Another great word from Jeff Bethke —
Another cure to the fairytale relationships that end up more like a horror story, is in Craig Groeschel’s outstanding book Love, Sex, And Happily Ever After (you can check out my review here).
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Love, Sex, And Happily Ever After (book review)
January 25, 2012 — Craig T. Owens
There is something about the way Craig Groeschel writes that just connects with me (maybe it’s the Craigness that we share!). So when I heard about Love, Sex, And Happily Ever After, I knew it was going to be an excellent read. And I was not disappointed!
With divorce rates so high in our country, far too many couples enter into marriage with the thought in the back of their minds that “this might not work out.” Using sound biblical principles and examples, Craig shows that it’s not only possible for a marriage to go the distance, but that our marriages can get better and better and better as they go along.
In his very creative style, Craig covers principles like:
- Falling in love with The One
- Finding your Two
- The first, second, third, fourth and fifth gears of dating relationships
- The dangers of living together (“playing house”) before marriage
- How to know if you should breakup with someone you’re dating
- Heart habits that will help your marriage go the distance
When I was sharing with a friend some of the thoughts I was reading, he said, “That sounds like good old fashioned common sense.” And that’s exactly what this book is, because it is so firmly based on The Book.
If you would like to add something to your marriage, there is a lot to discover in here. But I think this book is especially appropriate for dating and engaged couples. In fact, since my role as a pastor means I get to do quite a bit of pre-marriage counseling, I’m going to make this book required reading for all of the couples I counsel.
I am a Multnomah book reviewer.
What Is He Thinking?? (book review)
January 3, 2012 — Craig T. Owens
So many times I overhear guys trying to figure out what the women in their lives are thinking. So it just seems natural that women would have the same questions about guys. So to help the ladies out, Rebecca St. James has interviewed several guys, and complied the results in her latest book What Is He Thinking??
Here’s how Rebecca describes part of her motivation in writing this book —
Not too long ago I was out in the sunshine going for a long rollerblade. And I was lost in my thoughts. Thinking about a boy. Dissecting every detail of my relationship with said boy. About halfway through my ride I felt the Holy Spirit gently nudge me, “Rebecca, look up.” I realized that I had been staring at the ground as I bladed, worrying, analyzing my dating life, not looking up and around, and—most of all—not looking for God to speak to my situation. I realized that I wasn’t awake to a few necessary things.
Awake to the fact that I could trust God to take care of me, that I didn’t have to be anxious.
…I think it’s very easy for us girls to get so caught up in relationships that we become blind to the other things that are going on around us. The spiritual dimension of a relationship is very important. Here’s what I discovered about how guys feel about their walk with God and how it relates to the girls they pursue.
So Rebecca chose both single and married guys, older and younger guys, friends and family. She both interviewed them with specific questions, and allowed them an “open forum” to share what’s on their minds about relationships, dating, marriage, and sex. These guys shared their turn-ons and turn-offs, their dreams, and their ideals. As a guy, I resonated with what these guys shared, and was pleasantly surprised by how many guys were so tuned-in to the biblical standards of relationships.
I would highly recommend this book for any parents with teenage daughters. Perhaps you could even do what my daughter and I are doing: Reading AND discussing the content of this book together. Relationships can be so confusing, so What Is He Thinking?? can take some of the mystery out of it.
I am a FaithWords book reviewer.
21 And Loving It
August 4, 2011 — Craig T. Owens
Today Betsy and I celebrate 21 years of marriage!
It sounds like a long time, but it’s only 1095 weeks. That’s just enough time for my life to have been irrevocably changed for the better, and just enough time to know that we’ve only scratched the surface.
Betsy, I cannot wait to see what the next 1095 weeks are going to bring us!
I love you more and more with each passing day!
Upside (book review)
August 2, 2011 — Craig T. Owens
Have you ever heard how a TV news producer decides what the lead story will be? Or how a managing editor decides which stories get the front page of the newspaper? It comes down to this: “If it bleeds, it leads.” Sad, but too often true. With all of this negative news leading, Dr. Bradley R.E. Wright’s book Upside: Surprising Good News About the State of Our World is indeed surprisingly good news!
Dr. Wright notes that sociologist Joel Best “classifies the different types of bad statistics as follows: some numbers are bad to begin with; some numbers get bad as they are passed along; and some numbers are chosen because they are bad.” In other words, there’s just a lot of bad news out there!
But despite all of this negative press, people around the world are surprisingly upbeat. That’s because when a sociologist like Dr. Wright gets a hold of all of these statistics, he can put them into the proper perspective. He looks at the data on a variety of topics:
- Personal finances
- Education
- Health
- Crime and war
- Marriage and divorce
- The environment
“The trouble with this country is that there are too many people going about saying ‘the trouble with this country is….’” — Sinclair Lewis
Do bad things happen? Yes. Are there some issues that still need to be addressed? Absolutely. Is the world ready to collapse all around us? It doesn’t appear so. Christians should have the clearest and keenest worldview because it’s a biblical worldview. Dr. Wright does an excellent job of helping the reader find the perspective that is realistic, yet balanced.
Economist professor Julian Simons summarized it this way —
Almost every economic and social change or trend points in the positive direction, as long as we view the matter over a reasonably long period of time. That is, all aspects of material human welfare are improving in the aggregate.
I am a Bethany House book reviewer.
Marriage Math
July 25, 2011 — Craig T. Owens
Martin Luther said:
“There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.”
Unfortunately our culture has water-down and diminished the value of marriage. Far too often marriage is seen as something which diminishes life, instead of enhancing it.
Perhaps this is because we have been viewing marriage with the wrong math.
Marriage is NOT … ½ + ½ = 1.
That makes sense mathematically, but it’s inaccurate. God didn’t create us a half-people. God created us whole and complete. So our spouse is not our better half, he/she is our better whole.
Marriage is NOT … 1 + 1 = 2.
Again, this makes sense mathematically, but it is not biblical. Why? Because 2 is divisible. And the Bible makes it clear that a man and woman who are married are one flesh.
Marriage IS … 1 X 1 = 1.
Not only does this work mathematically, but biblically too. God sees marriage as one whole man and one whole woman coming together to make one whole marriage. Not coincidentally, X (chi) is the first Greek letter of the name Christ. When Christ is at the center of a marriage, and when the husband and wife are more in love with Him than they are with their spouse, then a wholeness exists in the marriage.
1 X 1 = 1 is the type of marriage that glorifies God.
1 X 1 =1 is the type of marriage that is so lovely, friendly, and charming.
If you are single, keep yourself pure so you can bring your “oneness” as a gift to your future spouse. If you are married, keep the X — Jesus Christ — at the center of your marriage.
For Men Only (book review)
April 26, 2011 — Craig T. Owens
After nearly 21 years of marriage, I thought I had my wife pretty well figured out, but Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn made me second-guess that belief in For Men Only.
This book is the compilation of surveys, focus group discussions, and lots of highly revealing emails and letters from women all over the country. Then Jeff & Shaunti dig through all of the data to help us guys figure out what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of the special women in our lives.
Although there were a lot of statistics and bar charts throughout the book, For Men Only is not a dry academic book. On the contrary, the Feldhahns make these results so “livable” for all of us clueless men. The bottom line: when we guys try to understand and communication with the women in our lives the same way we understand and communicate with other guys, we’re setting ourselves up for a lot of frustration.
In the famous “love chapter” in the Bible (1 Corinthians 13), the Apostle Paul implies that love should always be maturing. And when the Apostle Peter says that men should live considerately with our wives, he is really saying that we should live with ever increasing knowledge of them. For Men Only is really helping me do this, and I believe it will help any other men who are serious about continuing to understand their wives better so they can love them more deeply.
A great read for every guy!
I am a Multnomah book reviewer.
Seeing Only The Best In Your Spouse
March 11, 2011 — Craig T. Owens
Researchers have found that the biological responses of your body and brain to being “in love” only last two years. So guess when most newlyweds begin experiencing problems in their marriage? Yep, you guessed it: about two years into marriage.
After the in love buzz wears off, what can you do to maintain a happy, fulfilling marriage? Quite simply you have to choose to see only the best in your spouse.
Solomon was so wise to write to us that our spouse should be the only one who captivates us … the only one who satisfies us … the only one who keeps making our hearts go pitter-pat! When we choose to see the best in our mate, we can keep that in love buzz going for the life of the marriage.
Check out this excerpt from a WebMD article (you can read the full article here) —
Most often, self-assessments are grounded in reality, the researchers write. The way we see ourselves is fairly accurate. The way we see others, they continue, is often shaped by hope. With that in mind, they took one partner’s self-assessment at face value and compared it to the other partner’s assessment, as well as that partner’s description of his/her ideal partner.
For example, John’s ideal mate is funny and warm. And that is how he chooses to see Jane, who he has just married, despite the fact that Jane describes herself as moody and distant. Will John change his tune over time and come to regret his marriage to Jane? Or will his positive — if skewed — view of his wife help maintain his happiness?
Fortunately for John, the researchers found the latter to be true. In tallying the data, they discovered that those who did not idealize their partners when they got married tended to be more dissatisfied with their marriage by the end of the study compared to those who had an unrealistically idealistic view of their partner. Those in the “idealistic” group tended to be happier and more satisfied with their marriage.
In other words: you will bring out of your spouse what you see in your spouse.
Do you want a fun-loving wife? See her as your favorite playmate.
Do you want a confident husband? See him as a strong, self-assured provider for your home.
I like how the Apostle Paul states this (especially in the Amplified Bible) —
However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].
Just as God sees the best in you and loves you for who He sees you becoming, love your spouse and see only the best in him/her.
Grown Up Love
February 14, 2011 — Craig T. OwensPsst… I’m mostly speaking to the guys with this one (but you ladies can listen in too).
So I’m hoping you figured out before now that today is Valentine’s Day, right? Allow me to let you in on a little secret: this day may be a no-big-deal day for you, but it is a HUGE deal for the ladies in your life! So the most loving thing you can do is make today a big deal to you too!
Maybe you’ve already figured that part out, and you are trying to make today a special day. But let me ask you a question: Does this Valentine’s Day look just like last year’s? I sure hope not, because our love should be growing up.
Smack-dab in the middle of his great treatise on love, the apostle Paul says this about grown up love —
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Quite simply this means: your love is supposed to be maturing. You’re supposed to be getting better at expressing your love … more creative in your date night planning … more intuitive in your gift giving …
So how are you doing? Is your love growing up?
Illogical But True
January 12, 2011 — Craig T. OwensTo the natural, analytical, rational mind the following formulas are illogical —
90% > 100%
6 > 7
1 > 1
They may look illogical, but with God they are indisputably true.
Tithing on your income (giving 10% to God) makes the rest of your money go further; so 90% > 100%.
Taking a Sabbath break from your work makes the rest of your work days more effective; so 6 > 7. (Chick-fil-A closes all of their stores on Sunday. Check out this quick audio clip with founder Truett Cathy on how God has blessed this decision.)
Entering into marriage with another Christ-follower allows your life to be more productive together than either of you could be on your own; so 1 > 1.
Stop looking at what you have (or don’t have), and start looking at what God has. His ways may seem to defy conventional wisdom, but He’s an unprecedented God. His promises are true. All you have to do is trust His ways, and obey.
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