1>2 & 2>1

April 5, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible.

I know this sounds like confusing—maybe even illogical—math, and it probably sounds a bit like a contradiction, too. But hang with me.

Two verses from the sometimes-confusing book of Ecclesiastes say just this: 1 is greater than two, and two is greater than one.

Check them out for yourself:

1>2 … One handful of peaceful repose is better than two fistfuls of worried work.

2>1 … Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.

When it comes to working hard to get stuff: 1>2. It’s far better to have less and enjoy it more.

When it comes to meaningful relationships: 2>1. It’s far better to have the time to invest in more intimate relationships.

Never, ever, EVER let the pursuit of stuff get in the way of your important relationships.

To have more satisfying relationships, always keep this in mind: 1>2 [stuff] so that 2>1 [relationships].

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Missing Ingredient

March 10, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’m getting ready for week two of our Overloaded series, so I’m really digging into a lot of articles and reports about relationships. I believe that the biggest victim in our overloaded lives is our relationships.

Why? Because for relationships to flourish, they need lots and lots of time. Relationship development cannot fit into a nice, neat timeframe. Relationships are fluid: sometimes they need more time and sometimes they need less time.

Dr. Tim Elmore has a great blog post called A Missing Ingredient As We Teach And Parent Our Kids. His thesis is that we have to teach our kids how to think for themselves. But to get to that place, we need to come alongside them to help learn to do this. He suggests —

  1. Process everything that happens. When you see a movie, hear a news report, or listen to a song, talk it over. Debrief its meaning, and the worldview of the people involved.
  2. Plan meaningful experiences together. Don’t simply go to ballgames (though I love ballgames) but feed the homeless in a soup kitchen or travel to another country and absorb it together.
  3. Ask lots of questions. When your child tells you what they did, enjoy the story, but eventually (without sounding like a professor) ask them their opinion about what happened.
  4. Share principles you’ve picked up in your past. At the right time, in those teachable moments, pass along a nugget, a quip or a little phrase you’ve used to keep you on track. You’ll be surprise how they remember it.

What do all of these have in common? They all require parents to have enough time in their schedule.

Can I make one suggestion on where to start? Dinner time.

  • Get your whole family around the dinner table as many times a week as possible.
  • Banish all technology during dinner (turn off the TV, leave the cell phones & iPods in the other room).
  • Ask open-ended questions like, “Tell me something good that happened today” or “What’s the most played song on your iPod? Why do you like it so much?”
  • Make sure that only one person at a time is talking. And then make sure you are really listening to what’s being said.

For your close relationships to thrive, love is best spelled T-I-M-E. Make sure you have plenty of it!

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Thursdays With Oswald—What Secures Your Faith?

February 10, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

This is a weekly series with things I’m reading and pondering from Oswald Chambers. You can read the original seed thought here, or type “Thursdays With Oswald” in the search box to read more entries.

What Secures Your Faith?

       Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God Whose ways you cannot understand at the time. I don’t know why God allows what He does, but I will stick to my faith in His character no matter how contradictory things look. Faith is not a conscious thing, it springs from a personal relationship and is the unconscious result of believing someone.

From Facing Reality

Religion is cold and lifeless. Relationship is warm and vibrant.

Religion is shaken by questioning during uncertainty. Relationship is strengthened by clinging tighter during uncertainty.

Religion is belief in some thing. Relationship is belief in some One.

My faith is staked securely on my personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

What about yours?

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Thursdays With Oswald—The Word Of God

January 27, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

This is a weekly series with things I’m reading and pondering from Oswald Chambers. You can read the original seed thought here, or type “Thursdays With Oswald” in the search box to read more entries.

The Word Of God

       The Bible nowhere says we have to believe it is the Word of God before we can be Christians. The Bible is not the Word of God to me unless I come at it through what Jesus Christ says, it is of no use to me unless I know Him. The key to my understanding of the Bible is not my intelligence, but my personal relationship to Jesus Christ. … You may believe the Bible is the Word of God from Genesis to Revelation and not be a Christian at all.

From Facing Reality

Do I just know the Word of God, or do I know the God of the Word? If I read and study the Bible just to gain knowledge, I will become a very religious person. But if I read the Bible to know Christ more, I will enter into a deeper relationship with Him.

…knowledge puffs up while love builds up… (1 Corinthians 8:1)

I want to read my Bible as a love letter, and fall more and more in love with the God who wrote it to me.

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Benefits In Delaying Sex Until Marriage

December 29, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

It’s nice to see some scientific research on this. In a very encouraging article from WebMD, researchers point out some great benefits of saving sex for marriage.

I encourage you to read the full article. And then, parents, have this conversation with your teenagers… again! You cannot repeat this often enough, because the message is so counter-cultural. In case you don’t have time to read the full article, here are the most important findings:

“Researchers say their findings are clear, that ‘the longer a couple waited to become sexually involved, the better that sexual quality, relationship communication, relationship satisfaction and perceived relationship stability was in marriage.’”

Couples who waited until marriage to have sex:

  • rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex
  • rated relationship stability as 22% higher
  • rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher

As a pastor I’ve counseled so many people who have damaged relationships because of pre-marital sex. I’ve had many tell me, “I wish we would have waited until marriage to have sex.” But I’ve never had someone say, “I’m so glad we had sex before we got married!”

Save yourself from the pain, by saving yourself for your spouse.

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Judge Or Father?

June 25, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

I’m still thinking about the powerful worship time we had in our Impact youth service on Wednesday night. I can’t think of another way to describe it, except to say that it was intimate.

We sang a song written by Michael Gungor called Wrap Me In Your Arms. The lyrics are simple:

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
And that is the place where I’m changed
And that’s where I belong

Take me to that place, Lord,
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

Far too many people view God as a Judge. Make no mistake, God will judge all of humanity at the end of the age, but in the meantime, Scripture portrays God as a loving Father who wants to wrap us in His arms.

I love the picture in the story Jesus tells of the prodigal son: The young man who ran away from his father and squandered all of the wealth he had taken with him. When he reached the end of his rope, the wayward son turned toward home. If you were thinking of returning home after embarrassing your father and throwing away his money, would you want to return to a judge or a father?

The young man did turn toward home, and his father ran to him and wrapped him in his arms! How amazing!

On Wednesday night I encouraged our youth group to simply stretch their arms out toward their Heavenly Father and feel Him wrap them in His arms. It was so special to see tear-streaked cheeks and outstretched arms in the loving embrace of a God who loves anyone who turns to Him. Awesome!

I encourage you to do the same.

If you’ve blown it … if you feel distant from God … if you feel like you’ve let Him down … if you feel like you’ve embarrassed Him … see Him as a Father who is longing for you to return to Him. He will not judge you, but He will wrap you in His arms and make everything new.

If you wait until your life here is over without ever turning to God, then you will have to face God the Judge. Don’t wait! Embrace God your Father today.

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Knowing God

June 15, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

I read a line in Craig Groeschel’s book—The Christian Atheist—this morning, and several thoughts have been swirling in my heart and mind. He wrote, “Get to know God. When you do, you will never be the same.” Maybe this resonates with you too.

To know God.

To really know Him.

Not just to know facts, or recite a history, or to know what He said. But to know HIM.

To know Him better. Better today than yesterday. To know His mind, His heart, His thoughts. Not knew (past tense) but know right now—this very moment.

What pleases Him? What does He long for? What breaks His heart? What are His plans for me?

Am I knowing Him?

Am I pleasing Him?

Am I living for Him today?

Am I walking in the path He wants me to?

Do I really know God?

I’m thankful for the Holy Spirit who helps me know God more. He helps me develop a more intimate knowledge. I’m so grateful that the Holy Spirit helps me to know that I am knowing God—intimately, personally, increasingly.

I will not stop my pursuit of God. I cannot stop. I don’t want to stop. I must know Him more today.

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A Voice Behind Me

April 28, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

In our series on Building Blocks, I’ve been talking about the basics of a relationship with Jesus Christ. An obvious foundation for any relationship is meaningful conversation.

If you think about any close relationship you have, the closeness was developed through conversation. Gradually you began to know their voice and know their heart. Our meaningful conversation with God produces the same increased intimacy. We talk with Him through reading His Word and through prayer.

The more you read the Bible and the more you pray, the clearer His voice becomes. Isaiah said it this way:

Your own ears will hear Him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left. (Isaiah 30:21)

Earlier this week I was on a long road trip, so I took our dog Grace with me. After grabbing some lunch, I wanted to find a place for Grace to run around and stretch her legs, but I was in a town I didn’t know. As I came to the end of the driveway, my next appointment would have been right, but I felt I should turn left instead.

I did, and two blocks away was a huge, grassy park where I could sit and eat my lunch and Grace could frolic to her heart’s content.

Did I actually hear a Voice? No, but I felt a Voice. His Voice. Yes, I believe God even cares about helping me find a place for my lunch and for my dog to run. He cares that much about me. And you too!

He’s speaking to you all the time. Are you listening to the Voice behind you?

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Get A Better Story

April 26, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

My friend Chuck and I run through a silly routine to make a point about the superficial conversations that many people have. It goes something like this—

Chuck: Hi! How are you?

Craig: I’m good. And you?

Chuck: Good. I’m good.

Craig: How’s work going?

Chuck: It’s good. How about for you?

Craig: Good.

Chuck: How’s your family?

Craig: They’re good. And yours?

Chuck: Good.

You get the idea. At the end of this conversation have I learned anything new about Chuck? Of course not. Has he learned anything new about me? Nope. Do you think either one of us is telling the truth? No, because we don’t want to really open up what’s going on inside us.

(In case you haven’t figured this out, this is just a silly thing Chuck and I do on purpose. After joking around, we do get down to the more “real life” conversation!) 

Last week I had several great sit-down meetings with some people that I already knew, but I wanted to get to know better.

In order to get to know them better, I have to get them to tell me a better story!

A better story about who they really are and what they’re really feeling.

This requires two things:

  1. I have to ask better questions. Not questions that can just be answered with a simple “good” or “fine” or “yes” or “no.”
  2. I have to be willing to tell the other person a real story about me, one that reveals who I really am and how I’m really feeling.

Sometimes asking these questions or telling these stories may seem awkward. But you have to pass through the awkward if you truly want to get to know someone better. Don’t just settle for “good,” but take a risk to go deeper.

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Interruptions: The Relationship Killer

March 19, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

Listen to the podcast of this post by clicking on the player below, and you can also subscribe on Apple, Spotify, or Audible. 

Don’t you hate it when…

…someone finishes your sentences.

You’ve got a brilliant thought to share and…

…your friend shares it for you.

Like that killer joke with…

…the great punch line.

Yeah, the one about…

…the guy running to the restroom.

Sometimes it can…

…work.

But sometimes…

…it doesn’t.

No, it gets really…

…creepy?

Annoying. Like when I’m trying to tell you about…

…that great ski weekend.

The great church service where…

…the band really rocked it.

Where the pastor totally connected with me. And I realized…

…he’s a great speaker.

That I really need to make some changes in my…

…prayer life.

Listening skills.

Oh, um, yeah.

Scientists estimate that our brains can process up to 25,000 words per minute, but a normal speaking pace is only 140-160 words per minute. Since my brain is zipping along about 150 times faster than my friend is speaking, I really have to guard against jumping to conclusions.

Interruptions never build intimate relationships.

But you can reverse this tendency. Resist the urge to run ahead, to interrupt, to anticipate where your conversation partner is going. You can do it. You can reverse the tendency to interrupt.

I shared a series of messages on Relationship Builders And Killers, if you want to dig deeper into this topic.

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