pastors. If you are a pastor, tighten your chinstrap because this may hit you a little hard. If you aren’t a pastor, perhaps you could help your pastor in this vital ministry.

Pastor, what is your most important ministry?

Think about it. Get it clear in your mind: what is the most vital ministry you have every week?

Let me give you a little hint: if your “most important” ministry has anything to do with your church, you chose poorly. Your most important ministry is at your home with your family.

I hate to burst your bubble, but someone else can pastor your church. As much as you might think, “These ministries won’t get done if I don’t do them,” trust me, they will get done with or without you.

But, my dear friend, you are the only one who can be your mate’s spouse, you are the only one who can be your kids’ Dad or Mom.

I love studying the life of David. There is so much to learn from him: his passion for God, his military strategies, his prayer life, and other important things pertaining to leadership. But we need to also learn from David’s failures. For all of David’s success as a king, he was an abysmal failure as a husband and father. He spent so much time “at the office” that he neglected his family.

I don’t mean to condemn anyone, but I know that when things are right at home, things will go well at church. Too many people in our churches are getting short-changed because their pastor works so hard on ministering to them and doesn’t work hard enough on ministering to his family. Just like with David, this will come back to bite you. So here are the tough questions:

  • Do you spend more time thinking about how to grow your church than you do thinking about how to grow your marriage?
  • Do you read more books about church growth than you do about marital communication?
  • Do you put more effort into discipling new believers than you do discipling your kids?
  • Are you more attentive in keeping appointments with church members than you are in keeping family time protected?
  • Do you know more about the struggles of the people in your church than you do about the struggles your spouse and kids are facing?

If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, it’s time to refocus. EFFECTIVE MINISTRY BEGINS AT HOME WITH YOUR FAMILY!!! Do you want to grow your church? Start at home. Do you want to be a more effective pastor? Be a more effective spouse and parent.

Did I step on anyone’s toes? Good, ‘cause I just stepped on my own too. Now, let’s get to work on our most vital ministry.

They’re Both Dissin’

Check out these opening paragraphs from an article on WebMD (if you wish, you can read the full article here):

     People over 50 get a self-esteem boost when they read negative news about young adults, a study shows.

     Researchers also say young people, when given the choice, would rather read about people their own age and aren’t very interested in stories about their elders, whether the articles are positive or negative.

     “Our results reflect that the younger readers did not perceive older people as all that relevant,” study researcher Silvia Knobloch-Westerwick, PhD, of Ohio State University, tells WebMD by email. “They’re more concerned with figuring out who they are and where they stand, and those in the same age group appear to provide the relevant comparisons for that.”

Okay, this disturbs me on several areas. Basically, each age group is dissin’ the other age group.

The senior citizens are projecting a snickering, see-I-told-you, father-knows-best, condescending attitude on youth. Why would anyone who is willing to learn and grow want to be around that kind of person?!

Then our youth have an I’ve-got-it-all-figured-out, I-don’t-need-you, you’re-out-of-touch attitude toward the senior citizens. Why would anyone who is willing to mentor someone ever want to be that kind of person?!

I think both of these generational groups could learn from this wise advice:

Children, do what your parents tell you. This is only right. “Honor your father and mother” is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it, namely, “so you will live well and have a long life.” Fathers, don’t exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master.

Be Careful

In the final instructions before the Israelites were going to enter the Promised Land, the book of Deuteronomy uses the phrase be careful fifteen (15) times:

  • Be careful not to forget
  • Be careful to obey
  • Be careful to avoid making idols
  • Be careful to honor your leadership
  • Be careful of your thoughts

In the dictionary careful is defined as being attentive to potential danger, error, or harm. It implies paying special attention to accuracy and being discerning.

God doesn’t ask this of me to cramp my style but to put me in a place where He can bless me. And not just me: being careful leads to generational blessings. Here’s my favorite be careful verse:

Be careful to obey all these regulations I am giving you today, so that it may always go well with you and your children after you, because you will be doing what is good and right in the eyes of the Lord your God.

Sometimes to be careful we have to slow down. We seem to want everything quickly and with as little effort as possible. Remember the cliché “Haste makes waste”?

What if you slowed down a bit today?

What if you took just a little time to be attentive to potential danger?

What if you paused long enough to discern if you were giving your best to God?

What if you took a moment to simply ask God to give you the wisdom needed to make a godly decision?

Being careful so that it may ALWAYS go well with you and your children after you….

Isn’t that worth it?

The Imbalanced Mother

We had a great time celebrating Moms yesterday. Moms are these amazing creatures that seem to be everywhere and doing everything. This ability to multitask is a blessing, but it can lead to problems if Moms try to perfectly balance their lives through more multitasking.

Perfect balance is an impossibility. Just as soon as you think you have everything balanced, life throws you a curve: a sick child … a flat tire … change of plans … I’m sure you know the drill.

Instead of trying to be the perfectly balanced multitasker, I suggest that you become a purposely imbalanced, God-leaning mother.

Imbalance your day toward God.

Take the time necessary to lean into God, and the rest of your day will be well-ordered.

Dads and kids, the greatest thing you can do to honor your wife/mother, is to make sure she has undisturbed time alone with God. I promise you that after she spends this time, the rest of her day—and therefore your day—will go much more smoothly. Help her to imbalance her life.

Here’s a great poem from Faye Inchfawn written in 1920:

See, I am cumbered, Lord,
With serving, and with small vexatious things.
Upstairs, and down, my feet
Must hasten, sure and fleet.
So weary that I cannot heed Thy word;
So tired, I cannot now mount up with wings.
I wrestle – how I wrestle! – through the hours.
Nay, not with principalities, nor powers
Dark spiritual foes of God’s and man’s
But with antagonistic pots and pans:
With footmarks in the hall,
With smears upon the wall,
With doubtful ears, and small unwashen hands,
And with a babe’s innumerable demands.
I toil with feverish haste, while tear-drops glisten,
 
(O, child of Mine, be still. And listenlisten!)
 
At last, I laid aside
Important work, no other hands could do
So well (I thought), no skill contrive so true.
And with my heart’s door open—open wide—
With leisured feet, and idle hands, I sat.
I, foolish, fussy, blind as any bat,
Sat down to listen, and to learn. And lo,
My thousand tasks were done the better so.

 

What Your Son Isn’t Telling You (book review)

Here’s a shocker (maybe you should sit down for this one): Boys are different from girls. Gasp! I know any parent who has both a son and a daughter is saying, “Duh!” Here’s the problem though: since girls are typically more verbal, it’s easier to know what’s on their minds. Not so much with boys.

That’s why I so enjoyed What Your Son Isn’t Telling You by Michael Ross and Susie Shellenberger. It’s not what your son is saying, it’s what he isn’t saying that becomes frustrating. Michael and Susie do a great job of demystifying a boy’s brain. From the physiological makeup of the male brain, to the typical coping mechanisms of guys, to the deepest fears and greatest desires that our sons have, this book helps arm Moms and Dads for better communication with their son.

The book is laced with email communications from guys from pre-teen to early-college ages. These first-person insights give real validity to what the authors are teaching. I also appreciated the very easy-to-apply communication tips to help open the door from “isn’t saying” to “saying.”

Although I am blessed to have a great wife who is actively involved with our two sons, I took note of the authors’ advice for single Moms. I was really pleased to see the special attention for a Mom that has to raise a son on her own.

Any parents with sons will appreciate this timely and practical book. I highly recommend it.

I am a Bethany House book reviewer.

If All Your Friends Were Jumping Off A Cliff…

…would you do it too?

Okay, quick show of hands: how many of you heard your Mom or Dad say this to you? I’ve got both my hands up!

I always hated this statement, because I felt like saying, “Mom, I’m not an idiot. I know where to draw the line.” This an extreme example (a hyperbole) intended to get a point across. The point that our parents were trying to make is: humans tend to be crowd followers.

We want to be accepted, so sometimes we bend ourselves a little bit to get the stamp of approval from our peers. It might be a little more obvious among teenagers with clothing choices, music preferences, or attitudes toward those “outside” the mainstream. Although it gets a little more subtle among adults, I think the desire to be accepted—to go along with the crowd—is always there.

Or else we become rebels. If society says “Right” the rebel says “Left.” If society says “War” the rebel says “Peace.” If Mom and Dad say, “Go to church,” the rebel says, “I’m going to stay away from church.” Which shows another tendency of human nature: we tend to go to extremes.

God says, “Do what is right. Period”…

You must not follow the crowd in doing wrong. When you are called to testify in a dispute, do not be swayed by the crowd to twist justice. And do not slant your testimony in favor of a person just because that person is poor.

Don’t go along with the crowd just to be accepted.

Don’t go alone just to be an individual.

Live for the approval of an audience of One.

It’s only when I take the time to reflect on my conversations, my actions, my thoughts, that I see these two tendencies in me: I do one thing to go along and then do something entirely different to show that I’m my own man. Instead of these extremes, I need to ask, “Is this pleasing to God?”

I’m working on it. How about you?

Look Alikes

Not Mine But God’s

Have you ever wondered how Cain and Abel could end up so night-and-day different from each other? Think about it:

  • Same parents
  • Same home
  • No peer pressure
  • No real outside influences

Yet Cain became a farmer and the first murderer, and Abel became a shepherd and the first murder victim.

Yes, I know personality and temperament come into it. But so does the involvement of their parents. It’s interesting that Eve (not Adam) names their boys. There seems to be a little bit of “father absenteeism” that is involved here, but more telling is the commentary that Eve makes in naming her boys.

With Cain, she said, “I have gotten a man from the Lord.” Digging a little deeper in the Hebrew language, Cain means “a possession.” So Eve said, “This is mine. I did it.”

When Abel is born, there is no commentary. However, his name means “breath.” Something only God can give.

See the difference:

Cain = mine!

Abel = God’s!

As a result, Cain grew up wanting to do things to please himself, and Abel only wanted to please God.

As a parent, I always have to remember that my children are God’s. He loaned them to me to raise them up to serve and love Him. They are not mine, they are His.

Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him. (Psalm 127:3)

Keep that in mind, Moms and Dads, when you’re interacting with God’s gifts and rewards.

Happy Birthday To My Son

Dear Harrison,

It’s hard for me to believe that you are a decade-and-a-half old. Wow, time seems to fly by, but the memories I’ve made watching you grow up are always with me. What an incredible young man you are!

Believe it or not, you have been a huge factor in my own growth and maturity. I can remember the moment you were born how I cried with an absolutely unspeakable joy! I had never known such an immediate explosion of love before. Falling in love with your Mom was a love that grew little by little—and still is growing today. But the love that burst upon me the moment you were born was a Niagara Falls of love all at one instant. As I held you in the first couple of days, it dawned on me in such a new way, “This is how my Heavenly Father must feel about me.”

That’s the day that my relationship with God went to an entirely different level. Partly contributing to this was the responsibility of being your Dad, and knowing how I had to be a better man to train you up in the way you should go. But part of my motivation to get closer to God was that you taught me what kind of love God had for me. I didn’t want to fail you or Him, so I made a conscious decision to rededicate myself to getting even closer to God. And in the process, I got even closer to you, to your Mom, and to everyone else I loved.

And that passion to keep growing hasn’t stopped. You still motivate me today to get better and better as a follower of Jesus and as your Dad. The more I see you mature, the prouder I become of you, and the more I feel the need to push through to the next level. I want to keep on growing so that I can always be there for you.

I love you, Harrison. Thank you for challenging me to be a better Dad and a more passionate follower of Christ.

Happy Birthday,

Dad

Dinner That’s More Than Dinner

The apostles returned to Jesus from their ministry tour and told Him all they had done and taught. Then Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and His apostles didn’t even have time to eat. So they left by boat for a quiet place, where they could be alone. (Mark 6:30-32 NLT)

Sometimes dinner is more than dinner. It’s not just food for our physical bodies; it can be so much more.

The apostles returned from their first ministry assignment. They were so excited to come back and tell Jesus how incredible their time had been. They breathlessly rushed into the house where Jesus was waiting for them. “Master,” Peter started, “You should have seen how Andrew…” and he was cut short by a new visitor.

Next James tried, “Whoa, it was so cool when we…” and yet another distraction.

Time and time again their stories and questions and concerns were interrupted by the busyness of life and ministry. In fact, it got so chaotic that the disciples couldn’t even eat their food, except in quick gulps between visitors.

Finally, Jesus said, “Guys, let’s get out of here. I really want to hear about your ministry. I want to debrief a little with you. And, frankly, we’re all hungry and could use a quiet dinner. Let’s go someplace to hang out together.” Now that’s more than a dinner!

Check out the advantages of simply eating together:

  • Families who eat dinner together eat healthier.
  • Families who eat dinner together have higher communication skills.
  • Children in families who eat dinner together perform better academically.
  • Children in families who eat dinner together are less likely to try cigarettes, illegal drugs, or alcohol.

I love our family mealtimes—it is one of the best times to catch up on what’s happening with everyone. Last night we were joined at dinner by a young couple from our church. After dinner, the kids were off playing and Betsy and I could have a quiet conversation just with our friends. We talked about the newlyweds’ adjustment to marriage, what makes a good church, education, career, china patterns, and the way God speaks to us. We laughed and dreamed and talked about dreams. It was fantastic!

Turn off the TV. Make a healthy dinner. Set aside time to eat with family and friends. Jesus gave us a great example: “C’mon, friends, I really want to spend some quiet time with you.”

So here’s to dinners that are more than dinners.