Researchers have found that the biological responses of your body and brain to being “in love” only last two years. So guess when most newlyweds begin experiencing problems in their marriage? Yep, you guessed it: about two years into marriage.
After the in love buzz wears off, what can you do to maintain a happy, fulfilling marriage? Quite simply you have to choose to see only the best in your spouse.
Solomon was so wise to write to us that our spouse should be the only one who captivates us … the only one who satisfies us … the only one who keeps making our hearts go pitter-pat! When we choose to see the best in our mate, we can keep that in love buzz going for the life of the marriage.
Check out this excerpt from a WebMD article (you can read the full article here)—
Most often, self-assessments are grounded in reality, the researchers write. The way we see ourselves is fairly accurate. The way we see others, they continue, is often shaped by hope. With that in mind, they took one partner’s self-assessment at face value and compared it to the other partner’s assessment, as well as that partner’s description of his/her ideal partner.
For example, John’s ideal mate is funny and warm. And that is how he chooses to see Jane, who he has just married, despite the fact that Jane describes herself as moody and distant. Will John change his tune over time and come to regret his marriage to Jane? Or will his positive—if skewed—view of his wife help maintain his happiness?
Fortunately for John, the researchers found the latter to be true. In tallying the data, they discovered that those who did not idealize their partners when they got married tended to be more dissatisfied with their marriage by the end of the study compared to those who had an unrealistically idealistic view of their partner. Those in the “idealistic” group tended to be happier and more satisfied with their marriage.
In other words: you will bring out of your spouse what you see in your spouse.
Do you want a fun-loving wife? See her as your favorite playmate.
Do you want a confident husband? See him as a strong, self-assured provider for your home.
I like how the Apostle Paul states this (especially in the Amplified Bible)—
However, let each man of you without exception love his wife as being in a sense his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband—that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.
Just as God sees the best in you and loves you for who He sees you becoming, love your spouse and see only the best in him/her.
Today is Valentine’s Day—a day set aside for us to express our love to our sweethearts. Sadly, for many people, other than their birthday this may be the only day that someone is focused on them.
Craig T. Owens 