Thursdays With Oswald—Publically Holy

This is a weekly series with things I’m reading and pondering from Oswald Chambers. You can read the original seed thought here, or type “Thursdays With Oswald” in the search box to read more entries.

Publically Holy

Try and develop a holy life in private, and you find it cannot be done. Individuals can only live the true life when they are dependent on one another….

In the early Middle Ages people had the idea that Christianity meant living a holy life apart from the world and its sociability, apart from its work and citizenship. That type of holiness is foreign to the New Testament; it cannot be reconciled with the records of the life of Jesus. The people of His day called Him “the Friend of publicans and sinners” because He spent so much time with them.

From Biblical Ethics

Jesus never told us to stay, but to go.

He didn’t tell us to separate, but to season & shine.

We cannot influence people from a distance. We must live and work and interact where they are.

Jesus taught us: “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

Jesus prayed for us: “My prayer is not that You take them out of the world but that You protect them from the evil one. …As You sent Me into the world, I have sent them into the world. (John 17:15,18)

I must be around people who need to see The Light.

Powerfully Kind

Each month I am so honored that the Solon Township officials invite me back to offer a simple invocation at the beginning of their trustee meetings. I really enjoy doing this!

I pray a short, simple prayer. It is always based on a passage of Scripture, and it is typically a prayer asking God to give our township officials wisdom in all of their deliberations. But something interesting happens each month. After I conclude my prayer, they say, “Thank you.” In other words, they feel I have done something kind for them.

And I have: I have asked God to guide them, to help them, and to bless our township through their efforts. Prayer is one of the most powerfully kind things we can do for someone else.

“Prayer molds us into the image of God, and at the same time tends to mold others into the same image just in proportion as we pray for others.” —E.M. Bounds

When a coworker tells you about a situation in their life, offer to pray for them. Right on the spot.

When a friend share about their illness, say, “Can we pray right now?”

When your pastor tells you about a tough situation, offer to pray right then for God’s discernment.

When a friend is grieving, pray for God’s peace in their life.

Praying for them is powerful … and kind … and God-honoring.

The Parable Of The Lifeguard

The waters looked choppy, the waves seemed so strong, and the rocks where the surf crashed on the shore seemed like cruel, dull, black teeth. And who knew what was under the surface of the water that I couldn’t see? Just the thought of swimming in those murky gray-green waters made my stomach twist into knots! But my friend announced, “I’m going for a swim.”

I tried to talk him out of it, “You’re joking, right? Do you realize how dangerous that is?”

“Relax,” my friend tried to reassure me with an unconvincing smile, “I know what I’m doing. I’ve swam in waters like these before, lots of times. I can handle it.” He headed off toward that pounding, angry sea with what seemed to be a swagger of confidence, but there was something in his eyes that seemed to be silently imploring me, “Please, save me!”

My friend had been going through a rough patch. His business which started out so well was now on the brink of closing in this crummy economy. Instead of realizing there was not much he could do in this economic downturn, my friend began to think that he was the failure. Recently at church – where turning from one’s sordid past is supposed to be celebrated – some scoundrels dredged up his past and used it as a cruel weapon against him. These mean-spirited, unforgiving people were jealous of my friend’s success in allowing Jesus to help him turn his life around. My friend did nothing wrong, but the spiteful words of these hypocritical church-attendees made him relive his forgiven past. Although he didn’t say it, I knew these hurtful words caused him to second-guess his value to God. And now, just last week, my friend happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and was charged by the police with a minor misdemeanor. No jail time nor fines were going to be imposed on him, just a few hours of community service. But yet again my friend’s self-esteem took a hit as he walk through this embarrassing process.

So now here he is feeling beat up, thinking to himself, “I’m a worthless failure,” walking toward something dangerous. I can’t understand why. Is he trying to escape reality? Does he really feel that poorly about himself? Doesn’t he see how much his wife and his friends love him? Does he feel so dead inside that this dangerous behavior makes him feel something again? Or does he feel too much and this dive into risky waters is merely an attempt to numb the pain, to self-medicate away the accusing thoughts?

While I was contemplating all of this, I didn’t realize what my friend had done. He had not only reached the shore and waded into the swirling waters, but he was now bobbing quite far from shore. All I could see was his head and shoulders. And his blank, lifeless, passionless face.

He seemed to be bobbing further and further away from me, but closer and closer to those vicious teeth-like rocks.

I ran down to the shore, as close to that angry ocean as I could get, and yelled. I don’t know whether he was ignoring me or couldn’t hear me, but he didn’t respond. He bobbed farther away and I yelled louder and waved my arms. I pointed at the rocks looming closer and closer with every swell of the sea. I screamed until my throat was raw. He drifted farther from me. He waved. And I heard just two distinguishable syllables above the pounding surf and howling wind, “…okay….”

“Okay?! Do you think it’s okay?! You’re killing yourself! It’s not okay!” My friend’s face changed. No longer was it a blank stare, there was emotion there now. I blinked my eyes against the spray of the ocean; I looked intently at my friend’s face. Then I saw it etched in the lines on his forehead. I saw it in his eyes. Panic!

I stared at him, my mind racing what to do. And then I heard it… two more syllables distinguishable above the roar. Two syllables that shot me into action: “Help me!”

I frantically looked around and spotted a tattered, faded orange life vest. It was really only half a life vest, but at least it still floated. It was tangled in seaweed and stained with muddy sand. I grabbed it, ran toward the shore, and flung the life vest toward my friend. It wasn’t a very good throw. Whether it was the wind or my weak attempt, the orange vest didn’t get very close to him. But even so, what was more disturbing was that my friend didn’t even make a movement toward it.

I got frustrated and stomped my foot in anger. Angry at my poor first attempt at a rescue, and angry that my friend made no attempt to reach out for what I had thrown him. I looked around again. I spotted an unattended lifeguard station 75 yards away. I raced to it and found an intact white life ring with a bright red cross emblazoned on it. I grabbed the life ring, sprinted back to my friend, and heaved the life ring as far as I could. It flew through the air. It seemed unimpeded by the wind, and landed within a few feet of my friend! The white and red ring stood out clearly in the dark waters!

I almost let out a shout of victory! Salvation for my friend was within arm’s reach of him! Yet my friend didn’t move. He wouldn’t reach for the help that was right there.

“Does your friend need help?” a strong voice behind me asked.

I wheeled around to see a tall, athletic man. A Lifeguard! “Yes! Yes, he needs help!”

The Lifeguard looked out across the churning waves and saw my friend getting closer and closer to those jagged rocks. It seemed like the next swell of the sea would dash him on those black sea-teeth. “Yes,” the man said, “I can help him.”

My heart leaped and then seemed to stop in the very next heartbeat. The Lifeguard wasn’t moving. He just stood there looking at my friend.

“I can help him,” he repeated, “If he will simply ask for My help.”

“He did ask for help,” I argued. “I’ve been trying to help him.”

“No, he really doesn’t want help,” the man said. “I can save him, but he has to ask Me to do it. And,” he added turning to look at me, “you have to leave.”

“What! He’s my friend! I’m not leaving him!”

“If he is your friend, you have to. You have to love him enough to leave him to Me. He’s been here before, and I have rescued him before. But as long as you’re here throwing flotation devices to him he will keep the rescue attempts alive without ever actually allowing himself to be rescued. The most loving thing you can do for your friend is leave him to Me.”

“How long?” I asked quietly, knowing in my heart that noble Lifeguard was right.

“That all depends on him,” the Lifeguard said. “As soon as you leave, that may get his attention and he may call out for My help immediately. Or he may wait until things get even more desperate. It’s his choice. I am the only One who can save him from this surf now. But he must call on Me before he is smashed on the rocks. I will not leave this spot. I will not sleep or become distracted. I will never leave your friend because I love him. I love him even more than you love him. So the sooner you leave him to Me, the sooner he can cry out for help.”

I stood there weighing the Lifeguard’s words. I knew He was right, yet I didn’t want to leave my friend. And then He repeated, “The most loving thing you can do for your friend is leave him to Me.”

So I walked away.

That was last night. No word from the Lifeguard or my friend yet. I’m still waiting… and praying… that my friend will cry out for help to the only Lifeguard that can save him now.

I did the most loving thing I could have done. I left my friend to Him.

How To Win Friends And Influence People (book review)

Dale Carnegie wrote How To Win Friends And Influence People over 70 years ago. It’s stood the test of time and has — rightly so — earned the label “a classic.”

Have you read it? I’ve certainly heard lots of people reference it, and I’ve seen other authors quote portions of this classic work. But honestly I hadn’t read it for myself. I had sort of assumed that I knew all that was in this book just because I had read so many snippets from others.

But I was wrong. Dead wrong. Now I’m almost kicking myself for having waited so long to read this. The principles in this classic about how to deal with people in the right ways would have saved me a lot of grief. Who knows, it may have even helped me to win more friends and perhaps even influence more people. But it’s never too late to start.

I love this Carnegie thought —

Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it. But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others — yes, and a lot less dangerous. So I’m beginning on myself.

If you haven’t read this classic, get it, read it, and begin to improve your relationships.

Every Moment Is Special

As I was in the midst of studying for our new series Overloaded which we kicked off yesterday, there was one thought that kept coming back to me time and time again —

The biggest victim in our overloaded lives are our relationships

And then the news of a tragic, unexpected death comes crashing into all of my local newsfeeds.

Wes Leonard was a star athlete for the Fennville High School Blackhawks. This 16-year-old played quarterback for the football team, and forward for the basketball team.

Last week the Fennville basketball team put their undefeated season on the line in their final regular season game against Bridgman. The game was tied at the end of regulation. As overtime was running out, the Blackhawks turned to their star player. And Wes Leonard deliver: hitting the game-winning shot as overtime expired!

The other Blackhawk players lifted their hero into the air and celebrated their undefeated season. But just moments later their joy would turn to shock, and then to sorrow. Wes collapsed just minutes after the game ended. Even though medical personnel worked valiantly on him, Wes Leonard was pronounced dead at Holland Hospital.

There were no outward signs of any medical issues. It wasn’t until the autopsy that the corner discovered that Wes had an enlarged heart, which led to the post-game heart arrhythmia, which caused this 16-year-old to have a life-ending heart attack.

None of us know how much time we have.

I pray we’re never too busy to have deep, meaningful relationships.

I pray we make the most of every opportunity to connect with our friends and family.

I pray we live without the regrets of unspoken words of love.

I pray we realize more and more that every moment is special.

I pray that you can overcome the overload in your life that may be robbing you of capturing every special moment that comes your way.

5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple

Nothing in life stays the same. Nothing. Things are either getting better or deteriorating.

According to the law of entropy, a system will constantly move from order to disorder… unless sufficient energy is used to keep the system in order. More simply put: you and I can’t coast.

  • If you’re married, put energy into finding new ways to cherish your spouse.
  • If you’re a parent, put energy into better parenting skills.
  • If you’re a friend, put energy into deepening that friendship.
  • If you’re an employee, put energy into doing your job better.
  • If you’re a leader, put energy into leading better.

I love this article 5 Love Languages, 7 Days, 1 Couple in WebMD (you can read it here) about a couple skeptical of how Gary Chapman’s book on love languages could improve their marriage. But they decided to try it for one week. They put in the energy, and got something better out. (You can also read my thoughts about Dr. Chapman’s book here.)

Are you willing to invest a week of energy into your marriage, family, job, or friendships? If you will keep applying energy, you will keep improving. And that’s a lot better than deteriorating!

Codependent?

Modern psychologists have coined the term codependent to mean someone who allows their life to be controlled by another person, much like the moon controls the tides on the earth’s oceans. Almost always this relationship ends up being a lose-lose relationship: both the person being controlled and the person doing the controlling are headed the wrong way.

Codependent is not a biblical term.

But there is a concept in Scripture that is the anti-codependent. I would call it interdependent. Here’s a couple of verses to back it up…

Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. (Proverbs 27:6)

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. (Galatians 5:13)

God has given each of you a gift from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another. (1 Peter 4:10)

This isn’t excusing bad behavior, or winking at poor choices, or rescuing someone from the consequences of sin. Excusing, winking and rescuing are symptoms of codependency.

Interdependency is saying, “I need you to be stronger – to be healthy – because I may need to lean on you someday.” Christians try to get stronger and develop their own spiritual gifts so that they can help a-friend-in-need get stronger and develop his/her spiritual gifts.

The Body of Christ needs you to be interdependent, which completely trumps codependent.

Encouraging Presence

Have you ever been down in the dumps? Ever been discouraged or blue? Have you ever felt like no one gets you? In those moments, have you asked God for encouragement?

The Apostle Paul was feeling a little down, and he asked God to send him encouragement. God answered this way

But God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus.

Paul says in the next verse, Titus’ presence was a joy.

This word for encourage simply means showing up for a friend. Do you realize you could be a huge source of encouragement to someone just by showing up?

“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” — Walter Winchell

Who needs you to just show up by their side today? Just by showing up, you could be the answer to someone’s desperate prayer for encouragement.

Go, be there for a friend!

My Best Friend

My Dearest Betsy,

Twenty-six years ago I began a relationship with my first girlfriend. Twenty years ago today I married my first and only girlfriend. Today I am more in love with you than I ever thought would be possible!

You are my best friend, my confidant, my favorite playmate, and still the only woman I’ve ever had eyes for.

Solomon wrote:

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.

I’m so grateful that Solomon’s words have been a massive understatement for me. Being married to you has been so beyond good, and God’s favor has saturated my life.

So here’s to the next 20 years… I can hardly wait to see all that God has in store for us. And having you right by my side to share this adventure makes it all the more fulfilling.

I love you, my bride!

Get A Better Story

My friend Chuck and I run through a silly routine to make a point about the superficial conversations that many people have. It goes something like this –

Chuck: Hi! How are you?

Craig: I’m good. And you?

Chuck: Good. I’m good.

Craig: How’s work going?

Chuck: It’s good. How about for you?

Craig: Good.

Chuck: How’s your family?

Craig: They’re good. And yours?

Chuck: Good.

You get the idea. At the end of this conversation have I learned anything new about Chuck? Of course not. Has he learned anything new about me? Nope. Do you think either one of us are telling the truth? No, because we don’t want to really open up what’s going on inside us.

Last week I had several great sit-down meetings with some people that I already knew, but I wanted to get to know better. In order to get to know them better, I have to get them to tell me a better story about who they really are and what they’re really feeling.

This requires two things:

  1. I have to ask better questions. Not questions that can just be answered with a simple “good” or “fine” or “yes” or “no.”
  2. I have to be willing to tell the other person a real story about me, one that reveals who I really am and how I’m really feeling.

Sometimes asking these questions or telling these stories may seem awkward. But you have to pass through awkward if you truly want to get to know someone better. Don’t just settle for “good.” Take a risk to go deeper.

Please let me know ways you have found to get others to tell you a better story.

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