Getting A Checkup

May 15, 2012 — Craig T. Owens

Probably almost everyone has heard the so-called Golden Rule that Jesus gave us:

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12)

Most of the time we apply this verse from an I-perspective. That is, we ask, “How would I want to be treated in this situation,” and then we treat others like that.

What about if we switch it? What if we took the time to find out how the other person wanted to be treated?

In Romans 12, Paul says we are all inter-dependent on one another (v. 6). And he gives us some ways to live out the Golden Rule from an others-perspective. So from his teaching, here’s a checkup I’m giving myself:

  • Am I truly devoted to others, like I would be to my own family members (v. 10a)?
  • Do I honor others’ wishes ahead of my own (v. 10b)?
  • Do I work to find harmony (v. 16)?
  • Am I willing to do what others think is right (v. 17)?
  • Do I work hard to find the peaceful solution for everyone involved (v. 18)?

Now here’s the real test:

  • How would others answer the above questions about me?
  • How would someone who doesn’t like me answer those questions about me (v. 20)?

This checkup is making me think. How about you?

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What Is He Thinking?? (book review)

January 3, 2012 — Craig T. Owens

So many times I overhear guys trying to figure out what the women in their lives are thinking. So it just seems natural that women would have the same questions about guys. So to help the ladies out, Rebecca St. James has interviewed several guys, and complied the results in her latest book What Is He Thinking??

Here’s how Rebecca describes part of her motivation in writing this book —

Not too long ago I was out in the sunshine going for a long rollerblade. And I was lost in my thoughts. Thinking about a boy. Dissecting every detail of my relationship with said boy. About halfway through my ride I felt the Holy Spirit gently nudge me, “Rebecca, look up.” I realized that I had been staring at the ground as I bladed, worrying, analyzing my dating life, not looking up and around, and—most of all—not looking for God to speak to my situation. I realized that I wasn’t awake to a few necessary things.

Awake to the fact that I could trust God to take care of me, that I didn’t have to be anxious.

…I think it’s very easy for us girls to get so caught up in relationships that we become blind to the other things that are going on around us. The spiritual dimension of a relationship is very important. Here’s what I discovered about how guys feel about their walk with God and how it relates to the girls they pursue.

So Rebecca chose both single and married guys, older and younger guys, friends and family. She both interviewed them with specific questions, and allowed them an “open forum” to share what’s on their minds about relationships, dating, marriage, and sex. These guys shared their turn-ons and turn-offs, their dreams, and their ideals. As a guy, I resonated with what these guys shared, and was pleasantly surprised by how many guys were so tuned-in to the biblical standards of relationships.

I would highly recommend this book for any parents with teenage daughters. Perhaps you could even do what my daughter and I are doing: Reading AND discussing the content of this book together. Relationships can be so confusing, so What Is He Thinking?? can take some of the mystery out of it.

I am a FaithWords book reviewer.

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The Hour That Matters Most (book review)

October 14, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’ve been a big fan of the relationship-strengthening books from Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott for quite awhile. In The Hour That Matters Most they combine together two of my favorite topics: family and food.

I have always appreciated family meal times. Especially as my kids have gotten older — and busier — the dinner hour seems to be the one oasis during the day when we can all reconnect. This is exactly the point that the Parrotts, and co-authors Stephanie Allen and Tina Kuna, are trying to make. And they do an excellent job making their point using statistics, research, tips, stories, and even recipe ideas.

First the statistics. Research has shown that families that eat together:

  • Get along with each other better.
  • Handle stress better.
  • Have lower rates of drug abuse, alcoholism, premarital sex, depression, eating disorders, and suicide.
  • Have students who perform better in school academically and socially.

Then there are the conversation-starters. The authors give ample suggestions of how to draw everyone into a conversation around the dinner table, to gain insight into what is happening in each family member’s day.

And finally, but certainly not insignificantly, there are the recipe. Some mmm, mmm good recipes! Sprinkled throughout the book — and in full color in the middle of the book — are some easy-to-make, hard-to-resist recipes. After all, it’s hard to have a family meal without the meal!

Whether you want to enhance your family dinner times, or you are ready to (re)establish a time for your family to connect over a meal, The Hour That Matters Most is an excellent read.

I am a Tyndale book reviewer.

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Enemies Of The Heart (book review)

August 1, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

An admission: I’m a huge Andy Stanley fan. This pastor has a God-given talent to explain things in ways that not only help them “stick,” but in ways that are easily applicable too. In Enemies Of The Heart, Andy helps identify and confront four things that could derail anyone’s life.

Guilt, anger, greed, and jealousy are the four enemies Andy confronts. In a theme that runs throughout the book, Andy describes how each of these can be viewed as a debt-to-debtor relationship. This dynamic is a huge growth impediment to any relationship — whether with God or mankind.

Andy points out:

  • Guilt says, “I owe you.”
  • Anger says, “You owe me.”
  • Greed says, “I owe me.”
  • Jealousy says, “God owes me.”

In the first half of the book, Andy teaches the reader not only how to diagnose these heart problems, but also the danger in allowing these enemies to stay lodged in our hearts. In the second half of the book, Andy shares how to rid our hearts of these enemies, and how to improve the long-term health of our heart.

Since all four of these enemies are relationship killers, and tend to isolate us from other people, the study guide at the back of the book is especially helpful. Because this study guide is designed to be used in discussions with one or more people, there is an instant accountability process built in to rooting out these heart enemies.

Just as our physical heart health affects the rest of our lives, so too does our spiritual/emotional heart health. Don’t wait until it’s too late! This book can help you live a much, much healthier life.

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

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Leadership Is Dead (book review)

June 21, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

It’s not that we don’t need leaders anymore; actually, we need more leaders. But we also need the right kind of leaders. It is exactly those right kinds of leaders that Jeremie Kubicek calls upon in Leadership Is Dead: How Influence Is Reviving It.

Many leadership books tend to be very head-oriented. That is, most leadership books give you the how to’s. Jeremie takes a different approach. Instead of leading with the how to’s, he leads with the why. From the opening chapter Jeremie wants his readers to look deep inside to find out why they want to be a leader, or a better leader. Then once that is firmly in mind, he begins to dismantle all of the self-serving motivations, and replace them with the ultimate tool for effective leadership: influence.

In many ways this book is as much a people-skills book as it is a leadership book. But, after all, unless you are leading sheep, you need to know about interacting with people. Rest assured, Leadership Is Dead is not a touchy-feely book; it is an in-your-face confrontation about doing reviving true leadership.

The last chapter is called “Why You Probably Won’t Do This.” In this chapter, Jeremie says, “Most leaders never reach the levels of significant influence because their instincts for self-preservation are too strong.” And then he adds, “True influence comes when you change yourself to change the world.”

Do you want to make a lasting impact on your world? It starts when you can make the changes in yourself that will lead to greater levels of influence on those around you. Because in order to change your world, you’re going to need a lot of help from a lot of other people! This book can help.

(Special thanks to Michael Hyatt for selecting me as a winner on his blog, so that I could get a copy of this book. And thank you as well to Howard Books for making these books available to Michael Hyatt.)

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How To Win Friends And Influence People (book review)

May 11, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

Dale Carnegie wrote How To Win Friends And Influence People over 70 years ago. It’s stood the test of time and has — rightly so — earned the label “a classic.”

Have you read it? I’ve certainly heard lots of people reference it, and I’ve seen other authors quote portions of this classic work. But honestly I hadn’t read it for myself. I had sort of assumed that I knew all that was in this book just because I had read so many snippets from others.

But I was wrong. Dead wrong. Now I’m almost kicking myself for having waited so long to read this. The principles in this classic about how to deal with people in the right ways would have saved me a lot of grief. Who knows, it may have even helped me to win more friends and perhaps even influence more people. But it’s never too late to start.

I love this Carnegie thought —

Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others — yes, and a lot less dangerous. So I’m beginning on myself.

If you haven’t read this classic, get it, read it, and begin to improve your relationships.

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Coasting

May 10, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

When I was in the 6th grade my school was at the end of a dead-end street, which was at the top of a not-too-steep hill. Coming home from school we would try to see how far we could coast on our bikes before we had to start pedaling. We’d pedal really hard across the parking lot, and then start coasting as we hit the top of the hill. I think my record was nearly four blocks!

Coasting is so much fun! It’s easy and exciting, and involves no work at all. Your legs are never tired at the end of a long coasting spree.

But you can only coast downhill. (Well, okay, I guess you might be able to coast for a short distance on level ground, but not nearly as far.)

Downhill might be fun on a bike, but it’s a lousy way to live. Solomon wrote —

The path of life leads upward for the wise to keep him from going down to the grave. (Proverbs 15:24)

Coasting is easy, but it’s taking you in the wrong direction.

Coasting doesn’t cause any muscle pain, but it doesn’t build any muscle strength either.

Coasting is fun for awhile, but the longer you coast, the harder the journey back.

Save coasting for your bike rides, but in your life be very cautious of coasting too long.

  • Keep learning new things.
  • Keep reading challenging things.
  • Keep growing in new areas.
  • Keep setting stretching goals.
  • Keep forgiving.
  • Keep strengthening relationships.
  • Keep climbing higher and higher.

It may be work to climb to the top, but the view is incredible!

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For Men Only (book review)

April 26, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

After nearly 21 years of marriage, I thought I had my wife pretty well figured out, but Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn made me second-guess that belief in For Men Only.

This book is the compilation of surveys, focus group discussions, and lots of highly revealing emails and letters from women all over the country. Then Jeff & Shaunti dig through all of the data to help us guys figure out what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of the special women in our lives.

Although there were a lot of statistics and bar charts throughout the book, For Men Only is not a dry academic book. On the contrary, the Feldhahns make these results so “livable” for all of us clueless men. The bottom line: when we guys try to understand and communication with the women in our lives the same way we understand and communicate with other guys, we’re setting ourselves up for a lot of frustration.

In the famous “love chapter” in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13), the Apostle Paul implies that love should always be maturing. And when the Apostle Peter says that men should live considerately with our wives, he is really saying that we should live with ever increasing knowledge of them. For Men Only is really helping me do this, and I believe it will help any other men who are serious about continuing to understand their wives better so they can love them more deeply.

A great read for every guy!

I am a Multnomah book reviewer.

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1>2 & 2>1

April 5, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I know this sounds like confusing — if not illogical — math. And it probably sounds a bit like a contradiction too. But hang with me.

Two verses from the sometimes-confusing book of Ecclesiastes say just this: 1 is greater than two, and two is greater than one.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Missing Ingredient

March 10, 2011 — Craig T. Owens

I’m getting ready for week two of our Overloaded series, so I’m really digging into a lot of articles and reports about relationships. I believe that the biggest victim in our overloaded lives is our relationships.

Why? Because for relationships to flourish, they need lots and lots of time. Relationship development cannot fit into a nice, neat timeframe. Relationships are fluid: sometimes they need more time and sometimes they need less time.

Dr. Tim Elmore has a great blog post called A Missing Ingredient As We Teach And Parent Our Kids. His thesis is that we have to teach our kids how to think for themselves. But to get to that place, we need to come alongside them to help learn to do this. He suggests —

1.     Process everything that happens. When you see a movie, hear a news report, or listen to a song, talk it over. Debrief its meaning, and the worldview of the people involved.

2.     Plan meaningful experiences together. Don’t simply go to ballgames (though I love ballgames) but feed the homeless in a soup kitchen or travel to another country and absorb it together.

3.     Ask lots of questions. When your child tells you what they did, enjoy the story, but eventually (without sounding like a professor) ask them their opinion about what happened.

4.     Share principles you’ve picked up in your past. At the right time, in those teachable moments, pass along a nugget, a quip or a little phrase you’ve used to keep you on track. You’ll be surprise how they remember it.

What do all of these have in common? They all require parents to have enough time in their schedule.

Can I make one suggestion on where to start? Dinner time.

  • Get your whole family around the dinner table as many times a week as possible.
  • Banish all technology during dinner (turn off the TV, leave the cell phones & iPods in the other room).
  • Ask open-ended questions like, “Tell me something good that happened today” or “What’s the most played song on your iPod? Why do you like it so much?”
  • Make sure that only one person at a time is talking. And then make sure you are really listening to what’s being said.

Intimacy in your relationships is spelled T-I-M-E. Make sure you have plenty of it!

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