relationships | Craig T. Owens

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Relationship Trumps Religion

December 17, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Last night in our Impact youth service we wrapped up this session of The Q Series: a time where our students submit the questions they want to have answered. I’m always challenged by the questions that get turned into me, they really make me dig deep.

Last night I answered a couple of questions that went like this: “Is Christianity all about keeping the right rules?”

I think there is a misconception that many people have about those who call themselves Christian. One of the most notable ones is: There are way too many rules to follow.

I answered this question with an analogy to my relationship with my wife. If I want a better marriage, would I be better off following a list of rules, or developing a more intimate relationship? I think the answer is easy: relationship always trumps rules.

When we begin to think of Christianity as a relationship with Jesus instead of a religion, there is greater freedom. Look at the change in mindset from religion to relationship:

Clearly, a relationship with Jesus trumps trying to keep religious rules.

Our students got it. In fact, three of them got it for the first time as they prayed to ask Jesus to step into a relationship with them! That never gets old for me, in fact, it’s the greatest thing I get to see!

I hope you’re not bound up by religion, but enjoying all of the benefits of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s the best decision you could ever make.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: Calvary Assembly of God, Christianity, Impact! youth group, Jesus Christ, relationships, religion, rules. Leave a Comment »

Grown Up Love

December 15, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.

My workspace in my office and even the portable office of my backpack is filled with special reminders. I have gifts from missionaries, mementos from coworkers, and souvenirs from friends. But my most precious treasures are those handmade expressions of love from my kids. They might be simple bookmarks or more elaborate statues, but they are from my kids just for me. I wouldn’t trade the world for them.

These gifts remind me how blessed I am to be loved as Daddy, and “love reminders” are good for anyone at any age.

What would happen, though, if my 15-year-old was still giving me gifts that looked like the gifts he gave me when he was a budding 5-year-old artist? What if my daughter’s gifts looked the same when she was 21-years-old as they did when she was a preschooler? Wouldn’t we say that there might be a developmental problem?

The great love chapter of the Bible contains this line:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. (1 Corinthians 13:11)

Love is supposed to grow up.

In other words, my expressions of my love toward others should be maturing. So here are some questions I am asking myself:

Do I express love to God the same way I did as a “baby” Christian? Or are my expressions maturing?
Do I tell my wife I love her the same way I said it all those years ago when we first got married? Or am I finding new ways to say it?
Do I express my love to all of my kids the same way? Or am I learning each of their unique love languages?

Let me ask you a question too: Is your love—and the expression of your love to others—growing up?

Take some time to ponder that question, and then make any grown-up changes that need to be made so that your love continues to mature.

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Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: 1 Corinthians, Daddy, love, love language, loved ones, maturity, relationships. 1 Comment »

Happy Birthday To My Son

December 8, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Dear Harrison,

It’s hard for me to believe that you are a decade-and-a-half old. Wow, time seems to fly by, but the memories I’ve made watching you grow up are always with me. What an incredible young man you are!

Believe it or not, you have been a huge factor in my own growth and maturity. I can remember the moment you were born how I cried with an absolutely unspeakable joy! I had never known such an immediate explosion of love before. Falling in love with your Mom was a love that grew little by little—and still is growing today. But the love that burst upon me the moment you were born was a Niagara Falls of love all at one instant. As I held you in the first couple of days, it dawned on me in such a new way, “This is how my Heavenly Father must feel about me.”

That’s the day that my relationship with God went to an entirely different level. Partly contributing to this was the responsibility of being your Dad, and knowing how I had to be a better man to train you up in the way you should go. But part of my motivation to get closer to God was that you taught me what kind of love God had for me. I didn’t want to fail you or Him, so I made a conscious decision to rededicate myself to getting even closer to God. And in the process, I got even closer to you, to your Mom, and to everyone else I loved.

And that passion to keep growing hasn’t stopped. You still motivate me today to get better and better as a follower of Jesus and as your Dad. The more I see you mature, the prouder I become of you, and the more I feel the need to push through to the next level. I want to keep on growing so that I can always be there for you.

I love you, Harrison. Thank you for challenging me to be a better Dad and a more passionate follower of Christ.

Happy Birthday,

Dad

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: birthday, example, family, growing, learning, parenting, relationships. 3 Comments »

Presents Or Presence

December 3, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

We kicked off The Q Series last night with some very appropriate-for-the-season questions: what is Christmas? where did it come from? how are we supposed to celebrate Christmas?

As I was preparing to answer this question, the thought came to me that Christmas is the celebration of God’s presence among us, but we’ve turned Christmas into a focus on presents. God wants to give us Himself (His presence), but many times we’re more interested in the presents we think He should give us.

Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve exchanged a piece of fruit (a present, the devil told them) for God’s presence.

Quick: Can you think of a present someone gave you last Christmas? This probably doesn’t come easily to mind. Can you think of a time this last year when someone “being there” for you (their presence) was meaningful? This one you could probably think of more quickly.

Presence trump presents.

As you celebrate Christmas this year, focus on God’s presence in your life, and not the presents you’re asking Him for. And then remember those around you want your presence way more than they want your presents, so figure out how to give it to them.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: Christmas, emotionally available, Garden of Eden, presence, presents, relationships. 2 Comments »

Simply Profound

November 20, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

This morning I went to “Donuts With Dad” with my youngest son. It’s a time for Dads to bring their kids to school, grab a donut, and then walk around the school with their child. It was so cool seeing how excited my son was for me to be there with him!

We sat in his classroom to eat our donut, then he gave me the grand tour: the library, the computer lab, the lunchroom, the art room, and the gym. So simple, yet so important to him.

Earlier in the morning on my way to drop off my older children at their school, we were reading this passage in Colossians:

It’s that simple. That is the substance of our Message. We preach Christ, warning people not to add to the Message. We teach in a spirit of profound common sense so that we can bring each person to maturity. To be mature is to be basic. Christ! No more, no less. That’s what I’m working so hard at day after day, year after year, doing my best with the energy God so generously gives me.

So I’ve been thinking: if the simple things are the joy-filled things, why do we insist on making things so complicated in our Christian faith? We tell God’s children, “To be in a relationship with God you must do thus-and-so, and you must do it this many times each week, and you must do it this way.”

Must, must, must.

Complex rule after convoluted rule after antiquated rule. Why not simply say, “Love God will all that you’ve got. Just love Him in the unique way He made you to love Him”?

There’s great joy in simplicity. There is a profoundness in simplicity.

Here’s to a simpler walk with Christ!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: Colossians, Dad, donuts, father, Gospel of Matthew, intimacy, joy, kids, relationships, simplicity, uniqueness. Leave a Comment »

Respected Mentor

November 18, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Last week I was listening to an interview with former Indianapolis coach Tony Dungy on the Catalyst podcast. In this interview, he had some amazing things to say about his relationship with Michael Vick.

Then this evening I opened up the latest issue of Sports Spectrum, and in the opening article, I read some more about the relationship between Coach Dungy and Vick.

In his Catalyst interview Coach Dungy said, “I felt like I let Michael down. Our schedules never coordinated for us to spend a day fishing. If I would have been able to spend a day with him, perhaps it would have come up in conversation about some of the poor decisions he was making. If I had the time to spend with him, maybe I could have given him some counsel that would have helped him make a different decision.” Wow!

Then Sports Spectrum reports that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell allowed Michael Vick to be reinstated into the league only on the condition that Tony Dungy would be Vick’s mentor. “Michael needs that right now,” Goodell said, “And I’ve asked Tony Dungy to play a more formal role on my behalf, but also on Michael’s behalf, to serve as a mentor to Michael and help him and guide him through some very difficult decisions he’s going to have to make going forward.”

So I’m thinking…

Would I put my reputation on the line for someone like Michael Vick? Would you?
Would someone even think to ask me to be his mentor?

I hope that you and I are both willing to mentor others, and that others will give us the chance to do so.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: mentoring, Michael Vick, NFL, quote, relationships, Roger Goodell, Tony Dungy. 1 Comment »

Love & Respect (book review)

October 29, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Love & Respect

My Grandma used to say this poem, “Good, better, best, never let it rest until your good is better and your better is best.” I thought of this again while reading Emerson Eggerichs’ book Love & Respect. If your marriage is bad, this book can help it get good; if your marriage is already good, this book can help it getter even better; if your marriage is already better, you can use this book to “best it.”

Many of the principles in this book generated an initial push-back from me. I found myself thinking, “I’m not so sure that would work.” But as I read on, I found almost all of those initial hesitancies dissolving.

The book is divided into three overarching sections that cover the three cycles in which your marriage could be: the Crazy Cycle (a bad marriage), the Energizing Cycle (a good marriage), and the Rewarded Cycle (the best marriage). Throughout all of the sections, there is sound, biblically-based counsel for husbands and wives. The title of the book—and most of the underlying principles—come from Ephesians 5:33 where the Apostle Paul tells women to respect their husbands, while husbands are to love their wives.

Be forewarned: the first part of this book felt a little like a commercial for Dr. Eggerichs’ Love & Respect seminar. And oftentimes I felt he was “plugging” his seminar throughout the book. But if you don’t mind the occasional sales-pitch feel, you will uncover some great truths to help your marriage go from bad to better to best.

I am a book review blogger for Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: book review, Emerson Eggerichs, Ephesians, husband, love, marriage, poem, relationships, respect, wife. 4 Comments »

Be All There

October 27, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Once a friend of mine (whom I happen to think is more tuned-in to people’s needs than almost anyone else I know) went on a first date. He said the evening was pleasant, but felt his date was a bit distant. At the end of the evening when he brought up the subject of possibly going out again she informed him, “No, I don’t think we can go out again. You’re just not emotionally available for me.”

I know this wasn’t true for my friend, but have you ever been there? Ever been with someone, but it was obvious that they weren’t really there with you in the room? Frustrating, isn’t it?

[Insert tongue firmly in cheek as you read this next paragraph.] Now I’m certain that none of the readers of my blog would ever be distracted like this. And I know I’ve never done this myself. Since you and I, dear reader, always are 100% attentive to the people in the room with us, these next two quotes probably won’t pertain to you, but here they are anyhow:

“The human brain is simply not designed to multitask. You can get by doing multiple things at once, but you can’t do them well. Your brain is physically unable to process more than one set of instructions at a time, so while you are juggling all of those actions at once, your brain is scrambling to keep up. Through a variety of experiments measuring brain activity, scientists have discovered that the constant switching back and forth from one activity to another energizes regions of the brain that specialize in visual processing and physical coordination, while simultaneously disrupting the brain regions related to memory and learning. According to the research, ‘we are using our mental energy to concentrate on concentrating at the expense of whatever it is that we’re supposed to be concentrating on.’ Got that?

“More simply: when we multitask we’re dumber. How much dumber? A recent study for Hewlett Packard exploring the impact of multitasking on performance revealed that the average worker’s functioning IQ drops ten points when multitasking…. (The analogy the researchers used is that a ten-point drop in IQ is equivalent to missing one night of sleep.)” —Marcus Buckingham, Find Your Strongest Life

“Concentration, which leads to meditation and contemplation, is therefore the necessary precondition for true hospitality. When our souls are restless, when we are driven by thousands of different and often conflicting stimuli, when we are always ‘over there’ between people, ideas and the worries of this world, how can we possibly create the room and space where someone else can enter freely without feeling himself an unlawful intruder?” —Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer

This week I’m making it my goal to be all there for whomever is here with me. I’m going to try my best to eliminate multitasking and truly concentrate on the one spending time with me. Are you ready to try this with me? Let me know how it goes.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: concentration, emotionally available, friendship, Henri Nouwen, hospitality, Marcus Buckingham, meditation, multi-tasking, quotes, relationships. 3 Comments »

Unusual Blessing

October 19, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

On Saturday night I was in the hospital with a family as their loved one took his final breath. It’s not the first time I’ve been in a room with someone as their life here ends. And I’m certain it won’t be the last time. I feel blessed to be able to do this.

Before you think I sound morbid, hear me out on this.

I feel blessed to have had some valuable training for this. Long before I became a pastor (a “doctor” of the spirit) I was studying to be a medical doctor (a doctor of the body). I’m so grateful that I received enough training to be prepared for these settings.

I feel blessed to be there for the grieving family. When the emotions are so raw and the pain so deep, I’m grateful that God places me in a position to truly be a minister to hurting people.

I feel blessed to be reminded of the shortness and preciousness of life. It reminds me that life is fragile and short. It reminds me to hug more often, express love more frequently, and not take any time with my loved ones for granted.

Being in the hospital room as someone passes from this life is not an easy thing. But I wouldn’t trade the blessing of being a pastor for anything.