Love Notes

December 28, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

If you have heard about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book The Five Love Languages, then the love language of “words of affirmation” will be familiar to you. This is the primary way that some people both express their love, and want to receive their love. My youngest son definitely has this as one of his primary love languages.

He is at the age now where he has started writing more notes. They are intended as love notes, but they are actually powerful epistles. Short messages with weighty impact —

  • On my homemade Father’s Day card he wrote, “Best Dad in the world. Don’t stop loving.”
  • On my oldest son’s birthday card he challenged him, “Thanks for being my brother, and always remember Christ.”
  • On top of my Christmas present was this encouragement, “I love you Dad. Don’t stop preaching the Word.”

Simple. Profound. Encouraging. I’m challenged to be a better Dad and a better pastor today because of these heartfelt, Holy Spirit-inspired notes.

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Sharper

December 18, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Yesterday was one of those days that I was on “receive” mode. As a pastor I usually spend more days in the “dispense” mode: teaching, counseling, advising. But yesterday I was blessed to sit back and soak in some great counsel. And I’m sharper for it.

It’s too bad that many people never take the time to allow others to advise them. Or, if they do go through the motions of “listening” to advice, they never put that counsel into action.

I met with a seasoned pastor yesterday morning. He asked me several questions to assess where I was personally and professionally, and then he gave me some invaluable insight. He’s one of those “been-there-done-that” guys who has learned the lessons of history well, and he was gracious to share with me.

Last night I invited my Impact teaching team over to my house. After sharing dinner together I listened as they weighed in on our upcoming series in our youth services. Since they are closer in age to our students, their insight into the teenage mind was so keen. They were able to help me better understand the challenges and culture of middle and high school students. And I’m sharper for it.

A few thoughts from some other wise counselors…

“A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels.” – Proverbs 1:5 (KJV)

“Those who will not be counseled, cannot be helped. More souls are ruined by pride than by any other sin whatever.” – Matthew Henry

“Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances.” – Proverbs 11:14 (The Message)

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” – Proverbs 15:22 (NIV)

“To accept good advice is to increase one’s own ability.” – Goethe

Are you getting sharper? Are you listening to good advice?

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It’s A Love-Hate Thing

October 22, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Are there things you love to do, but hate to do at the same time? Ah, yes, that wonderful love-hate relationship. I spent most of the first part of this week in a love-hate thing, and I discovered yet again that love outweighs hate. To rediscover this, all I had to do was agree to walk through a funeral with a grieving family again.

I hate seeing families grieving. I love being able to share hope with them.

I hate how drained I feel after funerals. I love seeing the flicker of encouragement grow in others.

I hate tearful goodbyes. I love the knowledge of joyful reunions.

I hate preparing funeral messages that remind people of eternity. I love sharing that Jesus is the Promise of an eternity in heaven.

I hate having every eye in the room on me. I love seeing God speak His truth through me.

Yup, it’s true: walking through a funeral with a grieving family is — hands down — the one thing that drains me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually more than anything else I do. But I wouldn’t trade this privilege to step into hurting people’s lives for anything. Yes, love triumphs over hate!

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Find Your Strongest Life (book review)

October 6, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Find Your Strongest Life

You might be thinking, “Why is he reviewing this book?” After all, the subtitle of Marcus Buckingham’s latest book is “What the happiest and most successful women do differently.” Well guess what? I absolutely loved this book! I’m excited for my wife to be able to read Find Your Strongest Life, but in the meantime, I got so much out of it.

One of the things I love about Marcus Buckingham’s books, is that they read just like he sounds: silky smooth British accent. But it’s not just about style; his books have plenty of substance too. I especially love Marcus’ focus on building on strengths, as opposed to trying to fix weaknesses.

The other thing I appreciate is how affirming Marcus is. His comfortable style feels highly personalized… sort of like he’s sitting on the other side of the coffee table from me.

Find Your Strongest Life opens with some background information on the important timing for this book. Then after taking a simple online assessment to learn your leading and supporting Life Roles, you’ll learn more about how to capture and cradle your strongest moments. Then you’ll learn how to use these strong moments to purposely imbalance your life in favor of those strong moments.

So many of Marcus’ ideas sound counter-intuitive, and yet they ring so true at the same time. From my personal experience from reading and applying the principles in his other books, I can attest that this man knows what he’s talking about. I know I found several takeaways from this book, and I’m especially excited to see how my wife and the other key women in my life are going to be able to use this book to make a stronger life for themselves.

An excellent read for anyone.

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Turtle On A Fencepost

July 9, 2009 — Craig T. Owens
My evening visitor
My evening visitor

My studies last night were interrupted by some commotion on my front lawn. Neighborhood kids playing in our yard is nothing new (I’m usually the one outside instigating all of the noise!), but this just sounded different. There was a buzz of excitement. I glanced out the window and saw a rather large turtle in my front yard and several kids gathered around it.

I went outside to see my new visitor. After getting the kids to stand back we watched as the turtle made her journey all the way to the garden next to my house. She sat in the garden for a few minutes and then made a big u-turn. Across the street from my house is a wetland preserve and I was sure that was where she was returning. Most of the kids had gotten bored watching this slowpoke and were off doing other things, but a couple of boys and I watched the turtle as she headed for the road.

When she reached the edge of the road she waited. And waited. And waited.

Once she ventured her front two legs onto the pavement only to feel the vibration of an oncoming car. She quickly pulled her head, all four legs and her tail into her protective shell.

I decided to intervene. I picked her up and carried her safely across the road. Even before I could set her down in front of the marshy area, she already had her legs fully extended and was “walking” in the air, anxious to get back home. I place her on the ground and watched her disappear under the raspberry vines and into the cattails.

And then I heard it. <CLUNK!>

I pushed back the prickly vines to check on her. What I saw was just the underside of my turtle. She had fallen off the edge of a drainage pipe and was laying flat on her back.

Helpless!

I braved the briars of the raspberry vines and the biting mosquitoes to climb down into the drainage pipe and flip her right side up. Immediately her short little legs carried her farther into the wetlands. Home at last!

As I walked back home I thought about a quote I heard once, “If you see a turtle on top of a fencepost, you know it had some help.”

In so many areas of my life I’ve been helped. Whether across dangerous “roads” or lifted out of places where I was flat-on-my-back stuck, others have lifted me and carried me. Today I’m going to contact a couple of those lifters to say “Thanks!”

Maybe you should, too. Aren’t there a few lifters and carriers you could thank today?

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A Healthy Breakfast

May 13, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Health experts say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Your body has been without food (fasting) during the hours you are asleep, so in the morning you are breaking your fast = break-fast.

Want to lose weight? Eat breakfast. Studies show those that do best on their diets eat breakfast every morning.

Want to fire-up your metabolism to burn more calories during the day? Eat breakfast. The way you stoke your body’s engine in the morning determines how it will run all day.

Want to maintain a stable blood sugar level so you don’t get sleepy mid-morning? Eat breakfast. A good breakfast regulates your insulin and blood sugar levels.

Want to learn more? Eat breakfast. Studies show those who eat breakfast regularly have longer attention spans and greater learning capacities.

What you put in your body in the morning determines the course of the rest of your day.

What you put in your mind in the morning determines the course of the rest of your day, too.

Even if you’re not a “morning person” your mind is highly receptive in the hours right after you wake up. So a healthy mental breakfast goes along way toward how you will deal with the situations that face you throughout your day.

Just a couple of things to consider —

  • What’s on your clock radio in the morning? Not-so-cheery headline news? Coarse radio hosts with crude humor? Music with lyrics that are not very uplifting? A harsh buzzer? Perhaps you could rethink your morning mental breakfast.
  • How do you speak to yourself when you wake up? “Ugh, just got to get through today”? “I need a vacation”? “Grrr, I hate my job”? Try thinking of all of the blessings you have: a roof over your head, a bed of your own, clothes to wear, a family to love and that loves you.
  • How do you speak to others when you wake up? “Leave me alone”? “<Grunt!>”? Perhaps you could serve them the good mental breakfast they need with some kind, encouraging words.
  • What fuel do you put in your mind? Talking heads on the morning TV shows? Your horoscope? Perhaps something more uplifting would help fuel your mind for the challenges you are going to face today.

The psalmist David had a God-diet each morning, “Let me hear of Your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You” (Psalm 143:8, New Living Bible).

Jesus had a great morning mental breakfast, too: “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed” (Mark 1:35, New International Version).

What’s your morning mental breakfast like? Do you need to make a diet change?

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Be An Intrusive Friend

April 15, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

Yesterday I talked about how to defeat depression in our personal lives. Maybe you’re not battling depression yourself, but since anti-depressants are one of the most prescribed medications, there’s a good chance that someone you know is dealing with depression. Beyond medicine or counseling one of the greatest antidotes for depression is a friend… an intrusive friend.

In 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was running scared and slipping into depression, there is an important verse at the beginning of the story — Elijah was afraid and ran for his life. When he came to Beersheba in Judah, he left his servant there (v. 3).

One of our most natural reactions when we’re battling depression is to withdraw from others. It’s natural to want to be alone, but it is one of the worst things to do. Throughout Scripture, powerful people became vulnerable to attack when they left their friends behind — Samson, David, and Peter are prime examples. Even Jesus was tempted by the devil when He was alone in the wilderness.

So if it’s natural to want to be alone when depression is raining on our souls, a true friend will have to be an intrusive friend… a tenacious friend… a persistent friend. I love the lines in the Toby Mac song “Face Of The Earth” that say —

Now Hope Road is calling
Let’s pack you up and move
‘Cause real friends are willing to intrude
So I’m gonna push you in because I wanna love you well
Let the ghosts of your past rest

If you have a friend who is starting to become distant, dropping out of activities, or spending more time alone, these may be the warning signs of depression. Don’t let him be like Elijah and leave you behind… love him enough to intrude in his life. Your encouragement just may be the best anti-depressant he will ever receive.

So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it. — 1 Thessalonians 5:11, The Message

Jonathan went to find David and encouraged him to stay strong in his faith in God. — 1 Samuel 23:16, New Living Translation

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Defeating Depression

April 14, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

In 1 Kings 19 Elijah hears that Queen Jezebel wants to kill him, so he “ran for his life” (v. 3). Just four verses earlier Elijah “ran in the power of the Lord” (18:46) but now he is running scared. After 42 days of despondent wandering, Elijah ends up in a cave and God asks Elijah, “Why are you here?” (v. 9).

Elijah’s answer seems unresponsive. He tells God — as though He didn’t already know! — all about the spiritual conditions in Israel, but he never really answers the “why” question. God reveals Himself to Elijah more intimately (as “a gentle whisper” [v. 12]) and asks him again, “Why are you here?” (v. 13). Elijah gives the same, word-for-word answer.

During difficult times — when my “enemies” seem too numerous to count or too big to defeat — the eyes of my soul become cloudy. It becomes harder to look out and so I naturally tend to look inward. As a result I become the center of my entire universe: “Now they are trying to kill me!”

In Psalm 42-43 the psalmist is clearly depressed. Look at his inward, me-focused questions —

  • When can I go and meet with God? (42:2) 
  • My enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” (42:3) 
  • Why are you so downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? (42:5, 11; 43:5) 
  • Why have You forgotten me? (42:9) 
  • Why have You rejected me? (43:2)

Just as God’s question to Elijah was supposed to get him to look outward, the psalmist does begin to turn his gaze from himself. But notice how he does it —

  • My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember You (42:6)
  • Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God (42:11; 43:5)

When I’m battling depression, it takes an act of my will to praise God, to look outward and upward. Feelings follow actions. I don’t feel like praising Him because my problems feel so overwhelming, but when I will to praise Him, the feelings will follow.

Look how David did it —

I will extol the LORD at all times; His praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt His name together. (Psalm 34:1-3)

My friend, if you are depressed — if you have become inward focused — only an act of your will can lift you out of this funk.

Use your willpower to act — look out — look up — praise God — and the clouds over your soul will begin to lift!

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Destinations

April 7, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

“Lord, make me a channel of Thy peace, that
where there is hatred, I may bring love;
where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
where there is error, I may bring truth;
where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
where there is despair, I may bring hope;
were there are shadows, I may bring light;
where there is sadness, I may bring joy.” — Francis of Assisi

There are times when I go through a difficult spot in my life and I can see the areas where I am growing as a result of successfully navigating the challenge. However, the tough time I just went through wasn’t one of those time.

The quote above resonates with me. I want to be someone who brings out love, forgiveness, harmony, truth, faith, hope, light, and joy in other people. So although this challenging time I’ve gone through hasn’t been pleasant for me, it has been such a joy to see others “step up,” mature, stretch, and grow as they have been alongside me.

One more quote — “It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one of these destinations.” — C.S. Lewis

To which destination are you helping those around you? What characteristics are you bringing out in those alongside you?

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Puppy Love

March 26, 2009 — Craig T. Owens

grace-1 

Three weeks ago I had come to the end of a particularly rough week, so when I got home I told my family I was declaring the next day to be “National Be Kind To Craig Owens Day.” I figured that was one way to get some love!

That day was so wonderful I decided to extend NBKTCO Day through the weekend, and I talked Betsy into letting us buy a puppy. And so Grace became a part of our family.

Since I didn’t want to leave her home alone, I started bringing Grace with me to my office. While I’ve been trying to potty train her, she has been training me in a few areas too. Here are some of the lessons I’m rediscovering —

  • Always greet people warmly. Even if they only left the room a couple of minutes ago. It always makes people smile when they are greeted so warmly.
  • Treat everyone like a friend. It doesn’t matter if they are the one who feeds you or a perfect stranger, everyone deserves to be treated like they are the nicest person alive. 
  • Genuine puppy “kisses” makes anyone’s day!

The Apostle Paul had a friend like Grace… someone always so welcoming and encouraging to others. Paul wrote to Philemon, “Friend, you have no idea how good your love makes me feel, doubly so when I see your hospitality to fellow believers.” (Philemon 1:7, The Message).

Thanks, Grace, for the lessons. I’m learning how to show some puppy love to everyone.

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