Responding For Those Who Can’t

Do you know what empathy is? It’s not the same thing as sympathy. Sympathy is just wallowing with someone who is hurting, but empathy goes beyond that. Empathy is a compound word:

em- + -pathos = joined + feeling 

I feel what you feel, but I can respond like you should even when you think you can’t.

Sometimes people get paralyzed by their deep hurts, or crushing depression, or infuriating anger. Someone in sympathy feels the pain, the depression, the anger, but their involvement stops at the feeling stage.

Someone in empathy feels the hurt AND responds in an appropriately healthy way.

Check out what Paul wrote:

Who is weak without my feeling that weakness? Who is led astray, and I do not burn with anger? (New Living Translation)

When someone gets to the end of his rope, I feel the desperation in my bones. When someone is duped into sin, an angry fire burns in my gut. (The Message)

Paul took those feelings his friends and loved ones were experiencing and he turned them into positive action. This is challenging and desperately needed.

Sympathy is easy; empathy is hard work.

Sympathy keeps people paralyzed; empathy helps them move forward.

Sympathy enables people to remain unchanged; empathy gives people a healthy way to respond.

If you want to help your hurting, discouraged, or angry friend, don’t sympathize with her hurt, empathize to help her heal. By responding in a healthy way—a way she isn’t able to yet—and you will help her move to a place of wholeness.

Mad Church Disease (book review)

Read this book and save your life.

Seriously.

I have seen far too many good people get burned-out in the most unlikely place. The one place where you would expect wholeness and vitality and safety and health: Church! In Mad Church Disease Anne Jackson draws the comparison to bovine spongiform encephalopathy (better known as mad cow disease) to confront mad church disease head-on.

Here’s the insidious thing about the way mad cow disease spreads: after infected cows die, they are ground up and fed to healthy cows. So unwittingly the disease is perpetuated because no one recognizes it’s there. Sadly that’s what happens far too often in the church. We have developed cultures that continue to burn-out people, and then we let those burned-out people feed (develop) new people

Anne shines the light of truth on this ugly disease. She confronts the symptoms head-on, and offers practical steps for helping people get healthy.

As someone who came very close to getting burned-out by mad church disease, I can attest how right-on-the-mark Anne’s book is. And to bolster her diagnosis, Anne interviews several leading pastors whose “second opinion” confirm the original diagnosis. I liked this observation from Bill Hybels:

“Especially as leaders in the church, we consistently need to be filled up and buoyed in our spirits because everybody takes their cue from the leader. If the leader is exhausted, then the people following that leader will feel exhausted. If the leader is wearing thin on hope, then people start losing hope too. If the leader gets pessimistic, everybody gets pessimistic.”

So who should read Mad Church Disease?

  • Pastors
  • Paid church staff
  • Volunteer church ministers
  • Counselors
  • Church board members

Whether you have been infected by mad church disease or not, you need to read this book. It will either be a source of healing for you, or an eye-opener to help protect yourself and others around you from this deadly disease.

The first step to eliminating mad church disease is recognizing its symptoms. Mad Church Disease does just that, and then goes further to talk about the steps for healing. Thanks, Anne, for a straightforward look at this serious disease.

The Apathy Of Blurry Eyes

eye-chart1My son, Harrison, had an extensive eye exam today. Now he is asleep in my office.

During his eye exam, his pupils were dilated, so now he has blurry vision. And, apparently blurry vision leads to sleepiness. It’s actually not the eye drops that led to his malaise, but the lack of the ability to see clearly. If he cannot see what’s happening around him, why would he even try to engage in his surroundings. Instead, he’s just accepted his condition as something which can’t change.

This reminds of a man named Bart—

Then they reached Jericho, and as Jesus and His disciples left town, a large crowd followed Him. A blind beggar named Bartimaeus (son of Timaeus) was sitting beside the road. When Bartimaeus heard that Jesus of Nazareth was nearby, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

“Be quiet!” many of the people yelled at him. But he only shouted louder, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

When Jesus heard him, He stopped and said, “Tell him to come here.”

So they called the blind man. “Cheer up,” they said. “Come on, He’s calling you!” Bartimaeus threw aside his coat, jumped up, and came to Jesus.

“What do you want Me to do for you?” Jesus asked.

“My Rabbi,” the blind man said, “I want to see!”

And Jesus said to him, “Go, for your faith has healed you.” Instantly the man could see, and he followed Jesus down the road. (Mark 10:46-52, NLT)

Were there other blind people that heard Jesus? It’s almost certain there were. Were there other blind people in Jericho? Probably. But it appears that their blindness had caused them to slip into drowsiness and apathy, to simply accept their condition as something which couldn’t be changed.

Bart would not settle! He believed Jesus could change his condition! He called out to Jesus. He shouted even louder to get Jesus’ attention. He threw aside his coat, jumped up and ran to Jesus. He boldly stated his need to see, convinced that he was talking to the one Person who could change his condition.

Jesus said that Bart’s faith—his persistence, his unquenchable desire to see clearly, his belief that Jesus could do something for him—is what brought about his healing.

Have you become accepting of your condition? What’s holding you back from shouting out even louder to Jesus? What have you given up seeking? Don’t hold back—shout out to Jesus again today!