For Men Only (book review)

After nearly 21 years of marriage, I thought I had my wife pretty well figured out, but Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn made me second-guess that belief in For Men Only.

This book is the compilation of surveys, focus group discussions, and lots of highly revealing emails and letters from women all over the country. Then Jeff & Shaunti dig through all of the data to help us guys figure out what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of the special women in our lives.

Although there were a lot of statistics and bar charts throughout the book, For Men Only is not a dry academic book. On the contrary, the Feldhahns make these results so “livable” for all of us clueless men. The bottom line: when we guys try to understand and communication with the women in our lives the same way we understand and communicate with other guys, we’re setting ourselves up for a lot of frustration.

In the famous “love chapter” in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13), the Apostle Paul implies that love should always be maturing. And when the Apostle Peter says that men should live considerately with our wives, he is really saying that we should live with ever increasing knowledge of them. For Men Only is really helping me do this, and I believe it will help any other men who are serious about continuing to understand their wives better so they can love them more deeply.

A great read for every guy!

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

1-on-1 Time

I love my 1-on-1 time with my kids. It’s wonderful when we can spend time together as a family, but there is something special about the times I can zero-in on just one of my kids at a time.

Harrison and I read Seven Habits Of Highly Effective Teens awhile ago, and now Samantha and I are working our way through it together. Brandon is just beginning to get into some serious reading, and right now we are discussing the situations in which Frank and Joe Hardy find themselves in The Hardy Boys series.

It doesn’t have to be over a book. Go for a walk … schedule a daddy-daughter date … play some basketball on the driveway … debrief the life lessons you just watched in a movie … play a video game.

Listen to this Dad and Mom: It doesn’t really matter what you’re doing together, as long as you are doing it together. Not what you want to do, but what they want to do. Get involved in their lives. The precious time you invest 1-on-1 with your kids will make all the difference in the world!

Maturing Love

Psst… I’m mostly speaking to the guys with this one (but you ladies can listen in too).

So I’m hoping you figured out before now that today is Valentine’s Day, right? Allow me to let you in on a little secret: this day may be a no-big-deal day for you, but it is a HUGE deal for the ladies in your life! So the most loving thing you can do is make today a big deal to you too!

Maybe you’ve already figured that part out, and you are trying to make today a special day. But let me ask you a question: Does this Valentine’s Day look just like last year’s? I sure hope not, because our love should be growing up.

Smack-dab in the middle of his great treatise on love, the apostle Paul says this about grown-up love:

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Quite simply this means: your love is supposed to be maturing. You’re supposed to be getting better at expressing your love … more creative in your date night planning … more intuitive in your gift giving

So how are you doing? Is your love growing up?

Benefits In Delaying Sex Until Marriage

It’s nice to see some scientific research on this. In a very encouraging article from WebMD, researchers point out some great benefits of saving sex for marriage.

I encourage you to read the full article. And then, parents, have this conversation with your teenagers… again! You cannot repeat this often enough, because the message is so counter-cultural. In case you don’t have time to read the full article, here are the most important findings:

“Researchers say their findings are clear, that ‘the longer a couple waited to become sexually involved, the better that sexual quality, relationship communication, relationship satisfaction and perceived relationship stability was in marriage.’”

Couples who waited until marriage to have sex:

  • rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex
  • rated relationship stability as 22% higher
  • rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher

As a pastor I’ve counseled so many people who have damaged relationships because of pre-marital sex. I’ve had many tell me, “I wish we would have waited until marriage to have sex.” But I’ve never had someone say, “I’m so glad we had sex before we got married!”

Save yourself from the pain, by saving yourself for your spouse.

My Heart Still Goes Pitter-Pat

Craig & Betsy

Twenty-six years ago today, Betsy and I went on our first date. My life has been immeasurably better because she has walked alongside me for all these years.

And, yes, 26 years later she is still the only one who makes my heart go pitter-pat like no one else!

I love you, Betsy… the only one who stole my heart away!

Forever Better

Twenty-five years ago today, December 2, 1984:

  • Ghost Busters was the top-grossing movie
  • The A-Team was NBC’s top-rated TV series
  • Hall & Oates had the number one Billboard single Out Of Touch
  • Ronald Regan was the US President

None of these facts changed my life. But something else that took place on that day did. On December 2, 1984, I went on my first official date with Betsy Coffield. My first girlfriend—my only girlfriend—and still my best friend.

Neither movies, TV, music, nor politicians have changed my life, but I’m forever a better man because Betsy said, “Yes.” I love you, babe. Here’s to the next 25 years, which will be even better!