My Best Friend

Craig & Betsy

My Dearest Betsy,

Twenty-six years ago I began a relationship with my first girlfriend. Twenty years ago today I married my first and only girlfriend. Today I am more in love with you than I ever thought would be possible!

You are my best friend, my confidant, my favorite playmate, and still the only woman I’ve ever had eyes for.

Solomon wrote:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

I’m so grateful that Solomon’s words have been a massive understatement for me. Being married to you has been so beyond good, and God’s favor has saturated my life.

So here’s to the next 20 years… I can hardly wait to see all that God has in store for us. And having you right by my side to share this adventure makes it all the more fulfilling.

I love you, my bride!

Shop With A Purpose

Why do you go shopping?

Just for fun?

As a stress-buster?

For real needs?

Where do you go shopping?

Whichever store is closest?

The one with the best prices?

     The one with the most desirable styles?

How about shopping somewhere that really makes a difference?

Betsy and I were wandering around Rockford, MI, last weekend and stumbled upon an incredible store called The W.A.R. Chest Boutique. W.A.R. stands for Women At Risk. (Please read more about the mission of W.A.R. on their website.)

In a nutshell, W.A.R. sells items made by women who have been rescued from slavery or other oppressive conditions. These women have been taught a skill to make jewelry or clothing or other one-of-a-kind items for your home. And here’s the great part: 90% of the proceeds go back to the women who made the items! Yes, 90 percent!

You can get involved by:

  • Educating yourself on the plight of at-risk women around the world.
  • Shopping at the two W.A.R. boutique locations in West Michigan.
  • Shopping W.A.R.’s items online.
  • Hosting a W.A.R. party in your home.
  • Praying for these women, and for organizations that are helping them.

Don’t just shop. Shop with a purpose.

Never walk away from someone who deserves help; your hand is God’s hand for that person. (Proverbs 3:27)

Don’t Be That Guy

I love studying leadership books and learning from the lives of great men and women of history. The leadership section of my library is only slightly larger than the biography section. One of the saddest things to see is a leader who self-destructs. I was just reviewing some of my notes about leadership failures when Tim Elmore’s latest e-newsletter arrived entitled Self-Destructive Leaders.

Check out a couple of blurbs from this excellent article:

Projecting their self-worth.
There are few things more unappetizing than a leader who has to constantly talk about how important they are. They name drop, they remind others of their busyness, accomplishments, authority, past positions, degrees, or pedigree. It’s like they’re lobbying for attention and affirmation. It’s a sad commentary when so much of a leader’s energy is spent doing this instead of helping their team reach their goals.

Possessing a controlling spirit.
Often, insecure leaders react to their inward desperation with control. They feel if they can control people, they’ll maintain absolute authority. … They resort to more regulations and policies to enforce compliance among staff instead of trusting them and earning their loyalty….

Comparing themselves to others obsessively.
When a leader has a low EQ [emotional intelligence quotient], they naturally tend to look around them; they look outward rather than inward (at their own natural strengths and style) or upward (to their Creator for their sense of identity).  They become consumed with comparing their own traits or achievements to those of other leaders. Soon, their team ceases to operate in a healthy way. They’re driven by comparing and competing with others instead of capitalizing on their own core competencies.

Possessing self-imposed blindness.
This one is huge. All leaders have blind spots. Like in a car, blind spots happen not so much because of stupidity but position. The driver can’t see certain things. Sadly, self-destructive leaders refuse help. They repel any input from colleagues and insist on living in a bubble that makes them feel good. All is well, or so they think. Their insecurity won’t let them face the facts. They prefer a perspective that’s limited, but comfortable. Their narrow view will eventually lead to an accident.

Here’s what wise King Solomon said about the self-destructive leader:

Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other’s counsel. (Proverbs 13:10)

If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored. (Proverbs 13:18)

The saddest part is this – the self-destructive leader will read this and then say to himself, “Nope, that’s not me. This is describing someone else.”

Don’t be that guy (or gal)!

  • Look in the mirror of Scripture.
  • Listen to the counsel of others.
  • Listen to the criticism of your teammates. (Hint: if your teammates aren’t telling you anything that you need to improve on, it’s not because you’re perfect. Either you have intimidated them into silence, or you’re deaf to what they’re telling you.)
  • Learn from the lives of great leaders from the past. Read their biographies and autobiographies.

Apathy Is Not An Option

The old joke goes like this—

Q: What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy?

A: I don’t know and I don’t care.

Corny, I know, but it does make a point.

For followers of Jesus Christ, sometimes ignorance of a situation is acceptable, but apathy is never an option. In other words, you may not know what’s happening around you, but once you know, you’re on the hook. You cannot do nothing. Especially when people need help.

Nowhere in Scripture will you ever see something like this:

  • “If you feel like helping the poor, go for it. If you don’t feel like it, that’s okay.”
  • “It’s okay to look away from the hurting.”
  • “If you’re too busy to get involved, God will understand.”
  • “If it makes you uncomfortable to see that, just pretend you didn’t see it.”

Nope. I cannot do that and call myself a follower of Jesus.

Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. (James 4:17)

The consistently righteous man knows and cares for the rights of the poor…. (Proverbs 29:7 AMP)

The godly care about the rights of the poor; the wicked don’t care at all. (Proverbs 29:7 CEV)

Get informed and then get involved.

Don’t Just Sit There

I’m convinced that in my pursuit of a deeper relationship with Christ, neutral is the most vulnerable position I can take.

I can pursue God with all I’ve got. Every day I can learn a little more what it means to love God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind, and with all my strength.

Or I can make a decision that I’ve gone as far as I can in my relationship with Jesus. I can say, “I’m not willing to be stretched any further. I’m comfortable with where I am.” But when I get into this neutral position, I’m more likely to slide away from God than I am to move closer to Him. It’s hard to even stay where I was. Check this out:

BLESSED—HAPPY, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable—is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly—following their advice, their plans and purposes—nor stands submissive and inactive in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down to relax and rest where the scornful and the mockers gather.

It’s when I become inactive that I am vulnerable to ungodly counsel.

It’s when I sit down to relax that I can easily slip into the cynical banter of the scornful.

If I want to avoid the downward slide away from God, I can’t just sit still. I’ve got to be actively, passionately, wholeheartedly moving toward Him. Solomon wrote:

Make your ear attentive to skillful and godly Wisdom and incline and direct your heart and mind to understanding—applying all your powers to the quest for it.

Don’t just sit there! Keep on moving closer and closer to Jesus every day.

Buster

Every once in a while I need to be reminded of this truth: “We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.”

Yesterday my plans were set. They were planned down to the minute. Here was my agenda:

  • Leave home early for a meeting in Kalamazoo.
  • Swing by the office to pick up a key.
  • Head to a house in downtown Kalamazoo for a meeting.
  • Complete the meeting in about an hour.
  • Drive to my parents’ house to change into a business suit.
  • Then head to downtown Grand Rapids for another meeting with some key business and ministry leaders in the inner-city.

Instead, on my way to Kalamazoo, I had the following phone conversation:

“Sorry, but I forgot to drop the key off on Friday. Can I meet you at the house to give it to you?”

“Sure. I can meet you there.”

“I need to ask another favor. I’m running late. Can you just find a coffee shop somewhere and meet me about 30 minutes later than we had planned?”

“Okay,” I said not too assuredly since this was starting to throw off my “perfect” schedule.

I pulled into a McDonald’s in downtown Kalamazoo, right across the street from the Greyhound bus station. I sat in my car for a couple of minutes, and then felt the need for a fruit and yogurt parfait. After making my purchase I had a grand total of $7.94 left in my pocket.

I walked to the restroom.

Just as I walked in, a man motioned to me. He wanted to say something quietly to me. Given the neighborhood I was in, I was expecting the usual “Can you help me out with some loose change” plea. Instead…

“Um, can you help me out,” asked the man that would later introduce himself as Buster.

“Sure. What do you need?”

“I had an accident and I need some clothes to change into,” he said quietly.

“I saw a mission around the corner,” I said. “Do they have clothes?”

“Yea.”

“Okay, c’mon. I’ll walk over there with you.” And I turned to walk out of the restroom.

Buster grabbed my coat sleeve and pulled me back. “Um, he said looking at the floor, “I … I’m HIV-positive.”

“Really,” I said as I put my arm around his shoulders, “I’m Craig.”

Buster smiled.

We walked to the mission and he picked out some sweat pants, a sweatshirt, a pair of shoes, a pair of pants, and a winter jacket. Total: $7.42.

“I’m going to pay you back for this, Craig.”

“No, you’re not, Buster. This is my gift to you.”

As we walked toward the bus station, where Buster could use a restroom to change his clothes, he asked me,

“Do you ever think about dying?”

“I’m not afraid to die, Buster, but I’m not ready to leave just yet. Why do you ask?”

“Last night I got drunk. I was trying to get up enough courage to jump in front of a bus. I’m tired of living.”

“Buster, I think that would be the worst thing you could do.”

“Why? No one cares about me.”

“God does.”

“Really?”

“Buster, I don’t believe in accidents or coincidences. I wasn’t supposed to be at this McDonald’s today. But God rearranged my schedule just so I could meet you. God sent me here.”

Buster slowly nodded his head, “I believe that, Craig. I really do.”

Before I left Buster at the bus station, he asked for my phone number. I walked over to the ticket counter to borrow a pen. After I wrote my number down and turned around, a man was standing right in my path.

“My name’s Johnson. Buster told me what you did for him.”

I smiled and shook his hand.

“Why did you do that?” he asked.

I smiled again, “God sent me here. He loves Buster so much that He rearranged my schedule.”

“Can you help me,” Johnson asked, “but Buster said you used all of your money on him.”

“What do you need?”

He held open his hand with some loose change in it. “I need 50 cents more for my bus fare.”

I handed Johnson my last 52 cents.

King Solomon also wrote, “The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?”

I didn’t understand why my “perfect” schedule got rearranged. But I’m glad it did. I’m glad I got to meet Buster.

Unintended Consequences

Sometimes even with the best of intentions, our actions can create a series of events that we never anticipated. What’s worse, like a row of neatly arranged dominos, once the first one has been knocked over, it’s hard to stop the tumble of the other dominos.

Case in point: Abram (or Abraham, as he would come to be known later).

He followed God’s call to leave his homeland of Ur and travel to Canaan—the Promised Land. He came to Canaan as a fairly wealthy man, having built quite a portfolio in his home country. After he arrived, he built a couple of altars to God and things appeared to be going well.

Until the famine. [you can read the story for yourself here]

Then without asking God, Abram left Canaan and traveled to Egypt. This was the first domino to be knocked down. The rest that fell were the unintended consequences of this single decision.

Abram lied to the Egyptians about his wife, telling them that she was his sister. As a result, she was taken into Pharaoh’s harem. Did Pharaoh sleep with her? The Bible doesn’t say for sure. Was Sarai mad at Abram? The Bible doesn’t answer this one either, but I think we all know the answer to this question!

Abram got richer. Because Pharaoh was so happy with Sarai, Pharaoh gave him sheep and cattle, donkeys and camels, and servants.

But this newly acquired wealth caused yet another domino to fall.

Abram and his nephew Lot began to have arguments about their large herds of animals. To settle their dispute, they split up.

Another domino fell.

Lot, without Abram’s mentorship, moved near Sodom. He got caught up in its sinful lifestyle and lost everything he owned. All he had left were two daughters, who were wicked, manipulative young ladies.

And yet another domino.

Abram and Sarai couldn’t have children. So Sarai suggested that Abram sleep with Hagar, their Egyptian maid. Would Sarai have suggested this if Abram hadn’t abandoned her to Pharaoh? If they hadn’t gone to Egypt, Hagar wouldn’t even have been there!

And the final domino.

Hagar did get pregnant. But her son Ishmael became the father of the Arabic people. A race of people that is openly hostile to the Jewish people to this day.

So many unintended consequences. So many dominos knocked down because of just one decision.

I’m grateful that God made something good out of this, but what incredible pain and hardship exist to this day because of one decision 4000 years ago.

My takeaway: I need to lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all my heart and mind and do not rely on my own insight or understanding.

Do You Really Want To Be Accountable?

I have a great friend. He is the brother I never had, but he is more than any brother I could have ever hoped for. We are brothers like David and Jonathan were brothers in the Bible. We are covenant brothers (we’ve coined the shorthand CovBro).

What is accountability? The dictionary simply says it means “to give an account or to give an answer.” It doesn’t say “to give an excuse or to give the rationale.”

Accountability means there is only black and white. No gray. Either I did what I was supposed to do. Or I didn’t. King Solomon said it this way:

Young people, it’s wonderful to be young! Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.

Before it’s time to give an account to God, wouldn’t you like someone else to hold you accountable? I would!

In this everything’s-relevant, I’m-not-responsible-for-my-own-actions world, finding someone who will actually hold you to a rigid “Yes, I did it” or “No, I didn’t do it” standard is rare. But my CovBro is one who holds me accountable.

When we meet each month, he asks me the hard questions:

  • How are your business dealings?
  • Are you spending enough time with God?
  • Are you doing what God has called you to do?
  • What’s happening in your marriage? Your relationship with your kids? Your church?

He gets my internet usage report from X3 Watch. He is the iron that sharpens my iron. He accepts no wishy-washy answers nor any flimsy excuses. I do the same for him. And we’re both better off for it.

Do you really want to be accountable? Then find someone that loves you too much to let you get away with anything less than your very best. Someone who will hold you to God’s standards. Someone who will sharpen your iron. It can be painful. But the results are so worth it!

Sharper

Yesterday was one of those days that I was in “receive” mode. As a pastor, I usually spend more days in the “dispense” mode: teaching, counseling, advising. But yesterday I was blessed to sit back and soak in some great counsel. And I’m sharper for it.

It’s too bad that many people never take the time to allow others to advise them. Or, if they do go through the motions of “listening” to advice, they never put that counsel into action.

I met with a seasoned pastor yesterday morning. He asked me several questions to assess where I was personally and professionally, and then he gave me some invaluable insight. He’s one of those “been-there-done-that” guys who has learned the lessons of history well, and he was gracious to share with me.

Last night I invited my Impact teaching team over to my house. After sharing dinner together I listened as they weighed in on our upcoming series in our youth services. Since they are closer in age to our students, their insight into the teenage mind was so keen. They were able to help me better understand the challenges and culture of middle and high school students. And I’m sharper for it.

A few thoughts from some other wise counselors:

“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.” —Proverbs 1:5 (KJV)

“Those who will not be counseled, cannot be helped. More souls are ruined by pride than by any other sin whatever.” —Matthew Henry

“Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” —Proverbs 11:14 (The Message)

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” —Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)

“To accept good advice is to increase one’s own ability.” —Goethe

Are you getting sharper? Are you listening to good advice?

Lots Of Stairs

Sometimes it’s hard to find a block of time to set aside exclusively for exercise, so I try to build some exercise opportunities into my day. My during-the-day exercise usually is trying to find more ways to walk. Like…

  • Parking at the back of the parking lot
  • Walking down the hall to someone’s office instead of sending an email
  • Taking the stairs

Lately, I’ve been in lots of places with stairs, and yesterday my legs were really feeling it. I learned something from climbing all those stairs: It’s a lot easier going down than it is going up.

Up gets my heart pumping more. Up works up a sweat. Up makes me breathe deeper. Up builds my leg muscles. Up is painful (but it’s a good pain).

The soreness in my legs is a reminder that I’ve exercised, that I’ve done something that’s giving me long-term benefits, that I’ve prepared myself for a healthier future.

Solomon wrote, “The path of life leads upward for the wise to keep him from going down to the grave.”

Spiritually, I can say up brings life.

Up makes me wiser. Up keeps me from going down. Up is painful (but it’s a good pain).

If you haven’t been spiritually sore lately, perhaps you’re shying away from a healthy workout.

Let God take you up today. You might be a little sore tomorrow, but the soreness will remind you that you’ve exercised, that you’ve done something that’s giving you long-term benefits, that you’ve prepared yourself for a heavenly future.