I already shared some of Nick’s quotes from this book, but I wanted a separate post to highlighted a key issue in bullying. One of the biggest tolls on a person being bullied is in their emotional health. One of the chapters I highlighted the most had to do with this important area, so below are a few good reminders.
“I encourage you to keep this phrase in your mind when faced with bullying: You can say terrible things to me, but you can’t touch who I am inside. You can’t make me feel badly about myself. I know who I am, and I stand on my own.”
“We have emotions for a reason. They don’t just come over us by chance, even though it sometimes may seem that way. Asking where your emotions come from and assessing why you feel the way you feel are critical parts of creating self-awareness and asserting self-control over your actions. It’s important to know what triggers your emotions so you can better control your responses in ways that benefit you over the long term. Managing negative emotions is an important part of your bully defense system, and it is also a key to living a more successful life. People who let their negative emotions control their actions tend to feel out of control, insecure, and unhappy. Those who act based on a thoughtful process for monitoring and managing such emotions tend to be more successful, more confident, and happier.”
“Emotions are natural and you feel what you feel. But the quality of your life is greatly affected by the choices you make in responding to your feelings. You see, a space, a time interval, and an opportunity between the point at which you feel something and the point at which you act on that feeling. This space is a gift. … Psychologists say people who learn to use this space wisely are generally much more successful in life than those who either ignore it or don’t use it well. This is the space where you can take control, make smart decisions, and put yourself in a position to determine your own destiny. … When you use the space to think about your response and to decide what is best for you over the long term, you are practicing self-awareness and self-control. This is called ‘response flexibility,’ and it is a sign of emotional intelligence.”
“Here’s something to consider: your negative emotions can be like bullies inside you. They try to provoke a response from you that may not be in your best interest. So if you simply do what those bad feelings stir you to do, you are just giving in to another bully in your life.”