Sanctuary Needed

March 28, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Why is it that a bad morning at school follows you and becomes a bad afternoon at home?

Why is that a bad day at work follows you and becomes a bad evening at home?

We all have a tendency to hang on to things. But the problem is we end up taking out our problems on those who didn’t create the problem. In other words, our family takes the heat from us because we know they will still love us, even after we unload on them. So we make our problem their problem.

Yes, we all need someone to listen to us vent when we’ve had a bad day, or we’ve been snubbed by someone, or we’ve gotten an after-school detention, or we’ve been chewed out by the boss. But venting is different from transferring. Venting is when we express our hurts to someone who loves us; transferring is when we take out our hurts on someone who loves us.

Dr. Richard Dobbins gave some wise counsel on how to avoid doing this:

“Develop the mental and spiritual ability to put space between your workplace [or school] and your home life. Treat your home life like a sanctuary. Don’t bring the feelings created by being treated unfairly in the workplace [or school] home with you.”

Maybe this will help you. Here’s what I do: I have created a boundary line (in my case it’s a road) over which bad attitudes created during the day cannot cross. As I approach home I remind myself that my family was not who gave me trouble, so I’m not going to bring my trouble home to them. If I need to, I’ll stop my car and sit for a few minutes before I cross that boundary, just to make sure my attitude is right before I cross that boundary line.

Where’s your boundary? Where can you make some space, so that your home becomes (and remains) a sanctuary?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment »

Missing Ingredient

March 10, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’m getting ready for week two of our Overloaded series, so I’m really digging into a lot of articles and reports about relationships. I believe that the biggest victim in our overloaded lives is our relationships.

Why? Because for relationships to flourish, they need lots and lots of time. Relationship development cannot fit into a nice, neat timeframe. Relationships are fluid: sometimes they need more time and sometimes they need less time.

Dr. Tim Elmore has a great blog post called A Missing Ingredient As We Teach And Parent Our Kids. His thesis is that we have to teach our kids how to think for themselves. But to get to that place, we need to come alongside them to help learn to do this. He suggests —

  1. Process everything that happens. When you see a movie, hear a news report, or listen to a song, talk it over. Debrief its meaning, and the worldview of the people involved.
  2. Plan meaningful experiences together. Don’t simply go to ballgames (though I love ballgames) but feed the homeless in a soup kitchen or travel to another country and absorb it together.
  3. Ask lots of questions. When your child tells you what they did, enjoy the story, but eventually (without sounding like a professor) ask them their opinion about what happened.
  4. Share principles you’ve picked up in your past. At the right time, in those teachable moments, pass along a nugget, a quip or a little phrase you’ve used to keep you on track. You’ll be surprise how they remember it.

What do all of these have in common? They all require parents to have enough time in their schedule.

Can I make one suggestion on where to start? Dinner time.

  • Get your whole family around the dinner table as many times a week as possible.
  • Banish all technology during dinner (turn off the TV, leave the cell phones & iPods in the other room).
  • Ask open-ended questions like, “Tell me something good that happened today” or “What’s the most played song on your iPod? Why do you like it so much?”
  • Make sure that only one person at a time is talking. And then make sure you are really listening to what’s being said.

For your close relationships to thrive, love is best spelled T-I-M-E. Make sure you have plenty of it!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , . 3 Comments »

Every Moment Is Special

March 7, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

As I was in the midst of studying for our series Overloaded, there was one thought that kept coming back to me time and time again—

The biggest victim in our overloaded lives are our relationships

And then the news of a tragic, unexpected death comes crashing into all of my local newsfeeds.

Wes Leonard was a star athlete for the Fennville High School Blackhawks. This 16-year-old played quarterback for the football team, and forward for the basketball team.

Last week the Fennville basketball team put their undefeated season on the line in their final regular season game against Bridgman. The game was tied at the end of regulation. As overtime was running out, the Blackhawks turned to their star player. And Wes Leonard deliver: hitting the game-winning shot as overtime expired!

The other Blackhawk players lifted their hero into the air and celebrated their undefeated season. But just moments later their joy would turn to shock, and then to sorrow. Wes collapsed just minutes after the game ended. Even though medical personnel worked valiantly on him, Wes Leonard was pronounced dead at Holland Hospital.

There were no outward signs of any medical issues. It wasn’t until the autopsy that the corner discovered that Wes had an enlarged heart, which led to the post-game heart arrhythmia, which caused this 16-year-old to have a life-ending heart attack.

None of us know how much time we have.

I pray we’re never too busy to have deep, meaningful relationships.

I pray we make the most of every opportunity to connect with our friends and family.

I pray we live without the regrets of unspoken words of love.

I pray we realize more and more that every moment is special.

I pray that you can overcome the overload in your life that may be robbing you of capturing every special moment that comes your way.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , . Leave a Comment »

Overloaded?!?

March 4, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’m starting a new series this Sunday which I wish I didn’t have to start. But the reality is that far too many of us (and I do mean us because I’m including myself) have bought into the cultural idea that we need to add more and more and more to our lives.

As a result, our lives are overloaded. Physically, emotionally, financially, relationally … if life throws us just one curveball in any area, we’re toast!

And the biggest victim in our overloaded lives? Our relationships. It’s hard to have rich, meaningful, intimate, vibrant relationships when we’re so concerned about our own overloaded lives. It doesn’t have to be this way!

I hope you can join me at Calvary Assembly of God over the next four Sundays as we talk about the relief that God shows us in the Bible. There is relief from overload, and God wants us to find it.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , . 3 Comments »

Maturing Love

February 14, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Psst… I’m mostly speaking to the guys with this one (but you ladies can listen in too).

So I’m hoping you figured out before now that today is Valentine’s Day, right? Allow me to let you in on a little secret: this day may be a no-big-deal day for you, but it is a HUGE deal for the ladies in your life! So the most loving thing you can do is make today a big deal to you too!

Maybe you’ve already figured that part out, and you are trying to make today a special day. But let me ask you a question: Does this Valentine’s Day look just like last year’s? I sure hope not, because our love should be growing up.

Smack-dab in the middle of his great treatise on love, the apostle Paul says this about grown-up love:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Quite simply this means: your love is supposed to be maturing. You’re supposed to be getting better at expressing your love … more creative in your date night planning … more intuitive in your gift giving …

So how are you doing? Is your love growing up?

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , . 2 Comments »

5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple

January 26, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Nothing in life stays the same. Nothing. Things are either getting better or deteriorating.

According to the law of entropy, a system will constantly move from order to disorder, unless sufficient energy is used to keep the system in order. More simply put: you and I can’t coast.

  • If you’re married, put energy into finding new ways to cherish your spouse.
  • If you’re a parent, put energy into better parenting skills.
  • If you’re a friend, put energy into deepening that friendship.
  • If you’re an employee, put energy into doing your job better.
  • If you’re a leader, put energy into leading better.

I love this article 5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple in WebMD (you can read it here) about a couple skeptical of how Gary Chapman’s book on love languages could improve their marriage. But they decided to try it for one week. They put in the energy and got something better out. You can also read my thoughts about Dr. Chapman’s book by clicking here.

Are you willing to invest a week of energy into your marriage, family, job, or friendships? If you will keep applying energy, you will keep improving. And that’s a lot better than deteriorating!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , . 2 Comments »

Codependent?

January 25, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Modern psychologists have coined the term codependent to mean someone who allows their life to be controlled by another person, much like the moon controls the tides on the earth’s oceans. Almost always this relationship ends up being a lose-lose relationship: both the person being controlled and the person doing the controlling are headed the wrong way.

Codependent is not a biblical term.

But there is a concept in Scripture that is the anti-codependent. I would call it interdependent. Here’s a couple of verses to back it up…

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. (Galatians 5:13)

God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. (1 Peter 4:10)

This isn’t excusing bad behavior, or winking at poor choices, or rescuing someone from the consequences of sin. Excusing, winking, and rescuing are symptoms of codependency.

Interdependency is saying, “I need you to be stronger—to be healthy—because I may need to lean on you someday.”

Christians try to get stronger and develop their own spiritual gifts so that they can help a friend-in-need get stronger and develop his/her spiritual gifts.

The Body of Christ needs you to be interdependent, which completely trumps codependent.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment »

How Do I Love Thee

December 29, 2010 — Craig T. Owens
How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, – I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! – and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death. —Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Can you count the ways you love your beloved?

Can you count the ways you show your beloved your love?

Don’t get stuck in a rut. Find new ways to say your love and to show your love today.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , . Leave a Comment »

Last-Minute Christmas Shopping

December 23, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

Over the past couple of days, anytime I’m driving anywhere near a store, I’m slowed down by so many last-minute shoppers.

I understand that some shoppers procrastinate, some family members are hard to shop for, and some folks wait so long to share their wish list with you. But as I’ve engaged a few shoppers in conversation, one thing I’m routinely hearing is, “I’ve got to get just one more gift for….”

One more gift.

Just one more.

And maybe one more after that.

I’m not knocking generosity, but I would like to point out that there is something called Enough.

Maybe instead of buying one more gift for someone special, you could exchange your shopping time for conversation time.

Maybe instead of one more gadget, you could go on one more date.

Maybe instead of more presents, you could give more presence.

Why is everyone hungry for more? “More, more,” they say.

“More, more.”

I have God’s more-than-enough,

More joy in one ordinary day

Than they get in all their shopping sprees. (Psalm 4:6-7).

The greatest joy comes not from giving great gifts, but in being a gift to someone else. Enjoy God’s presence, and then give a present of your presence to a special someone!

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , , , . Leave a Comment »

Get In Their Way

November 29, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

It’s true that you should not get in their way when your friends are pursuing their dreams.

But if you are a true friend, you will get in their way when they are heading for danger. Setup roadblocks, wave flags, intervene, tackle them (if you have to) to keep them from hurting themselves.

As my good friend Josh Schram said, “People who speak truth into my life care more about me than about my feelings.”

If you don’t get in their way when they are headed for danger, you’re not really a friend at all, you are their enemy.

Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy (Proverbs 27:6).

Are you a true friend? Cheer on their pursuit of their dreams, and get in their way if they are headed for danger.

Posted in Uncategorized. Tags: , , , , . Leave a Comment »
« Older posts
Newer posts »