Be An Intrusive Friend

Yesterday I talked about how to defeat depression in our personal lives. Maybe you’re not battling depression yourself, but since anti-depressants are one of the most prescribed medications, there’s a good chance that someone you know is dealing with depression. Beyond medicine or counseling, one of the greatest antidotes for depression is a friend: an intrusive friend.

In 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was running scared and slipping into depression, there is an important verse at the beginning of the story—Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there (v. 3).

One of our most natural reactions when we’re battling depression is to withdraw from others. It’s natural to want to be alone, but it is one of the worst things to do. Throughout Scripture, powerful people became vulnerable to attack when they left their friends behind—Samson, David, and Peter are prime examples. Even Jesus was tempted by the devil when He was alone in the wilderness.

So if it’s natural to want to be alone when depression is raining on our souls, a true friend will have to be an intrusive friend … a tenacious friend … a persistent friend. I love the lines in the Toby Mac song “Face Of The Earth” that say—

Now Hope Road is calling
Let’s pack you up and move
‘Cause real friends are willing to intrude
So I’m gonna push you in because I wanna love you well
Let the ghosts of your past rest

If you have a friend who is starting to become distant, dropping out of activities, or spending more time alone, these may be the warning signs of depression. Don’t let him be like Elijah and leave you behind, but love him or her enough to intrude in his or her life. Your encouragement just may be the best anti-depressant he/she will ever receive.

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, The Message)

Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. (1 Samuel 23:16, New Living Translation)

The Jonathan Experience

David tried to do the right thing.

His countrymen were under attack from their archenemies. David prayed, and God told him to go rescue his countrymen. But when David called his loyal teammates together, they weren’t as enthusiastic about this plan as David was. This must have made David second-guess if he heard from God correctly, so he prayed again. Once again God confirmed, “Go fight the bad guys.”

They fought, and God gave them the victory. And the newly-rescued town hailed their deliverer as a hero. They invited him into their town and gave him the best meal, the best place to stay, and the highest honors they could give. But people are extremely fickle. They heard there was a reward out for David, and they thought the money was worth more than this hero’s presence in their town, so they conspired to turn him in.

David prayed again, asking God’s guidance. God said, “Yes, it’s true, they are going to turn you in. Time to run!”

So David ran. Ran for his life. Day after day after day after lonely day David ran through the desert, dodging the men seeking his life. As you might expect, David got tired, his men became discouraged and probably started to grumble. David thought to himself, “I’ve only tried to do the right thing. I haven’t harmed anyone, in fact, I’ve liberated oppressed people. This shouldn’t be happening to me.”

David—the almost-constant pray-er—didn’t pray. It stands out so starkly compared to his previous pattern. Whenever he was in a tough spot, or needed guidance, or even needed reassurance, David prayed. But not here in the desert, on the run, pursued by a relentless foe, surrounded by grumbling “friends.” No, he just retreated from the field of victory, from the fickle crowds, from his enemies… and from his God.

And then these great words appear in the narrative: “Jonathan went to find David.”

Jonathan, David’s covenant friend, didn’t sympathize and say, “You have every right to be upset.” He didn’t counsel David to attack his pursuing enemy. Jonathan didn’t tell David, “If I were you here’s what I would do.”

“Jonathan helped David find strength in God.”

What a friend! No pep talks … no crying on shoulders … no strategy sessions. Jonathan helped David get back to what his typical lifestyle had been—find his strength, his guidance, his encouragement in his God.

“Firm, graceful, loving, faith-building friendships can change the world.” —Craig T. Owens

I am so very blessed to have “Jonathans” in my life. They have shown up in my deserts at just the right time and helped me find strength in my God—helped me get back to my roots.

I pray you have a Jonathan or two (or three!) in your life. They are extremely rare people, so diligently nourish those relationships. And even more, I pray that you will be a Jonathan to a friend who is on the run.

Inexpressible Comfort

“Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person; having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but to pour them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.” —George Eliot

My family is spending a couple of days with some special friends. Last night, as all of our kids were off playing together, Betsy and I were able to talk with Greg and Becki for a couple of hours. How incredible it was to be able to pour out all of our unfiltered thoughts—our dreams, our struggles, our questions, our concerns. Then to have these gentle friends help us work through them together.

My prayer for all of you is that you would know the joy of having such friends in 2009. If you already have these kinds of friends in your life, make sure that 2009 is a year in which you invest heavily into nurturing those friendships.

A true friend is one of God’s greatest gifts to us!