“The Best Movie Of The Year”

For a movie that won’t even open until September 30 to already be labeled “Best movie of the year,” you might think is merely marketing hype.

When you hear that the one who called it “Best movie of the year” is Pastor Rick Warren, you might think it’s a churchy movie.

But you’d be wrong.

I had a chance to see Courageous and I can tell you that this will be the best movie of 2011, and that it is definitely NOT a churchy movie.

Set against the backdrop of a city battling gang-related issues, four sheriff’s deputies struggle with being good dads and good law enforcement officers. In the process they learn what it takes to excel at both: it takes courage.

Courageous opens on September 30.

DO NOT MISS THE OPENING WEEKEND!
This is a movie that will challenge your whole family, but will be especially impacting for dads.

Home And Away (book review)

I just finished reading Home And Away, by David & Nancy French, and I have tears in my eyes. I readily admit that I’m a “patriotic crier” whenever the red, white and blue is involved, and this book hit me right in that patriotic soft spot.

A real quick summary of the book goes like this: David & Nancy French have an ideal life in America (family, home, career, etc.), but David feels compelled to serve his country in the armed forces in Iraq. So David enlists in the reserves and is stationed away in Iraq for a year, and Nancy tries to adjust to life home without her husband. The book alternates chapters, with both Nancy and David writing about the war from their perspective.

But what was invaluable to me was the insight into the emotional life of this couple. Both of them explain so clearly all of the feelings that are swirling around inside of them. You can feel the frustration as they try to explain their feelings to others, who don’t quite seem to get it. Even David has trouble grasping all that Nancy is experiencing, as Nancy tries to come to grips with what David is going through. In the end, I have a much greater appreciation for both our soldiers away in harm’s way, and their families who attempt to carry on at home without them.

If you want to know how to better support and pray for our armed forces and their families, I highly recommend Home And Away to you.

I am a Hachette Group book reviewer.

Weekend Review

I feel so full after such a wonderfully full-filling weekend.

On Saturday morning our worship team helped kick-off Lifewalk 2011, by leading some worship songs during the registration time. I love doing spiritual battle alongside this team! It was a great way to remind everyone why we were there.

God gave us beautiful weather for Lifewalk! Along our route we stopped to pray at Cedar Spring City Hall, The Springs Church, Alpha Family Center, and Red Hawk school. When we returned to our starting point in Morely Park, we were greeted with the great news that Lifewalk had raised nearly $12,000!

I had the privilege of addressing the Lifewalk participants just before we released our balloons. I spoke from Ephesians 2:10, where we read that God created us in advance to do good works that would bring Him glory. Unfortunately, tens of millions of babies have been aborted before they had a chance to do their good works, so it is now up to us, the living, to redouble our efforts. We need to do not only the good works God prepared us to do, but also the good works of those aborted lives. It was a somber, yet empowering, reminder.

20110620-063303.jpgOn Sunday morning I spoke to our Dads on Father’s Day. I told the story of Boaz the kinsman-redeemer from the book of Ruth. Boaz was a man motivated by God’s word, and a man who did not give in to culture’s pull. Boaz was also a picture of Jesus Christ as the ultimate Kinsman-Redeemer. I challenged our Dads to remember that they are the representation of Christ to their wives and kids.

The highlight of Sunday morning for me was watching all of our Dads serve Communion to the rest of the church. Powerful! What a reminder to all of us that Dads are to love and serve their families just as Christ loves and serves His Church.

To cap it all off, I got to have lunch with both my Dad and my kids. It was a very moving thing for me to not only honor my Dad, but to read the notes my kids had written to me. Part of what I wrote to my Dad was about the investment he made in my life. Then he and I both watched that investment being compounded in the lives of his grandkids. How awesome is that!

When I experience such a full weekend, only one thought dominates my mind: How blessed am I! I love living my life to honor my Heavenly Father, and I’m so grateful I get to share that life with so many other incredible people.

Secure Daughters, Confident Sons (book review)

Our society is bombarded by so many flat-out-wrong messages about boys and girls, and how to parent them. In Secure Daughters, Confident Sons, Glenn T. Stanton helps set the record straight.

Right out of the gate, Glenn makes an important statement about the need for a book such as this:

“If the rhetoric of political correctness keeps us from exploring the issue of gender differences, we lose something valuable to our humanity. Amazing scientific evidences of essential sex differences in the fields of anthropology, psychology, endocrinology, and neurology in the last few decades strongly disprove nearly all the thinking that drove the misunderstanding about gender in the first place. In fact, the more sophisticated this scientific research gets, the more it deepens our insight into the importance of male and female differences and how profoundly they exist within us.” (emphasis mine)

With a no-holds-barred approach, Glenn dismantles the politically-correct falsehoods like:

  • There are no real differences between boys and girls.
  • Kids can development just fine in a fatherless home.
  • Our children are just as healthy in a one-parent home as in a two-parent home.
  • Kids will be kids regardless of what their parents tell them.

The first few chapters alternate between information specifically for raising boys, and information specifically for raising girls. Then the later chapters zero in on the roles both Dads and Moms play in developing healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure children. Who (no surprise here) develop into healthy, well-rounded, confident, secure adults and future parents.

In one of the concluding chapters Glenn writes—

“Boys who grow up with warm and close connections with their fathers are more likely to develop a healthy masculine sense of self. …Boys who grow up with close, affectionate, and affirming relationships with their mothers have a better sensitivity to and understanding of women. …Girls who grow up close to affirming, warm, loving, and confident moms are more likely to be secure and healthy in their womanhood. Girls who grow up close to their fathers in loving and affirming relationships are more likely to be confident around boys and men as they grow.”

I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for parents and soon-to-be parents to READ THIS BOOK! Raising children is an awesome responsibility, and we need all the help we can get!

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

Help! I’m A Single Parent!

I believe God brings us to certain places and experiences in our lives to develop more of His nature in us. One of the aspects of God’s nature is His empathy. That word literally means to be in suffering with someone. Throughout all of history, God continually tells humanity, “I feel what you feel. When you suffer, I suffer too.” The Bible also tells us that Jesus experienced everything we will ever experience, and knows just how we feel.

So this week I’m experiencing what it’s like to be a single parent. Betsy is visiting her family in California, so I’m home with our kids. Granted this is not even close to what true single parents have to cope with. They do it for years, and I’m struggling with just a week. But my week-long experience is developing greater empathy in me.

I’ve got my usual slate of activity for this week, and then I come home to a crying child who is dealing with a rough relationship issue at school. And then I’m trading texts with a coach, trying to work out details for a practice schedule for another child. And then I’m juggling how to get my kids to three different activities, which all start at almost the same time. And then I’m trying to figure out the family meals, and squeezing in a trip to the grocery store. And then I’m having a discussion with my kids about a housekeeping issue. And then … and then … and then …

God’s design was for our kids to have two parents: a Mom and a Dad. When one parent is missing, I believe God gives extra grace to the remaining parent to operate in both roles. But that isn’t God’s ideal. Into this void, Christians are supposed to step in.

  • Support organizations that assist single parents.
  • Better yet: volunteer at one of these organization.
  • Invite a single-parent family over to dinner at your house.
  • Be a mentor.
  • If your kids are going somewhere a single parent’s kids are, offer to help carpool.
  • Guys, be a father-figure to fatherless kids.
  • Ladies, be a mother-figure to motherless kids.
  • Let a single parent drop off his/her kids at your house so that parent can have some alone time.
  • Take a single parent out for coffee and let them vent.
  • Provide a scholarship to a camp for single-parent kids.

The cliché said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I think it’s even better this way: It takes a loving Church to raise a healthy, well-balance FAMILY.

It’s time for Christians to be that Church!

A Birthday Note

Dear Brandon,

Has it really been 11 years already?! As the old cliché says, “Time sure flies when you’re having fun!” And it certainly has been so much fun watching you grow up.

In many ways you have helped me grow up too. One of the things I most appreciate about you is your sensitivity to other people, and your ability to encourage them. I have a lot of notes from you around so that I will see them often. It seems like whenever I’m having a rough time, I stumble across one of your notes that helps get me refocused.

     You have taught me the value of encouragement. Did you know that the word encouragement literally means to put courage into someone?

  • Courage to do the right thing, even when everyone else is doing the wrong thing.
  • Courage to focus on God, even when everyone else is focusing on their fears.
  • Courage to give my very best, even when everyone else is trying to just get by.

Thank you, Brandon, for showing me the power of encouragement. One of your notes to me simply says, “Just trust God.” So I say the same thing to you, my son: Trust in Him in all you do, and He will make your path straight.

Happy 11th Birthday!

I love you,

     Dad

1-on-1 Time

I love my 1-on-1 time with my kids. It’s wonderful when we can spend time together as a family, but there is something special about the times I can zero-in on just one of my kids at a time.

Harrison and I read Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Teens awhile ago, and now Samantha and I are working our way through it together. Brandon is just beginning to get into some serious reading, and right now we are discussing the situations in which Frank and Joe Hardy find themselves in The Hardy Boys series.

It doesn’t have to be over a book. Go for a walk … schedule a daddy-daughter date … play some basketball on the driveway … debrief the life lessons you just watched in a movie … play a video game.

Listen to this Dad and Mom: It doesn’t really matter what you’re doing together, as long as you are doing it together. Not what you want to do, but what they want to do. Get involved in their lives. The precious time you invest 1-on-1 with your kids will make all the difference in the world!

Sanctuary Needed

Why is it that a bad morning at school follows you and becomes a bad afternoon at home?

Why is that a bad day at work follows you and becomes a bad evening at home?

We all have a tendency to hang on to things. But the problem is we end up taking out our problems on those who didn’t create the problem. In other words, our family takes the heat from us because we know they will still love us, even after we unload on them. So we make our problem their problem.

Yes, we all need someone to listen to us vent when we’ve had a bad day, or we’ve been snubbed by someone, or we’ve gotten an after-school detention, or we’ve been chewed out by the boss. But venting is different from transferring. Venting is when we express our hurts to someone who loves us; transferring is when we take out our hurts on someone who loves us.

Dr. Richard Dobbins gave some wise counsel on how to avoid doing this:

“Develop the mental and spiritual ability to put space between your workplace [or school] and your home life. Treat your home life like a sanctuary. Don’t bring the feelings created by being treated unfairly in the workplace [or school] home with you.”

Maybe this will help you. Here’s what I do: I have created a boundary line (in my case it’s a road) over which bad attitudes created during the day cannot cross. As I approach home I remind myself that my family was not who gave me trouble, so I’m not going to bring my trouble home to them. If I need to, I’ll stop my car and sit for a few minutes before I cross that boundary, just to make sure my attitude is right before I cross that boundary line.

Where’s your boundary? Where can you make some space, so that your home becomes (and remains) a sanctuary?

Humbled Dad

If you heard a popping sound earlier today, that was probably my suit coat buttons! I attended the Cedar Springs Rotary Club luncheon today as an honored guest, because my son Brandon was a winner in the essay contest.

The essay contest is for the entire 5th grade in Cedar Springs, where they are asked to write about someone who shows integrity. I’ve known for a couple of weeks that Brandon was one of only five winner selected, but he has carefully guarded his essay. Today at lunch was the first time either Betsy or I heard it.

You can watch Brandon read his essay here…

…or you can read the essay for yourself here:

Dad

     “And that is why God sent Jesus to earth.” That’s my dad practicing his sermon. If you didn’t just catch that, my dad’s occupation is a pastor. Personally I think my dad shows tons of integrity. Here’s some ways my dad shows this as a pastor.

     My first reason I think my dad shows integrity is he speaks God’s word to the people every Sunday and Wednesday at church, so in a way he’s educating people in God’s word.

     My second reason I think my dad shows integrity as a pastor is that he goes out of his way to counsel people at the church and people having a hard time in life. When he goes to hospitals or homes to pray for people, he’s showing his care. Maybe someone needs some tips for staying a healthy Christian, my dad can help.

     My next thing on the list is my dad helping people even in not so good places. Sometimes my dad has to go to the people when they need help. My dad says, “Jesus went to parties and bad places to spread God’s grace and love.” Sometimes my dad has to go to bad restaurants or has to sit in the smoker’s area of a restaurant. But he does it to show God’s love.

     My last reason I think my dad shows integrity as a pastor is he helps the city with activities. He gets the youth group involved and will do what he can.

     My dad also shows integrity as a dad. Here are some things I would say about my dad. My dad is always there for his family. If someone is in need of a ride home, my dad can probably squeeze it in. If someone gets hurt, he’s there for sure. If anyone has a problem, he’ll be there to solve it.

     My second reason my dad shows integrity to the family is by setting a good example for me to follow. But he still lets me grow in my own way. Those are the reasons my dad shows integrity to the family.

     I try to be more like my dad because my dad is a role model to me. He shows me the right from wrong. He helps me grow as a person and will always keep me on the right path. My dad plays with me and shows me humor. He’ll tell me stories about things he did, motivating me to do the same thing. But the thing I look to my dad for the most is to be a better Christian. My dad tells me a small sermon every day. It’s not something you would hear at church, but it just helps me go through my day.

     This is why I believe my dad is a great person and I hope from this story that you can see my dad shows integrity to everybody.

I am one humbled and PROUD dad!

Missing Ingredient

I’m getting ready for week two of our Overloaded series, so I’m really digging into a lot of articles and reports about relationships. I believe that the biggest victim in our overloaded lives is our relationships.

Why? Because for relationships to flourish, they need lots and lots of time. Relationship development cannot fit into a nice, neat timeframe. Relationships are fluid: sometimes they need more time and sometimes they need less time.

Dr. Tim Elmore has a great blog post called A Missing Ingredient As We Teach And Parent Our Kids. His thesis is that we have to teach our kids how to think for themselves. But to get to that place, we need to come alongside them to help learn to do this. He suggests —

  1. Process everything that happens. When you see a movie, hear a news report, or listen to a song, talk it over. Debrief its meaning, and the worldview of the people involved.
  2. Plan meaningful experiences together. Don’t simply go to ballgames (though I love ballgames) but feed the homeless in a soup kitchen or travel to another country and absorb it together.
  3. Ask lots of questions. When your child tells you what they did, enjoy the story, but eventually (without sounding like a professor) ask them their opinion about what happened.
  4. Share principles you’ve picked up in your past. At the right time, in those teachable moments, pass along a nugget, a quip or a little phrase you’ve used to keep you on track. You’ll be surprise how they remember it.

What do all of these have in common? They all require parents to have enough time in their schedule.

Can I make one suggestion on where to start? Dinner time.

  • Get your whole family around the dinner table as many times a week as possible.
  • Banish all technology during dinner (turn off the TV, leave the cell phones & iPods in the other room).
  • Ask open-ended questions like, “Tell me something good that happened today” or “What’s the most played song on your iPod? Why do you like it so much?”
  • Make sure that only one person at a time is talking. And then make sure you are really listening to what’s being said.

For your close relationships to thrive, love is best spelled T-I-M-E. Make sure you have plenty of it!