Craig T. Owens

For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it—for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while—I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. (2 Corinthians 7:8-10 NASB)

Is it okay for you to hurt your friend’s feelings?

I think it is acceptable if those painful words save your friend from a world of hurt.

We must not hold back from speaking a painful truth, but if we do have to share that word, we must ensure that we are speaking that truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Remember that people don’t care what you know until they know that you care. The goal of truth-telling is not to hurt a friend’s feelings, but to spare that friend a greater pain or to see that friend get stronger.

If you have to speak these words, be sure to water your lovingly truthful words in tears before you share them. As Jesus said, “Remove the plank in your own eye first” (Matthew 7:5).

If you are on the receiving end of painful words, ask yourself, “Is this a friend who loves me and wants the best for me? If so, is there truth in these words?” Even if the words were delivered clumsily, see the love behind the words and find the truth that can help you make a change for the better (Proverbs 27:6, 17).

To dive a little deeper into this topic, check out my video on The Podcast called Speak the truth in love.