Every Moment Is Special

March 7, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

As I was in the midst of studying for our new series Overloaded which we kicked off yesterday, there was one thought that kept coming back to me time and time again —

The biggest victim in our overloaded lives are our relationships

And then the news of a tragic, unexpected death comes crashing into all of my local newsfeeds.

Wes Leonard was a star athlete for the Fennville High School Blackhawks. This 16-year-old played quarterback for the football team, and forward for the basketball team.

Last week the Fennville basketball team put their undefeated season on the line in their final regular season game against Bridgman. The game was tied at the end of regulation. As overtime was running out, the Blackhawks turned to their star player. And Wes Leonard deliver: hitting the game-winning shot as overtime expired!

The other Blackhawk players lifted their hero into the air and celebrated their undefeated season. But just moments later their joy would turn to shock, and then to sorrow. Wes collapsed just minutes after the game ended. Even though medical personnel worked valiantly on him, Wes Leonard was pronounced dead at Holland Hospital.

There were no outward signs of any medical issues. It wasn’t until the autopsy that the corner discovered that Wes had an enlarged heart, which led to the post-game heart arrhythmia, which caused this 16-year-old to have a life-ending heart attack.

None of us know how much time we have.

I pray we’re never too busy to have deep, meaningful relationships.

I pray we make the most of every opportunity to connect with our friends and family.

I pray we live without the regrets of unspoken words of love.

I pray we realize more and more that every moment is special.

I pray that you can overcome the overload in your life that may be robbing you of capturing every special moment that comes your way.

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Overloaded?!?

March 4, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’m starting a new series this Sunday which I wish I didn’t have to start. But the reality is that far too many of us (and I do mean us because I’m including myself) have bought into the cultural idea that we need to add more and more and more to our lives.

As a result, our lives are overloaded. Physically, emotionally, financially, relationally … if life throws us just one curveball in any area, we’re toast!

And the biggest victim in our overloaded lives? Our relationships. It’s hard to have rich, meaningful, intimate, vibrant relationships when we’re so concerned about our own overloaded lives. It doesn’t have to be this way!

I hope you can join me at Calvary Assembly of God over the next four Sundays as we talk about the relief that God shows us in the Bible. There is relief from overload, and God wants us to find it.

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5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple

January 26, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Nothing in life stays the same. Nothing. Things are either getting better or deteriorating.

According to the law of entropy, a system will constantly move from order to disorder… unless sufficient energy is used to keep the system in order. More simply put: you and I can’t coast.

  • If you’re married, put energy into finding new ways to cherish your spouse.
  • If you’re a parent, put energy into better parenting skills.
  • If you’re a friend, put energy into deepening that friendship.
  • If you’re an employee, put energy into doing your job better.
  • If you’re a leader, put energy into leading better.

I love this article 5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple in WebMD (you can read it here) about a couple skeptical of how Gary Chapman’s book on love languages could improve their marriage. But they decided to try it for one week. They put in the energy, and got something better out. (You can also read my thoughts about Dr. Chapman’s book here.)

Are you willing to invest a week of energy into your marriage, family, job, or friendships? If you will keep applying energy, you will keep improving. And that’s a lot better than deteriorating!

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Codependent?

January 25, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Modern psychologists have coined the term codependent to mean someone who allows their life to be controlled by another person, much like the moon controls the tides on the earth’s oceans. Almost always this relationship ends up being a lose-lose relationship: both the person being controlled and the person doing the controlling are headed the wrong way.

Codependent is not a biblical term.

But there is a concept in Scripture that is the anti-codependent. I would call it interdependent. Here’s a couple of verses to back it up…

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. (Galatians 5:13)

God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. (1 Peter 4:10)

This isn’t excusing bad behavior, or winking at poor choices, or rescuing someone from the consequences of sin. Excusing, winking and rescuing are symptoms of codependency.

Interdependency is saying, “I need you to be stronger – to be healthy – because I may need to lean on you someday.” Christians try to get stronger and develop their own spiritual gifts so that they can help a-friend-in-need get stronger and develop his/her spiritual gifts.

The Body of Christ needs you to be interdependent, which completely trumps codependent.

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Get A Better Story

April 26, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

My friend Chuck and I run through a silly routine to make a point about the superficial conversations that many people have. It goes something like this –

Chuck: Hi! How are you?

Craig: I’m good. And you?

Chuck: Good. I’m good.

Craig: How’s work going?

Chuck: It’s good. How about for you?

Craig: Good.

Chuck: How’s your family?

Craig: They’re good. And yours?

Chuck: Good.

You get the idea. At the end of this conversation have I learned anything new about Chuck? Of course not. Has he learned anything new about me? Nope. Do you think either one of us are telling the truth? No, because we don’t want to really open up what’s going on inside us.

Last week I had several great sit-down meetings with some people that I already knew, but I wanted to get to know better. In order to get to know them better, I have to get them to tell me a better story about who they really are and what they’re really feeling.

This requires two things:

  1. I have to ask better questions. Not questions that can just be answered with a simple “good” or “fine” or “yes” or “no.”
  2. I have to be willing to tell the other person a real story about me, one that reveals who I really am and how I’m really feeling.

Sometimes asking these questions or telling these stories may seem awkward. But you have to pass through awkward if you truly want to get to know someone better. Don’t just settle for “good.” Take a risk to go deeper.

Please let me know ways you have found to get others to tell you a better story.

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Building Blocks

April 5, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

Whether you have been a follower of Jesus for years, or you’ve just invited Him into your life, there are important building blocks that can help this relationship grow stronger. Join us as we discuss the basic building blocks of a relationship with God over the next four Sundays…

April 11—Relationships. A satisfying relationship with God shows up in satisfying relationships with others. How do we make all our relationships better?

April 18—Bible Reading. Just what is this big book and how can we use it to help us every day?

April 25—Prayer. Does talking to God sound scary? It doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be the best conversation ever!

May 2—The Holy Spirit. His role is probably the least understood, but the most vital, for our day-to-day lives.

We’d love to see you on Sundays at 10:30am.

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Interruptions: The Relationship Killer

March 19, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

Don’t you hate it when…

…someone finishes your sentences.

You’ve got a brilliant thought to share and…

…your friend shares it for you.

Like that killer joke with…

…the great punch line.

Yeah, the one about…

…the guy running to the restroom.

Sometimes it can…

…work.

But sometimes…

…it doesn’t.

No, it gets really…

…creepy?

Annoying. Like when I’m trying to tell you about…

…that great ski weekend.

The great church service where…

…the band really rocked it.

Where the pastor totally connected with me. And I realized…

…he’s a great speaker.

That I really need to make some changes in my…

…prayer life.

Listening skills.

Oh, um, yeah.

Scientists estimate that our brains can process up to 25,000 words per minute, but a normal speaking pace is only 140-160 words per minute. Since my brain is zipping along about 150 times faster than my friend is speaking, I really have to guard against jumping to conclusions.

Interruptions don’t build intimate relationships.

But you can reverse this tendency. Resist the urge to run ahead, to interrupt, to anticipate where your conversation partner is going. You can do it. You can reverse the tendency to interrupt. Check out this video, but be sure you don’t interrupt, you’ll need to watch all the way through to see where this is going.

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Efficient, Friendly Or Both

March 18, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

It was interesting going with Betsy’s to her eye doctor appointment. The office was big, modern-looking and filled with patients.

As we walked in, we were immediately directed to the line in which we were to check-in. Betsy filled out her forms and turned them in to the front desk staff. They were very efficient, but not so friendly.

As Betsy moved through the process of her appointment, we noticed that most of the efficient people were also the most friendly-deficient people. Until the doctor walked in. Immediately we had both friendly and efficient.

When we got ready to check out, the lobby was virtually empty. Now the front desk staff were much more friendly, but they were also less efficient and more error-prone than when we arrived.

So I wonder: What does it take to be both efficient and friendly? Is it only one or the other?

If I had to choose one way, I’d take friendly over efficient every time. Friendly AND efficient is even better.

I know I have a tendency to be very efficient, which makes me wonder, “Am I friendly deficient in my efficiency? Or am I efficency deficient in my friendliness?”

I’m searching for a way to be both-and.

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The Person You Love The Least

March 11, 2010 — Craig T. Owens

Quick… think of the person that you love the least.

Get a good mental picture of him/her. Got it? What sort of emotions come to mind as you see his/her face? Are you anxious to give them a bear hug? Or maybe it’s more like a tight hug right around their neck? Do you want to hang out with them at Starbucks? If you saw them stranded on the side of the road, would you stop to help?

Now, with the image of that person still clearly in mind, slowly read this quote:

“I really only love God as much as I love the person I love the least.” —Dorothy Day

Ouch!

I’m really trying to work on this. Are you willing to try too?

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Relationship Trumps Religion

December 17, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Last night in our Impact youth service we wrapped up this session of The Q Series: a time where our students submit the questions they want to have answered. I’m always challenged by the questions that get turned into me… they really make me dig deep.

Last night I answered a couple of questions that went like this: “Is Christianity all about keeping the right rules.”

I think there is a misconception that many people have about those who call themselves Christian. One of the most notable ones is: There are way too many rules to follow.

I answered this question with an analogy to my relationship with my wife. If I want a better marriage, would I be better off at following a list of rules, or in developing a more intimate relationship? I think the answer is easy: relationship always trumps rules.

When we begin to think of Christianity as a relationship with Jesus instead of a religion, there is a greater freedom. Look at the change in mindset from religion to relationship —

Clearly relationship with Jesus trumps trying to keep religious rules.

Our students got it. In fact, three of them got it for the first time, and they prayed and asked Jesus to step into a relationship with them! That never gets old for me… in fact, it’s the greatest thing I get to see.

I hope you’re not bound up by religion, but enjoying all of the benefits of a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It’s the best decision you could ever make.

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